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Reading Reviews for Retribution
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Cupid Capture

14th February 2016:
Hello, Kaitlin!
Back again with some more Valentine's love!

Oh, my! This was creepy! I mean, we all know Bella is creepy, but here you show it one hundred times stonger. The idea that she tortured her own sister, that she was ready to kill her own sister... That she was ready to kill at her, while still at Hogwarts, actually... So creepy (I already said it, I know. I can't think of another word to express the idea...)

I found particularly interesting how she referred to Ted as "it". She simply doesn't see him as a human being, which is completely in character and so clever of you to do, but it made me uneasy just as much as her cold and remorseless violence.

By the way...
“Dromeda couldn’t possibly bring anymore shame to your family, not after all of the awful things you’ve done”
That was an incredibly brave thing to say on Ted's part, according to me.

I feel like there are many more things I should say about this absolutely perfect one-shot but I need to go check some other stories now...

Brilliant work, as always!
Your Secret Cupid

Author's Response: Hello Secret Cupid!

Thank you for all of this wonderful Valentine's love!

Bellatrix is an awful person and I truly can't imagine her just waking up one night that way. I think she'd have a long history of horrific acts stemming all the way back to childhood.

She definitely does not view Ted as a human being or really any Muggleborns for that matter.

Ted has always struck me as a brave person. I mean he marries Andromeda who is from a wealthy Pureblood family when he knows that her sister is a complete Psychopath. That demonstrates his bravery right there.

Thank you for all of your love and support!


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Review #2, by krazyboutharryginny Capture

30th January 2016:
Kaitlin! It's been way too long since I stopped by your AP - I'm so behind! Anyway, right now I'm here for the red vs gold review battle, and I'm on TEAM GOLD!

So I was really curious to see where you'd take this challenge, seeing as (like you said) we all know that Bellatrix is evil. I was quite impressed with the direction you decided to take it in - showing how brutal and vicious Bellatrix was as a teenager at Hogwarts, even toward her own sister(s).

There were a lot of elements in this that really showed how twisted Bellatrix was. There was the viciousness towards her own sister of course, but I was almost more struck by her violence and hatred towards people who were practically strangers. It made sense for Bellatrix to hate Andromeda, even though it was misguided and over-the-top hatred. It even made sense for her to hate Ted, based on her bigoted ideology. Her hatred towards McGonagall -and how violent it was - was what really stuck out to me.

Your use of language was really good in this. It truly revealed the depth of Bellatrix's hatred and just how evil she was. The way she kept referring to Ted as "it" was an especially good touch.

Great work on this story and this challenge, Kaitlin! I think you handled your prompt in a really effective way!


Author's Response: Hey Kayla!

Yeah. When I got assigned Bellatrix I was sort of like "What do I even do with this?" How can I make Bellatrix even more callous and cruel?

I feel like Bellatrix is a pretty hateful person in general. I never got the impression that there were many people she liked at all. In fact, I always thought she only tolerated most of the Death Eaters.

I'm so glad that you noticed that particular choice of language. I thought it would be fitting for Bella to really dehumanize muggleborns.

Thanks so much for the lovely review!


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Review #3, by Slytherin Eagle Capture

26th January 2016:
Hey there, review 1/10 coming up!

Haha, as if we needed to be told Bellatrix had a dark side! But this was different in that you didn't write about an overdone moment such as Bellatrix torturing Hermione or something along those lines. I think you have done a good job at getting inside a teenage Bellatrix's head.

I only noticed one error, and that was waivers instead of wavers in reference to breathing.

I liked the insert of McGonagall at the end. While I'm fairly certain this is not in the correct time (assuming it is Minerva we speak of here), it was still a nice addition to an otherwise very plausibly canon story.

Well done and good luck on the challenge!

Lea xx

Author's Response: Hey Lea!

Thanks so much for dropping by!

I was actually a little stumped when I got handed Bellatrix just because she's so obviously dark. I knew immediately that I had to stay completely away from the usual cannon stuff and show a new level of darkness for her.

Thanks for catching that typo. I'll definitely fix it.

Yeah. I did play with the timeline a bit. I'm actually thinking about going back and editing it to make McGonagall a new professor.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #4, by mymischiefmanaged Capture

25th January 2016:
Hello! Here for part two of our swap :)

Your commitment to challenges will never cease to amaze me. You're fabulous. And it gave me so many wonderful-looking stories to choose from! I want to read them all. Definitely let me know if you ever want to swap again!

I think you've done a really good job of capturing Bella's voice. She's evil and a little bit mad and very very cruel, but she hasn't yet descended into the real insanity we see in her later in her life. She's forming very coherent thoughts, even though they're disturbing. You've given her room to grow up into the person we know she becomes.

Not sure if it was deliberate, but I thought your use of names was really effective here. Andromeda keeps calling her 'Bella' even while she knows she's being hurt, showing how human she is and how she can't quite let go of the fact they're sisters. The way Bellatrix addresses Andromeda is much more formal and distant. And then Ted comes in calling her 'Dromeda', which just kind of shows how he's her person now, and he's the one that knows her properly.

Your characterisation of Narcissa is perfect. She sort of knows what the right thing to do would be, but isn't willing to stand up to Bellatrix to make it happen. It's exactly the kind of thing we see from her in canon.

Andromeda and Ted are lovely. They're very intense for such a young relationship, but then they have to be because of the times they're living in.

The only thing I wasn't quite sure of here is McGonagall's presence. I like that it shows how awful everything is, and how even Hogwarts is dangerous, but I'm not sure I found the ending that convincing. Surely if the Head Girl had witnessed what Bellatrix was about to do she would have been expelled and lost her wand? I don't know. I wonder if it might be a stronger ending to have Bellatrix hear someone approach and leave of her own accord, or perhaps have some Slytherin minion come and get her for something important.

This is brilliantly written though, and I really enjoyed reading it. You've made Bellatrix possibly even more evil, which is hugely impressive.

Thanks for the swap! Emma xx

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Review #5, by ScorpiusRose17 Capture

24th January 2016:
My goodness... I must say that while I am not surprised by Bellatrix, I am revolted by it as well. You characterized her so well to the point that I was glowering at my computer screen as I read along.

I would definitely say you hit the nail on the head with evil here. I know she's nuts, but then again I could totally see her doing this just to prove a point too and that in itself is terrifying. Your last line of the story gave me chills!

I like how you also included some balance in here with the crazy. McGonagall as Head Girl was perfect. And that you had Narcissa begging her to stop so they wouldn't get caught was perfect too. You show their characters in such a short amount of time, but you always capture them perfectly.

I look forward to seeing where you place in the challenge! :)


Author's Response: Hey Jenn!

Bellatrix is my favorite evil villain to writ because her motives are so clear and simple. She's absolutely insane and she thrives on causing pain.

I'm glad that you think the characterization is on point.

I always try to make even my most minor characters seem relevant to the story.

Thanks for the lovely review and your support!


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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57 Capture

21st January 2016:
Hi Kaitlin! I'm glad to be swapping with you!

Wow, the Everybody's Got a Dark Side challenge is a very appropriate one for Bella Lestrange. Phew, I think I need a moment after reading that! I mean, you definitely had no trouble making her evil, but still, that takes a lot of gumption to write about in such a descriptive way, omg.

So...Tedromeda is one of my favorite not-often-written-about couples, and I almost love them so much that it's hard to separate myself from the "No don't hurt my precious babies!" feelings. But I'll try.

First of all, Bellatrix is absolutely consumed by this pureblood ideology. She lives it, breathes it, and practices it. Her wrath was visceral, like I could feel it as she was storming up to catch her sister in the act of betrayal.

Second of all, since Bellatrix is the protagonist of this story, there is direct access to her mind, which is as scary as it seems in canon. You've got her canon mindset so clear here that I am super glad that JKR didn't write any "Bella Lestrange POVs" in the series. Even at Hogwarts, even as a student, even as a sister, she is filled with this bigotry and obviously releases her pent up vengeance on the regular. Just not normally at her sister...

I wonder what their relationship was like before this scene? If they ever had anything in common, or if Andromeda was just wired differently from the rest of her family from the get-go? It's just so awful that Bella would use Unforgivables on her own family before they even got out of Hogwarts, just because of Ted. Arrggghhh, it makes sense but I just hate it!

Here lies the Black family, crazy and hateful. I do like that you really focused on this breaking point, the point of no return for them. I'm assuming that Narcissa heard rumors about Ted and Andromeda, and then told Bella, which obviously set things off. I like that you started after that part, jumping straight to the action and Bella's obvious rage.

Poor Narcissa, caught in the middle. That echoes her role in adulthood very nicely, and maybe she was thinking of her estranged (not Lestrange, haha) sister as well as her child when she lied about Harry's death.

Geez, I was expecting Bella to throw a curse at McGonagall for a minute! Thank Merlin she didn't! McGonagall could go forty rounds with her and not even bat an eyelash. :)

The only real CC I have is just to look back over your sentence structure a little bit. There are a few sentences that don't quite live up to the furious rage of the others because they're not phrased as tightly. But just a suggestion!

Really, I'm glad I started with this one on your AP! I hope that I can maybe find something sweeter to take away my Bellatrix Lestrange nightmares?


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Review #7, by fwoopersong8 Capture

20th January 2016:
Hey there! It's Songs with your reward reviews...finally.

I know, sorry.

Anyway, just...wow. Wow. I mean...wow. She is so evil! I like how she doesn't even regard Ted as human. I mean, I don't LIKE it, but as a literary device, I think it's...cool.

I'm still kind of lost for words about this thing.

She's just so evil! It's gotta be so hard to get inside Bellatrix's head to write like this. I mean, to the point that torturing her sister actually brings her joy? What the heck? Something is seriously wrong with her. (We knew this from the books, but you did an awesome job.)

I also like how Narcissa half-heartedly tries to stop her. Very telling of a future Malfoy.

Bellatrix is just crazy! I can't get over how well you've portrayed that. She's not totally insane yet, but she's getting there.

My only question is, how did she not get expelled? Minerva herself heard her about to use Avada Kedavra, and if they examine her wand at all, they'll find out what she's done. How is she still in school?

Bravo. Awesome job. Just brilliant.


Author's Response: Hey Songs!

Bellatrix is awful. I can definitely imagine her believing that muggleborns were subhuman.

I don't know. I find Bellatrix one of the easiest characters to write, mainly because her motivations are quite simple. She's insane and she gets off on causing pain.

Yep. Narcissa knows it wrong, but still does nothing.

I think she didn't get expelled because Minerva didn't actually see what spell she was about to perform.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #8, by Ignis the Imp Capture

19th January 2016:
Hello there!

I'm hopping around the archives looking for interesting stories and this one caught my eye. I don't like Bellatrix, no siree. She's awful! She doesn't like us imps any more than she likes humans, I can tell you. She used to curse us and walk right into us when we were playing in the Hogwarts corridors. Sometimes me and my friends would play tricks on her in revenge for that. It was always funny to see her mad and confused about what had happened, hehe!

I was a little bit confused here - is Bellatrix not in school anymore? Or is she already married?

I thought you wrote Bellatrix really well though! You captured her character and all of the hatred and prejudice that she's filled with and showed that on the page. She's so truly terrible, and even though we already know she has an evil side, it's horrible to think she might kill her own sister. In the books we see that she hates Andromeda and Tonks as well but she's a lot younger here and she's still so hateful.

The language she used was really strong too but I thought it was in character for her. She's so vicious and awful that it's easy to imagine her saying all those things and doing this.

I felt so sorry for Andromeda and Ted! They aren't doing anything wrong except not conforming to the pureblood mantra she's been brought up with. It was so sweet to see them trying to defend each other but I'm glad that McGonagall got there in time.

I liked the fact that you included Narcissa too. When I've seen her round Hogwarts she was never quite as mean as Bellatrix and you can see that here.

This was a great story!

Ignis the Imp

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