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Reading Reviews for Reflecting on the Past
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan A surly wizard walks into a vault...

4th March 2016:
Remember that time you requested a review in my thread? (You might not, because it was in December and I am apparently a snail when it comes to reviewing in a timely manner) Anyway, here I am, thanks to the HPFF Review-A-Thon!

I know you said you'd changed Harry's history and kept it kind of a mystery as to what you've changed, and I don't know in what way, but I did see that Harry had spent some time in France before this point AND Sirius apparently was alive for part of Harry's childhood! Veeery interesting. Despite that I don't know all the details, it's certainly an intriguing start. I'm curious where it's going to go from here!

You've set it up for a future Harry/Gabrielle romance really well. It made me laugh that Gabrielle has had a crush on Harry since she was twelve, as that makes her quite similar to Ginny :P

You had mentioned in the notes on your request that you'd gotten mixed reactions from other reviewers about Harry's dialogue. Personally, I did find it a bit sharp for Harry, who isn't that aggressive of a speaker (unless people are challenging him about Voldemort's existence). I found it hard to believe that Canon Harry would be so uptight about the way goblins perform the wand check. In this fic, I feel like he was highly disapproving of goblins in general, whereas I personally think Hermione's sympathy for magical creatures would have rubbed off on him a bit instead. But I do realize that this is an AU where you've changed a bit of his history, so (given the changes you made to his history) that could make sense. Maybe he's supposed to seem a bit OOC, in which case keep doing what you're doing. But yeah, that's just how I read it: he's different from Canon!Harry, but that's not necessarily a bad thing depending on what you're going for.

Also, I was a bit confused at your use of the word 'cur' to describe a goblin. At first read, I thought there was a dog leading Harry somewhere. :P

That said, your description is phenomenal. I was really impressed with your word choice throughout, and it adds so much to your scene setting. Phrases like a "weeping digit" to describe a pinprick in a finger - that's really clever.

So yeah, I think you're doing great on this! Once again my apologies for taking forever to get here.

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Review #2, by TearsIMustConceal A surly wizard walks into a vault...

12th December 2015:
Hello Zen, here with your requested review.

I'm really intrigued on how you're going to change the cliché you've been given, up a bit. Personally, i've never actually read a story with this cliché but i'm excited to see what you're going to come up with in later chapters.

Harry is definitely not similar to canon Harry but I think this a good thing – it's nice to see a different Harry for once! He's quite on par with Draco, with the whole scathing comments and whatnot – I'm definitely interested to see what else you do with him. You said you've given us hints about altering his history and i'm guessing this sentence, "Let it not be said that a Potter-Black should refuse to walk where a Malfoy has so graciously gone before." is the hint – it makes me think that Harry grew up with Sirius, that he didn't go to Azkaban or that after PoA, he ended up looking after Harry. Either way, it's a substantial hint but it doesn't give too much away so I think it works because you'll have readers wanting to know more and reading on for more information.

As for the mention of Harry's sharp dialogue, I do get this but if his history has changed significantly, than i'd come to expect that his attitude and personality is going to be different to what we're all used to. I didn't think it was too sharp at all but I can understand where people are coming from but saying that, if this is quite AU, in terms of Harry and a changed personality, then it works.

I'm intrigued to see what you do with the relationship between Harry and Gabrielle – it's such a strange pairing, I really can't wait to see how it plays out. She’s been of legal age for three years, pining after me with as-yet unrequited puppy love for twelve.” This sentence is so unlike the Harry we know but it made me laugh – it's so Draco like, I actually loved it. And i'm guessing from a previous sentence that Gabrielle isn't a fan of suitors, including Harry so it'll be fun to see how the relationship will happen.

I love Draco's inclusion in this – so many people write Draco as a changed man but here, he just seems to be the same old, arrogant Draco we all loved in the books so that's enjoyable – and I like how you've pitted them against each other, like they've never grown up. Will there be more interaction between the pair? Will they end up going against each other the inheritance? I can't wait to see!

Overall, I think your prologue is really interesting and it definitely caught my attention and I want to read on. I think you've given just enough hints and revealed just enough plot to keep readers hooked! Well done!


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Review #3, by Dirigible_Plums A surly wizard walks into a vault...

11th December 2015:

I'm finally here with your requested review! I admit that I'm really curious about how you're going to spin the cliché. I've seen it around fanfiction sites a few times and have never been too fond of it, but I really am interested in how you're going to go about this. :)

As for Harry's past, it's still a little unclear, but I actually don't think that's a bad thing. This Harry is clearly different from canon!Harry because of how his history played out and there are enough hints to get this throughout the chapter e.g. "Let it not be said that a Potter-Black should refuse to walk where a Malfoy has so graciously gone before." Clearly, somewhere down the line something changed whether it was that Sirius never went to Azkaban and consequently raised Harry from the age of one or that he was cleared of all charges in PoA. Even though it isn't clear in this chapter, it's only the prologue so I don't think it's actually a bad thing. You have plenty of time to reveal what has happened.

I sort of understand what others have said about Harry's dialogue. In your post, you said that people were undecided on whether or not to make it "less sharp." It's strange to see him so confident and sharp-tongued, but if his history has changed, then it can be completely believable for him to be slightly arrogant. Maybe the readers that are unnerved by it might appreciate it simply being taken back a notch? I don't think it's anything too detrimental to the fic, however. It's actually really amusing.

The concept you've created is really interesting! (Maybe I should've started off by saying that haha.) Having Harry relive the lives of his ancestors is something that I haven't ever seen before so you're doing well with that breathing life into an old cliché business :) There's so much potential for this fic, so many ways to play this and I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll spin it.

I can't help but speculate how you'll develop the relationship between Gabrielle and Harry as well. Will her ancestors be present in the lives of Harry's I wonder? Just out of curiosity, how did you come to choose her as Harry's love interest? They're definitely a rare pair, but I'm curious to see how they'll play out as well.

Will Draco be a significant character here too? Or is he just a name that's been thrown in to show that old wizarding families are all fighting for this inheritance?

These aren't cc, just questions I'm asking out of curiosity, by the way :P Honestly, at this point, I don't think I have much concrit. The prologue seems to be all in order and because it's not your typical fic, the ball's in your court at the moment. It's definitely an intriguing start, one that's sure to get readers hooked so good job!

Hope this helps,



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Review #4, by ravenclaw_princess A surly wizard walks into a vault...

10th December 2015:
Hello. Here for your requested review.

You have an interesting little plot going on her. This prologue sets the scene nicely in that it shows the beginning of the story to come and garners a lot of mystery. I understand that they are trying to find the truest lineage for the inheritance but I have no clue as to what the inheritance is or what this ritual is all about so hopefully it comes out in future chapters. This chapter gives the what but not the why at this stage, which is good for a Prologue as you don't want to give things away too early,

I found the characterisation of Harry to be quite out of canon. I actually found him to be a bit more like Draco, with his scathing comments and lack of respect for the whole process. If this is what you are going for, then you've got it nailed, but it would be interesting to see how this change in him came about. I know you said in your post that you have changed his history somewhat and it will be interesting to see what has changed so that the personality he now shows makes sense. Its kind of funny to see the banter between him and Draco because there personalities match and they seem to be competing on an even level.

I can see the romance between Harry and Gabrielle. I do get the impression though that this relationship isn't liked by her family.

I found it odd that Harry was in flip flops. Just imagine trying to fight a dual in flip flops.it made me smile. I wonder what he was doing before being called in to be wearing flip flops.

I quite like the names of your goblins.goodness knows how to say them though :)

In terms of flow, I did find myself having to re-read things a few times to get a handle on what was going on. Prologues are meant to be mysterious and only give snippets of info, so I wouldn't want to see things changed dramatically, but maybe just a little more insight into why they're there. I think a beta reader could help you here, to pick out the parts which are confusing to the reader. Also, there were a few run on sentences and things like that, which if improved, will help the flow.

I hope my review has given you the feedback that you were after. If you have any questions, PM me and I'll be happy to help.


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