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Reading Reviews for Imagine
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NPE Dream

30th January 2016:
Hi Kaitlin,

I really like the concept of this. I found the connection and comparison between Harry and Dumbledore chillingly good.

Furthermore, the sneering nature of Grindelwald mixed with Dumbledore’s projection of innocent love after all this time was a genuinely interesting idea.

In terms of how it reads, it is structured like a fortress. I admire how well you can do that, especially considering how much I overwrite to oblivion.

It should also be noted that your quote really works for the chapter, in an almost mocking way of the concept and there was something excellent about how it is to do with imagination and Dumbledore is wafting in these sickly visions.

Overall, I’d say you really did a god job of capturing Dumbledore’s fragility too. This is a man who in the Philosopher’s Stone, is almost like a wizarding version of Aslan when he sagely speaks about the dangers of the mirror. The fact he more than knows and understands its appeal and falls foul to it like any other mortal is wonderfully expressed.

I do have CC to offer, however.

“A stab of pain”, is the equivalent of a “knot in your stomach”, “a pang of guilt”, or a “flicker of hope”. The phrase doesn’t really say much or mean anything to the reader because it is so overused. You need to find another way in this example, of expressing a sudden feeling of hurt. To be honest, it’s better to sort of describe the hurt rather than say they then they felt “x”. Truthfully I’d prefer a writer to fail in expressing that with a wonky sentence than use comfortable descriptive terms that everyone has read before. They aren’t bad but the reader glosses over them and learns nothing really about the character.

I would argue the same thing about “dabbing” eyes.

“It made his stomach rumble loudly” is another example, from earlier in the text. I also found the whole hunger with food and hunger for Grindelwald thing a little jarring. It didn’t work for me and the stomach rumble took me out of his thought process of yearning for something of a greater significance.

Also these two sentences basically both say the same thing – “A stab of pain shot through his chest as Albus realized he knew the feeling all too well. Dabbing at his eyes, he was surprised to find them wet. He knew better than anyone how Harry was feeling in this very moment.”

This a point of plot difference – I always saw Gellert Grindelwald being more like a heated object of Dumbledore’s affections rather than a wholesome cuddly love. I am not sure his love of Grindelwald meant families and harmony; I think it was more likely to be of a selfish, overtly sexual variety. But that is a point of difference in terms of the JKR world. I think you do a good job at expressing a contrary view.

This might be a typo – “He’d preformed a disillusionment charm before he’d come.”

I understand it is an omniscient narrator, but in Albus’ world, I doubt they’d say “couch”. I know what a “couch” is, but British people like Dumbledore would call it a “sofa”, or maybe a “settee”.

Best, and cheers for the review this morning,

Nick

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Review #2, by Unwritten Curse Dream

28th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

KAITLIN STOP IT.

YOU ARE TOO GOOD AT THIS.

I HATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL AT ONCE.

I'M SORRY FOR THE YELLY CAPS BUT I CAN'T CONTAIN MY EMOTION FOR THIS PIECE. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

Okay, I'll take caps lock of and be professional.

So I'm teaching a unit on poetry right now and I'm trying to get my students to comprehend the notion of a "turn." Poems should be surprising and the best way to surprise your audience is by changing their perspective. And this story does that. Because they're all nerds and love fanfiction, I may just share this with them. I hope that's okay with you.

Because GIRL YOU TRICKED ME. But I'm not mad about it. Not anymore. ;)

This is so beautiful. I've always wondered what Dumbledore saw in the Mirror of Erised (obviously not socks) but I was content with not knowing because nothing I could think of was ever good enough. You know? Dumbledore is still the best wizard who ever lived, in my opinion, and nothing ever seemed to suit him. But this… This is exactly right. This is perfect.

Oh my heart. What are you doing to me?

--Gina

Author's Response: Hey Gina!

I'm so sorry, but all of these shouty caps make me sooo happy!

That's so amazing that you think this story is good enough to show your class. You'd certainly be more than welcome to use it as an example if you life. (This might possibly be the best compliment I've ever received)

I'm sorry. Don't hate me.

Having had his family destroyed when he was younger, I could imagine him wanting nothing more than to just have a peaceful evening with them.

Thank you so much for all of your encouragement and feedback!

~Kaitlin


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Review #3, by Frankie05 Dream

16th January 2016:
Kaitlin,

I finally got around to reviewing your story for the John Green Quote challenge! (life is crazy sometimes)

And lets say, I am broken. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME. Why do I love your writing so much, why do I love putting myself through this misery at your hand. Because it's so good, that's why.

I think you did a fantastic job with the quote, and writing a story about it. It seriously was so good! John Green does an amazing job with coming up with great one liners and so to make a story about a single quote is fantastic- even when you know nothing about the story. and that's okay!

:)

I think what I loved about this was how you pull the reader into the story and then in a moment, we are ripped away from the scene, just as Dumbledore was. And we feel for Harry, because we know what he is seeing. And then it makes it all the more sad when we know that Harry asks Dumbledore what he sees in the mirror, and he says socks. That had to be gut wrenching for him.

All in all i loved this story. I did have to read over it a second time because I was confused why Harry showed up, but that's probably on me because I jump ahead a lot of the times in my reading and then go back. *shrugs*

Thanks for being so patient with me! Good luck!

Frankie

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Review #4, by Infinityx Dream

12th December 2015:
Hey Kaitlin! Here for our swap!

I love that you're expanding your writing and focusing on different characters all the time. Albus/Gellert is a pairing I love as well and it was so lovely to read about them being happy and together. But of course, there was obviously something off about the perfect scene and I love how you've brought this in as an experience with the Mirror. Brilliant idea and you've pulled it off so well!

I absolutely love your descriptions in this, especially that paragraph about the food. No surprise there. :P and then the way the scene is changed and Harry is brought into the picture is so poignant and bittersweet. I think the only tiny bit of CC I have is that you could have lingered a bit more on how Albus felt when he saw Harry, not only about what the mirror does and his experience with it. I felt like you brought in so much warmth and detail when it came to Albus' desires and that scene with his family, but the ending could have done with a little more expression of emotion.

But overall, I absolutely loved this, and your writing has improved so much! Great job with this, lovely. :)

Author's Response: Hey Erin,

Thank you so much for checking this out! Albus/Gellert is a pairing that I love so much, but have never really had the chance to write, so I had a lot of fun with this one.

For whatever reason, the quote for the challenge really made me think of the Mirror of Erised, so I'm happy that worked out okay.

Description is my favorite part of writing, especially so when it's about food. :D

I totally get what your saying about the ending and tend to agree. I've been thinking about what to add and will hopefully tweak it a little bit soon.

Thanks for the review! I'm so glad you're back!

~Kaitlin


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Review #5, by Shadowkat Dream

11th December 2015:
*tries to stifle fangirl squeal*

While you ripped us from that sweet moment just to crush my fragile heart, that was...ugh. That scene. That scene was amazing. The imagery, the feelings, all of it. Why couldn't it have stayed that way?

Alas, of course you had to ruin it didn't you? Of course it was the mirror...of course it was. A pair of fuzzy socks my left foot, Albus.

Author's Response: Hey Kat!

Thanks for the surprise review!

I wish it could of stayed that way too, but unfortunately it wasn't an AU story. I'm so thrilled that you liked the descriptions and the scene setting though. :D

He definitely does not see a pair of warm, fuzzy socks.

Thanks again!

~Kaitlin


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Review #6, by the coolest snowball Dream

6th December 2015:
The coolest snowball has arrived with your review! (I am nicknamed as such bc I dared to hit Voldemort's face when the Weasley twins charmed me to pester Quirrel back in '91.)

This was a lovely, bittersweet one shot (set around the time I came to life by the way). It was such a plot twist how the sweet moment wasn't actually real. He and Aberforth weren't arguing. Ariana knew magic and was in control of it. His mother was alive. He was (openly) with Gellert.

AND THEN BOOM. It was the Mirror of Erised. How cruel. How cold. Almost as cold as me.

I adored this line: 'His lips tingled with the phantom of Gellert’s kisses.'

That's it for now! :) Merry Christmas, happy holidays and good luck with the challenge, Kaitlin

xo

Author's Response: Hello my dear snowball. Oh My, how cool you are!

This is pretty much exactly what I imagine that Dumbledore had always wished for. His heart's deepest desire.

It was very cold. I'm sorry.

I like that line too. :D

Thanks for this lovely review and for the good luck!

Happy holidays to you as well!

~Kaitlin



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Review #7, by scintillated Dream

5th December 2015:
hi Kaitlin! I'm here for our swap ♥︎

When I first started this, I was like 'oh, it's an Albus and Gellert fic! I really haven't read any of those, can't wait to see what it's like', and then you pulled that twist and left me in a muddle of feels D: I really loved how descriptive your opening was, how you described so much of the scene and made it feel so real! To be honest, you made me slightly hungry with the amount of detail you put in describing the food :)

I also really like how you tied in your story to canon, providing your own explanation of what Dumbledore saw in the Mirror of Erised, and just how he came upon Harry stumbling upon the mirror himself. This story, overall, left me feeling very satisfied and very sad :'( I think you connected to the quote very nicely as well!

-rikki ☼

Author's Response: Hi Rikki!

Thanks for the swap!

I love Albus/Gellert fics and this was really my first time even taking a crack at the pairing. Truthfully, I find them sort of intimidating because they're both so brilliant and other writers have written them so well.

I'm sorry that the twist left you in a puddle of feels.

Description is always my favorite part of writing, especially when it comes to food. I do work as a chef for a living, so I suppose it's a good thing I was able to make you hungry. :D

I love trying to fill in missing moments and this felt like a great opportunity to show why Dumbledore understands Harry's reaction to the mirror so well.

Thanks for this lovely review and the swap! I'm glad you've enjoyed it.

~Kaitlin


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Review #8, by bigblackdog Dream

2nd December 2015:
Hey Kaitlin,
I'm here for our review swap (two days later-sorry!!) I know I said I'd review your ginny/Angelina one shot but after reading this I just felt compelled to review!

What an absolutely gorgeous scene! Reading through the first half I was kind of thinking to myself- ok, this is a Kaitlin story, something bad is going to happen- but I could not have anticipated the absolutely stunning twist in the second half. knowing that's the image dumbledore sees in the mirror made the first half feel so poignant and I just love the connection you drew between Harry and dumbledore. And the way you've worked it into a canon scene. It's just lovely.

Elise

Author's Response: Hey Elise!

No worries on the time frame. I'm never in a huge hurry. :D

Hahaha. I had a good laugh at your comment about this being a "Kaitlin story". I do try and occasionally write happy or silly things, but you're right, my wheelhouse is sad.

I've always felt that there was a bit more to the way Dumbledore reacts with Harry and the mirror. It's like he knows the obsession it brings all too well.

I'm thrilled that you liked this. Thank you so much for your review!

~Kaitlin


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Review #9, by Sinterklaas Dream

2nd December 2015:
Ho, Ho, Hello!

How wonderful, I absolutely adore Dumbledore/Grindelwald! While the absolutely fabulous couple was depicted in a masterful way, it was sad to see the end. That Mirror of Erised is a dangerously powerful tool! Poor Dumbledore! Poor Harry!

My favourite parts, of course, were those of Ablus and Gellert, together in love. However, I still loved the bit at the end, because it was a beautifully sad ending.

This was a fantastically written story!

Have a wonderful, and much happier, Holiday Season!

Author's Response: Hello Sinterklaas!

This was my first time writing Albus/Gellert and I was excited to do so because I really love the pairing.

You're absolutely right. The Mirror of Erised is a very powerful thing.

Thank you so much for this lovely review!

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

~Kaitlin


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