Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.

Reading Reviews for FaÁade
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp For You (Intro)

17th May 2016:
Hey there! Here for the Slytherin Hot Seat from the forums!

So, this was really very well-written. It's a great way to kick off a story. I haven't read the prequel but your summary made sense so I went from there. Rosalind is a very interesting and grey character. She treads on the thin line between morality and immorality, and I really love that. She's real, she has flaws, she sees herself as a 'good' person yet she accepts the wrongs she's done, and she isn't ashamed. While I don't necessarily agree with her on eliminating evil (because I don't believe in taking the law in your own hands i.e. killing someone because they're evil), I do see her point of view, and am able to relate, which is a great thing. Your descriptions are really well done to get that across. The details of the Azkaban, the guard, and the will are nicely done as well. I like the glimpse of her relationship with her sister, as well as her past relationship with George. It's nice that she has one true friend in Draco at least.

This is certainly a strong start to your story. The chapter pulled me right in. I really liked reading it and I hope to come back for more.

(Lost Muse)

Author's Response: Hello there!

Yes yes yes - Rosalind is very grey. I want her to be polarizing because the more you learn about her the more you understand the way she is and realize that she might be a bit off her rocker...or she might be right.

I'm so glad you liked it! She does have a few sides to her that are seen later on but for the most part she is pretty angry. I hope you come back as well, and thank you so much for the lovely review! :)

 Report Review

Review #2, by princesslily_36 The Trial

30th April 2016:
Hello, I'm here for our swap, and so sorry for the delay.

I remember the last chapter ended in a cliffhanger, so I'm eager to read what's going to happen *rubs hands in anticipation* Pus you said you're going to tie up all the loose ends!

I really liked how we see Rosalind through her own eyes, it gives a better grasp of who she is, and allows us to get in her mind easier. That's a challenge while writing first person, and I think you've accomplished that excellently.

The imagery you have been creating with the descriptions are amazing, and I can tell your writing is improving with each chapter.

Ahh, we get to hear more of the background story and what exactly was the whole issue. And you've written the courtroom scene so well!!! How the lawyers tend to show the facts that only point to their perspective and use the truth in such a manner as to mislead the audience... lovely! So well done!

Once the court scene started, I got so engrossed in the dialogue I didn't remember to stop and note down what I liked and didn't. It's so captivating, the way you've written the scene, the dialogues flow so well, and the has the trial feel to it, the sentence structure and words used. I loved every bit of it.

My word that was intense, and gripping. Darn! I can't wait to see what's going to happen next, and I'm definitely not going to be this late to read it!


Author's Response: Oh no problem! I understand how life is sometimes :)

Thank you so much! I've tried a lot harder with descriptions and branching out from merely describing things physically. And I'm glad that it's easier to see inside Rosalind's head--she's not exactly a happy camper.

I hope you come back for the next chapter! Thank you so much for the review :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by anmo96 The Trial

27th April 2016:
Ah omg I'm so scared for Rose! She doesn't deserve this at all, they got draco off do easy and he was a "known" deatheater! I can't wait to read more! Please write son

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Part of the reason that Rosalind didn't get off so easily is because there was so much against her, and Draco was also underage at the time of his crimes. The next chapter is in the queue! Thank you for the review :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by Lyssa The Trial

27th April 2016:
Omfg amazing!!! I'm addicted to this story. There was so much drama! How could anyone defend a man like Sal? If I could've, I would've killed him too. And why the Hell did Angelina mention the curse? Poor Rose, I can't wait to read your next chapter

Author's Response: Thank you so so much!! This made my day :)
Well Angelina and Rosalind aren't exactly friends, not enemies but I think she just didn't want to lie. Don't worry--the next chapter is in the queue! :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by blackzero The Trial

21st March 2016:
This is simple.I don't want her to rot in jail..Superb chapter. And I hate Fawley

Author's Response: I don't want her to rot in jail either! Yes Fawley is a jerk, and hopefully he won't show up again, at least any time soon. Thank you so so much for the review!! That made my week :) I'm about halfway through the next chapter - it'll be up soon!

 Report Review

Review #6, by princesslily_36 The Interview

6th March 2016:

I'm combing our multi-chapter review swap with the review-a-thon, because good cause and all :D

FINALLY GEORGE WEASLEY SHOWS UP! So this is a whole new dimention we see to Rosalind here again - of the nervous romantic and pining kind. I can see that your writing has come a long way. I remember suggesting to you to use other senses to describe the scene in the first chapter, and I absolutely LOVE the way you described George Weasley by his cookies and bakery scent! Also, I enjoyed how she was perceptive. She could have used George's stalling as an excuse to prolong conversation with him, but she didn't.

I also really liked the flow of conversation between the two of them - the right amount of description and dialogue sets the scene perfectly. You can tell Rosalind's and George's emotions through it all. The way George spoke, it didn't seem like he wanted to marry Angelina. That's so sad, I started to ship Georgelina after reading Gabriella Hunter's tales (you should too if you have the time :) The way they ended the conversation was just so sad... I mean, they clearly weren't right for each other, and I can see how George, growing up the way he did, wouldn't be comfortable with her past... but it was still so sad because we could see how truly they cared about each other.

So we finally see it wasn't Angelina who ratted her out. That was a relief. I didn't think she would have, but even so, Rosalind was almost convicned it was her, so that had me thinking along those lines too. You did a very good job building up the suspense there.

Ahh... enter the Skeeter Woman. Might I say you have described her to perfection, and included Bozo the photographer as well. I love the amount of effort you put into these little details. Rosalind took on Skeeter quite well I must say, with the head of a Ravenclaw and composure of a Slytherin. I quite admired here out there. The interview exchange was very well written and I really enjoyed reading it.

OH NO! Emma, speaking AGAINST Rosalind?? Wait, WHY? Loving the cliffhanger! Over to the next one!


Author's Response: Yes George finally showed up!! I love writing George because he's so sweet and happy while Rosalind is rather dark and angry. This is a different side to her that she's completely uncomfortable with because she's not used to it. She hates feeling vulnerable. And it took her much too long to realize that George isn't the only person who will treat her well, there will be other people. Also I will check out the story when I can! :)

Writing the second half with Rita Skeeter was a bit challenging, but I'm rather happy with how it turned out. She's a snake herself and it was fun having her go up against Rosalind.

Yes I know such a cliffhanger D: next chapter is long and dramatic I promise!

 Report Review

Review #7, by princesslily_36 The Hospital

26th February 2016:
Back again to squeeze in a review before lunch! My preceptor was looking suspiciously at me and I ah to pretend to do some actual work for awhile, haha!

I really enjoyed Your descriptions in this chapter. Especially as I work at a hospital I loved the ones of the wounds and the pain that she felt later - it was all so realistic and intertwined with Rosalinda perception made for an interesting read.

Ohh the concept that Muggles could produce magic on some level is quite interesting. I wonder how that's possible? Did Sal intend to create an army of muggles for himself?

Oh my! Emmy released to werewolves! In glad she escaped. I hope she and Rosalind make up soon. I mean she's the only thing Rosalind cares about more than anyone!

The way you described the state of the werewolves - how they were kept and used and deprived of their rights - kind of reminded me of slavery. Really horrible :(

Did I detect a hint of jealousy when Draco mentioned Astoria? Again she lowers her guard with Draco - I love to see that! Your Draco is also quite good. He's not the evil bully we see in the books and neither is he such a reformed golden boy people portray him to Be after the war. He's quite grey - retaining his personality but also having changed quite a bit. I don't like reading Draco because none seem satisfactory but yours is wonderful!

The part here where she sympathizes with Luxy considering to take the gang members offer kind of blew me away. It not only showed how capable she was of being detached from the situation but also her ability to understand and empathize with someone because she would have done the same too if it had been Emma they were offering to protect. Your character insight is brilliant!!! Just brilliant!!

I love the little details - like Marietta's scars, reference to Pansy and the sacred twenty eight, the pestering journalists (why do they do that?).

George Weasley! Omg now I HAVE to read what happens next!!!


Author's Response: Oh thank you! I've only been to a hospital a handful of times in my life so I'm really glad it seemed realistic!

Sal was very manipulative. He convinced Muggles that they could become wizards if they worked hard enough. And yes the way he treated the werewolves was terrible. He saw them as less than human and only kept them around for their wands.

Haha Rosalind might have been a tad jealous especially because she knows she can't say anything. I have the same problem reading many Dracos for the same reason, he's either the male Mary Sue or completely different than he was in canon. So I'm very happy you enjoyed reading him!

Thank you thank you for the lovely review!! :)

 Report Review

Review #8, by princesslily_36 The Altercation

25th February 2016:
Eight weeks before the trial - so we are moving closer..

Ooh I love the way you wove in the physical description! Very unique and wonderfully done :D

I love the parallels you drew between high school and this - how ppl tend to flick towards their own kind - it's human tendency is it not? The whole prison life description - cafeteria scene - almost chilling when that guy mimed slashing the throat! Love how authentic it all seems! And the confrontation later.. Brrr! I'm actually a little disgusted - I mean men hitting a woman around like that? I'm a feminist, don't get me wrong, but even then there needs to be a line you know.

I liked the Luxy Rosalind interaction. I remember liking it in the former chapters as well. In contrast to all the emotion in the last chapter I see us back to her reflecting on her inner killing instincts. Though you have alternated the soft and hard sides to her, her character only seems more well developed... its a tough ting to do but you have pulled it off so well!

I also like that we see more of Luxy here - seeing Rosalind through the eyes of someone else, almost feels like Luxy is right - Rosalind needn't have ended up there. Why was she skeptic about Luxy's outburst? Is there something there?

Will get to the next chapter by lunch!


Author's Response: Hi there! So sorry this took me ages to respond to :(

Haha thank you! I do feel that prison could be like high school because of the way people segregate themselves and wanted to portray that. And yes Luxy is absolutely right, Rosalind is not the type of person who should have ended up in prison. She's a product of her actions and not her upbringing.

The scene at the end was the hardest to write. I didn't want to make it too violent because I am a feminist as well. But I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for the review!!

 Report Review

Review #9, by princesslily_36 The Second Visitor

25th February 2016:
Hello Mel, so sorry for the ridiculously long wait! I hadn't forgotten about our multi chapter swap.. Looks like I have quite a but to get through *rubs hands together in excitement*

This chapter is my favorite so far because there was just so much emotion in it, you know. Right from the beginning till the end.

It was a nice change to see her lose her cool in this one. It's been a while since I've read this story, but if I remember right she's always been so guarded about everything - putting up a tough exterior. But with Draco she lost her cool, and broke down, not to mention he made her introspect her feelings for George - adding another wonderful dimension to this incredibly complex character u have chosen to portray.

Ooh we see Draco! I remember wondering so much about the nature of his relationship with Rosalind. I usually don't like Draco, but I love the way you described him - especially his entry when he hugged her. I liked their banter as well - you could clearly see the remnants of some -ahem- tension there, a hint of flirting and a level of comfort that exists between good friends. I really liked that he brought her in touch with her emotions - and only he could do that on account of knowing her so well.

Another brilliant chapter, can't wait to read the rest!


Author's Response: Hello there! Don't worry I know I've been slow on my end with reviews as well so it's okay

Yesss here we see another side of Rosalind's emotions. Turns out she's not crazy as it seems she is in the opening chapter, but she's actually very normal albeit hurt.

I love writing Draco and Rosalind. They are so push/pull and fun together, even though they can get on each other's nerves and have too much pride to apologize. They are similar which is why they understand each other but at the same time don't know how to talk to one another sometimes.

Thank you so much!! I'm so glad you liked it :)

 Report Review

Review #10, by Mr Penn For You (Intro)

20th February 2016:
Hello Meleessuhh, its Penn here with your promised review. Before anything, what's the deal with your pen name? Just curious as to what it means.

Coming onto your story now, I really enjoyed the first chapter. I have not read 'Something to Live For' but I guess it is surely one story I should give a read to.

The character of Rosalind Sanchez does prove to be intriguing. On one hand she has seen a lot in life but she also seems to be painting life in the dual colours of only black or white without leaving scope for some bits of grey thrown in. I might be wrong here but any character of this kind is always a great read.

You have told us just enough about her character that we feel for her but have also withheld just enough information to thoroughly intrigue us about the future. Voila.

All in all, a brilliantly written introduction to what promises to be a great story. Would surely love to give it a further read.


Author's Response: Hello, Penn! Don't worry, I've been a slacker with reviews lately too. Haha my pen name is a bit of an inside joke, my family had a hard time pronouncing my name in English growing up and that's an exaggerated spelling of it (my name is Melissa).

Even though this is a sequel, I didn't want it to feel like one. I don't want it to be a requirement for readers to read the first story because it does have a much different tone. I'm glad you liked it though! She's what I call a very gray character - she comes off as extreme and callous, but she has many shades to her personality and given the situation, she's using her darker shades.

I'll make sure to read the next chapter of your story as well :)

 Report Review

Review #11, by ABlack The Altercation

22nd January 2016:
Curly dark uncontrollable hair? Check. People not knowing her race? Check. Boy can I relate to that! Iím beginning to wonder if youíve been peeking into my memories O.O

And the presence of Salvadorian gang members. Oh, this is a nice twist, ratcheting up the tension. I sense something will be coming down the line soon.

So we finally hear from Harry Potter, or at least see him quoted in the paper. Iím curious how you handled him in the previous story. Youíve skillfully managed Draco and Hermione. Perhaps weíll see more of Potter as the tale moves towards the hearing.

Ok, now Iím intrigued. What Luxy says about purebloods able to reproduce more wizards suggests the thought that halfbloods may not? Regardless, the misunderstanding and argument that goes down makes me feel for Rosalind, trying to sort out what to say or how to act. Something is definitely about to go down Ö

And here it goes. This feels like Iím watching Son of Wizarding Anarchy, only they didnít have co-ed prisons (thankfully). You donít pull your punches, which makes all the more gritty and painful. Great job balancing the violence and the ToS here. That takes a deft touch, showing just enough to make the reader flinch yet not going all out and crossing the thin line.

All in all, what a great chapter. Then you leave us hanging! Please tell me that the next chapter is in the queue!


Author's Response: Haha perhaps I have been! That's how I feel about your Alexis Black character :)

Yesss, the gang members are a big part of the last part of the previous story and for the majority of this one as well. They don't mess around--they're completely ruthless.

Harry is coming up soon! And so are a couple of other characters...but I can't spoil anything yet haha.

Luxy comes from a sad background. She's hopeless because she's never caught a break in life. Her Muggle side of the family is into drugs, her Wizard side of the family doesn't talk to hers because she's half Muggle, and she never finished school. She sees Rosalind as a person who should've never gotten herself in Azkaban because her background is the exact opposite: someone from a loving family, a good girl who had a great life and big dreams. She thinks she wasted her life.

Those last scenes were intense! Rosalind is smart but she doesn't really know how to talk her way out of things, although I don't think many people could've gotten out of that situation. Gang violence in prisons happen often and unfortunately she had no way to defend herself.

Ahh I'm so glad you liked it! Yes I just put it in the queue, and I'm working on the chapter after that. We're getting close to the hearing!

Thank you again for your wonderful reviews! Best review swap ever :)

 Report Review

Review #12, by ABlack The Second Visitor

21st January 2016:
Enter Draco. Iíve been waiting to see how this plays out since I havenít yet read the previous story. That embrace is to die for, with her fitting perfectly. Guess there arenít any conjugal visits? Darn guards!

The bantering between them feels natural, making this a pleasure to read, particularly the Latina sass. Draco referring to George as Weaslebee is spot-on and just goes to show how firm of a grasp you have on him as a character. Itís painfully obvious that Rosalind and Draco are meant to be together. Now I want to read the incident over Halloween.

Rosalindís thoughts about George and her feelings about her lack of worthiness to be loved reminds me of a line from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. ďWe accept the love we think we deserve.Ē

So much good stuff here. You are quite talented when it comes to weaving Rosalindís emotions into a realistic tapestry!


Author's Response: Haha I love writing Draco and Rosalind together! They're like stubborn teenagers--they get along great one second then one says the wrong thing and the other one doesn't want to apologize out of pride. I would like for them to end up together but I'm not too sure if a happy ending is in store for Rosalind.

I actually haven't read The Perks of Being a Wallflower yet, but I've heard it's good. That is a great line though! I can definitely relate to it haha. I shall add it to my to ready list.

Thank you so much! Rosalind is a complex character but that's what makes her so much fun to write.

Sorry for the delay--I'll get to your story right away :)

 Report Review

Review #13, by ABlack The Haunted

21st January 2016:
Ah, prison life. But whereís the weight room, internet connection and cable tv? Oh wait, itís Azkaban, the legal system sucks and inmates arenít even provided things like a simple toothbrush. What is up with the wizard world? Also, Azkaban is co-ed, something I hadnít really thought about much, but it just seems so wrong. As for that guard patting Rosalind down, you made my skin crawl. Just ugh!

The trip to Rosalindís past was heart-breaking. You capture all too well what itís like to be in an abusive relationship, how the victim starts to believe the terrible things said to them. The remainder of this chapter was so well written that it was hard to read. Bravo!


Author's Response: Oh I know! I think the idea of co-ed prisons is a bad idea, but there don't seem to be a lot of options for wizards. For their brilliance in magic they sure have some things backwards.

Thank you so much! This was an emotional chapter for me to write, so knowing that someone felt moved by it makes me really happy! Thank you!! :)

 Report Review

Review #14, by princesslily_36 The Haunted

20th January 2016:

I'm back with another review, sorry for the delay!

I found the prisoner chat at the beginning really interesting to read. The way Luxy and Rosalind interacted, their dry humor about their situation was almost tragic. I feel so sad for Luxy, in Azkaban for robbery and leaving her kids alone :( This line: life had eroded her, paving her face into a glimmer of what it once was - I loved the description, I almost got reminded of Sirius, but you painted her face in front of my eyes so casually with the right words. Really wonderful.

I loved how you wrote about how she felt magic made a man and woman equal. I think the underlying tone of sexual violence and crimes against women says a lot about Rosalind - how much she has seen, how dark her thoughts are. I can see why - with the guards bordering on harassment, she feels defenseless without her wand.

I can see that your descriptions have improved. It seems to be involving other senses than just sight.

I love how with every chapter we see a new face of Rosalind. An abusive relationship really adds to her web. I was able to relate to parts of that paragraph, and you've done a wonderful job descibing that. Especially when she bargains with herself, that she could have defended herself, and would welcome the dementor's kiss rather than face him again. It's an intense experience and I think you found a great way to weave the dynamics into the story. That experience with Trevor haunting her again, and so ingrained that she grew to believe him - just a touch of brilliance. You have described an abusive relationship so well, it makes things much clearer now - why she is how she is. This was a deep and emotional chapter for me... almost in tears at the end.

I'll get to the next one asap!


Author's Response: Hello there! Oh no worries I know I've taken longer than normal too, sorry everything's been so busy D:

Ah yes haha, Luxy. I can't imagine being too cheerful in prison but poor Luxy tries to make the best of it. She's an important character!

Yes I'm so glad you picked up on that! That's why Rosalind is physically so small--she's realizing how defendant she was of her wand that she forgot she has Little Woman Syndrome. That comes up again soon! And thank you! I'm struggling hard with description, as always haha. I think I'm too simplistic so when I go back to read my writing it looks choppy and half thought out.

Trevor although he isn't mentioned often, is a huge part of Rosalind's life. Even though he's gone and can't physically haunt her, she still feels hurt about what happened between them which is why she has a hard time expressing herself. She still struggles with trusting others and moving past what he would say to her. Thank you so much! This chapter was difficult to write because of those scenes but I'm relatively happy with how it turned out.

Thanks for the swap! I'll get to yours right now :)

 Report Review

Review #15, by ABlack The Plan

19th January 2016:
Leave it to Hermione to figure out a way to encode a secret message in a book. Somewhere Iím certain thereís a librarian who is appalled that she scribbled on every page, though.

ďDo wizards conduct background checks?Ē Hahaha! Perfect line. The real question is if they do, why didnít they fire the person at Hogwarts in charge of that when it came to hiring someone like Lockhart?

What a clever plan Hermione has come up with. Really, the girl might have done well as a Slytherin. Play up the drama, and use the media to your advantage. Love how you include references to certain real life cases - nice touch.

You bring up a good point. Once a person is dead, can you really determine if they were a Muggle or not? What if a person hold a wand, makes the wand motion while shouting out the appropriate incantation Ö and an Auror uses deadly force in retaliation before realizing the person was a Muggle. It would be similar to when some kid has a fake gun and a cop thinks itís real.

Oops, got off topic there. So everything hangs on Angelina? Ouch! Not a good situation, and seeking Georgeís assistance is just the icing on this crap-cake of a chance. I love Hermioneís line about murdering being wrong, but bravery being right. How so like her to point that out. (And hey, whadda ya know, I only used the word love once in this review!)

Things are shaping up so well and the title of the next chapter is so intriguing! Iíll see you there!


Author's Response: Yes Hermione always seems to know what to do :)

Haha I always wondered who was behind the hiring process for Hogwarts professors. The Wizarding World seems to be a bit unaware that criminals/wackos may want to apply for normal jobs.

Thank you! That's part of the reason I came up with the story and something that irks me in real life--I can't stand when women get away with certain crimes because of their gender and/or because the victim supposedly couldn't have been a victim if the woman was attractive. I also think Hermione is a good blend of all the Houses, she just happens to be incredibly brave on top of being smart and cunning.

I'm not too sure! I don't know anything about wizard autopsies (is there such thing?) and I think it would be tricky to determine whether an individual that was around a wand was in fact a wizard if there is no "directory of wizards."

Yes plot twist! Everything mostly hangs on Angelina and possibly George, which is making her apprehensive about the whole plan. They should both be making appearances later down the road!

Thank you once again for the awesome review! :)

- Melissa

 Report Review

Review #16, by TearsIMustConceal For You (Intro)

18th January 2016:
Hey there! Here, finally, with your requested review. I'm sorry it's taken me so long!

Anyway, onto the story...

I really loved this! I'm constantly drawn to stories that straddle good and bad and really delve into people's minds (I did a criminology degree so i'm immediately fascinated with 'criminals' and how they think, how they justify themsevles, etc). I really enjoyed Rosalind's characters Ė she's very in your face but she's real, if that makes sense? She doesnt' sugar coat anything. She admits what she's done but she has genuine reasons as to why she's done it and she doesn't feel guilty Ė she felt like she had to do it and I really understand that! She's such a strong character that i'm immediately drawn to her and her story. She's a fascinating character!

My favourite line has to be ďIf you ever want to know who your real friends are go to prison.Ē -this really speaks to me and I feel like it lets us in on a slightly more vulnerable side to her, whether she admits it or not. This takes her from a character you can't identify with, due to her harshness and directness to someone who does feel, despite not coming across that way. I'm finding myself really feeling for Rosalind because the way she tells her side, with such conviction, I believe that Sal did truly deserve to die.

Her emotions regarding Emma, George and Draco all point towards her not always being so cold as she comes in her narration but as she's been in Azkaban, it's not surprising her detachedness, plus in your author's note, you describe her as angry and bitter, and this definitely comes across, in a good way of course. I also really loved the way she put aside her anger so she could flirt with the guard Ė she's extremely intelligent and you can feel she doesn't do things without having a reason to do so and I think this really shows her intelligence and resourcefulness Ė it's like she can see a way out through this guard and she has a determination to go through with it!

Regarding your concerns, I feel as though you gave just enough for the reader to want to know more about her (for those who haven't read your first story, anyway) but it doesn't give her away at the same time Ė i'm still so curious about her and the way she is and how her mind works so I think you characterised her extremely well. The story flows well and it all makes sense to me so I don't think you have anything to worry about!

It was a really strong first chapter, amazing job! And I hope everything I wrote makes sense to you!


Author's Response: Hello there! Don't worry at all I completely understand how life can be :)

Oh thank you so much! I have the same degree actually and I figured I'd put it to use somehow so here it is! Haha. I love criminals as well and I was constantly fascinated in class how they would always justify their actions, but if someone else did something similar then all of a sudden it was bad.

Yes Rosalind is very vulnerable but she does not like to show it. She feels that she has to put on an act for the world because she doesn't want to come off as weak but at the same time doesn't want anyone to find out what she's done in her past. She wasn't born a terrible person, she's a product of her actions and thats what conflicts her.

Oh thank you! I've been struggling with the narration regarding her feelings towards her sister, Draco and George without her coming off as the crazy, in-your-face person she is in the beginning of the narration. I've always had a harder time with descriptions. Yes everything made perfect sense! Thank you so much for your wonderful review :)

 Report Review

Review #17, by ABlack The Arrest.

18th January 2016:
To start off, what a bunch of moronic jerks, arresting Rosalind at the department holiday party. If the reader hadn't been sympathetic to her plight in chapter one, they should now. You drop the reader in right at a particularly uncomfortable moment. I could hear the whispers of the onlookers in my head as she was escorted. Very well done!

And what a way to make your debut as an inmate - in heels and party dress. Not an enviable position, particularly when she has to undress in front of male officers. Do I sense a little jab there towards the injustice of the legal system in the wizarding world? Love the bit about calling her by a number. Very dehumanizing and realistic. I'm sharply reminded of Les Miserables and 24601. And to demand her American rights - this is exactly what I would have done, but unfortunately the guard is right.

Then you lead us into such a heart-wrenching scene between Rosalind and her sister. Having to hear Emmaís night terrors and then having to Obliviate them - what a punch to the gut! I loved this, "I sniff; the snot running out of my nose dives onto the top of Emma's head." Okay, so no one loves admitting to snot running or having it drip down on someone's head, but let's get real - this is what happens. Life is sometimes messy.

Oh, and what have we here? Hermione? How interesting. I'm guessing this links back to the previous story. Why would Hermione send her books, what sort of relationship do they share? (You donít have to answer; I'll find out when I go back and start reading the other tale - I'm just posing the questions that pop up in my head).

I love how you partner Wizards and Muggles. And yes, video surveillance and tracking wands. Just swap wands for guns and it's very much the times we live in. This resonants so much with me, how we are offering up our liberty for supposed safety. I'm put in the mind of Ben Franklin: "He who sacrifices freedom for security deserves neither." Preach, Ben!

I think I'm probably overusing the word 'love' and should pull out a thesaurus. Let me see Ö adore. I'll use that. I adore your description of Rosalind. Latinas come in all flavors - pale skin with red hair and green eyes (mi Suegra); chocolate skin with black hair and black eyes (mi Madrina); and everything in between. My sister-in-law could be Rosalind, and that comes from her strong Peruvian and Cuban heritage with a dash of French and Lebanese. So what I'm trying to say is that it's thrilling to see a Latina star in a HP fanfic. Very much appreciated.

As for telling the truth and people getting hurt. Painfully true. The only worse thing is hiding the truth out of fear of hurting someone ... and the truth coming out regardless, hurting that person even more.

The ending is the perfect combination of hope and anticipation, by the way. I'm still curious about Hermione and how Rosalind is part of the Order and now I'm excited to see what happens next.


Author's Response: Hello again! :)

Yes haha, it was certainly a dramatic arrest that took her completely by surprise. As strong as Rosalind tries to come off, being around men can make her nervous. Yes I'm so glad you picked up on that!! There are definitely a lot of jabs about the justice system in general which are talked about more in chapter six. And you're absolutely right about the numbering system as well, they don't want the inmates to feel human.

Awh I know, the scene with Emma :( Those are difficult to write. She truly loves her sister more than anything and feels guilty about manipulating her memory because she feels that it is her fault that her sister is traumatized (and it is). She has never been able to come to terms with what she did and thinks that she's so deep into what she did, she's unsure whether Emma even knows what happened That Night anymore.

Rosalind and Hermione have a pretty good relationship. Hermione and Harry were the ones who introduced Rosalind to her job at the Ministry of Magic, and know that she went to El Salvador a few years back but don't know the details of what she did. Hermione saw her grow in a sense, and has experience with friends/acquaintances facing the Wizengamot.

Haha yes you're absolutely right! The American government was slowly becoming infiltrated by Dark Wizards who were trying to control everything. I would go into detail about that but it's too much to write on here haha.

Thank you so much! I dislike any type of stereotype and love that people of different backgrounds/races come in all shades, shapes and colors.

Thank your for the lovely review! :)

 Report Review

Review #18, by ABlack For You (Intro)

16th January 2016:
Hello! Alexis here for our multi-chapter review swap!

From the start, you introduce such a confident, strong-willed woman who is willing to do whatever it takes to reach her goal and I love it. The bitterness flows naturally, nothing is forced. This is in-your-face grittiness. If you canít handle the heat, get the heck out of the kitchen. I realize that not everyone will appreciate this approach, particularly someone who hasnít read the other story, but it didnít bother me one iota. The opposite was true; it made me want to read that other story (and you have no idea how hard Iím restraining myself from doing just that and sticking to the review swap.)

Loved this line: ďIf you ever want to know who your real friends are go to prison.Ē Feels like Iím watching Daughter of Anarchy (versus Sons of Anarchy). Lovely personal preference of how to kill someone and it shows not only your fearlessness with writing Rosalind, but also your creativity. Yet despite it all, you manage to make me feel sympathetic for Rosalind for killing someone who (by her admission - and I donít know if I should necessarily trust her narrative) deserved to die.

The branding of a number on an inmate invokes images of the Holocaust and works well. And that they donít allow her a lawyer - very nice and Iím so glad you brought this up! Thatís something I always thought about when Harry had to face charges back in OotP. If Dumbledore hadnít show up, who would have provided legal representation? Love how you contrast the differences between the wizarding world in the US with how things are in the UK.

ďSounds like itís from a * telenovelaĒ. You have no idea how much you just made me squee!! Yes, telenovelas! Granted you did mention her family was from El Salvador, but still it was great to see this little tidbit of Latin culture mentioned.

Overall this was a strong opening and establishes the character of Rosalind very well for anyone who hasnít the first story. The first person POV works well and allows us to quickly get to know Rosalind despite the limited amount of actual dialogue. I canít wait to see how things go for her.


Author's Response: Hello hello! :)

Ah I'm so glad you liked it! I understand she's a character that's kind of hard to err...relate and like when she's having her in-your-face moments but that's what makes her so much fun to write. She's a survivalist, and does what she does because she doesn't think anyone else is going to look out for her.

Haha if you'd like to read the other story go right ahead! It's going through a lot of edits though because of formatting and I have such a difficult time with writing descriptions. I actually read your Child of the Hunt story first because I had a feeling I'd like it and would want to read the rest after and I was right haha.

I've always wondered how the legal system in the wizarding world works as well and that's a big issue later on. If Dumbledore hadn't shown up for Harry I doubt that he would have gone back to Hogwarts, and to me it seemed that he had a big hearing because of who he was and not really what he did. It seems like an antiquated method of dealing with crime.

Haha yes there are a few big reasons why Rosalind is a Latina, particularly a small one but that is brought up later on the chapter I'm finishing up. But I'm glad you liked that! I like seeing diversity and try to include it when I can.

Thank you so much for your lovely review! :)

 Report Review

Review #19, by princesslily_36 The Plan

15th January 2016:

I can see that you're a bit of a criminal
justice nut. This chapter was exceptionally
written. I felt like I was watching one of
those law/crime shows :D

Firstly, I loved the way Hermione got the
message across. Next, her coming up with a
plan, the whole exchange was quite interesting.
Not only did it serve as a great opening for
you to tell us what happened, but also helped
understand the relationship between Rosalind
and Hermione. So why is Hermione so intent on
helping Rosalind? I mean I know she states the
reason, but I would like to know more about the
nature of their relationship. The way the fic
started out, I thought Rosalind was a nicer
Bellatrix, maybe along the lines of Narcissa
Malfoy. But now more and more, she seems to
surprise me.

This line: 'I only have two outfits. Grey and
greyer.' shows that she has the ability to joke
about her situation!

I'm finding Rosalind quite interesting now.
She's not completely black or white, but a
grey. I was unnerved in the previous chapter
when yous said she wasn't repulsed by the act
of killing. But she seems to have made some
really nice and genuine friends, and sociopaths
don't form such friendships do they?

My favorite chapter till now!



Author's Response: hello again! :)

Haha I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! This was one of my favorites to write. Hermione was the one who introduced Rosalind to her job in the Ministry of Magic with Harry the day she got hired and knows a bit about her background. She saw her develop in a way, going from the quiet girl at work to eventually someone who helped bust a case for the Ministry. And since she helped out Draco and Harry when they were in trouble she has a bit of experience, but it'll be interesting if Hermione ever finds out about Rosalind's past. Haha she is a bit like Bellatrix, isn't she? Rodolphus Lestrange actually compares Rosalind to her a few times in the previous story, which unnerves her because she feels loyal to the Weasleys.

Yes she is a grey character I'm so glad you picked up on that! Rosalind is a person who didn't start out 'evil' or 'bad,' she came from a loving family. But as she grew older life had eroded her and made her bitter and she doesn't handle it in the best way.

Thank you for the review! :)

 Report Review

Review #20, by princesslily_36 The Arrest.

15th January 2016:
I especially liked the beginnings of this chapter, her projecting what others would be thinking about her. It goes so well with the character you have described in the previous chapter.

I almost felt bad for her when she was being leered at by those men, and forced to change in front of strangers. That had to be humiliating :( Here it would have been a good addition to talk about how the walls looked or the place smelled, maybe the lingering effect of past-dementors. WOuld add a whole gloomy feel.

The exchange between her and Emma was a wonderful change of scene. Rosalind was a completely different person with Emma. That's the beauty of this exceeingly complex character that you have chosen to portray. Poor Emma, having nightmares. It was so sweet the way Rosalind would wait for her to sleep and stay around to comfort her after her night terrors. Her manipulating Emma's memory - for her own selfishness or to protect Emma? Or a bit of both? It's amazing how complex it is!

There's definitely so much to be said about her relationship with Draco. Did they make out before or after he was married to Daphne?

Ooh, I wonder what her relationship with Hermione is. Why is she helping her? Do her friends know about her dark past? You mentioned that she got along well with Draco because of their similarly tainted past, does he know what happened to her?

As you can see, so many questions mean you've done a really good job at building the suspense and making me want to read on!

Until next chapter then,


Author's Response: Hi there!

I actually added a bit more to the opening scene because I wanted it to feel more suspenseful, but again just like you picked up on I lack the sense or urgency/gloominess to the story (I'll have to read some more the improve that). But I'm glad you're liking it so far!

Scenes with Emma are always difficult to write. She basically melts for her sister because she desperately doesn't want her to turn out like Rosalind did. She knows that she's the way she is because of things she let happen to her, she didn't become that way overnight. And that's the thing--does she manipulate her sister's memory to help Emma or herself? I think she truly believes that is the only way she can help her, because she sees herself as such a broken individual.

She does have an interesting relationship with Draco. They have kissed before but only a handful of times. Daphne is actually her best friend, and Astoria and Draco see each other on occasion. He does know about her past, which is explained a bit more in chapter five.

She is friends with Hermione as well, but not as close as Draco and Daphne. She admires Hermione as a strong woman, but Hermione doesn't know about her past except that she spent some time in El Salvador a few years ago.

Haha I love the questions! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews :)

 Report Review

Review #21, by princesslily_36 For You (Intro)

15th January 2016:

It's me here for the multi-chapter review!

I haven't read any stories in this genre (I usually read the happy ones) but I was quite intrigued by Rosalind reading your A/N at the beginning! I've never been able to write such a complex character, and by this chapter I'll say you've done a wonderful job of it. Your first paragraph ended with 'except I have morals'. The fact that she kept justifying her wrongs to herself showed that she didn't kill for pleasure, but it wasn't the act that repulsed her. Quite a complex character there.

'I have to play a character, present a carefully crafted image' --> This was my favorite line of them all. It showed the essence of who she was. The fact that she would do just about anything to survive.

What I liked most about this chapter was the narrative, which gave us a complete insight into many faces of Rosalind at the same time.

I do feel that at some points the narrative was unecessary, like you could have kept a few things in hand. And some things she needn't have stated explicitly. But then again, the explicit stating of incidents almost like they were facts showed how emotionally detached she is from her killings or her situation. That added a whole new dimention to her character.

Her love for George Weasley could have been expressed in a softer tone, different from the others. I felt it was described with the same clinical detachment as the rest of it, almost with a critical eye. I somehow didn't get the feels for it, I don't know how else to describe it. A little bit of emotion just at that bit would do wonders.

Also, you could try to reflect her mood or her thoughts by using all of her five senses. There was this story I read by Kaitlin (Treacle Tart) recently, where she described the person's mood by telling us what she felt about her surroundings - what she saw, smelt, touched etc. Those small details would have helped transport us into the very cell she was confined in, increase the dire nature of the situation. Just my little suggestion.

As you can see, I'm quite intrigued by this beginning, and wonder what's going to happen next. You've taken a really difficult character to portray and you're doing it justice so far.

Looking forward to the other chapters!


Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for the review swap :)

Ah yes I understand that. I think these type of stories are harder to get into, but I thoroughly enjoy reading happier stories (mostly because I have a hard time writing them). But I'm glad you find her interesting!

Yes I love complex characters! I want her to be polarizing in a sense, someone that the reader can sympathize at certain points but at the same time find her crazy and repulsive. She does have many faces because she's scared to be herself, something she struggles with a lot.

As for TreacleTart's story, I'll definitely look it up. I have a very hard time with sensory description and feel that it comes off as very basic. It's harder for me to go into descriptive detail and I'm not sure why, but I know you picked up on that when it came to Rosalind describing her feelings for George.

Thank you for the review! :)

 Report Review

Review #22, by Felpata Lupin For You (Intro)

10th January 2016:
Here with your requested review!

Well, this was surely interesting. Not something I'm used to read (I'm more on the "peace and love" side, if you know what I mean...) but I can't deny that this was so incredibly interesting and intriguing. Dig into the mind of a character who is so different from my experience and sensibility is such a fascinating experience.

In your request you mentioned being a bit concerned about the narrative. Personally, I think you did a great job at giving us the informations we need to understand Rosalind even without reading the first story and at the same time keeping the right flow. I know I wouldn't have been able to do such a good work.

Maybe it could be perfectionated a bit more, but I'm a bit unsure about how, actually... Maybe leave out a few details about her past and revealing them later on, like Stefanie suggested?

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this first chapter. It is so unique and intriguing. Really well done.

Much love,

Author's Response: Hello there!

Yes...I know that this is a hard fic to get into because she's very different and hard to relate to so I'm afraid that will turn potential readers away. But I'm really glad that you found her interesting! And thank you so much about the narrative--that is one of my biggest concerns because I don't want to turn readers away either, so that makes me very happy!

Hmm yes I edited it to take a few details out because I didn't want to give up too much about Rosalind right away. But thank you so very much for your review! I'll edit my second chapter before rerequesting :)

 Report Review

Review #23, by cherry_pop94 For You (Intro)

20th December 2015:
Hello Melissa!

I'm here for the swap. Sorry it took me so much longer than expected, a bunch came up.

This is a really fascinating start. Rosalind is a curious character. She's definitely not a good person, but not a bad person either. She's a bit scary, isn't she? As she describing how she kills people, I got a little shudder down my spine.

Her narration is very direct. I think that's a very interesting choice. Being in Azkaban, having been through so much, you'd think she'd perhaps have a somewhat different tone of voice, but I think the directness is very telling too. She's not sad or weepy or always running off on tangents. She tells this story in direct terms. 'This is what happened and here's what I did' sort of way.

There's no beating around the bush. Her apathy is almost psychopathic. It's incredibly interesting in that way.

This chapter did seem a little bogged down in the details though. I would suggest revealing a little less right away, letting people know Rosalind slowly, get to know her past and feelings slowly. Though, I have not read the first novel yet, so maybe everything I'm saying is nonsense.

Anyway, this is a really promising start! Thanks for the swap :)


Author's Response: Hello! No worries, I know how life gets.

Yes she's kind of crazy. Later on you learn part of the reason why, but I did want her to come off as very direct in this chapter. I was worried about that...that I would give either too much or too little about her past without the reader feeling confused. I don't want it to be requirement to read the first story to read this one. I'll make sure to go back and change that up!

No problem! Thanks for the review :)

 Report Review

Review #24, by marauderfan For You (Intro)

18th December 2015:
Here for our swap!

Wowowowow this is so good! I am so intrigued by the character of Rosalind. She reminds me a lot of Bellatrix, because she has the same iron-willed personality and the fierce belief that she is right. And she's walking a razor's edge here as she says she only killed people who deserved it and she enjoyed watching that, which is creepy, and kind of like Bellatrix - but also not, in the sense that she seems much more in control of herself versus Bella's wild nature, she is aware that that her past looks bad, and Rosalind hates the type of person Bellatrix is. But they have so much in common! Rosalind is so interesting mainly because I could see her going one way or the other depending on what circumstances befall her. She could become a serial killer. Or she could become a normal person with a dark past. There's just a lot going on here and it makes her a FASCINATING character who's very on the edge. I really want to know what happens to her!

I also love the way you emphasized how she has so much experience in the dark and violent end of the spectrum, but is also capable of so much affection, and how much she really cares about her sister and how she loved George Weasley (and left because she was afraid after taking down the wall around her and telling him about her past - aw!). Gah, she is such a complicated person and I love it! There are just so many sides to her - the dark, vindictive side, the caring sibling, vulnerable lover, and cunning prisoner using her strengths and what she knows about the justice system and stereotypes in order to act her way out of prison. Also, off topic, but I love seeing a Latina character in fic.

Having not read the previous story, it was helpful to have some of her background in this chapter, and I thought you did it well. She's not doing anything apart from sitting in a cell, so it makes sense that she's thinking about all these things that she's done and things that have happened to her. But sometimes it did feel a bit like a summary - and lines like this one: Oh I should probably mention that I might be in the country illegally. -- this kind of takes it out of the mindset that she's just mulling over it all while sitting in Azkaban, and makes it more like she's telling a story to someone. It's a bit inconsistent in terms of style, I guess is what I'm saying.

I don't mean to say that I don't like it - far from it! I love the premise of the story and I love Rosalind as a character, and I appreciated the extensive background which is obviously quite important to what happens later in the story. But if you're already editing, maybe looking at the style of narration in this chapter would be cool. It didn't take away from the story though - I was glued to the page (screen?) the whole way through, so you're clearly doing a lot of things right!

I hear his smile in the iced blackness. -- hahaha, maybe it's weird that this stood out to me, but I loved this line because no one ever mentions it and YES, you really can hear smiles. (And they sound kind of gross! Especially if you get a lot of people to be quiet and then smile simultaneously) haha anyway I just loved that you wrote this line because it's so particular and I can envision it so clearly.

What a great start! I'm really interested to see where this story goes! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hello there!

Oh thank you thank you so much I'm glad you liked it!! I didn't initially have a character in mind that I thought Rosalind was similar to, but as the previous story progressed I definitely saw similarities to Bellatrix, who Rodolphus compares her to. Yes you got it! Haha she's constantly torn because she knows that what she has done to people is absolutely wrong, but a bad person is a bad person and they should deserve to die, right? Or does that make her just as bad as them? She's very aware of her actions and feelings which is why she's never happy with herself.

Oh thank you! I wanted to make her Latina because for the most part I haven't seen many Latina/minority characters. She does have a lot of sides to her, but at the end of the day she almost always looks out for only herself. One of the only times she didn't was when she saved Angelina and now she's kicking herself because now she's in Azkaban.

Since it can be a pain to go back and read other stories I wanted to include enough information so that the reader doesn't have to read the previous one if they didn't want to, but at the same time I didn't want it to sound like a summary either. The changes in style I definitely see how that could be inconsistent, it was actually for an idea I had that I wanted to incorporate into the story but I'm not sure if I'm going for it yet. I'll make sure to clean that up!

Haha yes you can hear smiles! It always grosses me out too. Description is something that I have always struggled with so I'm really glad that line stood out to you!

Thank you so much for your feedback! It helps tremendously and I can't wait to keep reading more of your stories :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login