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Reading Reviews for Colombiana
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by pathfinder Chapter Two

6th March 2016:
For Review-a-Thon:

Vicki,

I’ve read all three chapters, but I’ll post a summary review here.

First off, the murder mystery idea is great - I love the concept and the way you’ve executed it (pun...intended?) is fantastic. I really enjoy your writing and your narrative and conversations flow easily. As a reader, I also appreciate the work you’ve done to edit this. I think I found one typo in all three chapters (which one of your other reviewers already picked up).

Your creativity really showed in writing this. I especially liked your inclusion of ‘Magiflix’ and ‘Wandpad’. This was a very clever bit of muggle society thrown in that would - of course - have their magical analogue.

I also enjoy the character of Tex. I think you’ve done an excellent job in developing his mannerisms and attitude and I’m already enjoying the back-and-forth with Daphne. One minor dialogue note (an ‘ameri-pick’ if you will): “...stay here whilst I go and catch them.” Nobody in the states uses ‘whilst’. We use ‘while’ exclusively.

I also noticed that one of your reviewers suggested that Tex knew French just because he lives in New Orleans. Most of the Cajun French speakers in Louisiana are from outside the city - in the bayou. If he was raised in the city, he’d probably only know a few phrases. If he did grow up in the bayou, he’d likely speak in a Cajun dialect which will have some differences from classic French. Just something to consider as you move forward with him. If you think it would be useful, I’d be happy to ‘Ameri-pick’ Tex’s dialogue for you. Regardless, the exchange is quite funny because someone from New Orleans sounds distinct from a Texan and I understand completely why he’d get all hot & bothered about it.

One other minor cc. In the next-to-last sentence, you might want to have Fernando mutter a ‘gracias’ rather than a ‘thank you’ - unless he knows English (which is perfectly possible if he was talking to Daphne before).

You’ve done an excellent job investing your readers in the story and I think your choice of starting with the prologue is a great one. You chose a future chapter which contains some interesting action and has already introduced Daphne and Texas (it’s working - I don’t even remember his actual name). Your story has progressed well and I’m easily identifying with the characters. I can’t wait to read more.

-Drew

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Review #2, by NPE Chapter Two

7th February 2016:
Hi Vicki,

So I came back, of course :)

You know, the thing I like about this story (I am sorry I haven't read more of your writing by the way) is that there is no forced, or artificial, demand to move things forward to suit perceived narrative structures. This goes at its own pace, the right, natural pace, and it works as a consequence really well.

I am afraid my Spanish is tourist level, so aside from about a dozen phrases out of a crude phrasebook I own, I can't help. Sorry.

Ok, there is loads of good stuff here. I really enjoy your humourous asides, I love how the narrator is sort of omniscient, but is really merged with Daphne in a way that feels very authentic and an extension of the character.

I recently googled Daphne as I thought she was an OC. I am sort of more impressed you gave such consistent and interesting life to a character which is established, but offered little backstory to go with other than tenuous link to Draco.

Also - Slytherins are great character choices.

I think you do well on the descriptive terms. I like how they are about everyday things liek the headboard of a bed, breathing interest into anody,e everyday things. I like how what you choose to describe in detail isn't just what writers typically do.

Furthermore, not only does the narrator thing interest me, but I have really warmed to the somewhat chatty nature of the whole thing.

I think occasionally you go for cliched expressions, like "sighing loudly."

Furthermore, sometimes you describe plot details almost as if your writing it for the author's benefit or reminding the reader of the plot, rather than writing in a particularly lucid way that you otherwise normally write with.

An example would be, "Through the dirty, streaked window, she could see a group of guys, all dressed in black and another guy, who Daphne recognised from earlier than week, having spoken to him about the disappearances of Monbast and Morgan. He had given her quite a bit of information before practically running away after one of the men from the garage appeared around the corner. Not being able to understand what they were saying to each other was frustrating to Daphne but from what she could see from their body language, the guys from the garage were slowly ganging up on the other guy, Francisco, if Daphne remembered his name right."

This is a mixed bag as it includes some lovely description, some great asides about what Daphne knows and her point of view, but the way you explain the scene and describe the actions reads more like a plot summary than prose in this instance.

But that's one CC. Otherwise I am being very picky, and it is subjective critique by all means.

Yeah, this is great. Can't believe I am only the second reviewer. Such an interesting and well written story. Thanks for your review too. I am definitely intrigued to read more of your work. If you have any stories you want looked at, feel free to ask.

Best,

Nick

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Review #3, by navyfail Chapter Two

6th February 2016:
And I'm back for BvB! Sorry for taking forever to get to this chapter but I finally did, using the review battle as an excuse to make me make time.

I'm actually really glad Tristan is back! He seems like an interesting character... very brave and direct. And this comment: ..."she would not be held responsible for her actions, no matter how cute she had thought he was." She thinks he's cute! Even though she now thinks he's kind of annoying! I like that he came back for her even though it was to find out if she was a spy. For someone who works for the American ministry, he's a little obvious about the fact that he is a wizard. But then maybe Daphne's a little observant.

I was actually surprised that Daphne intervened in the end. She seems like the type who watches out for herself and usually stays at a bystander. But I thought it was really brave that she did go and try to help Francisco. I honestly thought a show down of sorts would happen but I'm relieved she's okay. And I love how you ended the chapter with her by being able to open the door again.

I can't tell you if your Spanish was correct since I don't speak Spanish but I thought it was a nice touch that you put those lines in and kept pointing out that Daphne had a hard time understanding some interactions because she doesn't understand the language too well. I think this fits with her setting really well!

I like how this story is going at a good place... not too slow, but too fast. I honestly thought it would take longer before we see Tristan again but I was really happy to see him back. His interactions with Daphne are always interesting.

Anyway, great chapter! Your imagery was spot on and it seems like the plot is slowly unraveling. And a huge congrats on story of the month!!

~Sama

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Review #4, by cherry_pop94 Chapter One

25th January 2016:
Ack, I just wrote out this whole review, but the wifi cut out in the cafe I'm in. Here I go again!

Hello! I'm here for Bvb!

I loved this. It picked up perfectly after the prologue. They're so different, but I just love stories formatted this way - a prologue that jumps into the middle of the action, and then chapter one jumping into a mundane day.

You described Daphne's morning commute perfectly. It was very vivid in my head and just so relatable!

And that Oliver! He's kind of the worst. I loved Daphne's comeback to him, she's so sassy, haha! He deserved it.

I also really enjoyed all the background information you gave here. It never felt like too much for me, always just the right amount. And it all really helped me figure out what kind of person Daphne Greengrass is.

Anyway, I can't wait to read more of this. So glad I got the chance to return to Colombiana!

Stefanie

Author's Response: Hi Stefanie!

Oh no, I hate that! I'm glad you wrote it out again because it's such a lovely review!

I'm so glad you loved this! I do too and I have such a habit of doing it but I think it really helps to engage the reader, to make them want to keep on reading after being thrown into an action packed prologue. I think if I would have started with this chapter, there wouldn't have been the same impact! So I do love the format a lot!

Thank you! I really felt the need to get across that she lives a really normal life before she gets into the excitement of what happens in Colombia! I love descriptions in stories too so I tend to use a lot! It helps me picture it all too!

Haha, Oliver is the worst. He's that one person in work that just has to comment on anything but never has a comeback of his own when someone says something back! Haha, sassy Daphne was fun to write - plus who doesn't love a sassy female?

Thank you! I was a little worried that there may have been too much and that I was overcompensating because I knew there wasn't any action unlike the prologue but I'm really glad you thought it was the right amount!

Thank you for the lovely review and I hope you like the next chapters!

-Vicki


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Review #5, by NPE Chapter One

24th January 2016:
Hi NPE/Nick here,

Yeah this is great.

It reads like a really good hang-out movie or an 80s cop show haha

It just has so many witty comments and asides, and flourishes to the HP series.

Daphne Greengrass is flat out cool, and the dialogue interactions with the supporting cast as it were really lively.

As HPFF are pretty strict about the 12+ thing on reviews I will just write:

"Small and blonde, with a resting (insert word) face to rival even Draco Malfoy."

Best line I have read on HPFF hahaha

And there was something equally brilliant about Barnabus Cuffe's utterly serious yet deadpan lines about Columbia in the letter. This all feels quite British in its sense of humour to me :)

Also, the yellowing fingers line had a shuddering effect on me.

I think Daphne's put downs are great.

My only two bits of CC are as follows:

As of yet - not all the other characters have fully fleshed out, and sometimes they read like figurines for Daphne to grapple with rather than constituent parts of the narrative. Secondly, "flushed red" is a really overused turn of phrase, and it doesn't do justice to the great second part of the sentence "and began stuttering, trying to find a comeback or a denial, anything that would stop the sniggering that was now aimed in his direction."

But this is really awesome. Truly. I look forward to marching on with further reviews :)

Best,

Nick

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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter One

21st January 2016:
Hi again, Vicki! Glad I could come back for this round of BvB!

Yesss, I love reading about Daphne's life before she met Tristan in South America. I can totally sympathize with her feelings about Astoria, as I have a younger sister who gets on my nerves like that. :)

The way you contrasted Daphne's commutes to and from work was really nice. The hustle and bustle of the morning versus the stillness of the afternoon--I like it! Little does she know that she's about to enter a crazy world that doesn't have that kind of routine normalcy...

Dempster Wiggleswade?! Such an unfortunate name for such an unfortunate person! I love the vibe you've got in the offices of the Prophet, and Dempster really sets the tone for it all. He's so obnoxious and gross! I guess I love to hate him. I mean, at least he finally gave Daphne a good assignment.

Ooh, and the way she shut Oliver Rivers down was bawwwsss. I love a good shut down of jerks. For a Ravenclaw, he's not quite articulate, though I guess he doesn't have to be, because he can just write things down. What column does he write? I bet it's something boring, like finance.

The flash of nostalgia that she got when she saw the Lockhart poster was nice, because it sort of showed that despite the wrong-ness of the pureblood mania that she was in the midst of, there were still memories to enjoy looking back on. Though I'm rather wondering why there's a Lockhart poster in the window seven years after the battle...Is Flourish and Blotts closed/bankrupt or something at this point?

There were a few syntactical things that I thought I would point out:

"took her blonde hair from under her hat and stuffed the bobbled monstrosity into her bag"~So to me, this sounds like her hair is the bobbled monstrosity, not the hat. Maybe reword it to say that she took the hat off her blonde hair instead?

"Part of the 'in' crowd, she had never quite understood the need..."~The opening clause is slightly awkward with the rest of the sentence. Maybe just rephrase a bit?

Very minor stuff, but I thought I would just let you know!

I'm really excited for chapter three of this story, because I suspect it will contain the First Meeting with Tristan. :D I certainly hope so, because I want to know more about him! I loved getting to know more about Daphne, and I sure am glad that she's a bit of a grump about certain things, because I am too!

(Also, I feel really bad for pregnant Hannah. Blech, poor thing.)

Seriously, please do update soonish, if you have the muse/time/inclination! (No pressure though)

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Mallory! I always look forward to your reviews!

I had to give her a backstory because I adore her as a character and it just happened that she and Astoria aren't close at all. I have an annoying younger brother so I know all about irritating siblings - I take inspiration from that haha!

Haha, no she doesn't. I bet she wishes she was back in London on a Monday morning though!

It's a genuine name from Jo so I had to use it because it made me laugh so much! and he's super fun to write! He is fun to hate and the worse he is, the better! But yes, finally! although he's done it begrudgingly and it's because he things it's a dreadful story that's just been passed onto the department - little does he know it's a big thing!

Oliver Rivers.I hate him and that's why it was so fun to shut him down! He isn't whatsoever but that's because he isn't as smart as he thinks he is, not in the real world anyway! I actually have no idea - that's a good idea - If i use it, i'm crediting!

thank you! I had to mention the past because it couldn't have been all bad, all of the time and there must have been good points. And it's literally been forgotten about - it's just in the corner and no one really notices it anymore and they just forget about it.

Thank you! I really appreciate it - i'll go back and edit it as soon as I can!

Ooooh, it does and it's been submitted, i'm just waiting for validation and then it'll be up!

I have two chapters written and i'm planning on more so expect another update soon (after the latest one, of course!)

Again, thank for the amazing review Mallory!

-Vicki


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Review #7, by Panda Weasley  Prologue

19th January 2016:
Hey there Vicki!
Dropping by for B vs. B.

I like that the main character is Daphne Greengrass. She is not someone we know well which leaves you a lot of room to make her your own, but we also know enough about her to keep the story related to the wizarding world we know. All we really know about her is that she was a Slytherin and friends with Draco and Pansy at Hogwarts. I'm interested to see how you develop her.

"She had been promised by Dempster Wiggleswade that the job was perfectly safe, just 'a few unexplained disappearances to check on, nothing dangerous'" I really liked this sentence. It seems so contradictory in my mind, but at the same time it makes perfect sense. The phrases 'unexplained disappearances' and 'nothing dangerous' do not go together in my brain. Yet it works. I can totally see this being a typical thing that someone in the Daily Prophet would follow up on. I mean quidditch refs have disappeared in the middle of matches before. I also really liked this sentence as well: "which made her believe she hadn't even lived a life good enough to warrant even a small montage of her achievements"

I spotted a few errors but nothing too major. A couple of i'm 's instead of I'm and a few small typos.

"It seemed to Daphne that Monbast and Morgan were involved in whatever seemed to be going down on the streets after dark, between the overly sinister muggles who met on dimly lit, quiet corners and it didn't take long, after a generous tip off to speak to the barista at the local café to learn that it was all about drugs, something she wasn't quite familiar with." This sentence didn't quite read right for me. I can see what you are saying, but I had to re-read it a few times. I think that it might be a problem with commas, but despite all the lessons I've had on how to use them, and all the times I've looked proper comma usage up, I still get it wrong.

I really enjoyed reading this prologue. I found it entertaining, funny, and and excellent start to a new story. The plot and idea sounds really original and intriguing, and I know that you have put a lot of thought and work into this fic. I can't wait to read more.

Excellent work,
~Panda Weasley

Author's Response: Hi Panda!!

I love Daphne and I love the fact I can play with her because we don't know much so i'm glad you like that it's Daphne I'm writing! I hope you love where I go with her!

Thank you! I'm glad it worked for you and yes it is! And the reason it was passed on to Daphne is because it was 'just a few unexplained disappearances' and no one thought it was exciting enough. How wrong they were! thank you! I loved writing that part so i'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you! I'll definitely take a look at that sentence and adjust it because I can see what you mean! Commas are a nightmare! I hate them sometimes!

Thank you so much! And thank you for all the encouragement you gave me during Nano!

Thanks for the lovely review!

-Vicki


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Review #8, by navyfail Chapter One

19th January 2016:
Hello! Here for the Blue versus Bronze Review Battle!

I actually didn't notice till now that the first chapter was a prologue but it makes sense now. Also the time stamps in the chapter summaries give a feel of how long before this chapter is from the first.

I like how much we learn about Daphne in this chapter. I'm sad that her and Astoria don't have a better relationship but that does happen between siblings sometimes. Also, did Astoria just move in with the Malfoys or is she already married to Draco? Maybe I missed a detail but I'm a little confused on that part. And both of Daphne's parents are gone... being along must be hard... she seems so independent that it wouldn't bother her much but being without family is still a tough thing to deal with. I like the contrast with the Muggle crowd and the wizards at Diagon Alley. The observation made by her that wizards are much more uniform and organized is interesting.

I also thought this was kind of funny:
"Daphne hadn't changed much, appearance wise, since her days at Hogwarts, except for the boobs which miraculously appeared after 7 years of wishing to whatever God would listen."
It's very relatable and definitely makes her out to be someone with a good sense of humor.

I also enjoyed how you added on to Dempster's character... him and his doughnuts, his smoking habit, and his not-so nice fingernails were an excellent touch!

There were a few errors I noticed while reading, they aren't major but I thought I would point them out:
"As unofficial leader of the law enforcement department of the Daily Prophet, eh took it upon himself to dole out the best stories to his favourite journalists..." I think 'eh' is supposed to be 'he' in this.

"I didn't think that was something you wanted everyone to know that but each to their own." I think there is an extra 'that' in this part.

I'm enjoying this story very much and am quite curious in where you will be taking this. Keep up the great work! Your writing style is one of the best I've seen in a while.

~Sama

Author's Response: Hi Sama!

Ah, well I'm glad you've realised! Yes, I figured the time stamps would help to keep up with the story and plot.

I was torn in how their relationship should be but in the end, I chose to have them having drifted apart, as well as from her parents. It just seemed to flow more and allow Daphne's character to grow having her not involved with them fully anymore. She's just moved in with them for now - not traditional, I know but after the war and Narcissa being on her own, I figured having Astoria move in would make sense to keep her company around the house. I don't think it bothers her too much but sometimes I could imagine it getting to her a little bit but she's not totally out of contact with them all. Thank you!

Haha, I love that line so i'm glad you loved it! I like to think she's a got a decent sense of humour so i'm glad that comes across!

Oh Dempster, that is just how I pictured him - I guess after watching many american movies is where the donut habit came from and I always think of police detectives smoking cigars at their desks so his character is just a combination of that! I love him really though.

Thanks for pointing them out. i'll edit them as soon as I can!

Aww, thank you so much Sama! That really means a lot! And thank you so much for the SOTM nomination, it really made me smile!

-Vicki


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Review #9, by navyfail Prologue

18th January 2016:
Hello! I'm here for BvB!
I have to say I love how you begin the chapter with an action scene. And your imagery strikes the right balance between enough and too much which is great!
I usually don't read many stories on the older Greengrass so this is a first for me. Usually the stories I read involve both Daphne and Astoria but I like reading solely about the elder sibling. She seems very likable as a character already... maybe that's because of the sarcasm... I love sarcasm haha.
Also is Magiflex supposed to be the Muggle version of Netflix? If it is, that's brilliant.
I like how you manage to set up the main plot points already: telling us why she's here, who she works for, how she ended up in this situation, and how she knows Tristan. Also I love that she calls Tristan Texas! Even though it is a stereotype it added very lighthearted humor into the chapter. Also since Tristan is from New Orleans, does that mean he can speak French?

One thing I noticed:
"'Yes, that's pretty much the reason i'm here – funnily enough, I don't usually take vacations in South American drug hotspots'" and “'Do you seriously believe that i'm going to let you help me?'" You missed capitalizing the i in 'I'm' in both parts. Just something I thought I would mention.

Overall, fantastic first chapter! I'm very interested in what's going to happen next!

~Sama

Author's Response: Hi Sama!

Thank you! I played with a few ideas on how to start and in the end, I just wanted to get down to business and what better way to start than with an action scene! Thank you! I'm glad that I didn't overwhelm you too much!

I have a real intrigue about Daphne, more so than Astoria and I have a soft spot for minor characters so I loved writing about her. she really captured my attention and she's now my latest obsession!

Yes it is! I'm glad you liked it. I am not creative in the slightest so I'm glad you didn't think it was lame!

I love starting stories with prologues - I really think it captures the readers attention and makes you want to know how they got to that point so thank you and i'm glad you liked it!

Haha, calling him Texas makes me laugh every time I write it. I haven't thought that far ahead but I guess it would mean he can - future plunny is springing to mind!

thank you! I'll go back and correct it!

Thank you so much for the lovely review!

-Vicki


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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57 Prologue

18th January 2016:
Hi Vicki! Here for the January BvB! :D

Okay, wow, you write crime drama so suspensefully! I really liked the disconnect between the beginning few paragraphs and the exposition of Daphne's character--if this were an episode of NCIS or something, there would be a flashback and then boom! Onto the action! Anyway, I'm sort of shamelessly addicted to NCIS, so it really makes me happy to read something with that kind of vibe.

MACUSA--love it! I try not to think too much about American Magical government because Muggle American government really bums me out in general, but I like that name! Of course we aren't going to have any blooming Ministry, we're American!

And on that token, I really enjoyed Tristan's indignation at being called "Texas." Although I would also hate to be called that, since I'm not from Texas either. :)

So (just trying to puzzle this out, because while I love NCIS, I'm never clever enough to solve anything) Monbast and Morgan are Brits, but they're smuggling drugs in Colombia from the US? If so, that makes them triple-bad in an international sense!

Pairing Daphne Greengrass with an American OC is really ingenius--especially since we don't know very much about her, and Astoria is the one who ends up with Draco. Of course, that isn't to say that this dynamic of theirs is actually going to be a relationship, but for now they're partners...in crime (solving)! I love that they've already got that whole snark-snark-snark thing going, and it reminds me a lot of Tony Dinozzo and Ziva David on NCIS (again I'm comparing this story to NCIS. If you've never seen it, I'm so sorry that you have to read this nonsense). It seems like crime dramas are the best places for characters to really snark at each other like that, especially since it relieves the tension of "oh, there's a dead body on the floor, btw."

The only real confusion I'm having is about which of them said the last line "So where do we start?". I feel like it was Daphne because at this point, Tristan wasn't too happy about her trying to join forces with him, but I don't know, it might've been him. If you want to clarify that, I would either A) add that last line to the paragraph above, if Daphne says it; or B) have Tristan do an action before he says the line, such as "He rolled his eyes and leaned forward to look at her notes. 'So where do we start?'"

But really, that's just a suggestion for clarification purposes! Not trying to rewrite your story or anything. :)

Anyway, I think this is an awesome start to this story, and I hope I can come back for more later on!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Mallory! I'm so glad you're back and leaving reviews again! I always look forward to your reviews!

Thank you! I'm glad you think so because I get really paranoid writing crime stories! I'm addicted to NCIS too! So any reference is making me smile!! I love the whole layout of NCIS episodes - I wish I could do it as good as them!

It makes me giggle every time I write it because I know it would annoy me every time too!

Well, it's the name Jo's given us so I knew I had to use it somewhere! Well yeah, they obviously had to have something that made them stand out compared to Britain!

Yes! Monbast and Morgan were former Voldy supporters who left the UK and began smuggling drugs from Colombia into the US and other countries.

I adore Daphne and I picture her as sarcastic and whatnot so I knew an american OC could deal with her snarkiness and fight back - the banter between them is fun to write! (YES TO TONY AND ZIVA! I love them so much and the relationship had me on edge for years!) It is really is! And funnily enough, there's possibly a scene with a dead body coming up filled with snarkiness :P

Ah, it's Daphne who says it but I'll make it more clear - I didn't realise because obviously I know who said it :P

Thank you so much for the awesome review Mallory!

-Vicki


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Review #11, by cherry_pop94 Prologue

28th December 2015:
Hello! Here for our swap! Sorry it took me longer than expected!

I love this story! I really love prologues that start a little into the future and then go back in time to figure out how we got here. And I was just watching How To Get Away with Murder, which is in that format, kind of, so I'm super in the mood for this!

Poor Daphne getting thrust into this situation! She definitely is not the type to want trouble like this. I think she'll prove useful in this investigation though. It's definitely going to be interesting. Drug smuggling! Wizards and muggles! How exciting!

Can't wait to read more of this and thanks for the swap!

Stefanie

Author's Response: Hey Stefanie! Oh don't worry about it! I usually take forever so I made sure I got yours done so I didn't forget!!

Thank you! I love a good prologue and if I can, I always try and use one in my novels and it fitted perfectly here! But to be honest, it's only there because originally, the first chapter was for a challenge I never completed and it just spiraled from there! Oooh, HTGAWM is my favourite and I love it's set up!

No she isn't but I think she takes it in her stride, eventually anyway! Oooh thank you! I wanted to do something different and i'd never read anything with drug smuggling involving both wizards and muggles and it seemed like the perfect idea to go with!

Thank you! We should definitely swap more!

-Vicki


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Review #12, by ReeBee Chapter One

21st December 2015:
Hello there Vicki!! Here for our swap!

You know I was planning to surprise you by reading chapter two without a swap :P But I was on the train when I read chapter one and I had reached my destination and then I've been busy writing mostly while my muse is still with me :P so I'm sort of sad I didn't get to but still too happy because I STILL READ THIS!!! UPDATE SOON WONT YOU?

Anyway! This is an awesome introduction! I love the placement of this after the prologue I like knowing what happens next so when her boss assures her that its all safe and boring it was extremely ironic and so so hilarious :P But yes, it was really awesome!

And then the characterisation you've set up is really amazing and consistent! I love how her Slytherin properties are coming out, like when she said she didn't agree with the importance placed on blood status but didn't say anything because it would benefit her and her family! And then THE SNARKY-NESS ARE LIKE LIFE GOALS MAN. I love the comeback and I don't know why but I really do feel like the fan cast as Ashley Benson is really awesome?? And super suiting

And you know me by now so I can't wait for the introduction of Tristan! :D SO UPDATE SOON OKAY???

Thank you for the swap! We'll do it again soon!!

-Curie :)

Author's Response: Hey Curie!!!

Oh really? Aw, you're so kind! Thank you for the thought! I'm going to try and update I promise, I have 5 chapter written out but I'm struggling with chapter 2, it's the only one that's blank! Annoying but i'm trying my hardest!!

Thank you so much! You're so kind, your words are making me squee! You're the best Curie!

Thank you! I had to get it in their somewhere! I didn't want to make her too AU, she was a Slytherin ultimately so she needed a few traits! YES! LIFE GOALS FTW! I wish I was that snarky in real life! I was so unsure on Ashley at first but I kept coming back to her and then she grew on me!

I will try, thank you!

We should definitely do it again!!

-Vicki


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Review #13, by ReeBee Prologue

16th December 2015:
HI VICKI! I'm so glad we swapped like thank you for getting my procastinating self to read this!!! IT WAS SO GOID I LOVE TRISTAN AGAIN!! The snarkiness really does get me!! Sorry it's late though!!

Okay firstly the characterisation is so on point. I love how sassy Daphne is like the snapping and being bitter about her boss and of course Tristan blames her for him spilling can free!!! It's so adorable and having read he Christmas one shot it was just so lovely and I'm really happy now!!! And I love how she calls him Texas and that annoys him like that's the smallest touch but it's so cool and adorable!!! I LOVE TRISTAN I REALLY DO. LIKE REALLY REALLY REALLY DO!!!

Okay and then the plot. I'm in awe of people who write mystery therefore forever in awe of how you managed to create a nice plot and an amazing introduction to that. And then I'm super amazed at how Daphne and Tristan's relationship is integrated into the plot like I think you did that seamlessly!! I'm also really interested and curious as to what's going to happen now!!

AND YOUR WRITING IS REALLY GOOD LIKE THE SMALL DESCRIPTIONS AND HOW YOU DID EVERYTHING LIKE THE FLOW BETWEEN DIALOGUE AND DESCRIPTION AND THEN THE CHANGES BETWEEN THE OAST AND PRESENT REALLY IS STUNNING!! *i apologise for the capitals it was just really really good*

Write more okay? We'll swap again soon!

-Curie :)

Author's Response: HEY CURIE! I'm sorry this took me forever to respond to! Haha, Tristan is a fave of mine, they really work together as a couple!

Thank you! Sassy Daphne is my goal in life! and I really think it sets off Tristan! I feel like I portrayed him much differently in the christmas one shot but that's set after the story, when obviously they've been through everything together! Haha, when I was writing that part, I couldn't help but smile at his replies, which sounds stupid but I just loved writing it! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Aww, thank you! I struggle with mystery and just told myself it was more action than anything so I didn't hit a wall whilst writing it! And it worked for the most part! Curie, you're making me grin like a lunatic - you're way too kind!

THANK YOU! IF I COULD HUG YOU, I WOULD!

Curie, you're totally the best, we should definitely do this more often!

-Vicki


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Review #14, by bigblackdog Chapter One

6th December 2015:
this is such a cool story Vicki!

the style of this story is so much fun to read, and honestly, feels so similar to jkr's style (which i mean as the highest compliment). you have a talent for including funny little details that really capture the quality of the magical world that we see in the books- like the harried secretary being attacked by memos and dempster wiggleswade's doughnut habit.

i love the way you've fleshed out this time period with very realistic details about post-war society. like monbast and morgan being former voldemort supporters and how all supporters have been shunned now. reading this, i feel like daphne is in a really interesting place- walking a fine line between sympathy and antipathy.

daphne's character is so awesome. i love how she won't let herself be bullied by dempster or rivers. and her decision to get a job and support herself makes her really relatable.

great work!

elise

Author's Response: Hey Elise! sorry it's taken me forever to respond to your review!

Thank you so much! Oh wow, that's such a compliment, i'm blushing right now! I have a thing for little details, like, I always look out for them so I do my best to include them because I think sometimes they make a story!

I had to make it realistic and believable - not everyone got on with their lives so i'm glad you liked what I did! Yes she is! She's in a tough position obviously seeing both sides of the coin, so to speak!

Thank you! I'm really proud of Daphne and the way she's turned out so that really means a lot that you love her character!

Thanks Elise and thank for reviewing and being an awesome Nano parent too!

-Vicki


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Review #15, by Seasons_Greetings Prologue

5th December 2015:
Hello Vicki!

Here with another surprise for you!

What an interesting concept! I'd never given much thought to illegal drug smuggling in the wizarding world, but of course it would exist.

I really like the concept of Daphne taking off on an adventure post war. Astoria's gone off and settled down. Her parents have fled the country. What else does she have, but to start making her own way.

It does sound like she's gotten herself into quite the predicament though. I hope she and Texas can figure out how to escape the impending doom of being chased down by drug dealers.

The nickname Texas made me laugh, but I laughed even harder when I saw that he was from New Orleans. I've known enough people from New Orleans to know that they get irritated when you mix them up.

Well, after all of this adventure and excitement, I'm going to need a mug of hot cocoa to calm me down!

Wishing you happy holidays!

SG

Author's Response: Hello Seasons Greetings, thank you for all ym surprises, you're the best!

Thank you! I came up with the concept for a challenge that I never ended up entering but it stemmed from there and became Colombiana and i've never read anything like it so i'm quite proud of it!

Well yes! I wanted to make her her own person - we always hear of Astoria with Draco so I wanted Daphne to take her own path, on her own!

She certainly has! She has a little case of bad luck, you see so it's not too surprising actually! But i'm sure they'll be fine!

Haha, I knew it would be the most annoying thing in the world and it made me laugh everytime I wrote 'Texas' so i'm glad it made you laugh too!

Oooh, I hope you enjoy your hot chocolate and I hope you had a lovely christmas and have an amazing New Year!

Thnak you so much for all the surprises!

-Vicki


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Review #16, by hopey110 Chapter One

30th November 2015:
So great so far! Please, please update soon!

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it and there will hopefully be another chapter up after the queue opens again!

-Vicki


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Review #17, by bigblackdog Prologue

23rd November 2015:
i've mentioned it before, but i absolutely love the premise of this story. i think it's so realistic and believable that certain wizards would abuse their powers to earn a lot of money, and drug smuggling is a very realistic venue for that to happen. also, you set up the ring as spanning colombia, america and the uk, so i'm really excited about seeing just how deep the drug ring's influence reaches! you've provided a great mystery!

your descriptions of Cucuta in the beginning of the chapter provide a great setting. it's so easy to imagine the dusty streets!

i like the antagonism you've set up between daphne and texas. their bickering provides some welcome humor to an otherwise dire situation and i'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship develops.


overall i think the pacing of your writing style is very exciting and appropriate to the plot points.
as for CC i have a few recommendations

"from the numerous muggle news reports in London"
^it's such a small thing, but i think you can delete this. it sort of messes with the flow of that scene, which is a heart racing scene. i can see why you'd want to explain how she'd know what a gun is, but i think you achieve a reasonable explanation with the line just before.


“Yes well, I'm sorry that you had the unfortunate luck to spill my coffee all over me and my new clothes. How hard it must be for you, to not take any of the blame in this.” The blonde spat back, glaring at the brunette before turning back to peer outside."
^ the reader doesn't know at this point who's blonde and who's brunette so it's hard to figure who's saying what.

"He stormed off, leaving Daphne in a heap on the floor before following her back to her hotel, where he proceeded to insult her and then almost threaten her when he a got a little paranoid."
^ i think you could expand this a little more. did tristan believe she was an adversary or more deeply involved in the situation? it could be interesting to subtly set up some trust issues between them that could explode in later chapters (sorry- i get carried away with my suggestions sometimes!)

oh also, your names are amazing! dempster wiggleswade- ahaha!

excited to read more!

elise

Author's Response: Hi Elise!

Thank you! I'm glad you feel it's realistic and thank you for all your help whilst I was doing this for Nano - you were amazing!

Thanks! I have never been to Colombia so I knew I had to make the descriptions perfect for myself, so I could imagine it, as well as readers so i'm glad you liked the imagery!

I also see Daphne as sarcastic and snarky so I knew I couldn't just have them as friends, not instantly anyway. She just can't help herself and Tristan (Texas) is a big antagonist in some respects, winding her up so it was really fun to write and it worked well between the characters!

Thank you for the CC, i'll definitely go back and have a look at all you've mentioned and see what I can do to change it!

I wish I could take the credit but Dempster comes from Jo herself so I didn't come up with it but I wish I had!

Thanks for the reivew Elise and being an amazing nano mum!

-Vicki


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Review #18, by NPE Prologue

14th November 2015:
It made me want to read more, sort of the point of a good prologue.

I enjoyed your subtle characterisations, and the story moves along with a fair degree of flair as well.

Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you so much for reviewing!

I'm glad you enjoyed it and it made you want to carry on!

Aww, thank you! and thank you again for taking the time to review!

-Vicki


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