Reading Reviews for Altschmerz
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by newbeatle The Tube

15th March 2016:
I have to know what happens next! :D Can't wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: I will try to post it as soon as possible! :) thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #2, by G The Tube

15th March 2016:
Woh oh! That doesn't sound good.. cliff hangers are the cruelest thing in literature i swear!! I love this story and can't wait for more.

Update soon please

Author's Response: Hopefully I can get the next chapter up soon! Thank you for reviewing! :) I love hearing from people!

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Review #3, by Marshal The Night Before

1st March 2016:
I'm Marshal her on the archives (obviously) and on the forums. I noticed your story in the recently added to section and I don't think I've seen you around on the forums if you are there please forgive my over sight!

Anyway, your story is quite good. I love the descriptions and the feelings you place in this first chapter alone. You paint a very clear picture of what life is like for Sab without it getting long and being an info dump at the same time. It leaves a reader most curious as to what will come next in the story and puts you in sympathy with the character.

Over all wonderful job! I did enjoy the story! I'll certainly be adding it to my reading list to come back to and read more!

- Marshal
Team Ouroboros
"The end is only the beginning"

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate that you plan on coming back and reading more! And thank you for reviewing. It was wonderful to hear from you!

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Review #4, by DragonPoxPixie The Night Before

1st March 2016:
Hey Hannah! I was browsing for stories to read & review when I noticed yours. The title really got my attention so kudos for that one! I really liked how you opened the story with introducing the main character's pet/owl, the she describes her tells the reader a lot about the MC herself. It's a nice change from the type of introductions you normally read regarding OC's as the main character. The only thing I'd have liked to have seen different in the first paragraph is the phrase "went to the toilet". It feels a bit odd use those terms regarding a pet. It's nothing major though. The last sentence of that part was super sweet by the way, and clearly shows the bond the two of them have and made me wonder why it was apparently so strong. Would she depend on her a lot?
The opening of the second paragraph sort of confirmed that she did for me and also gave me the creeps a bit! Why would she have to block the door in her own home? Who threatened her and why? Great job in getting the reader sucked into the story right there! You also did a good job in making the reader feel sympathetic towards her when you wrote she lost her mother, that section feels just the right kind of sentimental and doesn't overplay it. Adding the blanket was a very nice touch and a good way to introduce the subject.
I really felt for her when you described the state of the home since the passing of her mother and caught myself thinking that she would, like Harry, probably look forward to returning to Hogwarts rather then stay home. You confirmed that shortly after and picking the words "like a child on Christmas Eve" didn't feel like an overstatement at all! It seemed very fitting.
I also liked how you chose to have her study Arithmancy, as we don't know too much about it canon-wise I always get very excited to see it appear in fanfics! And yay for nerdy little Hugo! The "(yeah those ones)" felt like a bit too-much after already writing that Rose's parents are "the famous" Ron and Hermione, but again just something I noticed, nothing major.
After that you mention that she has been on the team for five years, but she is about to start her sixth, has she like Harry been on the team since first year or should it have been four?
"I tried to ration with him"
I think "ration" should be "reason" in the part.
That said, the short conversation and the scene after properly gave me the creeps! My mind was going a million places wondering what happened, how her father could have become that way, how he lost his wife and child- great way to get someone to come back for more for sure!
All in all I enjoyed reading this first chapter and look forward to read more, it could use a little bit of editing (sometimes you use the same words a few times in a row where a synonym would look a bit better) but it's all minor things really.
Keep writing!

- "the end is only the beginning" Team Ouroboros; Operation Green with Envy (a forum reviewing event brought to you by the awesome House of Slytherin!)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your input!! I am still working on the rest of the story but the second that I finish, I plan on going back through and really editing and fine-tuning everything. I will definitely keep your ideas in mind!

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Review #5, by grednforge217 The Night Before

6th January 2016:
You've set up a really interesting dynamic here with Saba and her father. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am continuing the story in my spare time and will hopefully post another chapter soon.

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