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Reading Reviews for Last Breath
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart Imaginary: I

31st December 2015:
Hey Connor,

So I'll be breaking this review down into the categories that I'll be using to judge my challenge.

Plot - I thought this was a really interesting concept. Having Theo be attacked in the beginning by Vampires and then seeing some of the stuff that happened leading up to it added a cool affect to it. I was a little confused about whether the third chapter happened before or after. I'm assuming before as well since his father isn't in Azkaban. The whole fascination with the female vampire was really interesting and I'm really curious to learn more about that. Is that the same person who almost killed Theo in the very beginning.

Characterization - I really enjoyed the characters that you've created. I thought Theodore and his family seemed really well fleshed out and I really got a good feel of what's going on in their world. Characters like Harry stayed right in line with cannon, which was a nice touch.

Creep Factor - Since this is a Psychological Horror challenge, one of the biggest things I'm judging is how creeped out the story made me feel. While I can't say that this was the most outright terrifying, I can certainly say that this left me with a sense of discomfort/unrest. I was really worried for Theo and what is going to happen to him now that he's entered the world of the vampires.

Spelling/Grammar/Typos - Overall, I thought this was pretty well put together. I did notice a handful of typos in each chapter, but they were usually minor things. The whole thing read smoothly and flowed well and I always found that I understood what you were saying.

All in all, I think Theo's story is quite haunting. I hope that he will find a way to survive, but something about this sort of just sets me on edge that he might have a really difficult time.

Great job! And thank you for entering into the Pyschological Horror Challenge. Results will hopefully be up in the next day or two.


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Review #2, by TreacleTart Haunted: I

31st December 2015:
Hey Connor,

Back for chapter 2!

I really liked that this chapter was from Harry's POV. It actually really helped to clarify a few things for me that I'd wondered about in the last chapter.

As with the previous chapter, you did a great job of describing your settings. Little details like Ginny falling asleep with her head in the cook of Harry's shoulder or the way the magical ceiling worked because of the spells on it really made this feel rich.

I thought your characterization of Harry was spot on with what we know of him from cannon. He definitely sort of takes possession of people's problems and tries to help them longer than most normal people would. He really is a selfless person and I could definitely see him going after Theo to make sure he was okay.

I felt really awful for Stephen in this chapter. After having his partner locked up, he the has to deal with his son running away and potentially having been attacked. I just really wanted to give him a hug and make him feel better.

Another solid chapter. I'm on to chapter 3 right now! Good job!


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Review #3, by TreacleTart Whisper: I

31st December 2015:
Hey Connor,

I'm dropping by to start reviewing this for my Psychological Horror Challenge. Since there are multiple chapters, I will leave shorter reviews on the first chapters and on the last posted chapter, I'll leave a longer review that's broken down into categories showing how I'll be judging your entry.

As soon as I started reading this, I realized that it's the very first time I've ever read a story focused around Theo Nott. In fact, I've hardly ever seen him in fics even as a side character. I love minor characters though and am quite excited to see how you'll build his character.

I thought you did a great job of building the creepy, tense atmosphere throughout this chapter. There was one particular part that really gave me the chills. The way that you described the sounds and sights of the forest just before the Vampire stepped out really created a vivid picture.

I did find the part where Theo wakes up in a strange home to be a little bit confusing at first. I wasn't sure if the people who found him were wizards or vampires. Eventually it became clear though.

All in all, a really intriguing start to the story. I'm curious to see how Theo handles being a vampire and who this mysterious vampiress is that's following him around. Good work!


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Review #4, by alicia and anne Whisper: I

6th December 2015:
Hello hubby! I am finally reading and reviewing this!

Poor Theo being all except for his stepfather, yay Stephen!! I'm so glad that you wrote about Voldies followers being out there wanting revenge, so many stories I've read have everything just be happy as soon as Voldy has gone, but obviously he's going to have people out there waiting to avenge him.

I still love the idea of David and Stephen so much! I need more of them!

Voldie had a wand to Theo's throat? :O

Oh no! Theo why did you go exploring? Now look what's happened, you should have taken that bed next to Harry :P

I hope that Theo can get to Aren safely... although who knows where Theo is going to go instead haha.

I am loving this already, Connor!! I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hey!

All alone, was that meant to say? I know right, it's so sad and I hate myself for making it worse... a little. I'm glad you like that bit, it's more realistic to still have backlash after the war.

David + Stephen 4 eva. :P

He did.

He really should have gone to that bed next to Harry. Silly Theo.

Theo's not going to Aren...

Thank you so much for leaving a review!


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