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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PaulaTheProkaryote Dolores: Age Fifteen

14th August 2016:
HOLY GUACAMOLE!

I completely loved it because WOW Dolores is absolutely insane. Her reactions are nothing like normal people's and she's so incredibly cruel for absolutely no reason.

I think the entire story was well in her character. I wonder if Dumbledore knew that it was her? I don't see how he could possibly know but she was expecting questioning over the whole thing and the whole "Dumbledore hated me" comment. He had to see what kind of person she was from the very beginning.

The only complaint I have while reading this, and honestly it's so minor you could completely ignore it, is the spacing. It's the way the editor works on hpff and I know that. Sometimes it doesn't do that to me if I use the simple editor instead and then swap over to the normal editor.

I feel awful for her victim, Patricia, because her only real crime was being a half-blood and making Dolores jealous.

Overall in this story, I think you really nailed Dolores. A lot of her stories are like weird redemption stories that just don't feel at all like her. I think this is much more in line with the Dolores we know and love and I think it would make sense that in her youth she was a little more enthusiastic about her nature. She was exploring it. I think by the time we get Dolores in the books she's had to choke some of her nature back until she had free reign at Hogwarts. She couldn't be openly cruel until then.

The thing about Dolores is she's an absolute psychopath (and I don't use that word lightly). You've just really captured it here. It's almost the inhumanly cruel nature about her that makes this story above and beyond in my opinion. She would feel no remorse. She wouldn't react the way normal people would to such emotions like jealousy. I wonder if Nott was as creeped out by her as I am. I probably wouldn't keep calling her Toad now that it's obvious she's above and beyond dangerous.


She didn't have the best of a home life, obviously, but the way she treated her mother and brother was delightfully atrocious. Exactly what I'd expect from the toxic woman. She definitely hated people that weren't magical enough just as expected.

Author's Response: Yeah, the spacing. The editor at HPFF hates me and it shows. I spent hours one day fixing all the spacing in my stories and then when I edited a story it all went to Hades again, so I just do it once now generally. Sorry it was a pain.

Yeah, Umbridge was clinically crazy, a true psychopath, and I knew I had to show that she had her break early and was always like this. Like a lot of people, I think she's the best villain in the series, even moreso than Voldy, because she's a believably human villain. I could have seen her as a Nazi sympathizer just as easily if that had been her milieu.

Yeah, she couldn't show this openly, because she knew that society wouldn't approve, but in her heart, she thought everything she did was justifiable. And yes, all of her victims were undeserving, and I think that makes it even worse.

When I found out that her father worked in Magical Maintenance, this all came together for me, because she probably knew Reg Cattermole as he would have worked with her father in Maintenance, and then this all just clicked.

Glad you enjoyed it and thought I got her just right. Sometimes you have to explore the darker nature. On that note, you might like my story 'Wisdom of the owl, soul of the snake' about Barty Jr. at OWLS time.


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Review #2, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Dolores: Age Fifteen

6th March 2016:
Hello there! I'm here for the HPFF review-a-thon!

I've been meaning to stop by and review this ever since the Writer's Duel, and now, when it can help HPFF's fundraiser, seemed as good a time as any!

The first thing I remember about this story is just being completely creeped out (and I mean that in the best possible way!) Umbridge is probably my LEAST favorite character in the series, including Voldemort, and I don't think she's very often written about. So the fact that you were able to write about her and keep her in-character enough that I think I dislike her even MORE after reading this, is AMAZING.

I've often wondered what happened that made Dolores so.. terrible, and here, you've gone back and shown things that show that's she's even WORSE than we'd imagined. I just LOVE how in-character you've kept her here!

I'm really curious as to WHY she and her father would just so suddenly turn against her mother and brother, though! Honestly, I'm kind of hoping for another piece related to this one.. *Crosses fingers* :P

Anyway, this was brilliantly written, and I thoroughly enjoyed being creeped out by this! You did a fantastic job of really making me FEEL the emotions here! Thank you SO much for submitting this to the Writer's Duel!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review. It's canon that her father worked for the ministry in maintenance, and that he was married to a Muggle and they got divorced around when Dolores was fifteen. I don't address the reasons here, but I have another story that I've been working on for a while that would show exactly why.

Thanks for being creeped out. That's how Dolores should make you feel. She's and unrelenting psychopath. Thanks also for saying that I kept her IC. That's super-important to me.

Thanks for the review. I appreciate this and all reviews.


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Review #3, by DragonPoxPixie Dolores: Age Fifteen

17th February 2016:
Hi there and Happy Birthday!

What a cleverly written one-shot, define tally gave me the creeps. I feel like you captured Dolores very well and took the evil part of her as suggested in the books to a whole new level. That careless manner in which she acts, nit an empathetic bone in her body. You showed it very well and your direct descriptive style of writing suits her story very well.

Awesome job! Have a wonderful day and keep up this good work :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the nice review. I really think she's a serial killer type, so I wanted to show it starting early.

Glad it gave you the creeps as that's kinda what I was going for. Evil, evil, evil, that's her, with no remorse.


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Review #4, by Veritaserum27 Dolores: Age Fifteen

16th February 2016:
Hi there!

I'm here from the Ravenclaw common room to leave a review for the BvB. I saw that you requested this story since it hasn't got any reviews yet.

Wow - I feel like there should be some sort of a warning on this - haha. Delores is undoubtedly pure evil. And I sorta like the fact that she is just plain terrible to the core. There's virtually no redeeming qualities in her at all. It really makes it easier for me to hate her. I also admire the fact that you completely do not give her any excuses, whatsoever. Many authors try to give the despicable characters some sort of horrible past that gives a tragic back story as to why they act the way they do, but I guess she just was a terrible person for no reason at all. She didn't even bat an eye at murdering three people. I feel like if she hadn't been imprisoned, she might've taken over for Voldemort after Harry killed him - haha.

And although this story was a little uncomfortable to read, I kind of think that's the point. (at least I hope I'm interpreting this correctly). We should feel creeped out at the depths to which Umbridge would go - and how little empathy she had at a very young age. Good job with that!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Well, it does have the Mature rating and strong violence warning, but I see what you mean about other warnings.

Yes, I wanted to show that she was always like this. I really picture her as a serial killer type and she has no remorse at all; I don't think she's capable of it, even at this age.

I'm glad I could make you uncomfortable with how she was, since, indeed, that was the point.

Thanks so much for the kind review. I'd been writing fluff so much lately and this was a welcome change.


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