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Reading Reviews for Comfortably Numb
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Slytherin Eagle Comfortably Numb

16th February 2016:
Hey there, here for our review swap!

First off, I really like that this uses a Pink Floyd song, you don't often see that.

Wow, this story was definitely different to anything I have really read before. It was an interesting little piece that honestly had me captivated from the beginning with its idea.

A couple of little corrections: Kingsley has a 'g' and in that same sentence you have added an extra 'n' to the end of the word 'and'. Also, at times, your sentence structure was weak and left me confused. It seemed a little strange at the end when Miriam's characterisation went from caring to disinterested.

Something about this one-shot makes me think that you couldwrite something of a "Diary of a Medi-Witch" style fic, where each chapter is about a different patient under the care of Miriam and her team. Personally I would be really interested in reading just more of this story as I think you could really go places with it if you expanded it.

Good luck on the challenge,
Lea xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I re-read the shot after your review and I must agree with what you say about the sentences. Lately I have been working on using (a lot) less comma's as it made my sentences too long/confusing but I see now that this isn't as it should be either. I'm going to work on re-phrasing it to a way which hopefully will make them clearer.

About Miriam I have to agree that it does seem a bit sudden. There used to be a sentence there in which she tried to shake it off but I edited it out as it didn't seem to fit and felt a bit "too much", I see now that it would do her better justice if I had kept it and/or added something else to make it less abrupt.

I love the idea of a series though! I don't think I have seen much like it on here. I'll see if I can come up with something for that because it sounds very interesting and fun to write.

Thanks again for the review, it really helped!


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Review #2, by ProfessorMinnie Comfortably Numb

15th February 2016:
"Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd is an odd song. In the movie The Wall, Pink (who's the main character) is a musician. During this song, he realizes that he's burnt out and that he has lived in pain, anguish, drug use... that people like his manager is using him for money.

With a combination of drugs and trying to become a stoic... exist-er (that's not a word, but you get my point), he builds a wall to stop him from feeling all he's feeling.

In this one shot, you show Miriam Strout and Kingsley wondering if Hermione will ever be the same after this sort of wall, the Imperius Curse is broken. It's sort of analogous to Pink trying to give up drugs in a way and going into relapse (and almost dying). Except the curse is never broken.

Hermione never feels the pain again. In the music video, we see this rather disturbing image of Pink trying to get out and slowly decaying into a skeleton in a suit. Kingsley and Strout only wonder what would happen.

However, I could see where you might have interpreted the song differently than I have. The wall, the Imperius Curse (I think a Memory Charm would be more appropriate), keeps this flood of bad memories from Hermione's brain.

Even if the curse was lifted and she was Obliviated, what would stop her from learning the truth and then relapsing? What would stop Pink from going back into the hell he was living? Only the drugs, only the curse. So I suppose in that interpretation, you did extremely well.

However, I think it'd be interesting to see what Hermione thought before she was Imperiused/her memories were altered. What exactly did she do to her family? Who died? What led up to her being in the Janus Thickey Ward? Reading it again, I can sort of picture what happened, though I think it'd be interesting to see it from Hermione's perspective as she was doing the things she wouldn't otherwise do.

The song was in part about receding into yourself in traumatic circumstances and hints of hopelessness. You drew on that and made it your own. Well done. Very well done.

Happy Writing!
Professor McGonagall

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much for your review. I'm so happy to see that you understand my take on it, I tried a few (okay, many) different things all surrounding the same event but all seemed too literal. I ended up liking this one most as it changed the perspective without being "too" distant.

As for what exactly happened, in an earlier draft I had Hermione under the curse performing the task she was given by Rudolphus Lestrange who was out for revenge on Molly for killing his wife. Unfortunately however I struggled with keeping it within ToS while describing how it was Hermoine who used the Killing Curse on Ron, Rose and Hugo.

In the end I was sort of glad that it didn't work out since it gave me the perfect background for this one-shot which I ended up liking a lot better.

Thank you for such an awesome (long!) review, you rule whoop whoop.


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