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Reading Reviews for Causatum
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella Hunter Harry

12th April 2016:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and sorry for the lateness!

So, this was interesting! I think that you've done a good job here showing the cost of war and talking about a Harry with mental health issues. We don't really see that often in fanfic and I really loved the fact that you didn't shy away from the ugliness of it.

I think that having him hear voices and referring to them as demons is really symbolic. It gives me chills to think about it and you've also strayed away from a happy ending with this chapter too. Even Ginny, or who I'm assuming to be Ginny, isn't enough for Harry to heal and he slumps further into darkness.

Powerful stuff! I honestly wouldn't worry much about having less dialogue because I think your descriptions are great and Harry's POV is written wonderfully. It's dark, uncomfortable and vulnerable all at once and that is a great thing to have in a story with this kind of theme.

Good job!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #2, by marauderfan Harry

8th April 2016:
Grace, this is AMAZING. This is such good writing, and I love how you've gotten into Harry's head in this really dark time after the war. I mean, the book ends on a hopeful note, but I think it highly realistic that Harry would suffer some form of PTSD after all he had experienced and seen - and all that by the time he was only seventeen. I love that you touch on Harry's feelings of guilt as well, because this is something that rings so true with who Harry is. Whenever anything Voldemort-related happens in the series, Harry always feels responsible (e.g. the snake that bit Arthur Weasley), and until Hermione and Ron insist on going with him to find Horcruxes, Harry was thinking of doing it himself. He always takes too much on himself and here you've extrapolated that into how he takes all the blame as well, which I find so believable.

Those first few lines especially are so powerful! How do you take on that much? And what you pointed out about Harry being a part of a machine - this is true as well and really sad that others were planning out all these things that he had to do. Dumbledore knew the whole time all that Harry would have to go through.

Your imagery throughout is stunning. I love all the dark shapes and stuff and the fact that nothing has any names - not the demons, and not even any of the characters. It kind of reinforces Harry's loneliness and how he feels like he's so alone in all this.

This is so good! I'm really glad I stopped by to read it.

xoxoxo ♥
Kristin

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Review #3, by Freda_and_Georgina Harry

6th April 2016:
Hello! Thought you could use some reviews so here I (Georgina) am!

This is vastly different from the usual things we read. I do enjoy a good depressive story every now and then, but this was almost hard for me to get through. I'm part of a group that ministers to people who have minimal hope so in that regard I could relate to this, but I've never struggled with depression on this level so I'm probably not the best to critique this story. To me, it seemed more hopeless then it should be, but Freda and I have also found we have a tendency to be more positive than most people.

That said, this was still an interesting read. I'm really sorry I couldn't give you a more specific review but this really isn't m cup of tea. From what I can understand, this was written very well. I really did like how you didn't mention anyone by name but it's still obvious to the reader who each person is.

Again, I'm glad I read this, and I'm sorry I couldn't give you a better review. I'm sure there are plenty of other people who could relate to this more than I could.

Hope you have an excellent day!
--Georgina

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Review #4, by TearsIMustConceal Harry

9th January 2016:
Hey Grace! I'm here with your requested review!

I was instantly intrigued by your summary “Everybody has a chapter they don't read out loud. “ It seriously caught my attention and I really wanted to know more about what you meant and who you were going to start with first because so many characters could relate to this in so many ways – they all went through so much, it's quite believable that they would be feeling all sorts of emotions. You could go in so many different directions, character wise, so i'll be definitely reading on when you've posted the next chapter!

Now, onto the story!

You said you were unsure because you had a set amount of words to use per chapter, 500 is it? But do you know what? The length of this is perfect – you managed to convey such torment and guilt and fear into so few words yet the impact it had was incredible! I felt every emotion, every word – your writing is amazing and you've done such an amazing job with this!

Everything flowed perfectly, the transitions you made were smooth and I think, perhaps even if they had been slightly jumpy, it would have fit with Harry's state of mind so it wouldn't have been a bad thing at all! The way you've made the reader feel with every line is a mark of you talent and reading this, I feel as though you've made it easier for us to understand his feelings of guilt and what being the main piece of a game can eventually do to you, how it can harm both body and mind. It's not stretch to believe that it took a long time to get to the happy, settled Harry we see in the epilogue – in fact, this is more believable because you don't go through all of that and come out of the other side not damaged and utterly exhausted.

There was one sentence that caught my attention - “He had been the primary piece in a well-oiled machine that brought down an empire for years.” I feel as though it doesn't quite flow as well as it could? As though there is perhaps a comma missing?

But aside from that, everything was amazingly written and completely believable. I cannot wait for the next chapter!

-Vicki

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Review #5, by velajune Harry

9th January 2016:
Hey Grace,
Following through with this request! :D
I’m intrigued by your summary, first of all. I’ve heard of, sayings like “everyone’s a chapter on someone else’s book” and others of the same kind, but never came across “everybody has a chapter they don’t read out loud” (which is strange since a lot of us can relate to it).

I’m going to be honest; your warning in the Area of Concern did psych me out. I ended up putting off reading this during the night time.

Overall, I was entranced by the flow of the story and your writing. Great use of 500 words! I was especially taken by the details that had repetition like “He was a juicy vein that had been ready, right, ripe, to be tapped…” and then having that complete 180, “they had drained him too dry”. I don’t think this story was jumpy at all. The transitions from one idea/thought were clear and you get this tastefully, almost understated, trauma. I say almost understated because it’s not IN YOUR FACE type of writing. I quite liked that about this piece. You gave the readers enough information to understand Harry, but left them space to decide how they feel for themselves.

I did find there was a sentence in the beginning that didn’t slide off the tongue as nicely. The sentence is “Throughout the battle, he felt valorous, and fought valiantly”. The reason why it’s ‘bad’ is there are a lot of harsh consonants within the sentence compared to the previous sentence. So the reader is momentarily thrown off. BUT I wouldn’t rearrange it- though I did think at first that you should. Here’s why I think it works fine as it is. This is a story about how Harry doesn’t feel that what he has done is something to celebrate anymore. So at the time before this story- he felt like a hero, and fought like one rather than, he fought like a hero, and he felt like one. The latter sounds obnoxious which Harry isn’t. Sassy he maybe, but obnoxious he is not. I would definitely say, you captured parts of Harry pretty well and created this tortured Post-Hogwarts Harry.

I also loved your last line. It’s the last and strongest blow towards the kind of person Harry saw himself as.

There were a couple places that maybe I thought you had simply missed when rereading your own writing like in the paragraph, “The others (no apostrophe) would try…” Another correction I would make, “His lasting prayer was for them to try [to] live a happier life now”.

Other than that, great job!
June

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