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Reading Reviews for I Am Norway Finnigan
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dreamgazer220 I Was a Teenaged First-Chapter

22nd July 2016:
Hi Lily! Here with your requested review :D

Okay, so I'm going to start off this review by saying that I love the idea of Seamus and Dean being dads. (I actually have a plot bunny for a family of such myself, but haven't gotten around to writing it yet.) I really like this concept, and I like that it starts off with showing her family and how loving and supportive they are of each other. And I also love that you start with gay marriage being legalized for wizards. That's definitely something to celebrate, and I'm glad that both Dean and Seamus' kids are behind it.

Also, I love their relationship so far in this. They're so adorable.

Your dialogue here was pretty good. It seemed to flow naturally, nothing too stiff or too proper, if that makes sense. And you do a good job of introducing the characters, and I feel like Norway is on her way to having her own voice to being a great narrator.

Now here are my suggestions, and as always, they are ONLY suggestions and you can do with them as you wish!:

It was a little confusing in the beginning which Dad was talking. I know this is really hard to do in these sort of fics, and it gets better when you have the distinct Pa/Dad conversation, but I wonder if there's a way to clarify it more in the beginning? Remember that Seamus is Irish, and if he's talking, maybe there's a bit of an accent? Even if you don't want to write that, maybe have her notice something about it? Because I feel like it's so distinct in who he is, y'know? She would definitely be able to tell who was talking just by their voices, unless it's so muffled it's hard to hear.

My only other big thing here is maybe some descriptions. Having a lot of dialogue is great, and it moves the story nice enough, but maybe try and break it up a bit? A description of what the kitchen looks like, perhaps, or what the waffles smell like? They definitely don't have to always be poetic or long-winded, things like the chunky red sweater was adorable and perfect. :D

Speaking of, I loved that last bit. I can totally see Dean and Seamus trying to embarrass their kids all the time! I also loved that Norway prefers hugs from one dad over the other, I just love all the love in this family! It's so refreshing and wonderful.


A few technicals:

When you say Profit, I think you mean Prophet, as in the newspaper?

There are also some few grammar things that I can't point out specifically, but maybe read the chapter over again, or have someone else take a look? It'll just clear the chapter up a bit and make it shine more.

I'm intrigued to see where Hugo and Norway's friendship goes and how it survives the year.

There's definitely some good humor here; I like how relaxed the Finnigan-Thomas family is, and that they all seem to get along, even if Ian can be annoying sometimes (per Norway's descriptions, since we haven't seen this yet).

I think this story has some great potential! I'd be curious to see what you did with it.

Thanks for the request! I hope this helped, even a little bit. Please write more of this!

- Jill

Author's Response: Hey Jill, thanks so much for doing this!

I loved that idea too, and that's pretty much the only thing I started writing with: Seamus and Dean are dads. You should totally let that plot bunny come out and play, I'd love to see what you do with it! I really wanted that happy family kind of atmosphere/vibe!

Deamus is honestly endgame, so I really tried to make them as adorable as possible. So glad you noticed.

Thank you for that. I really wanted to make sure the dialogue seemed casual and happy banter, they need to seem like a real family.

Yeah, it is really hard when writing with gay dads. Norway and Ian are at the age where Dad and Daddy doesn't really work, and I don't want them calling their parents (whom they're super close with) 'father', like Scorpius Malfoy might. I actually forgot Seamus was irish, (the last time I watched a Harry Potter movie I threw up, so I was a bit preoccupied with a hurting stomach *laughs*. And I haven't read the books in a bit.) thanks for the tip!

This is definitely more of a dialogue centred fic, but you will see more description.

Thank you for the Prophet tip! Fixing that right away!

I'll do that, maybe get a beta.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Jill you're so extremely nice!

I definitely will, I have a little writers block on this story right now, but I'm brainstorming.

Thanks again,

Lily


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Review #2, by Hufflepuff1990 I Was a Teenaged First-Chapter

22nd June 2016:
Haha xD off to a good start. And very original, can't say I've ever seen anything like it before. Looking forward to seeing where you'll take this :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted to start doing stories that weren't focused on the Golden Trio II (Rose, Scorpius, Albus), I thought this was a perfect fit. I also love the Deamus pairing, and thought it'd be really fun to write them as dads!

Thanks again for your review, and have an awesome day.

-ImaRavenclaw

P.S. Thank you so much for being such a dedicated reader, you have no idea how much it means to me. Hope to see you posting your own stories soon! Bye.


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