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Reading Reviews for Beautiful
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage Alone

16th April 2017:
Hi and here for CTF!

What a beautiful story you wrote here. I love the fact that you didin't immediately tell who the werewolf in question was, and left us all hanging like that. At first I thought it might've been Victoire - though I seem to be close enough regardless. It makes me wonder, however, who transformed Dominique as it was and why she hasn't seen that face or heard the laugh in a decade. Or is it meant to be as a reflection to Dominique herself rather than a familymember? Because that would be a beautiful symbolism you threw in here.
In any case, the fact that you used to little words, yet described so well how she was feeling, and somehow formed some kind of beauty out of the cruelty that is being a werewolf, is something i definitely take my hat off for. You also take yet the time to describe surroundings and add little details like how her lips are chapped and that makes it come even more alive than it already did. It's really amazing how you did so well with so little words and how you chose Dominique to be the one who was the victim. A surprising turn of events if I may say so myself. Very well done!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I am happy you liked this and that it intrigued you at first as to who it was. It's meant to be a reflection of Dominique, though it could also be interpreted as Teddy (Will make sense if you read the worst). I am so happy you thought that my writing was good, and you liked it, thanks.

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Review #2, by PaulaTheProkaryote Alone

16th April 2017:
Hello lovely! Iím here for CTF so the Claws can dominate!

I haven't read The Worst, but after reading it I think this is a viable stand alone story so it was a good first pick given my lack of background knowledge.

I always love a good second person pov story if they are done well (and so many arenít). I think you did a really good job maintaining the perspective in an easy to read fashion.

Immediately I get a real sense of anxiety in the story when you set the scene with burning eyes and a clock ticking. The line that brings up all of her physiological responses is just really good for putting me in the spot and feeling what she's feeling.

I really identify with this idea of being young, but seeing so much/going through so much that she feels ancient and exhausted. I think some days my depression makes me feel the same way.

Your imagery writing is just absolutely fantastic. The scent of the pine, the water in the distance, that sound of the trees whistling as the wind murmurs through the trees. I feel like I'm back home in the mountains. I love it.

I hate the way she views herself but it makes sense. It really intrigues me as to how she became a werewolf. I'm making that assumption, but in reality you don't outright say that is what afflicts her. The talk about untainted and unmarked and fragmented being really could be so very many things. But assuming it is a werewolf, I wonder if it was from someone like Teddy? Or maybe some leftover hidden side effect after Bill was attacked by Fenrir. I have so many questions!

-paula

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am pleased you liked this and that it worked as a stand-alone. As for how she became a werewolf, the worst has answers to that!

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Review #3, by velajune Alone

8th January 2016:
Hi Angie,

I find second person storytelling to be a difficult choice of narrative also. Itís definitely difficult to pull off. For me, I find that a part of the difficulty lies in the harsh sound of ďyouĒ.

There were a few things that I truly enjoyed in this short. This particular paragraph showcases your ability to disguise the harsh sound of ďyouĒ:
You hear it all and you donít blink. A ripple of pain but you are numb. Or thatís what you tell yourself as you watch eyes of blue stare back at you from the window. Your long tresses, which were once a dark shade of red, are streaked with grey. The lines that mar your face appear distorted in the reflection; as distorted as you. So young, and yet so old.
But in other cases, such as the first two paragraphs, it sounded harsh. I imagine a person pointing a strong finger my way when I say those two paragraphs. I felt berated. So, it was nice to see a different flow. And I was glad to see it carried out the rest of the story after. I enjoyed the last two lines of your story the most. It was precise and simplistically poetic.

Dom is always a fun character to read.
-June

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #4, by NPE Alone

30th December 2015:
Review for Alone by NPE on 2015-12-30.
Second person is always a risky business. An experimental method of storytelling really, that I can't do myself. Not because it is bad - simply I find it too tricky to pull off.

I liked this, I think to get so many ideas out when the focus is reasonably narrow and the word count extremely limited is an achievement in itself.

I love vivid sentences such as this one:

You have counted and writhed in torment; hearing and watching and feeling as pain rips apart the fragments of your being, as shards of ice pierce your bleeding heart, as smouldering fire burns down the remnants of your soul.

It gets the balance of being emotional, relevant and creative without being cheesy or camp.

I think of course, the fact I have no idea who the narrator is makes it hard to fully invest in it, but thats the nature of a one-shot really not your fault.

Occasionally I think you could be more unorthodox in your descriptions. Ears ringing, and crashing water, and being red in the face aren't particularly uncommon descriptions. Maybe they could be replaced with phrases that stand out more?

But I really like this mostly, and the Dominique Weasley drop at the end was good.

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #5, by WittyRaven Alone

22nd December 2015:
First off the bat: This is a beautiful story and piece of work.
This story is very well written. I almost want to use the word crafted, because it feels like you have somehow made each word count for more than it is. This piece of work illustrates very well the philosophy of 'The whole is greater than the sum of its parts'.
You are very on point with everything right up front, which I guess is part of the challenge, and it makes the story have a certain tempo that I like. It makes it easier to immerse oneself into the story and goes well with it being written in second person.
You are also good at writing out the physical and emotional state of things and of the character. You make it raletable for the reader by grounding it to something quite simple. I especially like this part "You can feel the clench of your stomach, the tingling in your bones, the thump of your racing heart, and the time draws near" Brilliant done.

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #6, by Slytherin Eagle Alone

16th December 2015:
Hey there!

You wrote the second person POV really well. You should be confident with it!

All of your descriptions was spot on, they were actually rather impressive. No characters were mentioned by name until the end, but the reader was still able to connect with the character right from the start.

I have no CC to give. I looked carefully throughout the story and didn't spot any little errors at all.

Well done on producing such a masterful story; it was truly moving.

Lea xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. I am pleased you liked the second person POV, and that the descriptions worked well for you. Thanks!

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Review #7, by the coolest snowball Alone

7th December 2015:
Hello. It's the coolest snowball here to review this lovely little gem. It was an impressive piece with wonderful imagery. You described lycanthropy extremely well with an almost poetic turn of phrase. The second person works beautifully here and complements the style of the one shot perfectly. Great job!

P.S: If you're wondering how I'm the coolest snowball, I was one of the ones the Weasley twins bewitched to hit Quirrel in the back of his head. Yes. I hit Voldemort and lived to tell the tale.

Author's Response: You're a gem. Thank you so much for this lovely review. I am pleased you liked the poetic style and the second person. Thank you!

(And wow you're totally cool)!


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Review #8, by ravenclaw_princess Alone

3rd December 2015:
Hello. I'm finally her for you very long awaited review. I'm really sorry it took me so long, Nano and RL just took up so much spare time.

You had me completely transfixed with this. I held onto every word and then the ending just hit me and floored me for a bit. I hadn't read who the characters were so the ending took me by surprise. I like it though, very unexpected.

You did a great job at creating the mood. I could instantly feel the despair of the narrator as she looked around the dank room, knowing what she will become. I like how she also reflects on how she once was and contrasts it to what she is today.

And then seamlessly, you take her back there with the photograph, as she remembers a past long gone. I wonder what happened to Teddy. Did he leave her, did something terrible happen to him.maybe on the same day she was tainted?

I really like this line "You have counted every moment, every hour, every day. You have counted and writhed in torment; hearing and watching and feeling as pain rips apart the fragments of your being, as shards of ice pierce your bleeding heart, as smouldering fire burns down the remnants of your soul. You have counted it all." It's very powerful and shows how much she is damaged from the loss of Teddy and also from the 'monster' she has become.

The second person POV works really well and there were no issues that I saw. This POV makes for very powerful reading.It draws you in and makes it feel like you're there, seeing through the eyes of the character.

For a short word count, this story packs a powerful punch. You have so much internal turmoil wrapped into it and your language is exquisite. You've done an amazing job.

Jacqui

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #9, by cherry_pop94 Alone

2nd December 2015:
Hello! I'm here for the review swap.

Sorry I'm late getting to this, I got distracted by Netflix...

This was a really great story. There was a lot of emotion packed into just 500 words. I always find myself so impressed by these kinds of short stories, I just can't imagine being able to contain so much narrative and so much emotion into just 500 words. Every single word really does matter.

I've never read a story before about one of the next-gen kids as a werewolf. So I thought this was pretty unique. I also like how you draw such a heavy contrast between who Dominique used to be and who she is now because of her affliction. I do wonder why she's been alone for so long though. Ten years alone?

I'm sure this will only be made better by reading The Worst, so I'm definitely putting that on my reading list!

Thanks for a great swap!

Stefanie

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #10, by marauderfan Alone

25th November 2015:
Angie! Hello, and I'm so sorry for the delay on your requested review, but I am here for that! Also Happy birthday :D

So, first things first- every word counts challenge AND second person?! ♥ I already know I'm going to love it.

I LOVE your descriptions! As you describe the gloom of the room and the old memories, it really has this pervading feel of loneliness that is just perfect for the story. You did a wonderful job setting the tone through your descriptions.

But AKJSDFLKAJSDKJ I AM SAD. Please tell me this is an alternate ending to 'The Worst' and not the way it actually ends? Because WHAT HAPPENED TO TEDDY? Did she let him go? AKSKDLFDKL I don't know what happened to the two of them and it's making me panic for what you're going to do to your poor characters.

My feelings aside, it was really beautifully written and actually gave me chills when it's revealed that she hasn't seen Teddy in ten years and misses him and is stuck remembering the past when things were easy.

I also really liked how you emphasised this theme of duality, now versus then: how she is numb about her condition now, versus her heartbreak before; so young, but so old, etc. and then the way you tied it together at the end, beautiful before, and now a 'beautiful chained monster'. The last is a really interesting phrase, as I wonder if she sees some sort of beauty in her condition, or in her life, it's just a really interesting choice of phrase and I love it.

Oh, and you asked about the second person POV: I adore that POV. It worked really well in this, as it's personal enough to put the reader in Dom's shoes for a second, and as she seems a bit detached from herself as she observes her condition from the outside, 2nd POV is also a bit detached like that. Wonderfully done.

You touch the smooth wood of the cabin wall, the scent of pinewood -- I think you could say 'pine' instead of 'pinewood' - saying pine implies that it's wood, but without the repetitive word in there.

Your long tresses, that were once a dark shade of red -- Pedantic grammar rule: generally, you don't put the word 'that' after a comma, instead you would use 'which'. e.g. "Your long tresses, which were once..." (or, alternatively, you could remove the comma and keep the word 'that')

The sun is a vivid red today evening -- I'd say 'this evening'

Absolutely wonderful work on this story! It's really great and I enjoyed reading it, despite that it made me worry about the outcome of your other story haha. But I think you should consider that an accomplishment as I got that emotionally attached after 500 words haha! Well done on this :)

Author's Response: Hey! I am pleased you liked my descriptions. I'm always unsure about them so i'm glad the feel of the story came through them!

It is an alternate ending to The Worst (sort of). The real ending has already been posted ;) But you'll have to read it to find out what I actually did to my "poor characters" :P

Your comments make me so happy. It's great to know her thoughts gave you chills and you picked up on the theme of duality! I hadn't given it a term but it was the effect I was going for, so it's awesome you saw it! The beauty she sees in her condition is quite twisted, but beauty nonetheless.

I am so relieved that the second person POV worked here. I am nervous when it comes to writing it.

Thank you for the CCs. I have corrected the mistakes. And I'd love to know your opinion on The Worst's last chapter too xD


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Review #11, by Gabriella Hunter Alone

24th November 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and all that jazz~! I don't think that we've read each other's work in a while (I think) so this was a nice surprise!

I have to say that I was pretty sure this was going to be about Teddy Lupin. I was really caught up in the thought of him having his father's curse, I imagined that it would have caused him a lot of pain but the ending really shocked me! I think that you did a really good job in not leaving very many clues about who was going through the transformation. My mind instantly just filled in the gaps and I was really stunned by the reveal--so I think that you did a good job with second person. It's not really something that I'm good at writing and I personally avoid it like the plague of doom but you've done a nice job here. Your scene was set up nicely, your world was brought into focus through Dominique's pain and all of the lost years felt truly genuine. I do wonder more about her though, how she was bitten and by whom, her relationship with Teddy. I seriously think you should continue this because otherwise, I won't be satisfied with life.

Other than this: The sun is a vivid red today evening, I didn't spot any other grammar things so all in all, this was a great piece!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! Haha I am glad the ending shocked you. This is a companion piece to my story The Worst (an alternate ending of sorts) so Dominique and Teddy etc align with it. I am glad you liked the second person and that scene felt nicely set up. You could read The Worst to satisfy yourself ;)

I've fixed that little grammar mistake.

Haha thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #12, by Dojh167 Alone

23rd November 2015:
Hello, Sam here for the review swap!

I think that you've done a good job with second person here. That plus the use of future tense in places such as "you will be a monster" really makes it feel like the events of this chapter are inevitable and Dominique is truly trapped. I also think that second person is a very good choice for this piece, because it really speaks to the division of Dominique's nature that is expressed as her talking to herself.

"today evening" is a very odd phrase. I would replace it with either "this evening" or "tonight"

I really love how you describe watching the sun set with burning eyes. This is really powerful imagery, because burning says something about both the sun and the eyes.

More really awesome, evocative imagery: "The silence screams in your ears, the solitude crowds your mind"

I thought it was very interesting how she focused on the scent of pinewood. It made me wonder if that sensation was heightened because of the coming wolf, or if that was something that she was focusing on to hold on to her humanity.

I was a little unclear on the blue eyes in the window, as it made me think that there was someone looking in at her. But you meant her own reflection, right? If so, you might want to add something about how the windows are covered so nobody would be visible, or change "stare at you from the window" to "stare back at you from the window."

The picture of Teddy is so heartbreaking. It really speaks to a very rich, painful history without giving away too much information.

Of course, it still leaves me wanting more! I want to know how it happened, when she became a werewolf, if anyone else in her family is one... You tease me!

Agh, this is so, for lack of a better word, beauiful!

Your word choice is really excellent, and you balance mystery and information really well.

Well done!

Thanks for the swap!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hey Sam!

Thanks a lot for your lovely review! I am pleased you enjoyed this and liked the use of second person. I am always nervous about it so it's great to know it worked.

I have now replaced today evening with this evening.

I love when readers pick out little details so happy to know my imagery made an impact.

You make an interesting point about pinewood. I felt it was associated with her being closer to home/humanity, hence her connection with the smell.

I have made the change to stare back now. It was meant to be 'stare back' - I think the back was missed as a typo. Thanks for pointing it out.

Haha as for the rest of her story, you may want to check out The Worst if you're terribly curious. This one-shot is written as an alternate ending of sorts to it.

Thank you so much for the lovely comments!


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Review #13, by Felpata Lupin Alone

23rd November 2015:
Hi, dear Angie!
Here for our swap (not sure if you still wanted to swap, but I'm here anyway...)

Ok, so first... Second person worked wonderfully here, and you did it brilliantly! It flowed so well, so easily, and I could really feel all Dominique's emotions! Also, it sounded so poetic and your descriptions were so beautiful! Wonderful writing style, I just loved it all!

Second. I have never tried to stay into the exact 500 word count, and I have the biggest esteem for those who manage to do it and do it well. It seems so incredibly difficult to me, so great job with that too!

Obviously the words limit makes for inevitable lack of information... I feel like I'm missing something here. I would've loved to know more about what happened ten years previous. How did she become a werewolf? Were she and Ted together? What exactly happened to him? So many questions without an answer...

Don't get me wrong. The story was just beautiful and self-sufficient on its own. And the emotions were so vivid and authentic and everything was just so moving!

Really wonderful job on this! You are an amazing writer!!!

Thank you so much for the read and the swap!
So much love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Hey Chiara! You're lovely, thanks for the review!

I am pleased the second person worked well, and that you liked the whole 500-word thing. It was hard but I managed!

As for what exactly happened 10 years ago, you could read my story The Worst ;) This is an alternate ending of sorts to it.

I am pleased you liked it. Thanks!


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Review #14, by Rumpelstiltskin Alone

17th November 2015:
Heya, Angie :)!

I have to say that there's so much packed into this little 500 word one-shot that I'm pretty blown away, to be honest!

First of all, I love the second person POV, and I think you've done a good job with it. It really draws the reader in to empathise, or in the very least sympathize, with Dominique in her suffering. You're delivering a feeling of restlessness, as Dominique awaits her change with the moon.

Her bitterness toward her situation is not only understandable, but very real. "So young, and yet so old," and having the ten years cursed with lycanthropy feel like a thousand stuck out to me quite a bit. Suffering always seems to feel longer, and no doubt has a dramatic ageing effect. I love the connection to canon with Remus, who ages before his time as well.

Lastly, I really enjoyed the way you used the word beautiful in describing who she was. Furthermore, the ending was brilliant, tying into the idea of beauty with the line, " a beautiful chained monster".

You've done a lovely job with this! ♥

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Aw Rumpel. Thank you so much for the lovely review. It made my day! I am glad you liked this, from the POV to the emotions to the descriptions. Thanks a lot!

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Review #15, by Musing Alone

17th November 2015:
Hi there!

Wow! This story is BEAUTIFUL, not only by its name but also by the way you have written it.

I'm always intimidated by these 500 words stories and I can confidently say that this is one of the BEST 500 word stories I have read here.

You have included so many details even in the limited word count. You have not mentioned the word 'werewolf' once, but it is clear from your awesome descriptions that Dominique is a werewolf. Dominique's pain and loneliness feels so real. The way you depicted ageing as a side effect of lycanthropy is too nice to be missed. I liked the way you very subtly told the readers that she is living in a cabin, near sea side perhaps.

I loved the way you hinted at the romantic relationship Dominique once shared with Teddy. Again, you never mentioned Teddy's name once, but everything is apparent through the words you chose.

In the end, you left me wanting to know more. How did Dominique turned into a werewolf? Why is she alone? What happened to Teddy and where is he?

I loved these lines so much: 'Your long tresses, that were once a dark shade of red, are streaked with grey. The lines that mar your face appear distorted in the reflection; as distorted as you are. So young, and yet so old.'

You pulled off second person POV perfectly.

Thank you so much for the review swap and giving me the chance to read such a FABULOUS story!

-Emm ^_^

Author's Response: Hey Emm!

Thanks a ton for reading and reviewing!

I am so honoured you think this is one of the best 500 word stories! Wow. I am pleased you liked the descriptions, and the overall writing style.

It was my aim to leave some kind of intrigue by the end. This is a spin-off ending of The Worst, my novella, in which Dominique is bitten by a werewolf and comes to terms with her relationship with Teddy etc.

Thanks a ton!


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Review #16, by princesslily_36 Alone

17th November 2015:
Hey,

I've also actually wanted to come over and read your work!

I am so BLOWN OVER! Yes, I'm gushing and you deserve it!

First of all, you've made second person work so well! I've read quite a bit of second person, but this one is the best so far! I felt like I was transported into Dominique, that I WAS Dominique. Your descriptions were amazing!

I love how powerful your words are, conveying so many things in just 500 words. I mean we saw that Dominique was a werewolf, that she and Teddy had something going on between them, her appearance, surroundings regrets, jealousy, transformation. It's just brilliant.

As I read I was wondering if Bill Weasley had passed on some of the Werewolf traits and she was a full werewolf, but the last few sentences showed that she hadn't been a werewolf all her life.

My favorite line in the whole story: 'The silence screams in your ears, the solitude crowds your mind, as the beast lays waiting to claw its way out. Another full moon and youíre alone.' I loved your wordplay here.

I generally don't like angst, but the way you've written it flows so well that I really got into it. I have to say, I'm reading more angst if you're writing it.

Just Amazing. So glad you put this up for the swap. Now I can't wait to get my eyes on your OF. If this is the effect of 500 words, I can only imagine what a Novel would do to me.

Loads of Love
Ysh

Author's Response: Ysh!

Thank you for the lovely review! I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this, that you liked the second person and you think it's the best. that means so much to me!

This story is an alternate ending to the worst actually, which is my novella showing Dominique being bitten by a werewolf and how her life changes etc.

It's flattering that you liked this even if you dont generally enjoy angst! Thanks a ton!


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Review #17, by One of your loving NaNo Mums ♥ Alone

17th November 2015:
Hello again!

When I saw that there was something new on your Author's Page with no reviews, I just had to come and fix that! And I am SO glad I did.

Angie. Your description. Is INCREDIBLE! There are only 500 words here, but you chose those words perfectly, and it's so vivid I can clearly see this in my mind.

This is really hauntingly beautiful. And SO original! Dominique, a werewolf? WOW.

And the way you described Teddy well enough that we could figure out who he was without you naming him was awesome. I also really liked the hints at a romance between the two of them, and it really left me with a lot of questions - what happened, why isn't he there, why haven't they seen each other in so long?

And exactly HOW did Dominique become a werewolf? Maybe she somehow genetically got the full trait from her Dad? Or was she bitten? So many questions!

This is an excellent story dear, and very intriguing! Well done! ♥

Author's Response: Aw! You're the best person ever, and the most amazing NaNo mum! I don't know how to thank you for your lovely review(s). You bring a huge smile to my face!

I am pleased you liked my descriptions and found this written well. And as for your questions, well actually, this is a companion piece to my WIP The Worst hence references to Teddy/Dominique romance xD

Basically Teddy/Dom were in love, but 10 years ago, Dominique got bitten by a werwolf, left her old life behind to live in isolation. So she hasn't seen him.

Thank you so much for your love!


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