Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews for Crumble
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by victoria_anne Complicated, to Say the Least

14th April 2016:
Hellooo Jayna girl!

CONGRATULATIONS on becoming a trusted author! ♥

Aw straight up I love the little system Albus and Rose have worked out to help each other with school work, that's sweet and clever and shows their comfortability (apparently this isn't a word... But it is now) with each other.

Ha ha awkward! They both like Scorpius! (Sorry guys, but I already called dibs anyway). I love how we're watching them grow up though, and seeing Albus grow into the person he's meant to be as well as being comfortable with who he is.

Argh that can't be the end, that's so sad! (That last sentence though... omg ♥)

The only thing I will say is that you jumped between first and third person POV, not sure if this was intentional or not :)

This story was such a wonderful (but again, sad) journey to witness, made even more impressive by the fact that you wrote it in such little time! You write beautifully and I can't wait to read more from you in the future ♥

All my love,
Bianca x

 Report Review

Review #2, by TidalDragon The First Test

10th April 2016:
Dropping in for Chapter 3!

I think the dialogue was, for the most part, plenty realistic given their ages. They're about the point where they're going to start adopting more sarcasm, especially if they've been exposed to enough of it (which, given who their parents are, we all KNOW they have been) already.

The one part that rang as "off" for me was the final paragraph (delivered by Rose) for a couple of reasons. First, it seemed a bit long and even thoughtful for someone that age to have as a direct reaction to what would otherwise be an incredibly hurtful response. That said, the second point is perhaps more crucial, which is that the length of the paragraph also hurries a conclusion to a conversation that I think needs more time to really take shape and develop into a healing experience for the friendship. The likelihood to me is that if they're going to have this conversation, it's going to be a shouting match where this heavier subject matter concludes things on a positive note and Rose and Albus "hug it out" or something similar.

Otherwise, thematically though I think the chapter did a good job of taking that chink I mentioned previously and developing it into a full-blown crack that's posing a legitimate threat now.

See you for the dramatic conclusion in Chapter 4!

 Report Review

Review #3, by TidalDragon A New Friend

10th April 2016:
Hello again!

I think the relationship between these three, at this point in their lives, DOES feel real and relatable. Whoever else you might know, whatever else you might want to do, as a kid of this age, in a family like this where it wouldn't exactly be easy to play wherever with whomever you wanted for a multitude of reasons, the closest in age are going to gravitate toward each other. In a lot of ways this dynamic feels somewhat similar to me and my four cousins growing up (only I have to feel more sorry for one of them in retrospect because she was the ONLY girl in our little age-circle). Eventually two or three of us would get fed up with the others for a bit, or just be doing something we related to the others better on and those not involved were left to seek their own fortunes or band together and do something else.

Originally, I found it slightly odd that we get the set-up of Albus being Rose's best friend and then we get what happens in this chapter, however upon an extra moment's reflection, I understand I'm supposed to see this as the "first chink in the armor" if you will of the best friendship that had developed previously (I think). This feels a tad quick to me, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it plays out in Chapters 3 and 4.

 Report Review

Review #4, by TidalDragon Kind of Friends

10th April 2016:
Howdy Jayna! I'm plowing through the R&R-ing component of the Knockout Challenge and I have reached your delightful entry. Because it's got multiple chapters, I'll leave targeted reviews on each one, which may be a little shorter than a summative one, but hopefully is helpful nevertheless.

Here, I will begin with the question you posed in your A/N. I thought James was a pretty believable kid and his dialogue seemed to match, neither showing anything too advanced nor feeling too "dumb-ed down" for his age. Rose and Albus...if Albus were a particularly bright 5 I can see him as in-bounds too, though I think he'd play as an incredibly diplomatic 5 - especially as a boy. Rose, if I'm perfectly honest, seems VERY advanced at 4. Her thought processes and the perfection in her dialogue are, I think, a bit much, even for Hermione's daughter. Realistically, if you want to peg James at 8 (fair), I think you peg Albus and Rose at 6 (if it's important she can be 5), which aligns properly with canon (assuming you include Pottermore as canon with James (II) starting Hogwarts two years prior to Albus and Rose but no birthday clearly fixed for any of them.

The structure and set-up however were definitely interesting. Most people write the whole "one big happy family" trope and I was pleased to see that you had a different idea that was refreshingly much more realistic given the theoretical ages of the children and parents (though there's obviously a lot of room for fudging some of that).

I'm interested to see how this plays out given what you've telegraphed in your A/N.

 Report Review

Review #5, by victoria_anne The First Test

7th April 2016:
Jayna ♥

Well hey now, this chapter looked a little lonely. I shall give it some love.

I LOVE ANDROMEDA! Thank you for putting her in here! (Was about to ask which sister died, derp. It's good, I'm tired.)

Aw that is totally how I imagine Hugo ♥

AND I LOVE THAT GAME! Such a cool idea!

Omg this: "Your face is stupid." I'm dying. James is such a brat hahaha!

WAR OF WIZARDS! Jayna you are a genius! Ha ha!

Aw poor Rose, she's not very self-assured, is she? It's sad how scared she gets over losing Albus as a friend, and yet it's a very real insecurity, especially at that young age.

Again, I find myself answering your comments before I even read them! I love Rose's speech! That was beautiful, and I'm glad Albus came good!

Eek! That's a very ominous way to end a chapter! Can I get a dun dun duuun!

Again, I am amazed that this is what you write when you're hurrying - it's still so incredible.

All my love,

Bianca ♥

 Report Review

Review #6, by victoria_anne A New Friend

7th April 2016:
Hello lovely lovely Jayna ♥

So we're a year on? CUTE! I'm glad Rose has found her place! (And that it's with Albus ♥)

Man, this was so cute: Lily would be an easy to target to make it should Al prove to be too difficult to catch at any given moment. I love Rose's thought process, ha ha!

I love the way you write the Potter siblings. They're not always nice to each other, and that's realistic (though, of course, if I were there I'd be banging their heads together and telling them to be nice).

I don't know why (okay, I kinda do) but at Albus's reaction to winning chess, I put on my best Sorting Hat impression and shouted, SLYTHERIN!

So yeah, that happened.

Okay, to answer your questions (already kind of did earlier) I love Rose's relationship with Lily. Obviously as they get older and the age gap doesn't seem like a big a deal as it does now, I can see them becoming very close - more like friends than cousins.

Of course I love Albus. Always. 5ever. And I'm interested in where you take his relationship with Rose, but I love what you're doing with it so far. I feel they're kinda similar, and at the same time not.

... You're welcome for the most useless comment ever.

Love you, gorgeous writer! ♥

 Report Review

Review #7, by victoria_anne Kind of Friends

3rd April 2016:
HELLO JAYNA YOU GORGEOUS GIRL!

I miss you still, feel like I don't see you around much :( hope all is well with you!

Okay, so you wrote this in 2 days?! You're a machine gurlfrand! (I mean, sure there's a one or two typos, but you know that, and you'll fix them up in no time) but in general, you've done an amazing job!

SO!

I love Rose instantly (I mean, I do anyway, but still). I got a feel for her personality straight away, as well as why she feels the way she does, lost in her massive family. I think as children we all go through something like this (and I saw it on my teaching placements), so it's certainly realistic behaviour.

I love the game she set up (bless you for trying, Rosie!) and that Albus jumped to it straight away - what a sweetie! You wonder if James is believable, so to answer that...

Hm.

Um.

Well...

Yes, of course he is! (Albeit rather cheeky). He's the perfect little 8 year old bully, who knows what's wrong but will do it anyway when he knows he's not going to get caught. So I'm glad Albus was there with his kindness.

So all in all my dear, this is just more of the wonderful work I've come to expect from you, and the fact that you wrote this in a hurry without editing, just shows how talented you really are.

Look after yourself!

Love Bianca ♥ ♥

Author's Response: HELLO BIANCA, YOU FANTASTIC FRIEND!

First of all, I just realized that I didn't get a chance to congratulate you on your brand new color (and winning featured story)! You definitely deserve it, and I just wanted to say that Hero is such a wonderful story!

Hehe, I'm glad you think it's good (but if you want to meet a machine, go check out Lotte or Kaitlin...)

Anyway, thanks for dropping by, and especially for a touching on a lot of the things I mentioned in my A/N.

Phew, it's a huge relief that you get a feel for Rose, I was afraid that she was too bland. I mean, I don't really know how I would describe her at this point, besides just a regular kid.

It's also really great that you think that James is believable, and I just didn't know if people would take to the idea of Ginny and Harry's firstborn being such a brat, and if they would accept it without really any explanation for why he is the way he is. However, I think that you're right and just being 8 is a good enough reason.

Al is loosely based off my cousin, with whom I share a similar relationship to the one in this story (through the first three chapters), and although he's a pain in the neck sometimes, beneath that is the same kindness that Al has.

Bianca, you are just too sweet. Thanks again for coming by, and as I just requested a review for the second chapter, hopefully I'll seeing you very soon indeed!

-Jayna


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login