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Reading Reviews for Walking the Line
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Marshal two [come as you are]

29th April 2017:
This was an interesting chapter and I have to say that on some levels I can relate to Alex/Alexandra, I am not genderqueer - but more of a grey-asexual. Thus I totally get the not being interested in the whole conversation of the merits of the the opposite gender. I learned how to talk about it to seem normal because when I was school i didn't know anything about different gender preferences and orientations. Still I get it.

When I started this story I thought there was going to be a thing regarding the binary regarding head boy and head girl but maybe that is to come a bathroom is an interesting place to start though particularly seeing as there has been some polarized conversations about it in the present day I think the conversation has become less forefront topic as it was several months back but it is still interesting all the same to see where it goes in the real world as I am sure it will be interesting to see where it goes in your fic and where you will take things for Alex/Alexandra and how they work to identify and non-binary and make the world see that.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad you liked the chapter and it's wonderful to hear you can relate to Alex.

The binary about head boy and head girl is definitely somewhere this topic can lead as well. Honestly there's so much about Hogwarts (and, really, society) that's segregated by gender so there's lots of other places for this conversation to start too. But yes, that's such a good point.

Yes, I started writing this before it became a hot topic, and then was posting the story around the time it was a hot topic, but since I'm a slow writer the issue has faded into the background of the news and I'm still not done writing. :P That's okay though, because it's still an important topic even if the news is focusing on other things now.

Thanks so much for your review! I really appreciate it.


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Review #2, by adluvshp two [come as you are]

29th April 2017:
Ooh, this seems like a really interesting fic. I finished reading the first chapter (but had to jump to review this one) and it was very interesting - I loved how your writing style felt believable for an eleven year old's mindset. The simple ways they got sorted, made friends, and then discovered classes like Alex's talent for potions was nice. I also liked your inclusion of "rahul" because I love when indian characters pop up in stories xD

I liked how the previous chapter was first year and settling in and now we have moved to fourth year here when things actually started to change. The subtle things starting from Alex liking long hair - and being called a girl for that - was a great way to get things into motion. It was interesting how Alex felt disconnected when his dorm-mates talked about girls, again we as readers are making discoveries alongside the character so that is great. Then him wondering if he was gay since he liked Nigel was also written in a very simple and believable fashion. And then finally that bit about him wanting to change his name to Alexandra and asking Celeste and her wondering if he might be a girl.

The whole subject of gender binary is one that needs to be more talked about so am glad you tackled it in fan fiction! You have done it in a very sweet manner and one that makes sense, so it's great. I loved the relief Alex felt at finally being able to recognise himself as genderqueer and the deal with the toilets. Great work!

-CTF review by Angie

Author's Response: Hi Angie! Thank you so much, I'm glad this fic is interesting so far and that the writing style seems appropriate to the age of the characters. Aw, and I'm so glad you appreciated Rahul too! Even though I'm not Indian, I am tired of only white characters in stories/media so I make a conscious effort to not have that :P

Your second paragraph really nails exactly why this story begins in first year - so the reader can kind of understand Alex as they learn to understand themselves. There are so few genderqueer characters out there and so I really wanted Alex to be relatable on many levels, so I'm glad that the changes were believable and you could understand Alex.

Thank you so much. Honestly it's so wonderful to hear that you appreciate the topic of the story and that it's handled well. That is such wonderful feedback to hear. Thanks for your review!


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Review #3, by Marshal one [with a little help from my friends]

27th April 2017:
There was a lot of sweet innocents in this chapter. I honestly loves how you described the characters as little eleven year old kids. It massively amuses me how short and little you've made them all. It makes me kind of want to squish them.

How you did the sorting is so different from most other sortings that I've read. Then at the end the last paragraph. Oh my goodness! I didn't know that this story was going to be about a non-binary character. That was not something I picked up in the summary and I know that this will be something that will be interesting to see how you progress forward with the story. I can see sort of what traditions that Alex is trying to defy. It will be interesting to see how you will be addressing the whole tradition of a girl and boy prefect and head boy and head girl. Poor Alex they are in for an interesting time and I wish them the best of luck in what they will try to do.

You are very ambitious for tackling this type of concept and this story. I also love the comparison you make between the innocence of a 1st year and an older student trying to find for their non-binary gender to be recognized. It will be interesting to see more!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for stopping by! I'm so glad you enjoyed this first chapter with all the little first years and how short they were :P

Wow, thanks! I'm so glad you liked the sorting, and that you thought it was really different. And I'm so thrilled to hear that you're interested in reading more about Alex and that you liked the last paragraph that hints about the rest of the story. This is such a wonderful response to the story, I'm so happy that you like where it's headed!

Thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear that you like the story so far, and I really appreciate the review!


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Review #4, by Yoshi_Kitten one [with a little help from my friends]

27th April 2017:
Hello there!! RoxiMalfoy, here for CTF!! I must say; as a musician myself, I was most intrigued by the mentioning of the band Gryffindor Rules in the summary of this story – I'm sure they're not all that bad, lol!! And then I clicked on the story, and saw that each of your chapter titles are song names too. That is such a great idea!! It makes everything look so nice and organized. And while this first chapter may not be very long, you can certainly tell that a lot of time and thought has gone into this fic already. It's really well written, and the pacing was very good also.

I really love how you took some time before the story begins to go back and show these characters as first years, and give us a glimpse into how they all met here. You did a really nice job at capturing the wonder and excitement that he was feeling by being at Hogwarts, and then getting sorted into his house and seeing his common room for the very first time. It almost reminded me of reading The Sorcerer's Stone a bit, it was that good!! And I felt like you captured the innocence of the eleven-year-old children really beautifully in this introductory chapter.

I'm glad that they still have classes with Celeste, and can still see her even though she was sorted into a different house. And hooray for the house unity you are portraying there as well, haha!! My favorite part was when Alex was joking about his teacher calling him “Mr. Alderton,” and then Louis said: I'm Mr Weasley, which makes me really stand out from the loads of other Weasleys here." That part really made me laugh!! They were all three so sweet and innocent in the beginning; much like Harry, Ron and Hermione all were. It really makes you wonder what's going to happen to them as they grow up. Will they all stay together, or will something tear them apart? You've really done a great job of drawing me in and leaving me wanting to know more. Well done!! =)

~Deana

Author's Response: Hi Deana! Thanks for stopping by!

Awesome that you're a musician! You have much higher regard for this band than they really deserve, but they do try :P Thanks so much though, I'm glad you like the chapter titles. And it's so wonderful to hear that you think it's well paced and well written, too - thank you!!

The characters (especially Alex) change a lot over the years, and it was really important to me to make them just like any other eleven year old in the beginning and to get them to feel relatable. Ah, that's such a wonderful compliment that this has the magic of Sorcerer's Stone, thank you!

Hooray for house unity! You can't expect anything else from a Hufflepuff like myself :P I'm glad you liked that part with Louis, too. It must have been so confusing with so many young Weasleys there, haha!

Thanks so much for all your wonderful comments, I appreciate it so much!


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Review #5, by Felpata Lupin three [in limbo]

3rd January 2017:
Hi, love!
Here with a little review to thank you for your wonderful presents and to wish you happy holidays and a wonderful 2017! :D (Also, this is the only story of yours I'm not up to date yet and I need to fix it...)

Okay, so... I love the idea of the band. And what band, ahahah! I'm not sure I would go to their concert... :P

On the other hand, I'm happy that Alex has found their self-awareness (is it the right word? #EnglishProblems) even if not everyone can understand. It must be so hard to listen to people talking about you and expressing judgements constantly, but I suppose it is sort of inevitable, and I'm glad Alex is happy anyway and that they have friends who support them.

On a different note... ahahah! I so loved it when Harry Accio-ed Angela! And poor Louis taking the blame... yes, it's always the quiet ones. :P (By the way, I like Harry)

Okay, so this review is a bit quick and probably pointless, but I really enjoyed reading this chapter and I'll try to be back for the next one in not too long. :)

Hope everything's going great for you! Love you to bits, my beautiful Kristin!
Chiara

Author's Response: Chiara! Thanks for stopping by this story again! This review was such a wonderful surprise. And also reminded me that I haven't worked on this story in aaages :P

yes the band is so terrible but I love these precious dorks

It's definitely hard to hear stuff like that about you - I think everyone gets talked about at that age but for someone who stands out it would be so much harder. And eavesdropping is such a double edged sword - it's impossible to resist listening to something about you, but then afterwards you just wish you hadn't!

Harry is such a character, haha. I'm glad you like him :)

No review is a pointless review! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing ♥ You are wonderful!


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Review #6, by my_voice_rising one [with a little help from my friends]

12th July 2016:
Hello!

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here to review your story! Let's get started.

First of all, your summary is very intriguing. Gryffindor Rules sounds like the worst band ever but I feel like I already love them.

I think my favorite thing about this fic so far is how tiny they all are. AHHH! Like Celeste's chin barely reaching up to the Ravenclaw table and Louis's arm not being long enough for the mashed potatoes. Sorting ceremony scenes are so cute to read. It's like looking at baby pictures of the characters you'll be reading about. I like Alex's certainty that the three will remain Best Friends (and that it only took them the course of the train ride over to become such) even though they aren't all in the same house.

Alex kind of reminds me of Harry as a narrator. I like that he poked fun at Louis, saying that being recognized as a Weasley would go to his head, and his innocence like, "It was just a cleaning potion. Duh."

Also this line: but Alex was exhausted and stopped paying attention after he heard the word ‘rules’. Haha!

Um, is it just me or have you perfected the JKR Hogwarts-age-boy dialogue? "I'm Mr Weasley, which makes me really stand out from the loads of other Weasleys here." This sounds straight from the books; I can just hear Ron saying it in canon. In fact, the three of them (Alex, Louis and Celeste) are very reminiscent of the Golden Trio, and I think it's really working for your fic here!

Ohhh your ending is intriguing! I was curious to see where the challenge and the cause-and-effect changing of canon would come into play.

The only critique I can think of is that the first three paragraphs are very dense compared to the rest of the fic. My guess is that you were trying to condense the sorting ceremony to shorten the length of the chapter (and then again I could be totally wrong) but a bit of dialogue, or at least breaking up the paragraphs, would help here!

Also the last paragraph is a bit jarring with the sudden jump in time. Up until then, the story is presented in "real time," but suddenly Alex is looking back on a memory. Maybe if you started the fic with him reminiscing or something, or worked a little more smoothly into the transition of the final paragraph, it would help with the flow?

All in all this seems like a great start! Your humor is perfect and your characterization is very clear. We get a strong idea of what each of these students is like, without you explicitly saying "Louis was funny," for example.

Nicely done! ♥

Author's Response: Sarah! Hi! Aah, this was such a wonderful surprise!

Your assumptions about the band's talent based on their name are indeed well-founded. :P That comes in a bit later though. I'm glad you like the summary, thanks!

:D Ickle firsties :P Aw, I love what you said about sorting ceremonies being like baby pictures of the characters you'll read about - I'd never thought of it that way but it's so true! Aw. Harry was just lucky in that the Best Friends he met on the train happened to be sorted into the same house as he was, so I really wanted to explore what happens when that isn't the case.

Writing eleven year olds is really difficult because it's been many years since I was eleven, so I'm thrilled that it seemed perfect to you. And saying that it sounds straight out of the books - thank you, that's really great to hear. I think Louis is kind of similar to Ron in some ways.

Hm, as for cause-and-effect... eep, I'm sorry if I misled you, but the cause and effect is actually a different story, called Icarus. If I'd known you were interested I would have specified, but I didn't want to just talk about myself in your review! I'm so sorry :S

Yeah, those paragraphs are much denser than the rest. I think that's because the rest of the chapter is mostly dialogue, which naturally lends itself to shorter paragraphs, but maybe I'll go split up those first paragraphs a little just to make it look better. Thanks for pointing that out.

And the last paragraph has always felt a bit weird to me as well, as there's absolutely no transition, but the first three chapters take place in different years, so it felt weird to start at the end, go back, forward, and then back again... I still haven't entirely decided what to do with it. :P Thanks for your comment though, it is good to know that that paragraph reads awkwardly to other people as well as just to me, so I'll get to working on that.

Thanks so much, I'm glad you like this so far! This review was such a lovely thing to find today, I appreciate it! ♥


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Review #7, by Felpata Lupin two [come as you are]

5th April 2016:
Hello, my love!
I'm back here!

Poor Alex... I guess figuring out this sort of things is never easy... He's very lucky to have a friend like Celeste!

I really like Celeste, by the way! I love how direct and honest she is! She's not scared of being who she is and show it to the world. It requires a lot of strenght and courage!

I'm glad she convinced Alex to open up with his friends and to join the club, too. Opening up with people (especially people who share similar situations) is the best way to accept ourselves and be accepted by others, right? By the way, I'm glad the Gryffindor boys accepted that Alex was gay without much trouble. :)

Of course, being different is scary. Even more scary is not knowing who you are and where you belong. So I'm glad Alex managed to at least figure it out. But I guess that's only a first step...

Loved this so far! Expect another review from me soon! (Off to bed for now...)

Tons of love, my dear Kristin!
Chiara

Author's Response: Definitely not easy to figure out those sorts of things, searching for who you are. And it's certainly hardest at the age Alex is now in the story, when judgment from your peers is such a big deal. Yeah, Alex is super lucky to have a friend like Celeste.

So glad you like Celeste! She definitely knows who she is and isn't afraid to be it. I wish I'd had her confidence when I was that age :P

I really agree with what you said about opening up with people who are in similar situations. People who can understand what you're going through. And for someone who's really insecure, that can still be a daunting task, so going to a meeting of strangers and being open with people really took a lot of courage for Alex. But it's easier to open up in a safe space where you feel some sort of camaraderie with the other people.

Alex is starting to figure out who they are, but it's a process. I don't know if I even know who I am yet, really, and I'm a good deal older than the characters :P

Thanks so much for reading! I always love your reviews ♥


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Review #8, by Felpata Lupin one [with a little help from my friends]

2nd April 2016:
Hey, my lovely Kristin!
You've been spoiling me with all these awesome reviews today, and I just had to return the favour. So I'm here to attack your only story I haven't read yet...

Ok, so, I loved this first chapter (are you surprised? I'm not.) You asked me in my MTA why I loved writing children so much (wonder if I'll ever get a chance to answer there...) Well, I love their innocence and their semplicity and naivety. Exactly what you wrote so beautifully in the first part of the chapter.

Something I really loved (only a detail, in effect, but it made me smile) was your description of how the anonimous dormitory turned into home once they unpacked. You really wrote that bit so adorably!

I also really enjoyed to see Alex getting excited about becoming a Gryffindor, the disappointment when Celeste joined the Ravenclaws and the will to stay friends despite houses (which is a concept that I like a lot, as well). And all the little references to the Weasley family, which are always fun to hear!

But coming to the important stuff...
I loved the switch forward in time, and how you give us, even if it is just a paragraph, a clear picture of how things are not as easy and happy anymore. Alex has grown up, and he has realized that he's different. How scary must it be? I don't know much about genderqueer (let's say, nothing at all) and I'm not sure I can completely understand, but I surely do feel for him! And I'm really curious to read on now (but I'll probably head to bed, instead, because I'm starting to feel very tired...)

Last but not least, I love the Beatles! Great title choosing! ;)

Lots of love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Chiara! Wow, thank you for stopping by this story! This is definitely my most ambitious project and it's always so good to get feedback on it, so thank you! And I'm hoping to get back to reading The Lark and the Nightingale soon. Someday when I have internet for more than just a few minutes!

Thank you so much! It really means a lot to me that you thought I wrote the children well in this chapter, because I find it pretty difficult, tbh. And so a compliment like that coming from someone like you who is really good at writing kids, it means a lot! Thanks! :D

Haha, yeah, when you first move into a place it really doesn't feel like home yet until you've made it a comfortable amount of messy :P

I think the house system, while it does foster wonderful friendships within the houses, makes it more difficult (but certainly not impossible!) to maintain friendships with other houses, and so that particular friendship between Alex and Celeste was interesting to explore. She doesn't appear in the story quite as much as the others because of her house, but she's very important to Alex regardless.

Glad you like the references to the Weasleys, as well! Louis will end up being a pretty major character in this story.

Okay so yeah your last paragraph. Honestly, of course it's okay if you don't already know a lot about issues of gender identity. That's part of why I started writing this story, after I met a few friends who are genderqueer and realised what they go through just to be themselves. So in a way, this story is just about visibility for a group that's pretty invisible in society. I'm learning a lot while I write it, and even if you don't understand Alex now, I hope they become more understandable as you get more of a look into how they think.

Yay for the Beatles! Thank you :D

Once again thank you so much for reading!! ♥


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Review #9, by alicia and anne three [in limbo]

27th March 2016:
I love that they have a band! I can't wait to see just how awesome it is, which I bet it is so awesome!

Ahhh! A drummer joke! I love it! I love drummer jokes so much! :D I feel like I need one in my story haha, just push the angst out of the way.

Oh poor Alex, I feel so sorry for them having to hear those mean words. I want to hug them *hugs*

I love that the summoning charm worked :D Poor Angela haha

Oh my god! Louis' songs sound so hilarious! I love that he managed to get away with singing A Guide to Intermediate Transfiguration hahaha

PEOPLE THREW VEGETABLES?! NO! Who was it? I'm gonna fight them! I love that Louis got there first!

Yet another wonderful chapter, and I can't wait for you to update! I'm so glad I chose this story to read :D

Author's Response: Their band is... not awesome, but they'll get there! :P They need lessons in how to be an awesome rock band from Esme and the rest of the Screaming Banshees, obvi.

I'm glad you appreciated the drummer joke, haha! I think drummers may be the only group of musicians that has more jokes told about them than violas. :P A good angst clearer for sure!

Alex definitely has a problem with eavesdropping, but certainly no one wants to hear such mean words about themselves. Poor Alex :(

I feel like it'd only be too easy to have weird things like this happen all the time with magic. At least she didn't have to put in the effort to walk downstairs? :P

I've really enjoyed writing Louis in this, as I think he's a pretty conflicted and interesting character. But I love writing this side of him that's just a total clown :D Honestly there are a lot of songs out there that sound very different to the words actually being said - the Beatles song Maxwell's Silver Hammer being the first thing that comes to mind. It sounds so cheerful when you don't pay attention to the words, and it definitely took me a bit to realize it's about a serial killer :P

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER, THEY WASTED PERFECTLY GOOD VEGETABLES! (Also they were rude.)

When I have my computer again I will get right back to work on this story. Thanks again for reading and for leaving three reviews- you are the best! Your feedback made me so happy! *hugs* ♥


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Review #10, by alicia and anne two [come as you are]

27th March 2016:
Aww we're back for chapter two and they're older! :D And Alex has grown their hair out!

I am loving Alex and Celeste so much already! And Louis of course :D They're already so in depth already and I love getting to know more about them as the story progresses.

:O I hope we see more of this Nigel guy! :D Awww Alex loves his smile and I just ship them already!

I love how well Celeste knows Alex, and the things that she's picked up on. And just how proud she is to be out, I hope that gives Alex the bravery to come out one day.

Celeste is epically awesome! The best friend in the world and I'm so glad that Alex has her around. I love her so much!

AND THERE'S A MEETING! I LOVE THIS!!

I am in love with this story!

Author's Response: The first three chapters jump a bit in time, but after that the rest will all take place in their fifth year, if everything goes according to plan.

So glad you love the characters! It really means a lot to me that you thought they're well developed characters even at this point in the story, that's so wonderful to hear.

haha aww :D Ship away! *hands Tammi a bucket juuust in case the ship takes on water* :P

Celeste has been really fun to write, I wish I had a friend like her too! I'm glad you like their friendship and her character!

Yay for meetings! :P

Thank you for yet another awesome review!! ♥♥♥


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Review #11, by alicia and anne one [with a little help from my friends]

27th March 2016:
Hello!!

I saw the summary of this and I just knew that I needed to read and review it for our swap :D It called out to me!

Oh my god they sound so small and cute being sorted, especially because their heads are barely above the house tables! So adorable!

And look at Louis trying to one up Rahul because he has two sisters. :D

I love how you've introduced the characters, and Alex's reaction to being called Mr Alderton.

I think that you've done an amazing job at opening this story, and it's a brilliant opening chapter. I can't wait to read more and find out how Alex's quest goes.

Wonderful!

Author's Response: Tammi, thank you so much! It was such a treat that you read all three chapters of this, it was so lovely of you to do that! ♥

Haha aww, I'm glad you liked the description of the first years being sorted! :D

Louis' comment kind of seemed like the sort of thing an eleven year old would try to use as reasoning! haha Poor Rahul. :P

Thank you, I'm so glad you like the introduction of the characters, and the story in general. Thank you so much!! ♥ ♥


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Review #12, by Claire Evergreen three [in limbo]

21st February 2016:
Ok, so I know that we were only doing a one chapter swap, but this story was so good I just had to keep reading and there were no reviews on this chapter yet so...here I am :)

I absolutely love this. You've done an amazing job of writing Alex and really making them come to life. Their are such a real character and not just because they aren't cis. There's so much more to them than that and I know that sounds really cliche, but I mean it. I absolutely love them as a character and they're a fantastic MC!

I completely understand the entire process of questioning everything that you thought you knew about yourself. You really nailed that aspect of trying to find your identity and it never really goes away.

All of the side characters are really great. Celeste is a gem, I'm so glad that Alex has a friend like her. And everyone in their band sounds amazing. I definitely want to be friends with all of them. Especially Celeste.

Also that band name. As a loyal Ravenclaw, I'm going to have to disagree with it, but it is totally something a group of sixth year Gryffindors would come up with.

Could a school with over a thousand years of tradition change to make its marginalised students feel welcome? HECK YEAH IT CAN YOU GET EM ALEX!!! I am so pumped for the rest of this story, you've got me hooked.

Thanks again for doing the swap with me, I really enjoyed reading this!

Claire

Author's Response: Claire you are so wonderful, I can't even say how much it means to me that you read not one, not two, but all three currently posted chapters of this - gah. I'm so glad to hear it was that interesting!

ah, thank you so much, I'm so glad you like Alex as a character! It is seriously the best thing ever to hear that one of my characters seems real and multi dimensional - for me, writing is all about the characters so this is a wonderful compliment ♥.

I think questioning things about yourself and your identity is something that most people do - in Alex's case it was their gender, but growing up is full of questions like that and I am so, so glad to hear that Alex's questioning was relatable - thank you!

So glad you like the side characters as well! I have so much fun writing the band :P and I love that you want to be friends with all of them, haha. I want to be friends with Celeste too :D

XD Yeah, I'm a Hufflepuff myself and part of me was shaking my head at myself as I wrote that band name. :P But yeah, I thought it was fitting for the group haha - glad you appreciated it too even if you didn't appreciate their obvious house favoritism :P

aah! thank you so much! I am really beyond thrilled that you're so into this story so far. now I feel extra motivated to get that next chapter written.

Thanks so much for the swap!! ♥


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Review #13, by Secret Cupid one [with a little help from my friends]

15th February 2016:
Hello again, Kristin! Back for more!

Wow. I am already loving this. What's so incredible about this story is - like you mention in your Author's Note - the way everything in society is sincerely gendered in a way I hadn't really picked up on before. The moment when Alex gets called Mr. Alderton and it just sort of strikes them wrong? So perfect. Such a simple, every day sort of thing you hear in schools, and it's so easy to see how anyone who doesn't quite fit into those assumed titles could feel suddenly like an outsider. I love that at such a young age, too, Alex already feels that sense of this-isn't-who-I-am inside them. They've chosen to go by the gender-neutral nickname instead of the male Alexander, and even though they assumed the 'Mr.' feeling wrong was due to age rather than gender identity, both made for really great moments. They were understated, not dramatic or drawn out or overemphasized, but they still hit hard through their simplicity.

As far as everything else goes, your writing is lovely as ever. I love each character we've been introduced to so far and cannot wait to see where this story goes from here!

Beautiful beginning, Kristin. You tackle a very real, deep issue with grace and honesty. Kudos.

Love from,
Your Secret Cupid

Author's Response: TANYA. You were the best Secret Cupid ever! ♥

Okay, so, this review was amazing. Responses like this are EXACTLY the reason I am writing this story, and just... honestly this is one of the best reviews I've ever received because it means I'm succeeding at what I set out to do with this story, and that means so much to me. So, really, thank you so much for reminding me why I'm writing this. Your review absolutely made my day.



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Review #14, by NPE one [with a little help from my friends]

22nd January 2016:
Hi there, NPE here.

I think it is really cool you did this story.

I also realised, shockingly, that I owe you a review from a swap about.two months ago.

So I am here now.

Your play with words is very confident, I love how you have structured this chapter. I really think your characters felt authentic to the reader, and the story was really interesting, considering I clicked on it cold.

All I would give as CC is some of your dialogue is too directional .Sometimes it feels like the characters are addressing the reader (and not in that 4th wall way.) I think sometimes it could have been as natural in its wording as the rest of the interplay between them was.

Otherwise- terrific :)

Best,

Nick

Author's Response: Hello Nick! Haha, I totally don't remember you owing me anything, so this is like a Christmas present come early :P

Anyway, thank you! I'm really glad you like the idea of the story and the structure, and especially that the characters feel authentic. That is so wonderful to hear. It especially makes me happy that you were interested in the story despite just randomly clicking on it! :D

I'm not quite sure what you mean about the characters addressing the reader, and I'd love an example of that so I can fix it. If you mean the short sentences and bluntness of the dialogue, that was intentional as the speakers are all eleven-year-olds and it seemed like age appropriate dialogue. If that's not what you were referring to I'd love to know what you mean though!

Thanks so much for stopping by and giving this a read, I appreciate it! Thanks for your review :)


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Review #15, by Unicorn_Charm two [come as you are]

17th January 2016:
Hey, love!! Here for our swap!!

Oh my goodness, Kristin. I love it, absolutely love it! I just want to squeeze Alex and never let go. Alex is so sweet and I just feel horrible that they're feeling so lost and confused. But Celeste is a great friend a wonderful source of comfort and strength for Alex. I'm glad they have her.

I was so nervous that Louis was going to abandon Alex after they admitted about being gay. I so hoped he didn't and was glad that eventually things went back to normal between the two of them. I can't really get too mad at Louis for acting weird about it at first, because he is only, what, 14? It's probably pretty realistic to how a 14 year old boy would react. But in the end, he's still Alex's best friend.

I feel like Celeste is going to be my favorite character. She's strong, confident, empathetic and very comfortable with who she is. She's definitely someone to admire. I like her a lot. :)

Kristin I adore this story so far. Your writing is always such a pleasure to read. Your characters are always so fleshed out and real. It makes it so easy to become interested in everything that you write. And this story is no exception. I can't wait to read on and see how Alex grows and learns more about who they are. I hope Alex can eventually become as confident and comfortable in their own skin as Celeste is.

Great, great work, as always! Thanks for the swap, my dear!! ♥

Tons and tons of love,
Meg

Author's Response: Hi! Eee, thank you! Reading your review after being gone for a month has definitely reignited my excitement for this story and I'm so ready to get back into writing it. I'm so glad you like the characters!

Louis. Yeah, I have really enjoyed writing him, because I think he represents the ignorance of a lot of people in society. He's well intentioned, and caring, but sometimes tactless because he doesn't get it due to how mainstream society has molded him, and I think a lot of people can be the Louis in a situation. So yeah, he's a 14 year old boy at this point and at the age where appearance is so important and weirdness really frowned on, and he's trying to reconcile the two opposites of having an abnormal friend and also trying to appear really cool and popular. Anyway, long tangent, but he's definitely been the most interesting one to write so far. I'm glad you found him realistic - this is so great to hear.

Celeste is a force of nature. I'm really glad you like her - I think she'd be an awesome friend to have :D Celeste (and Alex, actually) was originally a character intended for another story, and WTL was kind of a spinoff, but I ended up writing it before the point when they appear in the other story because of challenge deadlines XD So, you'll be seeing more of her ;)

Ahh! Thank you! It is really SO good to hear that the characters are real and three-dimensional, especially with this story as it's ALL about the characters with this one. Your feedback means so much to me, and gah I'm just flailing around at your kind words about my writing. Thank you so much for the swap!

♥♥♥♥


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Review #16, by Unicorn_Charm one [with a little help from my friends]

11th January 2016:
Kristin!!

I wanted to stop by and leave you a review, since you've been so kind and have left so many lovely reviews for me lately. :)

Oh I really love this so far! I think Alex sounds so sweet and cute and just an all around nice person. His friendship with Louis is adorable and they both seemed so 11 years old. You did a great job capturing the voice of children here. It was really just such a cute little read.

I really loved that whole scene during The Feast when they kids were kind of bragging about what kind of magic they could do. I cracked up when Louis made that remake about having two sisters, so he knew twice as much magic. XD And Professor Sprout is the headmistress!! I love it! I've seen McGonagall and Flitwick, but never Sprout, so that was totally unique.

I felt bad at the Mr. Alderton part. You could feel how uncomfortable Alex was with that, but still tried to joke around about it with Louis.

I've never read a story with a MC who didn't identify with either gender, and I'm really excited to see how the character develops. I think it's amazing that you're writing this and think you'll do an incredible job, as you always do!

I can't wait to read the following chapters. This is already such a great story!! ♥

Love and hugs,
Meg

Author's Response: Hi Meg! This review was so kind and such a wonderful surprise and thank you so much ♥ It was so great to see a review on this story because this is definitely my most ambitious story, and a step out of my comfort zone. While this is inspired by a few friends of mine, it's not an experience I've gone through myself or seen represented much, so there's been a lot of thought going into this, and just, thank you, it's really wonderful to have some feedback on it (and of course, feedback from you is the best thing, because you're such an incredible reviewer! *squishes* )

I'm so glad you like the story so far! And it's great to hear that I was able to capture the voice of 11-year-olds here because that's something I really wondered when writing it.

Haha, it was fun writing the feast. Harry's perspective in the books is fun as he's just learning about the wizarding world, but these are mostly all kids who know a thing or two about the world already, so it's more of a competition. I have never been an 11-year-old boy, but this seemed like a conversation they might have :P

Alex is at a kind of weird stage here - at eleven, you haven't really reached the introspective point of self-awareness, so Alex feels a bit weird but couldn't explain why or really analyse it that much or see it yet as being 'different'.

I've only seen very few other stories with agender MC's - but I have seen them, which is great. (Sidenote, I'm going to take this opportunity to recommend The Enchanted Ground by Lululuna, as well as Haversham Westley's School for Boys by ad astra) Wah thank you though, I so appreciate your high esteem of my writing *melts* This was such a wonderful review, thank you SO MUCH!! ♥


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