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Reading Reviews for Iris
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adorably cute Trust

11th February 2017:
This is so wonderful! I would love it if you decided to continue this!

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Review #2, by blackzero Trust

10th August 2016:
Such a intriguing story. At the ebd of chapter you want read nore. Update soon.

Author's Response: Your reviews made me smile! Thankyou for taking your time to leave his, I really appreciate it!

A new chapter shall be out next week though!


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Review #3, by blackzero Found

10th August 2016:
Wow.well what a starting...boy with the lighting scar finishes off the world. Superb...

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Review #4, by Asteria Trust

18th July 2016:
Three chapters in and I'm already completely hooked. I love how uniquely different this story is and how deep the characters and story lines are. There's so many intricate backstories woven in and you haven't given everything away but enough has been said to keep me completely intrigued.
I normally read the cliche James/OC where James is a complete idiot at the start because if everyone's all lovely I find it a little boring ahah. But in this James seems so lovely yet he and this story are both so far from boring. I love the idea, I love the characterisation and I really hope you haven't given up on it because it's been a few months since you updated last.

Author's Response: This review really made me smile! Thank you so much for such kind words!
You're right about the intricate backstories, I have so many different ones planned but slowly they all intwine together.
I haven't given up on this story, one had writers block for the last few months but the next chapter is currently underway and shall hopefully be posted soon!


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Review #5, by marauderfan Trust

7th May 2016:
yep this story is fantastic. sorry this review won't be as comprehensive as my first one haha, Im writing this one on my phone now, but this was great. I have so many questions! James and Iris/Charlotte knew each other when they were 6, and then what happened? Who is Iris really? Were they neighbours? Who were her parents? Gah, part of me wonders if she hasn't actually been living in the forest with Mallory for that long. As far as I know it could be only like a month or something, given that her memory has been modified.

I think you've also done really well keeping Charlotte's character consistent as she wants to learn about what is out there, but has this deeply ingrained distrust that'll be hard to break. This is so good! I am so curious how things are going to unfold. Keep up the great work!!

Author's Response: So it's really been log but I'm finally getting around to answer reviews! And I absolutely love the ones you left, they are so insightful! You are very right, one of the very big questions is how on earth did James and Iris know each other when they were six? A question being partly answered in the upcoming chapter and I so wish I could tell you all about her history and who her parents are but unfortunately it would give away the whole story basically. Again thank you so so much! I loved reading your reviews! :)

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Review #6, by marauderfan Found

6th May 2016:
*Zooms in like a snail* Hey Ella! I'm so sorry for the massive delay in getting to this review you requested - RL got pretty rough for a while and I didn't have the time to write the thoughtful review this deserved, but at any rate I'm here now with your review!

Wow, so this chapter just got more and more interesting with each sentence. My thought process was something like this: "ooh, spooky dream, evil mother, okay... woah, something is really off here. SHE ONLY KNOWS ONE PERSON? THIS IS LIKE RAPUNZEL BUT DARK? Wizards are evil! Is the mother a hag? OBLIVIATING? Omg the Ford Anglia! ALJSLDFKJALSKJDFK!!KL!!J!?!??!?!!?" Thank goodness this was a request that I have to put thought into rather than just me randomly reviewing otherwise you might have gotten that as your whole review. :P

Sooo as you may have gathered, I like this. There are a lot of stories out there that start with kind of scary dreams, or have unpleasant family members, but this is on an entirely different level. I can't tell what from the dream is real or not - clearly a good portion of it is, or maybe the mother can get into Charlotte's mind, but either way, there's creepy stuff going on.

The things revealed about Mallory in the rest of the chapter hint at her being not what she says she is. It seems like Mallory is able to keep a youthful appearance, hides a lot of things from her daughter, hides her daughter from the world with lies, is adept at obliviating potions (I think the key here being that she works with potions rather than spells), and then what really convinced me was that Charlotte was like, inches away from reading about Hags and then interrupted. I wonder if her mother is one? It certainly fits. Which leads me to wonder who Charlotte really is, and if she's part hag or whether she isn't related to Mallory at all, or just, really, so many things that I wonder.

I loved the cameo of the Ford Anglia there, as well as the "firewhis" haha. Familiar things appearing to a character who is unfamiliar with them - that's always pretty fun to read about :)

So on to your areas of concern! The flow is good. For me, it started kind of slowly and then picked up pretty fast, like an exponential function :P (Yeah, I went there :P ) You've paced things well and introduced just the right amount of information to keep the story moving along at a good pace while not answering too many questions right from the word go.

As for characterisation: great. Charlotte knows the kinds of things I'd expect her to know after living in the woods her whole life - how to interact with wolves, how to take a really cold bath without complaining about it because she doesn't know what a warm one is like :P And everything else she just knows from books or what her mother has told her, so she has all these fantasies about the world that are unrealistic (and she knows it), and some confused but deep seated hatred of wizards because that's what she's been taught. She's curious, because of how sheltered she's been, but not rebellious, because what would be the point of rebelling against the one person she knows as where would that get her? Basically she makes sense as a character.

Because she lives in the woods, I kind of wondered if she'd be really good with plants - knowing which are edible and which are dangerous and what is what. I mean, if they're that secluded she probably doesn't go to a supermarket and buy food, so I kind of envision her and Mallory finding or growing their own food. Or does Mallory leave the forest on occasion and go into town in a disguise and buy food? Is it weird that I wonder these things? Anyway, I do see a potential with Charlotte being really knowledgeable about plants and animals, maybe something to consider, I don't know.

Your last question - is there enough mystery and intrigue. That's a loud, resounding YES. I've never seen a story quite like this - you've taken some standard tropes and woven them together in a way that's totally original, and I love that. You've raised SO many questions in this first chapter, and no answers. And right after I finish this review I'm totally going to read the next two chapters. So yes, I think I can safely say that you've done well with the mystery aspect :P

Some notes: There were a couple of typos here and there - like in one place you used the word 'danky' which isn't actually a word and I think you meant 'dank', and another place in the second paragraph you used the word 'too' when you meant 'to'. Small things, and a quick read-through should catch any of those :)

Wonderful work on this! I love the story so far. :)

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Review #7, by GalaxyDefender Challenged

30th April 2016:
I don't think I've ever been this interested in a story. I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen and I seriously need to know. I love the bit about the Ford Anglia, that's actually adorable and you've got a real talent for making characters seem really believable. Update soon please

Author's Response: A very late respond to this review so I do apologise! But I'm very glad you're interested in this story and that you noticed the part about the ford, I just had to sneak it in there! As for the characters, I really do try to make them as realistic as possible. Thankyou so much for reviewing!!

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Review #8, by Penelope Inkwell Challenged

29th April 2016:
Hey Ella! Here for 2/2 of our review swap!

So, James is in the forest on a dare, is he? Makes sense. Very Gryffindor ;) I like that as a beginning; it launches us straight into the action.

I'm really interested in your depiction of Fred as someone who loves fun, but who has a temper and can be a little cruel sometimes. I think it fits in well--it was always a bit of a Weasley trait to have a great sense of humor, but the main fault that, say, Ron or Ginny had was occasionally taking things too far. I've never seen a version of Fred like this and, as I said previously, I really like seeing something new.

“You sure you can handle this, mate? You never know, you might come across a puddle in the forest and run out screaming.”
--Okay, I laughed. Sorry James!

I'm definitely interested to see why James has a fear of swimming. I can't wait to see how that will come into play.

He always used to say it was the one thing he loved more than our grandmother.”
--of the car. The CAR. That was super cute and funny!

“FILCH! HE’S COMING! ABORT, ABORT!” a first year we had put on look out at the bridge, cried out in utmost fear.
--the image of this first year running after them screaming about Filch was, frankly, hilarious. Also adorable.

James is such a cutie, bringing meat just for the Thestrals. Kindness to animals--especially strange ones--is a quality that bodes well in a guy. I'm glad you showed us that side of him right off. James may swagger around a little, but that doesn't mean he isn't a great guy.

He's definitely got the Gryffindor chivalry and bravery (and a bit of recklessness). Reviving the wolf when he saw that the body-bind curse was upsetting Charlotte. Putting away his wand despite all the unknowns of the situation. I wonder if he's always good with animals. He seems to have a real skill for dealing with skittish creatures and frightening situations.

I had meant to mention, last time, that the way Harry was described as a dark wizard really amused me, but it was interesting, too. I definitely want to know what Charlotte will think when she finds out James is his son.

Wow, she can summon an actual storm? I wonder if Charlotte will be a very powerful witch, once she's got a proper wand and education. Which I dearly hope will happen!

So, she has a French accent? I'm definitely wondering where that could have come from. You're very good at setting up questions that we're just dying for the answers to. You know how to string us along with intriguing little tidbits which, to me, is one of the most important qualities of a good writer. You definitely leave us wanting more, in the best of ways.

Okay, that ending!!! He called her Iris! I wonder if that's her real name; if that's what her magic is trying to tell her by producing iris flowers after she forgets something?


CC:

There were fist pumps and slaps on the back while every Gryffindor from, first year to seventh, stared at me.
-- you don't need any commas in this sentence

To them this was simply the usual crazy bullshit that my cousin Fred and I pulled on a weekly route...
-- a route is like a path. I think "at a weekly rate" might suit the sentence better.

knew of that place within me that swarm with my darkest desires and impulses...
--this should either be "the place that swarmed with" or "the place that swam with". Either of those would work, but "swarm" isn't past tense like the rest of the sentence.

Albus, who was a good headshot shorter than me, held the usual look of concern, he picked away at the loose thread of his school robes and I didn’t need a genius to tell me he was frightened I wouldn’t come back.
-- (1) "who was a good headshot shorter than me" should just be "who was a good head shorter than me". (2) This is a run-on sentence. It needs to be split up a bit. For instance, "Albus, who was a good head shorter than me, held his usual look of concern. He picked away at the loose thread of his school robes and I didn’t need a genius to tell me he was frightened I wouldn’t come back."

remember it’s whereabouts.
-- it's = its, in this case

He smiled sadly and I shared the same expression as he walked me closer to the forest edge where we were out of eavesdrop, “and while we’re at it, hand me over the invisibility cloak. Can’t have you hiding from the acromantula now, can we?”
-- (1) "out of eavesdrop" isn't quite right. The usual phrase is "out of earshot", but you could also say "out of eavesdropping range." (2) The dialogue should begin a new sentence, i.e. "And while we're at it..."

let out a shrill like noise
--shrill is and adjective, not a noun or a verb, so you don't need to say "shrill like". Just "a shrill noise".

they were followed by more scares,
-- "scares" here should be "scars", I think.

Her heart shaped face, which I thought was faultless from a distance, was infact tired and worn.
-- "infact" should be "in fact"

"speak english”
--English should always be capitalized.


Please don't be scared off by all the CC! I really put it in because I like the story so much, and because, when I make errors, I never want people to feel bad about telling me. If I can correct it, it makes my story lay smoother. And I'm nitpicky, but you've done a great job. Your characterization so far is really good, your dialogue is natural, and your ability to paint a picture is excellent. I'm thrilled that you switched to James' perspective for this chapter! I'm a big fan of multiple POV fics, so the fact that we'll see this story from both James & Charlotte's perspective really excites me!

I am SO intrigued by what you've done here. You really know how to weave a good tale. I'm gonna be keeping an eye out for your next update. I'm really eager to know where Charlotte (or is it Iris) goes from here!

--Penny

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Review #9, by Penelope Inkwell Found

29th April 2016:
Hi Ella! Penny (Penelope Inkwell) here for our review swap!

So, first off, can I just say I am so intrigued?! You really kick this story off with a fascinating start, and I am so curious to see where you'll take it.

The beginning was inspired. The way you launched right into the action like that--I could really feel the stakes. Even when Charlotte first woke up, I had questions about it being a dream, and when she had that blood on her wrists? Yikes! What is going on here?

The story has a sort of Rapunzel feel to it, given that Charlotte's "mother" is clearly using her to try to stay young (or something). Based on your summary, I'm gonna guess that she's a hag, which is so original! I've never read a story on HPFF about hags before, and I'm really excited to see something new!

Oh my gosh, when her mother told her to say Obliviate? I was just like "Ohhh no." Yikes! I do wonder what is up with this flower thing. But I like it, and I'm eager to find out the meaning behind it.

Oh, and ohmygosh, I loved--LOVED--the thought you put into Charlotte's magic! The fact that she could do little things, like summon water, but couldn't channel it well enough to heat it fits in so well with witches' need for wands. That was really well thought out, and it was a detail I very much enjoyed. Oh, and speaking of great details...

The car! The Weasleys' Ford Anglia! I just got so excited to see it included. It's the perfect refuge for Charlotte, was such a fun little shout out, and it gave us an idea of place. Since we then realized we were in the Forbidden Forest, it made perfect sense to see James Potter there. Feeding a Thestral, I presume? Another detail I enjoyed.

They say curiosity killed the cat, but it was satisfaction that brought it back
-- FINALLY someone remembers the second part of the adage! It made me so happy to see that.

I'm definitely curious about this book--how did it come to be buried there? But I hope she reads it & finds out about her mother, soon! This girl needs to get the heck O-U-T of there.

Oh, & poor Charlotte! She doesn't know about magic! She doesn't know that James didn't hurt Beast! All she knows about wizards is that, supposedly, they're dangerous. I absolutely cannot imagine what she's going to do next.



CC: Okay, anyone can tell you, I'm big on the CC (ask Gabbie; she'll tell you ;) ). If I think the story is really enjoyable, I often become even more nitpicky. Feel free to take it or leave it. In the words of Albus Dumbledore, this is, as hey say, your party. But I definitely enjoyed this chapter, so all my CC comes out of that love.

The main thing really comes down to grammar & mechanics. I've picked out a few examples, here:

my small and danky bedroom.
--danky isn't a word. Maybe dank? Like, "my small, dank bedroom."

Everything was the same, from the paintings of the forest that surrounded our home to the one's I had composed..."
--"one's" should be "ones"

The women had gone berserk
--I think it should be "woman" rather than women, here, since it seems to be referring to her mother.

The memories from last night felt too real to dismiss, the pain I felt in my wrists were evidence of that.
2 things here. (1) Since both parts of these sentence could stand on their own, I'd recommend splitting them with either a period or a semi-colon. (2) I think it should be "was" instead of "were". Your referring to the noun "pain", which is singular. So, for example: "The memories from last night felt too real to dismiss; the pain I felt in my wrists was evidence of that."

For as long as I could remember he had always be referred to as the abomination of our life, I never asked why, I had always been too afraid too.
--This sentence needs to be split, somehow. "Be" ought to be "been". And the final "too", in this case, should be "to", though strictly speaking you could delete that word altogether. One way to do it would be: "For as long as I could remember he had always been referred to as the abomination of our life. I never asked why; I had always been too afraid to."

I was not sure how long we had live here in this forest
-- "had live" should be "had lived"

I stripped off all my bearings and winced
--I don't *think* "bearings" is a synonym for clothes. Maybe "I stripped off all my garments"?

She curiously seemed to inhabit some sort of sixth sense, and right now I had a bad feeling my mother was letting on more than knew about these marks.
-- you can't really "inhabit" a 6th sense. And her mother seems to be telling *less* than she knows, not more. So maybe, "She seemed to possess some curious sixth sense, and right now I had a bad feeling my mother was revealing less than she knew..."

It makes sense that Charlotte doesn't read well, given her limited education. That was well-thought-out. But, if she can't read all that well, why is she annoyed by her mother's mispronunciations? How does she speak so much more properly, if she's really only ever been exposed to Mallory's way of talking & can't read well enough to have an expanded vocabulary? One possible fix would be if they had a dictionary. I do love the thought you put into her reading troubles, but if Mallory was able to teach Charlotte the basics, maybe she could research words on her own. If she *was* able to read a bit more, it could explain why she sounds so much more educated than the only other person she knows. You could still work her lack of education in by having her mispronounce words she's only read & never heard? That's only one idea. I just hate to give CC without also providing some sort of solution.


I truly enjoyed this chapter, & I'm looking forward to the next! You are so creative, & even though I'm nitpicky about the little details, please know that I think you write very well!

--Penny

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Review #10, by TreacleTart Found

26th April 2016:
Hey there!

I'm here for our review swap!

Wow! The beginning of this chapter was so gripping. I almost felt like I was in the nightmare myself watching as the evil people attacked this poor girl. And then the revelation that it was her mother all along. It was so creepy.

When she woke up and found that she really did have blood on her arms, I wondered if it was a dream after all. Her mother's behaviour sure makes me suspicious. I mean what reasonable explanation is there for her having a dagger in her bed.

And then the scene with the potion. As soon as I heard the words obliviate, I began to wonder if her mother has been secretly draining her blood every night and then forcing her to drink a memory potion so she doesn't remember it happening. I can't imagine why she would do that, but she does seem to be the evil type.

It was interesting to see our main character as she went through the woods to hunt. She does seem quite naive about the world.

I wonder how her encounter with James Potter is going to change all of that. Will he realize that her memory is being modified daily and intervene? Will he start to teach her about magic? I have so many questions.

Now, I always try to leave at least a little bit of CC in each of my reviews, so here it goes. I noticed that you jump back and forth from past tense to present tense on a few occasions throughout the story. I think it would read better if you kept the tense the same all the way through. It just makes the story flow a little more smoothly.

But all and all, I'm really gripped by this first chapter and I'm anxious to find out what's going on. Good work!

Thanks for the swap!

~Kaitlin

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Review #11, by TheEmotionalTeaspoon Challenged

25th April 2016:
Ooooh, another interesting chapter! Lots of questions, just like you said in your authors note. It's nice to see the encounter from James's perspective now, having heard some of it from Charlotte's in chapter one. I like how you've established the attraction from early on, but given the characters a long way to go before they could develop their relationship into a romance. I'm sure there will be lots more intense moments!

I liked the way you painted the rivalry with Fred, I can imagine it's a case of boys with slightly overblown egos butting horns. I think you could easily intensify or calm it down depending on where you want to take things, and both options would be interesting to read.

Good work, I'm excited to see what happens next!

-Kate :) x

Author's Response: I always love your reviews! they are always so insightful and really a joy to read!

And yes, I wanted to start both point of views early in the story so we get a grasp of both sides of the main characters story. I can say I'm very excited to write in James POV for sure!

Fred and James definitely have a bit of rivalry going on, whilst very close, they are also fighting for who is top dog. Fred has his own backstory which I'm seeking to explore in a couple chapters time and this chapter is definitely not the end of their rivalry!

Thank you again, Kate, for the review!

Ella


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Review #12, by Unicorn_Charm Found

25th April 2016:
Hiya! I'm here for our swap! :)

This was really incredible. From the first sentence to the last, I was completely glued to this story. It's unlike anything I've read in this site. I'm so totally intrigued as to who these people are, and why they're living in the forbidden forest. Or how they're managing to live there with no one knowing.

I'm dying to know who this mother is. If she's someone we know from canon, just using a fake name, or if it's an OC or a relative of someone. I mean, obviously this person had to have had something to do with the Death Eaters if she's referring to Harry as a dark wizard. It's so fascinating!

The whole opening of this story was so, so well done. I had no idea it was a dream at first. Or was it? I mean, her mother did make her drink a potion that made her forget everything. That was totally creepy. I feel like it probably wasn't a dream, and that's horrible. This poor girl living in these conditions her whole life and not knowing anything else. Drinking a forgetfulness potion every day. It's so tragic.

I'm glad to see she at least had Beast. Even when you feel entirely alone, having a pet to care for can make all the difference in the world. I know that he's ok, but I feel awful for her, because I'm sure she thinks that Beast is dead at the moment.

I really can't wait to see what she does to James in this next chapter. If she'll attack him or what will happen.

This was such an amazing beginning to your story. It was so, so well written. Your descriptions were impeccable! I could so clearly picture every last detail that you wrote. It was amazing!

Thank you so much for the swap! I'm adding this to my reading list. I really want to see where this all goes.

Great work!

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hello!

It really makes me happy that you enjoyed this chapter! It really did take a while for me to figure out how to make this story stand out (which hopefully it does) and make it unique!

Death eaters, you say? maybe, maybe not! all I'll say is this Mallory plays a major role in the story and may/may not have something to do with death eaters and the last wizarding war... >:)

It truly is awful was Charlotte is being put through, but because of the potion, she doesn't remember any of it. Thinking her life is of living in the forest and bathing outside is totally normal!

And isn't Beast just lovely? Even though he may not being able to talk back to her, he is basically her rock, her best friend.

Anyway thank you for the lovely review!!

Ella


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Review #13, by Pnixfeather96 Found

23rd April 2016:
So many questions! When are you updating? I'm enjoying this story so far and love Charlotte!

Omg is that James at the end?

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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57 Found

22nd April 2016:
Hey Ella! I'm here for our swap. :)

Funny story: My name is Mallory, so I giggled when I saw that Charlotte's "mother" was called Mallory as well. It's an understandable choice--after all, "Mallory" actually means "unlucky." (Hence my penname, lol.)

But enough about me.

I am a HUGE NERD for Next Generation fanfics, which is why I write and read them voraciously. However, after years of reading cliches, I always love finding really cool fics that go against the mainstream. This is one of them! I am super impressed and intrigued by the premise of this story, and I honestly don't think I've ever seen anything like it on HPFF before. :)

Charlotte intrigues me quite a lot--she's having these crazy dreams and she's living with this ugly lady in a forest, but she seems to doubt that this lady is actually her mother. There are so many questions--how did she come to be living in the forest? why is she hostile toward Mallory? what do her dreams actually mean? I like that you've set this story up with ambiguity because it means you'll have to spend lots of time making things clear--and that always makes for a good story, in my opinion!

One question I have that is unrelated to the plot: You mention that Charlotte is teaching herself to read, but then she seems to read the Dark Forces book somewhat easily--considering that there are terms like "dementor" and "inferius" that might be more difficult to figure out and certainly more difficult to understand. Does she know how to read, but has been put under a spell to think that she doesn't know how to read? I just thought that, with the mention of her reading picture books, she might not be on a level to understand much of the language in a textbook, or whatever the Dark Forces book is. Just my own personal confusion, though!

The image of irises popping up everywhere is really pretty! I hate that Mallory forces Charlotte to Obliviate herself all the time, though, and I'm really wondering why Mallory is keeping her in the forest. The stories about Harry as an "evil wizard" are interesting because it shows the power of misinformation and people's abilities to spin a story in whatever way they choose. But why Charlotte? Is she a really powerful witch that Mallory is using to make herself young again? The clues that you put in this chapter are really incredible--I'm so curious to know whether or not it's Charlotte's blood that makes Mallory look young.

Ooh, also I loved the image of the blue car--presumably the rogue Ford Anglia from Harry's second year! It told me that this story is set in the Forbidden Forest without being explicit, so that was really cool!

Also, I suspect that this mystery boy is James Potter II, and he's going to alert someone that Charlotte is living in the woods, so that's going to be exciting to read!

This is already such a cool story! I certainly hope you update it soon, because I'm curious to find out what will happen! You did a brilliant job of leaving clues in the chapter, and yet I cannot solve this mystery relying on those alone. I will definitely be reading more as soon as you post it!

Thanks again for swapping with me!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Ah in all honesty I love the name Mallory and was considering it for the main character until I read the meaning behind it, and found it the mother a lot more than Charlotte!

I can definitely see where you are coming from with the topic of books and how she is able to read more difficult words. Something I seemed to have looked past. So thank you for bringing this to my attention! I plan on going back and editing this part, showing her struggling for reading such words.

You are really onto something with some of your predictions! especially the part with Mallory using her to stay young... but I'll say no more, there is a very dark story behind every action this women takes and one I am so looking forward to revealing!

Yes the car! I had to sneak it in there, especially to use it as a way to tell the reader it's set in the forbidden forest.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter! I can't thank you enough for such an insightful review!

Ella


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Review #15, by Gabriella Hunter Found

16th April 2016:
Hello!

This is Gabbie here for our swap! I don't think the two of us have met or swapped before so it's nice to meet you and stuff. I do believe you posted this in my review thread and I was just about to get to it today so this makes me happy! :D

So, what an interesting story you've created. There are so many elements to it that I think are really unique and curious. I was impressed by the dark and bloody opening to this chapter, I certainly didn't expect it but that's a powerful way to start a story.

You're not sure what to think and the only thing you want is for the main character to make it out of this crazy situation all right. What makes this really, really curious is the fact that it all felt so real and Charlotte knew that it was--only to wake up and see that it was a dream.

I'm very, very suspicious about the entire thing, to be honest because the pain she felt and the blood is just too clear. Her mother seems like some kind of ghoul, I'm not quite sure what her deal is but I'm certain that she's hiding something. I think it's interesting here that Charlotte has spent her entire life in the forest but she knows that there's still some good in the world, I feel like her mother was trying to purposefully stomp that out of her.

I didn't believe her story about Charlotte cutting herself, the dream was too vivid and it doesn't explain why certain parts of her story make no sense.

I'm actually really curious about Charlotte and her mother. I wonder if she used to be a Death Eater? She says that all witches and wizards are evil, that Harry Potter was some kind of killer but she uses and teaches magic to Charlotte? Hm. Something about that is very fishy to me and I kind of wanted to smack that drink of evil out of Charlotte's hands and shake her a little.

What is that stuff?!

Demon blood?!

There are SOOO many curious things about this and I'm really interested in finding out the mysteries. I think you did a good job of building suspense though and adding little clues here and there, I started to suspect that Charlotte lived in the Forbidden Forest the moment she found that bottle of firewhiskey.

What makes this even more curious is the fact that she sees James, I'm assuming playing with a Thestral. That leaves me asking more questions! What is he doing there? Who died around him? Why is he alone?

Is Beast okay?!

You left this on a good cliffhanger and with all the other things you've started for this story, you have my attention. Update soon!

CC wise, there are a few words that you repeated and a comma here and there would help smooth over a few paragraphs. Otherwise, great start to this!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: What an absolutely amazing review!! all these compliments are making my smile grow by the second! I can't thank you enough!

I couldn't agree with you more everything about this first chapter makes you question everything and become suspicious! All I shall say is that dream may be foreshadowing later chapters... just a little peak there :)

I love that you brought up the drink that Charlotte was made to drink! I won't tell you what it is exactly but it does play a big part in the story! But I do like the idea of demon blood >:)

All these questions and some shall be answered next chapter which is currently in the queue! We get a fair amount of James as well in it!

Once again thank you so much for taking the time to write this!

I'm currently reading through one of your stories and will be sure to post a review very soon.

Ella


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Review #16, by princesslily_36 Found

14th April 2016:
Hello there!

I'm here for our review swap!

Your writing style is really good. You had me hooked from the first sentence, and I love how you set the mood at the very beginning. Your descriptions were really well written... my that must have been one vivid dream! *shudders*

The mystery and intrigue have been so well established here, I almost shuddered when she saw those cold eyes on her mother's face. Having the constant feeling of almost dying the previous night must be so chilling... I couldn't imagine living through it.

Wait a minute, her mother was the only woman she had ever seen? She didn't look anything like her? She had no idea about the world outside? OMG... this is beginning to seem all too familiar! (Recently watched Tangled!) Is this based off on that? oh I'm definitely intrigued now!

Evil boy with a lightening scar??? This is sounding more interesting by the minute!

I love the back story you have established for Charlotte... the descriptions of the life she led is so sad, yet captivating.

I usually review while I read, but the second half of the story was so good that I forgot to comment. Let's just say that You have me hooked. Now you HAVE to let me know when you update.

Thank you so much for the wonderful read, I'm so glad we decided to swap :)

~Ysh

Author's Response: Can I firstly take this moment to freak out a little as I love your stories and your writing, and for you to compliment my writing style is such an encouragement!

It was chilling to write the first scene in all honesty, I really tried to capture all aspects of how it would feel and I'm glad to hear this played out!

HA! Oh my word, I never actually realised this until you pointed it out!! And it is definitely similar, my god I love that film. I'm probably going to have to watch it again now and most likely be inspired!!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and I shall certainly let you know!

Ella


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Review #17, by TheEmotionalTeaspoon Found

11th April 2016:
Hello, I'm here from the forums!

This is such an interesting concept, I'm intrigued! I really liked the way you presented Charlotte and her mother, it feels like you've really taken the time to think through what their lifestyle is like, and I love how original the concept is!

Charlotte seems like a cool character, and somehow very different to her mother, even though she doesn't seem to have had many outside influences over her life. Hopefully we'll find out more about her past soon though :) I wonder how she'll feel when she discovers what that potion her mother makes her drink is really doing...

I'm also super excited to see how Charlotte's relationship with this mysterious boy could develop. Will something romantic happen there? Is she going to end up attending Hogwarts? So many questions!

Great job, I think this is a really intriguing, refreshing take on the next-gen era and I'm interested to see where you'll take this next!

-Kate :) x

Author's Response: Hey Kate, thank you for reviewing!!

I'm so glad you thought the concept was original as its been months in planning and so much detail, background and biography planning have gone into these characters. It really makes me smile to know this has been shown to the reader

Ah yes the big question with the potion with I'm sure is a rather obvious one, but completely oblivious to Charlotte.

You are certainly right as well, I have left this chapter open to a lot of questions that will slowly be answered. But I just love leaving the reader in anticipation. I am cruel >:D

Thanks again!


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Review #18, by Maraudersarelife Found

10th April 2016:
This is sooo good! Its really captivated me- its stuffed with mystery and I just want to read more! Please update soon- I'll definitely keep a look out for when you do.
Keep going its doing great! Maraudersarelife xx

Author's Response: You're the first reviewer! I'm really glad you enjoyed the first chapter, and mystery intrigue is exactly what I was going for!
Thank you


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