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5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MuggleMaybe July 17, 2005

8th April 2017:
I'm here to free Sam for CTF round 5 and HOW DID I NOT KNOW YOU HAD A GINNY/HANNAH STORY??!??

What I mean to say is, hello, nice to see you. :P

I think writing dialogue is a lot of fun - as is reading it - but it can be hard to create a sense of context using dialogue, and that's what really makes this sort of challenge difficult. While I might like this better is I could read more detail from you, you've truly done a remarkable job of creating a scene without any narration. I read the first chapter also, and in that one I got enough of a sense of place that I knew where I was in this one. And then the way Ginny and Hannah talk about the other characters give a clear (and heartbreak, my gosh!) picture of what life is like for the cast at the moment.

What's most impressive to me is how well you build the characters of Ginny and Hannah through their words. By the way, I adore how you've written Hannah. I think you've captured Hufflepuff really well and I can't pretend not to love that! She's caring and compassionate, but not soft. Not too gooey sweet. I love that she has humor and the joke she makes about Ginny cleaning the tough spots to get her feelings out was great.

Ginny is human here - she's sometimes written as so steely and flawless that her humanity is notable. Not to say she seems weak, but her reactions to the stress she's under are very realistic. Not the "she rarely cries" Wonder Woman-esque thing I sometimes see. You know? She's clearly falling apart, and she sees the change in herself and finds it strange and uncomfortable but she can't help it. At least, that's how I see it.

When Hannah thought of her secret I JUST KNEW what is was and I am very pleased! Except, Ginny, you're married! I'm all for Ginny/Hannah but I don't want her to cheat on Harry either. Conflicting feelings over here! The reveal is so cute though and my feelings are mostly happy in this moment despite the horrific sadness of this fic?

I don't even know.

Well done, in any case, this is very impressive!

xoxo Renee

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Review #2, by Dojh167 July 17, 2005

8th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

Back for chapter 2! And hoping things will get less sad?? (not holding my breath though)

It strikes me as extra sad that Harry and Ginny’s kid is named James. Even though this story is AU, that does ground it a bit more in the canon post-DH universe, leaving me to wonder which and the net-gen do and do not exist at this point in your timeline with Ron’s death.

Ugh, Hermione’s pregnant This is all so cruel.

I love that Ginny’s go to stress relief is hitting bludgers ♥ Haha, yeah, washing pots doesn’t quite do it for her the same way.

Hermione and Harry fighting: another thing that hurts my poor little heart.

I think it really says something about Hannah how invested in everyone she is. She clearly has a close relationship with Ginny, but as far as we can tell she isn’t particularly friends with Harry or Hermione, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to help them.

Yeah, the idea of one man running an inn/bar by himself is pretty crazy, even with magic.

Hannah being a punny dork about gin ♥ Please tell me as they get closer she gets a stupid grin on her face every time she pours a customer gin.

At least things are getting a bit lighter flirty here with “bar wench” and threats of jynxes. It’s not much, but a little lightheartedness goes a long way in this dark story.

And it gets better! Booze and secrets! Thank you ♥

Yes I hoped Hannah’s secret was that she had a crush on Ginny. It’s cheesy and I don’t even care. =P

But yes, Ginny leading Dumbledore’s Army. Who WOULDN’T have a crush on her? And I love how Hannah says she and Neville are the ones that everyone had crushes on - the fact that Ginny was her’s is a cool little subversion of “canon.”

And then it stopped being cute =( I have faith that the next chapter will repair things, but the ending here definitely left me with mixed feelings. While I am rooting for Ginny/Hannah, the circumstances were totally wrong here, and Ginny trying to kiss Hannah while so vulnerable and after Hannah’s confession certainly makes things feel off. This is the last round of CtF between our houses, but I’ll definitely have to come back to finish this once I have time!


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Review #3, by Dojh167 May 3, 2005

8th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

I love that this event is giving me so many opportunities to read your stories I haven’t caught up on! And apparently wasn’t aware of?? How did I not know you had a multi chapter Ginny/Hannah for the dialogue challenge?? Here now, that’s the point.

Oh my! I assumed the grief would be about something canon, but illing Ron is a old move!

I love how right off the bat you established the characters’ voices so strongly. Ginny comes in bold and fiery and herself . Hannah’s initial line is very different from both what I would expect from her and what I would expect from the landlady of the Leaky Cauldron. But all the same it is very efficient at giving her a strong voice, which is important for a dialogue only story to make sense.

“*ing Cornwall of all places.” I feel like I would share Ginny’s exact sentiment here if I was in her place. Nothing against Cornwall, but sometimes the way circumstances align is just so “*ick Cornwall.”

I was confused for a moment when Ginny said the booby trap may have been set by Voldemort - it made me wonder what time this was set in or if this was an AU where Voldemort had not been defeated, but by the end of the paragraph it clicked that it must be an old trap that was there for years.

I wouldn’t think the line “and Ron is, well, dead” would have that kind of reaction from Hannah. It is blatantly honest, and definitely something I could see myself saying, but I wouldn’t expect people to be surprised by it. I suppose I wouldn’t consider it gallows humor as much as blatantly honest, and I would expect Hannah to be accepting of whatever way Ginny’s grief manifested (but maybe I’m reading Hannah through my own characterization more than yours, whoops).

But I do really like how Ginny brings up that she has to watch everything she says around Hermione, and how that creates the subtext that she feels more comfortable being herself with Hannah! ♥

Hahaha years later and Rita Skeeter is still writing horrible things about Hermione. It’s not funny but it is. I suppose Hermione’s blackmail leverage must have lost it’s effectiveness eventually.

Aw yeah, Ron’s death must have been really hard on Harry =( That must be awful on Ginny, dealing with the direct loss of her brother and its effect on Harry. =(

Awww that ending hug dialogue was sweet.

I’ll probably be back during the next round of CtF =)


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Review #4, by long_live_luna_bellatrix May 3, 2005

30th June 2016:
Hi Kapa, I'm here with your review!

I have to say, I was so intrigued by the Dialogue Challenge, and the results have been so good! Every entry that I've come across has been really well done, and this was no exception. I love that I could always tell exactly who was talking, based on the content of their dialogue but also the mechanics. For instance, Hannah's warm, loving nature really came across from the way her words were peppered with "dear" and "love" as a means of addressing people.

Ginny also came across as tough but hurting, which sounds like it's exactly what you were going for. In fact, there was one place where I was surprised she didn't sound a little firmer; it's when she says, "Oh, darn it, now I’m crying anyway." In other places in the chapter she swears willingly, which I think suits her rather fiery temper. Here, I expected a stronger swear word as well, just because, well, it's Ginny, and I'm sure she doesn't want to be seen sobbing in public.

You developed things really well throughout the chapter! There's obvious conflict right from the start, what with Ron's death, and then the complication of Hermione's pregnancy and everyone's difficulties getting along makes things even more tense. The fact that Hannah is so clearly there for Ginny and is so understanding... It just melts my heart! Hannah is the best!

Honestly, I think you could have sustained this chapter for even longer. I have no problem with short and sweet chapters, and this read well as it is, but I would have been happy to see more too. For instance, this right now is a basic outline of what's been going on-- Ron's died, people are a mess. And that makes sense because Ginny is conveying information to someone who doesn't know exactly what's happened. But I guess I'd still love some details. For instance, can Ginny reference how they dealt with people's deaths in the war? Because obviously all of them suffered losses, but also obviously losing Ron is different from any of those other deaths (except maybe Fred's? For Ginny?) So maybe Ginny could talk about that a little. I also wouldn't mind some other, smaller things tossed in. Like some general chit chat just to establish how close Hannah and Ginny are at this moment, and maybe to shed a tiny bit of light on what Hannah's life is like right now. I guess all this goes to show that I'm intrigued by the situation you've set up and want to know more! And I'll also reiterate, I think the chapter can totally handle some of that, even if it is only dialogue.

One really small thing I thought I'd point out: Ginny says at one point, "Harry and I were trying to get pregnant again, so our kids would go to Hogwarts together." I think this caught my eye because I figure, if people want to have children around the same time, it's so they can "grow up" together instead of "go to school together." I get that it's slightly different in this specific situation because Hogwarts is a boarding school and so going to school together obviously includes growing up together, but when I read that, I thought it might sound better without the specific reference to Hogwarts.

I wonder if we'll find out exactly what happened to Ron? It's a question mark left dangling in there and I'm a little curious to know.

Oh, and one last thing-- I really like your first line. It's perfect!

Overall, a great opening chapter. Major props to you for writing a multi-chaptered story for this difficult challenge! I'll be reading on!

- Sarah

Author's Response: Hello there Sarah!

First off, thank you so much for doing this for me, it was really helpful! Second off, I'm so sorry about how late this reply is, I'm a disgrace, etc., etc. And third off, I'm gonna go request a review for the next chapter now that I finally managed to get this done. Phew. : )

It's good to hear that you don't think it's confusing to keep track on who's talking when - though I kind of made this easy for myself by only featuring two voices, didn't I? It's also nice to hear that you think Hannah and Ginny's characters come across in the dialogue, because, hehe. As for Ginny's non-swear, my reasoning was that she's a mother now, and is trying to cut down on swearing so James won't pick it up from her. But your point definitely makes sense, and I'll consider changing that 'darn'. : )

Hannah really is the best, isn't she? It's weird how she can be so clear to me as a character as she's such a minor one in Canon, but I just have this really elaborate headcanon of her where she's such a sweetheart, and it seems most people characterise her the same. Just the perfect Hufflepuff, I guess! : )

And I definitely hear what you're saying (read what you're writing?) about the chapter being longer - it's just so hard to write sustained dialogue like this, it takes so much work. I really like the idea of Ginny (and maybe even Hannah?) refer to earlier deaths, though. When I finally get around to rewriting this I'll make sure to try to work that in! And maaaybe Ginny asking something about Hannah's life - though I think she's too distraught to mind her manners, and I really doubt Hannah would bring it up on her own in this kind of situation. Hm...

As for the line about Ginny trying to get pregnant again, I could change it to “Be in the same year at Hogwarts” I guess, as that's what I imagine them actually going for - and what happens in the Canon timeline. Their children would obviously grow up together no matter what, unless there was a huge age difference between them, so saying that makes less sense to me...

As for exactly what happened to Ron... well, this whole story is kind of a companion piece to another story that I've been working on for a long time, but haven't published yet, with Hermione as the main character. If I ever get to a point where I start posting it, you might find out...

And lastly, hehe, yeah, that first line was the whole first seed of the idea of this story. As soon as I got assigned Ginny/Hannah in the Rare Pair challenge I knew that was how the story was gonna begin! : )

Again, thank you so much for this review, it's really well thought out and helpful! I'd try to implement a few of the changes you suggested now, but I'm in the grip of a horrible case of writer's block at the mo'. : (

Anyway, thanks so much, and see you again!


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Review #5, by my_voice_rising May 3, 2005

12th May 2016:
Hi there! I'm here, albeit very late, with your review. As soon as I saw Ginny/Hannah femmeslash I was sold! I pretty much ship Harry with a long-deserved feeling of peacefulness and solace and Ginny with Luna, but I haven't read Ginny/Hannah before... And I'm a sucker for crackships!

Anyway, now that I'm done rambling about myself...

Your dialogue is really strong! The reader definitely knows everything that's happening (tone of voice, actions, etc.) just through your punctuation and careful choice of language. It doesn't feel too expositional at all, either, like when she offers Ginny her handkerchief and Ginny asks for a hug. We still clearly see everything that's happening.

This advice might be pointless, if your goal is to write an only dialogue-based story, but I would really love some descriptive language. I only say this because this story is going to be about Ginny and Hannah realizing they have feelings for one another (and likely Ginny's first actual realizations about her sexuality) and I worry that the subtle nuances, like Hannah's fingertips on her wrist as she slides the glass across the bar, or eye contact, or touching their hair, and especially that damn hug, are just lost. Like I said, it's really impressive what you've been able to display without any descriptive language at all, but I wonder if a story like this would be missing something without it.

Or, if you really want to avoid all description, maybe just lengthening the dialogue and adding in some small-talk to ease the reader into their conversations? The fact that Ginny mentions Hermione's pregnancy quite early on, with very little hesitation, for one. This realization is interesting but it could benefit if we knew, say, how many drinks Ginny had? Or there could be some subtle backstory with the two of them if they catch up since they last saw one another (and was this days, weeks or years?)

Either way, some length--whether description or more dialogue--would add quite a bit to this really unique fic. It's definitely an interesting read and I'm glad that you asked me to review!

Author's Response: Hello Sarah, and thanks for this super thoughtful review!

It's good to hear that you think my dialogue works – as this is what this story stands and falls with, haha! I worked really hard to try to get things like tone of voice and important actions across - but as you say, some things are lost. One thing that you bring up and that I actually struggled with a lot was how to get across what amount of alcohol Ginny (and Hannah, in the next chapter) is drinking. All the ways I tried to work it in came across as either stilted or super judg-y from Hannah's side, like 'Oh, Ginny, you are now on your third Fire whiskey.' Okay, maybe not exactly like that, but you get the gist... : P

And yeah, my goal IS to write a dialogue only story - or rather, that's the rule for one of the challenges this story was written for! So adding in descriptive language is not an option, sadly. It really was a challenge to make it work as well as it does, but there certainly is room for improvement, heh. Especially in the later chapters there's some subtle actions of attraction a la "Hannah's fingertips on her wrist as she slides the glass across the bar" that you mention that are just... lost. Because of this I took the story in a somewhat different direction than what I'd originally planned - but maybe some day I could write a sequel where I get to explore all those 'subtle nuances' that you mention... (This will probably make more sense if you read the other chapters too, haha.)

I really like your idea of adding in some more small talk, and working in a reference to when Hannah and Ginny last saw each other, though! When I sit down to give this a touch up in a few months, as I am wont to do, I'll make sure to keep those ideas in mind! : )

Again, thanks for this really helpful review, and I hope to see you back some time! Maybe we could do a swap? (Oh, and by the way I ship Ginny/Luna too, but generally in some sort of poly arrangement that has room for Harry as well...)


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