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Reading Reviews for Grave upon Grave
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane Grave upon Grave

29th March 2016:
I'd have liked to read this yesterday, after I got home from the commemoration ceremonies in Dublin, but it was late and I had to unpack and stuff, so I didn't have much time. It seems sort of appropriate that it was posted on Easter Monday.

The title reminds me of Yeats' poem, "Easter 1916," where he talks about "murmur name upon name."

I really like the introductory paragraphs. The present tense really seems to work for the story somehow.

Yikes, that part about how the narrator is not alive and how they fear they will live is emotive.

And that is an interesting way to use the quote. I had expected it to be used in a positive way, but it really does work as propaganda and in fact, you could easily argue the original was propaganda as Pearse planned for revolution.

"Grandparents" is all one word.

I am now wondering exactly what is going on in the background to this story and how and why the Death Eaters returned. You've intrigued me as to what is going on.

There should be a comma before Lily's name when Lorcan says, "we have to fight, Lily."

I really liked this story. It sort of questions whether the fight is really worth it and whether victory is even possible. And it's hardly surprising Lily wants to give up if all her family have been killed.

Great story.

Author's Response: Squeee.thank you so much. I really struggled to work out what to do with the quote but I was determined not to change it and to get such a lovely review from you has just totally made my day.

I didn't really know what to call this but I had to get it posted and this was about the best I had. It came from the image in my mind of Lily seeing all her families graves lined up side by side.

While I struggled a little with how to use the quote, when the idea formed, it did come quite easily. Working in first person helped with this because I could look at the scene through Lily's eyes and see the things she saw and the small details she was fixated on in her emotional state, like the moss. The line from Lily about 'not being alive' was one of the earliest thoughts I had for her character and everything flowed from here.

I see the quote as propaganda, whether to encourage people to fight or to honour those who fought. Lily can see through it though. She has nothing left and no words from the Ministry will bring back the world she's lost.

Thanks for the corrections. I didn't have time to get a beta (I'm away through April) so I had to rely on my own somewhat suspect self beta skills.

The world I created for Lily is not a happy one. You're right that Lily is wondering if the fight is worth it. She struggles to keep going, falls into a dark abyss, but Lorcan manages to bring her back and encourages her on with the small hope that one day it might end.

Thanks so much for the review and for the challenge. It tested me and took my writing out of it's comfort zone which is what I need.

Jacqui.


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Review #2, by TheEmotionalTeaspoon Grave upon Grave

28th March 2016:
Oooh I really enjoyed this. The voice seemed a little melodramatic for a moment but then as you painted a picture of the world this character lives in and the devastating loss she's felt I got more and more drawn into her. I think it was really good that way, it worked as such a great snapshot into another world. I really love the idea of her sort of mentally torn between having nothing left to live for, and having the lives of all of her family as a reason to stand up and fight.

I really like short dramatic sentences in this sort of piece too, and you used a lot of them really well. It sort of gave your character a sad, hollow tone.

"There is something else alive in this cemetery" I really liked this line, and the way Lorcan sort of wakes her from her dark reverie and shows the reader the other side of her loss; the one where they pick themselves up and keep fighting.

Great work :)

-Kate

Author's Response: Oo.I only posted this yesterday and I was so happy to see a review for it. It's not exactly a fluffy piece of writing so it's interesting to see what people think.and you enjoyed it. Squee :D

You got Lily spot on. She is in such a dark place and her mind is a jumble. The short sentences were a way of showing her disconnect and in some ways unemotional view of it...she states the facts only as it doesn't matter how she feels, it's not going to change it. And then she also has her moments of focusing solely on one thing, like the moss, to distract her from everything else.

I quite liked that line too. It took my a while to work out a story with the quote and this was one of several lines that came to me early on and I started to weave the story around. And of course, links back to her saying that she doesn't feel alive. Lorcan is her rock and without him, I don't think she'd be able to claw herself back.

Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to review.

Jacqui xx


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