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Reading Reviews for The Taken
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dirigible_Plums Shades of Darkness

16th February 2016:
Hey,

It's Plums here with your requested review. I swear to God that I sat down multiple times to write this, but my mind was completely blank. Today, however, I am determined to do this!

So I really liked the character of Effie Pottinger. She's not your typical nice girl which, when coupled with the fact that she wants to redeem the family reputation, makes for an interesting character. I particularly liked how she tried to stay cool all the time, even when she was mentally freaking out. The way you wrote that made me feel like it was almost drilled into her - I mean, she referred to what Pottingers did and didn't multiple times throughout the chapter which gave me the impression that this was just another things that Pottingers did: they didn't show their weakness. I like it.

I absolutely adored the section with the dodgy blokes. I know that they weren't good, but their idiocy made me laugh, just the little comments here and there.

I know that not much has been revealed about the plot yet, but I think this is a good start to it. There's the sense that something strange is going on (via the dopey 'bad guys' for lack of a better term), but also a sense of normality. The conflict is being introduced nicely.

I do have some concrit in mind. Some of it is about the actual chapter, others just points to consider. For example, one thing that I was aware of as I was reading is that Effie seems to conveniently have a lot of things e.g. an invisibility cloak, the ability to apparate and she's Animagus. I feel like the first one could be valid although it can't be a true invisibility cloak (only the Potters have that) and that the second one is valid. The third seems more unrealistic, though not completely unbelievable. I just think that giving her so much talent could make her slip into the dangers of being a Mary Sue. And besides not being an Animagus makes things harder for her. Which makes things more interesting ;)

Moving on, I noticed a couple of mistakes that might interest you :)

- Thats title belong to me.' should be 'That title belongs to me.'

- 'Id already got an idea' to 'I already had an idea'

- 'And they all vanished with loud unsynchronized cracks [...] I say in my head. Ive no choice but to head back, grab Leo and make it to school before the sorting begins. I stay in wolf form as I sprint back to Leo but my legs were in agony so it was more a jog.' You accidentally switch to present tense here.

- 'What happened to you forehead? in which you accidentally missed out an r.

Hope this helps! :)

Plums xo

Author's Response: Thank you for the thoughtful and useful review you left me. I'm glad you like the character of Effie, and also the dodgy guys.

I'm really glad you pointed out how she can do 'everything' and how she could become a Mary Sue. I wondered the same, so I'm grateful you mentioned it. I'm not sure how I can change it though, because being an animagus is important to the plot. So I'll have think hard about what to do. Maybe she'll have to learn through the year or something like that.

Thanks again,
bigpotterfan



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Review #2, by Gi9 Shades of Darkness

1st February 2016:
Great first chapter, very intriguing! I already like Effie and Leo is adorable! I'm curious to meet Lucy XD I will definitely keep reading ;)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it.

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