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Reading Reviews for Unfair
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by looneylizzie An Accident

24th May 2016:
Kaitlin! I'm here to review your story for the Demotivator Challenge!!


WHY, KAITLIN, WHY?!?! Why must you do this to me?!

Seriously, this first chapter has left me with this horrible pit in the bottom of my stomach and I'm fairly certain that the entire time I was reading this I was either growling or cringing horribly.

The cringing was because of your (vivid) descriptions of Scorpius' boils bursting. *shudders* I've been seriously grossed out now.

Anyway, aside from the gross boils, this story is really good! Well... good in the sense that you've done an excellent job of making me hate Rose and Albus, which I didn't think was actually possible!

Poor Scorpius! That's such a horrible situation to be stuck in! Bullying is NOT okay, in any circumstance, and it's horrible that Scorpius has to deal with it from Al and Rose of all people! Scorpius doesn't deserve to be bullied because of his father! It's completely unfair!
(Hehehe, see what I did there?)

As horrible as it is that Scorpius is getting bullied, it's also completely believable that he would be on the receiving end of it. It makes sense that after the war, wizarding society would completely flip sides in terms of ideals - and all of the bullying that Harry received from Draco goes the other way with their kids. Which is so sad, because I'd imagine that Harry and the rest of the Weasleys would've taught their kids to be better than that -- but I guess there's something to be said for the idea that fame goes to one's head.

Ugh. It makes me so mad!

As for the Demotivator you used... well, I don't think I'll ever be able to see it the same way again! What a way to turn something that seems kind of snarky/sarcastic/funny (and even a little bit childish) into something that's suddenly harsh/mean/cruel and even a little dark! I certainly wasn't expecting that!

This is all good though, don't worry. ;D

Wow! What a great first chapter, Kaitlin! I'm really looking forward to reading more of this at some point in the future!

Thanks so much for entering my challenge, and keep writing my dear!

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Review #2, by alicia and anne An Accident

22nd May 2016:
Albus and Rose seem like such trouble makers, and it's nice to see that. I normally only ever see Rose being like Hermione, this is definitely a Ron side coming out :P

Oh no! Poor Scorpius, I hope that Albus and Rose didn't do that, although I bet that they did. I can't believe that Professor Pucey thought that he hadn't followed instructions properly. Poor guy :(

I take back what I said about it being a good thing that Rose and Albus are trouble makers, they're bullies!

Eurgh, I am hating this Albus and Rose! I want to hurt him myself!

I want Scorpius to get his own back on them! That is what I hope happens. Rose and Albus need taking down a peg or twelve!

(also, don't worry about hogging up the reviews :P I love reading your stories, so send as many as you want :D)

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Review #3, by MargaretLane An Accident

21st March 2016:
Poor Scorpius. He really is the obvious target for suspicion when odd things happen, isn't he? Honestly, I think the kid could well have a pretty tough time at Hogwarts, as the Death Eater types would probably see the Malfoys as traitors and virtually everybody else would see them as having managed to trick their way out of punishment for Death Eater involvement not once, but twice now.

Oh, I like your portrayal of Albus and Rose. It's interesting to see them portrayed in something of a negative light.

And good for Madame Bell, realising there is more going on here.

"Professors" should have a small "p" when Scorpius is talking about them hating him as it's mid-sentence and not being used as a title.

LOVE the fact that Neville is one of the few who doesn't treat the trio's kids as something special. Being a friend of theirs and having looked up to them so much in his childhood, it would probably be even harder for him to be strict with their kids (incidentally, I HATE teaching the kids of people I know), but given his own difficulties as a teen/preteen and the inner courage that was gradually revealed, it does make a lot of sense.

I wonder if Harry knows how Albus and Rose are behaving. Given the bullying he underwent at the hands of Dudley and his friends, I'd imagine he'd be horrified to think of his son behaving that way.

I am utterly amazed at how much writing you manage to do.

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Review #4, by victoria_anne An Accident

12th March 2016:
I've come here today to share some cheer
And to read this challenge entry
You never fail to disappoint, my dear
You're the best challenge writer of the century!

*clap clap clap*

... Was that too soon?

WAH POOR SCORPIUS! *hugs him and kisses his cheek better*

How (sad? refreshing? different?) to see this role reversal - I just want to smack Albus and Rose's heads together! I've never seen them portrayed as bullies before, but I have to say, it kind of makes sense that they could get away with something like that.

You used the prompt you were given really well (what a depressing challenge, may I add *secretly sad didn't get a chance to enter*)

I honestly cannot wait to read more - I love your characterisation of Scorpius. Ravenclaw, excels at Potions and yet still beaten down because of his father. That's the kind of conflict I likey! *evil grin*

Go go Kaitlin!

Love B xx

Author's Response: Hey B!

Oh! What a lovely poem! *hug*

Never too soon for clapping.

I'm so happy that you liked the role reversal. I always see Rose and Albus painted as these kind, perfect children and Scorpius is snarky. They're usually best friends and/or dating. I just wanted to do something completely different.

It's actually not supposed to be a depressing challenge. I think most people went the humor route. I just tend to make even the most happy, uplifting things depressing.

I'm glad you like Scorpius and I hope that you'll come back to read more. It will be being updated regularly as of March 31st.

Thanks for your feedback!


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Review #5, by Musing An Accident

6th March 2016:
Hi Kaitin! I'm finally here, reviewing for the HPFF Review-A-Thon!

The premise of this story is really different! I've read so many Rose/Scorpius stories and Albus and Scorpius are always portrayed as best friends, if not in a relationship. I haven't encountered a story in which Scorpius is bullied, either! Your story breaks through all the established rules of the next-gen. I'm positively intrigued by this premise.

Scorpius seems such a fine fellow, a Ravenclaw and good at what he is doing. But he doesn't has it in him to stand up to his bullies. I really felt bad for his potions accident. I am eager to see the day when he would take Madame Bell's advice and gather courage to stand up for himself.

Albus and Rose- I never imagined them as bullies, but it is entirely plausible. With the sort of background they come from and the biased treatment they get from most of the school teachers has made them think too highly of themselves. The way Rose treated Scorpius at the end was completely ruthless. Poor Scorpius! How does he cope up with these things on a daily basis? *sniffle*

You tied in the prompt so nicely, it felt completely natural! I hope you get the time to update this soon!


P.S. I can't thank you enough for setting up the review-a-thon and giving so many of us the chance to do our bit for HPFF! *hugs*

Author's Response: Hey Emm!

Thanks for dropping by and for participating in the Review-A-Thon!

Yeah. I know what you mean. Most of the Next Gen stories do a Rose/Scorpius pairing, an Albus/Scorpius pairing, or at least they're all buddies. But that being said, I don't think there would be any guarantee that they'd all get along. In fact, with Albus and Rose growing up in the spotlight, I actually think it would be likely that they might have issues.

I don't know if Scorpius will stand up for himself. Some people just don't have that in them. Some people do their best to stay in the shadows and out of trouble.

I'm so glad you can see how Albus and Rose might've turned into bullies. Just because someone has good parents doesn't mean they'll always turn out to be good people. For that matter, we all take for granted that Harry and Ginny would've been good parents, but they could've been so damaged that they weren't really capable of being great parents.

This will be being updated regularly as of March 31st. I hope you get a chance to read more soon.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #6, by MuggleMaybe An Accident

27th February 2016:

Oh, ahem.. I mean to say, I'm here at long last was a prize review from the Microfiction challenge.

I, for one, am not at all lecturing you about starting another WIP because, for one thing, if there's anyone in the world who can keep on top of 15 WIPs, it's you. And, more importantly, this story is utterly amazing!

I know this is weird, because he's Next Gen so he's quite different in different fics, but I think Scorpius might be my favorite character. In every story I read where he's featured, I just adore him, and I already love your particular take on Scorpius. I feel really bad for him, too. He's obviously a bright kid, but not very courageous (so far) in standing up for himself. I hope he finds the confidence to do that, along with some much needed allies. I really just want to hug him. I'm curious about his relationship with his parents, especially his father, and how that might factor in to the bullying situation.

Rose and Albus are absolute JERKS. (I can't believe their mothers would let them get away with it. But then again, I suppose they don't really know what goes on, since the professors mostly ignore it.) I'm very interested to see what you do with them, and whether they remain jerks or grow into decent people.

Also, I love that you've made Katie the nurse. (I assume it's Katie, anyway.) I've always really liked her, even though she isn't very well developed in canon. I loved how you created an ally for Scorpius in her.

One thing for CC - I really couldn't tell how old they are here. It's quite a difference for an 11 year old to behave this way compared to an 18 year old, so I think throwing in their year somewhere would be helpful.

I know you won't be able to update this until you've reached your challenges goal, but I'm eager for chapter two all the same.

lots of love!

Author's Response: Hello Renee!


(and also that you're not mad at me for starting another WIP.)

I get your love for Scorpius. I enjoy writing/reading him as well. In this particular story, I really wanted to go against the more common popular Scorpius who's best friends or loves with Albus.

You'll see several of the older characters making cameos as this story progresses.

So one thing that really bugs me in Next Gen is that everyone writes Rose and Albus as these perfect shining stars who cope well with fame and are still super friendly. James is almost always the only person ever portrayed as a jerk. I wanted to sort of turn that on its head.

I like Katie Bell too and thought that being the nurse would be a good role for her.

Duly noted. I will figure out how to work in what year this is.

I'm hoping to get this onto a solid update plan come mid March. I hope you'll be back to read it!

Thanks for your lovely review!


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