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Reading Reviews for Winds of Abomination
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dramione love Drop Your Guard

28th January 2016:
been waiting for a while for next chapter... great story pls post!!! love this and you :)

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much!!! So glad you love it;)

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Review #2, by marauderfan Prologue

27th November 2015:
Hi Lindsey! It's been ages since I've been around HPFF regularly so it's good to be reading one of your stories again! I will say though, I only read one chapter at a time from my review thread just to be fair to all requesters. But you are always more than welcome to re-request :)

So here goes!

This is vastly different to most Dramiones I see on here and for that reason I really, really like it. I admit I haven't read the first story but even so, this doesn't leave me confused or lost even though it's a sequel.

You've also done a remarkable job setting the tone - it's obvious this disconnect in the relationship has been going on some time, as Arabella doesn't seem to react much to her parents fighting, and Hermione and Draco kind of have this tired way of dealing with it as if they've just been avoiding having The Important Us Talk for a long time. It just feels so sad and stale and by going right for the emotions of the reader you've cemented my interest in it as I already feel so badly for all three main characters and just want them to be happy again, however you make that happen.

I also really like your handling of the characters. It's clear that Draco and Hermione have both changed a lot since their Hogwarts days as they are now married, but I can still see vestiges of their teenage selves - like Hermione being primarily career focussed (very believable) and Draco's snide, under the breath comment about 'words left unsaid as usual'. I can see that being something Teenage Draco would say. So basically what I'm saying is that although the characters have changed from how we know them in the books, they are very believable. Great job :)

The flow of the chapter is great, and I would advise removing that section break after the fifth paragraph. It's not really separating anything, so you don't need it.

Ok, my CC:

Five-year-old Arabella Malfoy opens her gray eyes in the middle of the night to yelling. -- Technically, this sentence is fine. I might suggest editing it a little though just because the senses don't line up - like, you don't notice yelling with your eyes. I might say 'she wakes up to yelling', or 'she opens her grey eyes as the sound of yelling reaches her ears from the hallway.' It's fine as is, but that's just my suggestion :)

My hyperactive Typo Radar also picked up on these things:
Her father yells at her mother, whom must have just walked in - here, I think you want to use 'who' instead of 'whom'.

a spinning image of herself -- I believe the term you're looking for is 'spitting image' (I have always wondered about the origin of this weird phrase. but that's a tangent haha)

“Goodnight, little one. Sleepwell.” - 'sleep well' is two words :)

This is such a good start, Lindsey! I'm excited to see what you do with this story. Excellent work so far. :)

Author's Response: Hi there!
I am so sorry it took me so long to respond. I am starting a new job and have been so busy! As always I love your review. You're always so honest and kind about my story and also you give great CC too!!!
I will go and correct those few things. Thanks again, so much!


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Review #3, by ms simone Drop Your Guard

21st November 2015:
like the hermione's decision so should could spend more time with her family! hope it work out...

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading my story :) I'm glad u like it. Keep reading to see the outcome ;)

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Review #4, by Gail Welin Prologue

20th November 2015:
Hi Lindsey!

I'm here from the forums with you requested review :)
I see this is a sequel to your first fanfiction so first off, congratulations on completing your first novel and starting a sequel!

I really like your plot and characterisation. I'm just sharing my thoughts on this chapter, it's just my opinion :)

As Arabella calls her mother "mummy" yet Draco is "Father", I'm assuming that Draco became like Lucius in some ways; cold, distant (not necessarily unloving, though) towards his child. That would mean Hermione didn't get to influence him away from the Malfoy education, which made me kind of sad because that's one of the aspects I love so much about Dramiones ^^

"the fighting couple then falls silent" feels off as you do not specify the couple arguing as they walk to the couch and sit down - as far as the reader is concerned, Hermione says she's head of her department and he should give her a break, then they go and sit down. Also, there is may not be need for "This causes the both of them to not say another word" as they have not said a word since "falls silent".

Arabella looking like her mother: "identical to her daughter’s", "a spinning [spitting?] image of herself", contradicted with Arabella's grey eyes. Physical descriptions are always important, but they often hack down the plot progression with details that are not quite (yet?) relevant. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I think you could reduce it all to a simple "looking like her mother except for her eyes" thing where repetition could be cute considering Harry :p

I love that Hermione is so career-driven! I'm a huge fan of Dramione, but I must admit that Ron has a soothing effect Draco doesn't have. Plus, the latter is used to being filthy wealthy so doesn't much care for work or see the point in working so much (what does he do when he's not at work, though?). It's no wonder a workaholic Hermione and him would clash - I love that you are picking at their relationship and I am quite looking forward to see if they will come out stronger or if they will break!
You're staying very true to canon and it kind of shows just how dysfunctional Hermione and Draco are as a couple, let alone as parents. Which makes me wonder: with Hermione working so much and Draco not being a daddy, who takes care of Arabella most of the time?

The state they are in is just so painful! It seems like their relationship has reached a dead-end where communication is lost and all that are left are bitterness and loneliness. I feel so sorry for the two! I hope they can work on it and fix this. The ball is in Hermione's court!

This was an entertaining read! Feel free to re-request :)
*Gee

Author's Response: Hi Gee!
Thanks for reading the first chapter and giving me some much needed CC on it as well. I will definitely re-request :) I will change some of those things that you pointed out, thanks so much for pointing them out! And her calling him father, I was just thinking that was the British way of doing thing. Do you think 'daddy' would be better?
Thanks again!
-Lindsey


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Review #5, by blablabla000 Drop Your Guard

19th November 2015:
the news of ron and lavender having a baby bothered hermione way more than it should have...interesting??

Author's Response: I know, it shouldn't bother a woman who has been married to someone else for five years. But it does bother her. Hmm...

Keep on reading ;) Thanks for reviewing and especially for reading I appreciate it!


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Review #6, by Quidditch Prologue

18th November 2015:
I've always HATED Dramione fan-fiction but this one is really good and I'm gonna force myself to keep reading.

Author's Response: Well I appreciate that and feel really flattered that you want to continue reading! That makes me want to continue writing!!! :D Thank you so much for reading.

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Review #7, by maxi Drop Your Guard

18th November 2015:
Loving this so far! You have a very good plot going and I can't wait til you update

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you, I'm glad you like it- hopefully it will be updated soon!

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Review #8, by LunaLove1 Drop Your Guard

18th November 2015:
I think Hermione did make the right decision, lets hope she sticks with it.

Author's Response: Yep, we will see ;)

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Review #9, by LunaLove1 Melody of Life

18th November 2015:
This chapter was really well written. I love the plot!

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much I'm glad you like it!!!

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Review #10, by LunaLove1 Prologue

18th November 2015:
Sad start to the story, but I can already tell it is going to be a good one!

Author's Response: Yeah it is sort of sad but I hope you keep reading ;)

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Review #11, by ms simone Melody of Life

17th November 2015:
great plot.. looking forward to reading more...

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am glad you are so far enjoying it!

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