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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by May Cell Phones

2nd April 2016:
Can just imagine James and other magic born teenagers finding mobiles magical

Author's Response: Yeah. I think that they probably would wonder what spells were used.
Thanks for reading,
SilverDoeISKM


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Review #2, by DragonPoxPixie Prologue: The Feast

1st March 2016:
Hi there! How brave to have your first story be a next-gen one! All those Weasley's and Potters together are a lot to handle!
I really like the idea of a whole series of James throughout his years at Hogwarts, I love long fics/series and really hope you will continue to write it!
That said, I do have some critique, please don't take it the wrong way! It shows that this is one of your first attempts at writing a story (and that's totally okay! We've all been there!). There's nothing wrong with the content of the story you're telling us here and I liked how you introduced an original character by having him walking into a compartment full with Weasley/Potters and the way you showed he is a muggle born but it is written rather rushed.
The chapter/story would be easier on the eyes if you tried to "show" more instead of "telling" it and would benefit from more description opposed to consisting mainly of dialogue.
For example you could describe the way the Luke looked, how he acted. Was he shy? Was he tall for his age as James wondered what year he would be in? Did he sound eager when he asked about the Houses and sorting? Or a bit scared?
Again, please don't take all of this the wrong way! If you would like someone to help you out with writing or give you some tips&tricks, we have the most wonderful resources and beta's on the forums! And everyone is super-kind so don't be afraid to join (and if you do, join our Slytherin House!), my inbox is always open.

- "the end is only the beginning" Team Ouroboros; Operation Green with Envy (a forum reviewing event brought to you by the awesome House of Slytherin!)

Author's Response: Thanks for your advice! I will make the updates as soon as possible. I hope you continue to read the story.
Thanks,
SilverDoeISKM


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Review #3, by Marshal Prologue: The Feast

1st March 2016:
Hi,

Welcome to HPFF! I noticed that this was your first story on the archives! I see you have posted a fair bit since you joined the archives. Your story has a decent start, and not bad for your first foray here. I am curious if Luke will come into play more in later chapters. Do you have a whole big adventure planned for James or will this be a slice of life story? Both types are great in my opinion. Keep up the good work and best of luck with your writing!

Also if you want to connect with other people who enjoy writing for the archives you are more than welcome to join over there. I have the same name there as here and am part of the Slytherin house where we are currently doing a reviewing competition known as Operation Green with Envy. I hope you consider joining the forums, I'm sure you'll have a great time there. Hopefully I'll see you around!

- Marshal
Operation Green with Envy
"Then end is only the beginning"

Author's Response: Thanks! I am not quite sure about how the story will progress. I also don't really know much about the forums.
Best wishes,
SilverDoeISKM


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Review #4, by Rachel Prologue: The Feast

3rd January 2016:
Can't wait to read more about all these great characters.

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it.
X
SilverDoeISKM


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