Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews for Together As One
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Frankie05 Like The Moon, Hidden Away

2nd December 2015:
Lea!!

You have grown so much as a writer and I'm so proud of you.

Have you read Looking for Alaska because I think that Tonks definitely has some of the same attributes as Alaska. AND I'm so glad that with this quote, you chose to use it to describe Tonks.

This chapter was so tasteful. I loved how you said you never knew what you were going to get with her, being the moon and hidden away. That description was so beautiful I was momentarily knocked off my feet. Well done.

The love scene was described well enough that I knew what was going on but not to much to make me squirm so well done with that!

I really hope you continue on with this story. There is so much potential here:) great work!
Frankie

Author's Response: Aw, you adorable thing you! Thank you so much for that, it really means a lot to me!

I haven't read Looking for Alaska, but it's interesting that you say that.

I'm pleased you thought that 'that scene' was over/underdone. It was really the first scene of that sort that I've been happy enough with, so I'm glad it worked out. There probably will be a few more chapters in this story, and although I will likely still use the quotes, they won't in the challenge.


 Report Review

Review #2, by Frankie05 Life Is Not A Wish Granting Factory

2nd December 2015:
Lea!


I love the angst and confusion and the hurt and the torn and this whole chapter. Plus this is my first Tonks/Remus fic and I love how you did it. And I especially love how you did it in so few words! I love the use of the quote. It fit so perfectly in this scenario:) it really did make me smile!

Good luck with the challenge!
Frankie

Author's Response: Thanks Frankie, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!

Lea xxx


 Report Review

Review #3, by ravenclaw_princess Like The Moon, Hidden Away

19th November 2015:
Hello again. Because it took me so long to get to your first review, I thought I'd review this chapter for you as well.

Once again, you have captured a lovely moment in their relationship. Their relationship probably wasn't what most people would expect and have hence kept it private to avoid any disapproval from other, but with time, they know that it is right for them and that's all that matters.

The fear of the characters really comes through, yet is mentioned in the most subtle of ways. You allude to it, such as the Order members always being out on missions, and also how Lupin says 'Where you go I will go' He knows their future is fraught with danger, but with Tonks by his side, he will do what he must to fight the war. It's also got a hint of foreshadowing, knowing how their tale ends (sob)

I like the imagery with the moon. It is such a major part of Lupin's life that it was quite a neat comparison with how he see Tonks in his life. You're descriptions overall are really nice and I felt drawn into their tale. In very few words, you're able to convey so much emotion.

There are quite large spaces between the paragraphs so I recommend reducing these to only one or two spaces as it makes it easier to read.

Other thank that, this is another beautiful chapter. Well done

Jacqui

Author's Response: Thank you again, you didn't have to do both but I appreciate it all the same!

I'm glad you liked it this chapter (I personally like it more than the first one!)

I had some of problems with the editor when I first put the story up, but I will try and fix those large spaces soon.

Thanks,
Lea


 Report Review

Review #4, by ravenclaw_princess Life Is Not A Wish Granting Factory

19th November 2015:
Hey, I'm here for your requested review...finally. I'm sorry it took so long.

This is quite a nice little piece and you captured this moment in the relationship of Lupin and Tonks well. It was easy to sense Lupin's anguish; his heart was telling him that he should be with Tonks, but his brain was telling him that it wouldn't work. He always knew he loved her, he just didn't think that he deserved her. He thought she would be happier with someone else.

You captured a rare moment of Tonks' vulnerability. She is usually so carefree and spirited but here she is, just as you've described, heartbroken. She is being pushed away from Lupin, not because he doesn't love her but because he can't see their future like she can.

I love the ending and how by totally crushing Tonks' heart, he realised that he was also crushing his own. In such a small piece, you conveyed quite a lot of Lupin's character and how his brain was shut down and his heart won out.

I noticed a couple of minor errors
"mousy brown curls that currently tangled there" - Remove 'currently'. It's not needed
"but I dragged myself over to the wash-basin instead" change but to so

Apart from these, everything was written well with nice grammar and flow. You've done a nice job.

Jacqui

Author's Response: Hey Jacqui,

Thank you for reviewing this for me, I appreciate it.

Thank you for your opinion on a couple of the word choices there, I like them and will change them shortly.

Lea


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login