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Reading Reviews for The Last Thing On Her Mind
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by krazyboutharryginny 1972

14th April 2017:
Hi Sam, here to jailbreak!

I've never really read a story about Lily dealing with Petunia's rejection. I'm sure there are more out there, but it's just not something I've explored. But with this first chapter you really highlight what a rich subject matter it can be. I'd never really thought about how Petunia's rejection and that change in her and Lily's relationship would affect Lily's time at school, but it definitely makes sense that it would have a big impact on her - I mean, here she is spending every day alone in the place that her sister resents her for going. That would be hard to deal with for any eleven-year-old.

I wonder what's going on with Lily and why she has a "Feelings Doctor" (great touch, by the way! Really brought out how young Lily actually is here (that sounds super weird but I couldn't figure out how else to phrase it lol)).

I think Peter having dyslexia might be a headcanon I've seen before. I really liked how you executed it here. I felt so bad for him because I know what it's like to be struggling with something and not know why/not have a name or word for what's happening to you. It's horrible and I think you did really well showing his frustration, and a great job with the cycle of emotions he went through when Lily identified the problem.

I really enjoyed this chapter, great work!

-Kayla

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Review #2, by crimson quill 1972

14th April 2017:
So this is really interesting take on Lily because she's not often written as a younger child. I think it makes perfect sense from what we know from canon as they had a really close relationship so it seems logical that Lily would really be struggling without someone she relied on so much, I really enjoyed the concept of this piece.

I think you wrote the age very well, sometimes it's harder to write children. people sometimes write them too mature for being kids I think. I think Lily quoting the teacher or 'feeling doctor' seems like such a Lily thing to do like she is always a rule follower so would believeable and look up to it. I think it's really sad that Lily was sent to talk to anyone. was that because she didn't fit because of her magic? or something a lot deeper for Lily as a child?

I really enjoyed her interaction with Peter and her willingness to be friends. Peter is often portrayed as being 'stupid' mainly because writers don't like him I think. I think dyslexia it was a really good issue to cover in stories like this because it's so common but people can really get down about it because they don't understand it properly. it's that's a rather nice message out of this chapter really. I'm really interested to see Lily's progress through out this story so the person she becomes because I really feel for her in chapter. xo

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Review #3, by YourRavenclawLoverGirl 1998

10th December 2016:
You KILLED ME! Thanks a lot, my heart just hung itself, but it's not like I really needed it anyway. But really, you write beautifully. Just don't write about things that will LITERALLY make people commit suicide just to be with these people. Did I mention you practically killed my heart?

WHY? (sobbing)
~YourRavenclawLoverGirl

Author's Response: Hello ♥

I am really glad that you enjoyed this story. I am sorry that it hurt so much, but I'm also not because I'm a writer and that's what I do. Of course I don't want anyone to commit suicide, and I'm a little alarmed to see that concept so casually thrown around. Anyway, thanks again - I do really appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.

Sam.


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Review #4, by Jayna 1998

5th April 2016:
Wow. I thought that after the last chapter it couldn't get any more tragic...AND SOMEHOW YOU MADE IT MORE TRAGIC. Thanks a lot.

So anyway, I really loved the flow of this chapter and I definitely think the brevity suited the feeling that she was only here for a moment, just for a second. The characterization of both parties was really great, and even with just a few words about him at a time, you definitely opened up a new perspective about Harry. I mean, I've never really seen him as faithful or anything, but I can definitely imagine that that's how Lily would see him.

In addition, it was definitely quite creative of you to write such a prominent moment of the books from Lily's PoV. Don't even get me started on the mention of the last thing on her mind in the last sentence! It felt so beautiful, and though I'll admit that I didn't even realize it was there the first time I read this, it was a fantastic way of bringing the whole thing full circle.

Lastly, although it was a little difficult to see the connectivity in this chapter about what you mention in your summary, that she was different when she was without people, the first two work really well together and it was definitely really interesting to read an entry that used the second option versus the first.

So yeah, great job overall!

-Jayna

Author's Response: Even before reading your review I just want to hug you in case you need it. ♥

The second chapter is definitely a transition, as it starts cute and gets sad, but going from reading your review from chapter 1 to chapter 3 is quite a strong change without that transition.

It was definitely intimidating to write something that is set during such an emotional and memorable chapter, and I am glad to hear you think I did it well.

I would say I agree that this chapter did not show how she struggled to be herself without others quite as strongly as the previous two did, but that was also deliberate. She definitely grows throughout the range of this story, and by the end she has learned (at least as much as she ever will) that she can stand on her own. In this chapter she struggles with battling her natural instincts with the reality of the situation. She wants to tell Harry to live, that being with the people you love is the most important thing, but she knows that is not what he needs to hear, and in his strength she hears some of his truth.

My concept for this story actually started with the first option for your challenge, but it ended up evolving into this and I liked how that played out.

Thank you so much for your lovely reviews on all of these chapters! This was a really great challenge and I am really glad it prompted me to come up with this story. ♥

Sam.


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Review #5, by Jayna 1972

5th April 2016:
Okay, so I'm not quite sure how it happened, but somehow I managed to review the second chapter of this before the first. XD I think it happened when I was working on these in the car, so I'd copied and pasted a couple of stories I was planning to review into a document so I could work on it without wifi. I guess I just posted the second review once I got back into wifi and just forgot all about the first. Anyway, here is your second challenge review, left for your first chapter...

Hey there Sam, here to review your entry for the somehow connected challenge!

Hmm, I'd never really thought about wizards having dyslexia, but it makes sense, that magic cures ailments of the wizard body but not the mind. Anyway, having Peter have it makes sense too.

One thing you did really well was imbue Lily's voice in this piece with a childish-ness that helps illustrate how much she relies on others to determine who she is.

Wow, this is quite an interesting relationship Lily has with her sister, and it's making me wonder what's going to happen in the next two chapters, is it going to be a different character that she has to separate herself from, or will she be working on becoming her own person in general.

I also really liked the mirror part in the beginning, it was a little connected bit of it's own! Anyway, great job overall on this, and I can't wait to see what direction you take this in!

-Jayna

Author's Response: Haha, no worries about that =) I was just a little worried at first that you had accidentally read the second chapter without the first, but it looks like everything worked out okay. (The other day I actually wrote a review for the first chapter of a story and posted it on the second chapter, so you have no need to be embarrassed) Thanks for coming back for a review on this one!

I am very interested in issues of mental health, and how they translate to the wizarding world. In general it seems that wizards aren't very interested in muggle advances, even in fields that could help them, and Hogwarts seems like a place where a kid with a learning disorder could be overlooked.

I am glad that you think Lily's tone both reads as child like and supports the theme of the story.

Thanks again for the review and the challenge!

Sam.


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Review #6, by marauderfan 1998

2nd April 2016:
not going to lie there are tears in my eyes after reading this, much like when I read the chapter of DH it was based on. I love seeing this scene from Lily's POV - after being dead for 17 years, suddenly she has this brief moment of existence, or something like it. And I love that you used second person as well! It feels so perfect for the POV of someone who's kind of there but also kind of not. Second person is kind of particular in terms of the situations it works with, and a ghost/imitation that exists for a few minutes is a perfect use of that POV. I can't really explain it. I just love it.

Ahh, she can't look at James because she doesn't want to see transparent, imitation-James :( And the thoughts she has looking at Harry. I loved the contrast you made between when they were all in hiding and in danger but happy - her memories all of Harry smiling and laughing - and the present time, with Harry walking towards danger and how his eyes have 'a weight that should not belong to someone so young' - gah.

You yourself are not any older or wiser, but your child is. He looks at you with quietly pleading eyes, searching for the guidance and wisdom of a loving mother. -- ahh, this killed me. The fact that this imitation of Lily and James is as much of them as he will ever remember, and for once he just wants his mother's advice. :'(

Sam, this really is gorgeous. I love the prose in this - I feel like my review can't even come close to articulating how much I loved the story. ♥♥♥ You rule. Amazing work on this story.

EVERYTHING (about this story) IS AWESOME.

Author's Response: And you're back ♥

You've already seen my reaction to the final line of your review on twitter, but I just have to say again that I love it so, so much.

I wanted to, but wasn't sure if I'd be able to capture the emotion of the DH chapter with this. It was extra frustrating, because I lost the original version of this chapter when my laptop died, and rewriting a chapter always feels like making a pale imitation. And so I am really glad to hear that you felt that this was so powerful, and your tears do me credit.

Okay, I know I am emotionally exhausted, but I almost cried reading your summary of what I wrote. Like what? ANYWAY

Thank you so much for your amazing reviews ♥ I am really honored that you were able to get them in before disappearing from internet land.

Love you so much!

Sam.


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Review #7, by marauderfan 1981

2nd April 2016:
This chapter tore my heart to shreds. Omg. But so beautiful. I loved the way you showed Lily and James' last hours doing something so mundane, just playing Mr Hippogriff with Harry, and while there's so much to worry about, at least they all have each other.

(though I think it was 1981 when James and Lily died, not 1982? But I don't have my books with me so I could be wrong.)

Would leave a longer review but I'm about to watch a movie with you instead. I guess I could have worse reasons for leaving a short review. Just know that I loved this chapter ♥

Author's Response: Hello again!

No worries about the short review - hanging out with me AND watching the Lego Movie is like the combined best excuse ever.

I apologize about your heart. I tried to warn you that there would be feelings, but I suppose that doesn't help much. I tried to make the beginning cute to balance what was to come, but I suppose that makes it worse emotionally. Sorrynotsorry.

Agh, thank you for that correction. Looks like I had it right in my story document and made a typo on the story editor. Fixed now!

Sam.


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Review #8, by marauderfan 1972

2nd April 2016:
Sam. I heard great things about this story so I was excited to check it out! And so far I am not disappointed. In fact, the opposite of disappointed. This is amazing so far and I love the approach you're taking to Lily's character here.

The beginning of this is heartbreaking, about how Lily and Petunia used to be inseparable and now when she looks in a mirror, she sees the absence of Petunia. It's such a sad way for her to be starting off her birthday, too! The way everything fell apart between the two sisters is honestly one of the saddest things about the series.

I also love that you chose to write about Peter. So few people write about him, but there's so much to him as a character, I think. And this scene with Lily and Peter is so touching - how he's struggling with dyslexia (which makes sense - he's smart enough to become an Animagus, so he is intelligent, but dyslexia would make school just a really difficult thing and in anything involving reading he'd of course be behind the other students, which we know to be likely true). In particular I loved the line where Lily asks if he has dyslexia and he instinctively says "No!" without knowing what it is. I found that very realistic, especially for an 11 year old!

And I really appreciate the parallel you drew between the two of them being so lonely and left out, and that's why they became friends. That's probably the best thing about this story, just how believable it all is. And it kind of breaks my heart a little that her friendship with Peter kind of helps fill the hole in her heart that's been left by Petunia, knowing what he does to her and James later.

On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Yay Kristin! I'm so glad I got featured in your fabulous reviewing spree today ♥

I'm also really glad that you chose to read this story. I don't typically write Marauders, as I feel they've been done to death and I enjoy exploring characters who don't get so much attention, but I did really enjoy characterizing Lily and Peter here.

I agree with you that Peter doesn't get written about in fan fiction a lot. I think people just prefer not to think about him, but he was best friends with them all when he was young, and it does them all a disservice to ignore him.

I tried to look at things a little differently here, and I'm really glad you found it so believable. Fair warning, there are strong feelings to come.



Sam.


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Review #9, by Jayna 1981

24th March 2016:
SAM. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME. WHAT IS THIS STRANGE LIQUID COMING FROM MY EYES?

How could you do this to poor Lily? This was just so tragic, and it made me cry, but my favorite part about this chapter was how well you conveyed Lily's thoughts and emotions as James died and as she sacrificed herself.

That transition, from James being her family to having to protect Harry at all costs was beautiful. You did a great job of getting the reader to feel that single-mindedness, that fight or flight reaction.

In addition, I think it was much clearer in this chapter that once she was separated, she became her own person than in the last one.

So yeah, overall, this was a beautifully descriptive chapter with perfect flow and poignant emotions coming from the characters. The actual beginning scene was adorable and it falls perfectly in place with the canon characterization of Lily and James. Great job on this chapter!

-Jayna

Author's Response: Wow, thank you!

At first I thought you must reviewing the first or third chapter, but your reaction definitely makes sense with this one.

I am sorry about that strange liquid. You might want tissues as you proceed to the final chapter.

I am really glad that you found the characterizations so believable here. This is my first time writing these characters, so it was pretty interesting to play with them.

And I am glad that you enjoyed the cuteness of the first half of the chapter! I try to throw in lots of cute when I know hurt is coming.

Thanks so much for this enthusiastic review and holding such a great Challenge! And I'm glad the Quidditch break came at a time when you had a chance to do some reading!

Sam.


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Review #10, by dreamgazer220 1998

22nd March 2016:
Sam! *squishes*

So I just read this in one sitting, and it was so beautiful and full of so many emotions and I don't even know what to say.

Your prose was incredible. I loved that you chose the different points of view to tell the story, and that none of them felt forced or awkward - they all flowed naturally.

Seeing young Lily befriend Peter, and then adult Lily playing with James - it was just ugh. So many feels. And then you wrote the Halloween scene! And I knew what was coming and somehow it still got me right in the chest.

This was such a great story! Good luck in the challenge, I might have to poke around your AP some more :) ♥

~Jill

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Review #11, by victoria_anne 1998

20th March 2016:
OH GOD SAM!

After that last chapter I was like, hm how can it possibly get sadder? What's left?

GODDAM IT I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING

I read the first few sentences and got goosebumps as I realised what part of her life (?) this was and then I was like, oh no oh no oh no. *scurries to make a strong cup of tea*

And her reaction to seeing James! Uggghh Sam! Y u stomp on my heart like dis?

AND THIS: "If you were to look at your husband you would see confirmation that he is as dead as ever, but in Harry’s eyes he is more alive than he has ever been."

I've just realised you changed the POV for each chapter too - that is amazing. Each one you chose is just so freaking perfect, like everything else in this story.

OH MY GOD and then that's just it for Lily! The last we ever hear or see of her! I am crying my eyes out!!

Sam I cannot favourite this story enough. You have done such a beautiful and amazing job, thank you for the most emotional read of my life.

Love you! Xx

Bianca

Author's Response: And here I was thinking I wouldn't make you sad enough... =D

Tea is good...

I just want to hug you for days now.

I am really glad that you like the POV changes! I don't think most readers would notice between the first two chapters (especially if they don't read them one after the other), and I like that it becomes obvious in the final chapter, because that kind of parallel's Lily's personal journey.

Your comment "That's just it for Lily" really hits it on the nose. I was kind of frustrated that I couldn't get this chapter longer, but at the same time the brevity does also speak to Lily's too short of time.

I am really, really glad you have enjoyed this story so much.

And every single one of your reviews has been so very amazing. And the fact that you ran to review each of them as soon as they were up? Gah I love you so much

Sam.


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Review #12, by Melted Daylight 1972

14th March 2016:
I loved the way you described Lily's feelings about losing her sister in this chapter. I have a sister that I'm very close to, and the way I've felt during the few times we've been separated (by physical or emotional distance) matches remarkably with the way you portrayed Lily's sense of isolation. Just as you suggested in this short, it's worse than losing a friend. I walk around feeling confused, as if I'm missing something so obvious, it should be visible in the way I look. Even in situations where I'm usually talkative and friendly, I feel the unexplained need to keep to myself. The way you related this was very effective.

I feel the same way about how you described Lily's interest in helping Peter. I've helped a few classmates in the past, and this is exactly how it feels! My only advice it to add Peter's last name in there somewhere. I didn't catch that he was the same Peter who betrayed James and Lily until after reading the second chapter. This might have been just me, but I hope that helps.

Keep up the good work! I look forward to the next instalment.

Author's Response: Hello again! Thanks for coming back and reviewing the first chapter. I am glad that you found Lily so relatable. I didn't want it to be too prominent on readers' minds that Peter was Wormtail, so that this chapter could maintain a sense of innocence while still being connected to the darker aspects to come. Thanks again!

Sam.


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Review #13, by Melted Daylight 1981

14th March 2016:
This was exceptional! You wrote with great emotional detail and the parallel of "the last thing on my mind" really brought Lily's story full circle in a way that's hard to grasp in the books. Good job!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! There's actually going to be one final chapter posted this week, so keep an eye out for that!

Sam.


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Review #14, by victoria_anne 1981

10th March 2016:
*runs in puffing*

Am I first? AM I FIRST?

Yes!

Hiya Sam! As soon as I clicked on this, Harry Potter music came onto my iPod. *settles in comfortably*

WAIT.

WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND. I realised way too late what Halloween meant. Sam, I am crying, do you hear?! How dare you suck me in with your beautiful prose and your lovely tweet and then break my heart!

*deep breath*

Okay, I'm good, I'm okay. Argh Sam I could be reading a published novel. Sometimes I find stories sound kind of forced when it comes to cooing over children, but you've written it perfectly. Even in just a few sentences, I felt Lily's anguish and frustration and fear in being cooped up in the house. I love how you write James, especially as a father.

The chapter isn't even that long but so many freaking feels and I can picture perfectly what life is like for them during this time and Harry is so cute with his Mr. Hippogriff (I just had to mention that toy in here somewhere). You've written them so realistic, and I think that's why my heart hurts so much!

This has to be one of the best characterisations of James and Lily that I've read... In less than 1500 words.

I'm going to go and read something happy and colourful now... *hugs Mr Hippogriff tightly*

Love your number 1 fan,

Bianca xx

Author's Response: Wow, your words are so amazing and supportive, much more than anything I expected!

How perfecta bout HP music - I actually wrote this to the PoA soundtrack!

I of course tried to make the beginning of this chapter cute toe balance what was to come, but I am still very sorry for your feelings (but not really). I totally thought you were prepared because of my tweet about killing the Potters and my comment in my last review response "I hope you find your way back and read them for more of that "It's cute but it hurts my heart" feeling." Okay, enough apologies. As a writer, I'm thrilled I made you feel all these things.

I am really glad you think the characters read so naturally! I've never written James or Lily before and I wasn't sure how believable they would be. I am also glad that you found little Harry realistic! I did research by creepily watching youtube videos of children...

There will be a final chapter posted within a few days and I warn you: THERE WILL BE FEELINGS OF SADNESS.

You are truly amazing, thank you for your wonerful review.

Sam.


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Review #15, by victoria_anne 1972

8th March 2016:
*comes skipping in* I'M HERE!

Hi Sam :)

HOW HAVE I NEVER READ ANY OF YOUR STORIES BEFORE! *many apologies and here, have a cookie*

Oh, my fellow Hufflepuff. Your writing is amazing.
Little Lily is so freakin' cute! But how sad to see how much she suffered in her early Hogwarts days. It must have been so hard for her to leave her home and her sister, especially when that sister is Petunia :(

I love how you used her reflection in the mirror after her birthday. It was really beautiful. And aw look at little Peter! *squeezes him and pats him on the head* I think this is exactly how he would have been at this age and I love reading about him in his Hogwarts dayz. What made him a Gryffindor? Hmm...

Lily was a beautiful person even at 11 (oops, 12). You write her perfectly and I can see her becoming the Lily we know - extremely generous, kind and helpful to all.

OMG OMG OMG, I'm sorry but I just remembered that Peter grows up to betray her and James! Wah, now I'm depressed :(

Anyway, amazing story, you'll hear from me again soon after I creep on your author page.

Love Bianca xx

Author's Response: Oh Bianca, you are the absolute best for so many reasons. You get all of the hugs (I will have all of the cookies).

No worries for not having read my stories before - I haven't been very active on the archives for a while, so it's totally understandable. I hope you get a chance to check some of my other stories out, and I certainly plan to be posting more soon!

I am glad that you found Lily cute. I totally didn't plan for her to be so dark and angsty, but that's what happens when I write late at night and strongly identify with my characters. Woops!

I am even MORE glad that you like little Peter! I think he totally gets the short end of the stick in fan fiction, and people ignore the many years when he was good friends with the marauders. I had many characters to choose from in this chapter, but I thought little Peter deserved the opportunity the most.

I haven't written much Marauders era, and I definitely shy away from Marauders stories with fears of the characters being too idealized. However, I found it very natural to write Lily with some character faults that are connected to the things we know about her.

This chapter is actually part one of a three part short story for a challenge. The deadline is next week, so there will be two more chapters going up soon! I hope you find your way back and read them for more of that "It's cute but it hurts my heart" feeling.

Thank you so much for reviewing this for me so quickly. It means so much to me.

Sam.


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