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Reading Reviews for Intemptesta Nox
29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Marshal Into the West

23rd May 2016:
A very lovely ending dear. Over all I liked the story. Just the right amount of creepy. Though I have so so many questions about the possible future that Aislinn saw. What was that? It has caused a lot of thoughts to buzz in my head. Have you written anything pertaining to that alternate future? Why was Sirius among the Death Eaters there? Did Aislinn think it was him but it was Regulus? In some ways my brain buzzes a bit to write the alternate future but I'm sure that buzzing will wane.

Either way I look forward to hearing from you about this! You know where to find be if a review response isn't enough to cover things and my questions!

Author's Response: Hello again, love. I'm thrilled you made it to the end of the story.

The vision that Aislinn saw was a twisted version of the future. Remember her sister had been a Seer. With her own ability to Shift destroyed, Aislinn inherited a warped version of her twin's ability. Only the visions are not of will happen, but of what might have happened.

So yes, in that alternative future Lily was enslaved and leashed much like a dog. Sirius was a Death Eater. He eventually had caved into the pressures from his family (remember that if Aislinn had not Shifted and changed the past, James would have died before Sirius ran away from home). As for the others, although it wasn't in Ash's visions my muse assures me that Lupin committed suicide (killing his best friends and passing his curse to Lily was too much to bear). Severus never joined Voldemort, mostly due to Lily's enslavement.

It is tempting to think about what that alternative future might have been like, but I doubt my muse would go for it.

Once again, thank you for the lovely review!



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Review #2, by Marshal Dead of Night

23rd May 2016:
Hello dearest! I am back to finish the story. I have been meaning to come back and read the rest of the story. This chapter was very gripping. I recognized the bit you had sent me that one time. I see you eliminated Narcissa and substituted another Black. Cannon age being the reason? Still very gripping. Also the death of McGonagall was stellar. I was getting emotional there but then again I love the woman. I had to stop reading for a few minutes not just because I'm reading at work and had work to tend to but because of the emotion as well.

Fantastic work as always love! I look forward to taking the time to read the next chapter soon!

Author's Response: Hello, dearest! Thank you so much for returning to this story, particularly in light of your crazy work schedule.

Yes, I changed Narcissa for my original character, Adhara Black, who is Narcissus younger sister. Age was not the primary reason; it was more because of Child of the Hunt (CotH). Adhara is the mother of the main character, Alexis. This story has many links to CotH.

As for McGonagall's death, you make me blush. That part was not in my original plans for the story, but my muse insisted on it. And to be honest, I felt very much like Sirius as I was writing it. I've never sat with a person as they passed, so Sirius' question resonated with me.

Thanks again for the unexpected review.



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Review #3, by TearsIMustConceal Into the West

13th March 2016:
Hi Alexis, here for the last time, which really makes me sad.

I must say, I did expect the appearance of Voldemort – I knew, that despite everything, he would come for her much like he came for Caitlin. He's not stupid and he knows Aislinn is a valuable asset to his side.

What I didn't expect was Sirius' switch to the Dark Side – that was something I would never have predicted. Nor would I predicted Lily Evans to be captured and be practically a slave to Voldemort. How did this happen? Did Sirius do this? Or did Sirius turn to the bad side in self-preservation once Lily had been captured? Where is James? I'm guessing he's dead? There is no way he'd allow himself to live if Lily was captured. And where is Remus? So many questions!

Her laughter – I love this part. I feel like her laughing really signified the strength of her character, in the face of death.

Oh my god, there's Caitlin! That I wasn't expecting either! How twisted of Voldemort to turn her into something death-like when she refused him but in hindsight, he likes to get what he wants and to him, I think death would be too kind to those who have refused him. But still, that was such a shock! And this is Aislinn's weak spot – that must hurt so much, to see the sister she couldn't save from such horror. Death would have been much kinder.

It makes sense that after all of this, death is the only answer for Aislinn. She has done so much, fought so hard and now she is ready to face death head on, and save her sister in the process. She is such a brave, strong character.

The ending was so fitting and it was the ending Aislinn deserved after all she's been through. And to be reunited with Caitlin is so fulfilling to my heart.

Oh wow, once again Alexis, your writing and your descriptions are just incredible and although I'm so sad that this is over, I have thoroughly enjoyed every single chapter and this is being added to my favourites immediately. Everything has come full circle and I am so glad Aislinn got her happy ending, even if it had to happen in death but even that, death seemed like the fitting ending for her character.

This was such an amazing story Alexis and I want to thank you for requesting and bringing this amazing story to my attention!


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Review #4, by TearsIMustConceal Dead of Night

12th March 2016:
Hi Alexis! I'm finally here with your requested review. I am so sorry it's taken me so long!

Oh wow, this whole chapter had me on the edge of my seat. From the very beginning, I was so tense as I was reading it and so much happened!

Ahh, I loved the appearance of Sirius here although when he said Remus has murdered James and Peter, I was not expecting that at all! It really threw me for the rest of the chapter until I realised what was happening towards the end. Thinking about it, I knew she would shift but at the same time, hearing that James had died really stopped me in my tracks!

Your writing is so vivid – I've said this before but your use of description is sensational. I felt as though I was seeing the blood and tasting it – everything is just so vivid and clear and amazing and it really just adds another dimension to this already wonderful story.

I was literally on the edge of my seat as Aislinn has all of those thoughts running through her head about who was to blame. I think it's a credit to you that we find out the same time Aislinn does because it just adds to the tension that you so wonderfully build throughout the chapter. And I kept thinking I knew who was to blame and then you'd add a curve ball with a genuine, believable reason, throwing me off the scent for a while before you finally revealed that it was who I thought it was anyway! What a rollercoaster!

Oh wow, that description of Adhara was bone chilling and I wasn't expecting it, or Remus to appear behind her, having done that to her! So many twists and turns to keep us guessing and to keep us shocked! It was a wonderful twist though!

Oh no, poor McGonagall, that made me really sad. But her little 'ten points...ravenclaw' quip – it was definitely something I could imagine her doing, trying to make a little joke in such a dire situation. And then Sirius asking Aislinn what to do – it really showed just how young he actually is and that is something we never see with the Marauders; we tend to just see them as brave and headstrong and joining the Order but here we see another side to Sirius, a side we don't see often and I loved it so much. It was such a poignant scene in the chapter and one that really stuck with me – it was touching how you wrote it and you did it justice.

Oh Snape and Lily. I was expecting to see Snape somewhere but not holding Lily's body in his arms, him trying to heal her. I just assumed Lily would be okay against Remus but then again, he's not himself. This was such a touching scene, despite me not being a big fan of Snape/Lily moments.

And there's the book. I knew it was Diedre but I wasn't expecting the way it all happened. She was just trying to bring her parents back, which is so realistic and heartbreaking because you know she never wanted to cause the harm she did. That scene really stuck with me as did the prophecy – the Black Lily is the key? I'm wracking my brains trying to figure out what this means! It's killing me.

Oh Aislinn – she'll never be free from her demons will she? I do feel sorry for her because she is so strong at times but then she shows weakness and coldness and I wish she could make it go away.

And the book shop and keeper – how did he know? Because Aislinn shifted back in time? How did he find out? This is really making me think hard!

Now, I know you added something in here to link it to the series but I can't for the life of me find it, which is very frustrating because I love seeing the little clues and I don't whether I've just missed it or i've mentioned it and not realised.

Once again, you've outdone yourself with this chapter and I'm sad this is coming to an end! You're such an amazing writer Alexis!


Author's Response: Heya Vicki,

No worries, dear. RL happens. :p

Could you tell that this chapter and the previous actually were written as one chapter? It wasn't until I read it through later that I felt it was a bit long and needed to be split. Then I had the task of determining what was the best breaking point - each chapter had to have some balance.

But enough of that and onto Sirius. From the start, I knew he'd end up with Ash for part of the journey in the dungeons just as I knew Remus would cause havoc during the full moon.

The details of some of the bloodier bits were hard to write. I wanted to present everything as vividly as I could see it in my mind (which was too explicit), but at the same time keep everything within the ToS. I think I skimmed the line so to speak, and really I have to give kudos to Rumpel for reading passages before submission and giving input.

And you make me blush, Vicki! I tried to put in a few red herrings while giving peeks of the real perpetrator so that the reveal didn't come out of left field.

With McGonagall, that part was something that I didn't know would happen until it came up. And while I knew Sirius would be there when werewolf!Remus appeared, I never anticipated Sirius would be at a loss with what to do with his Head of House. I just got an image in my head of him sitting there, looking up with wide eyes, saying "I don't know what to do." Usually when I catch a glimpse of Sirius as a student, it's always the prankster, so this surprised even me.

I will admit that I ship Snilly. I think it could have worked had Lily just listened to him after the "Mudblood" incident. Regardless, this scene happens just before that fateful event. It stands to reason that Lily might have attempted to seek Severus, to warn him, even if their friendship was strained at that point. And of course, Severus would seek to heal an injured Lily.

As for Aislinn and her demons, do we ever really manage to get free from ours? Do they not always haunt us in some way?

Now for your questions. Regarding the book shop and its keeper, the name of the place was the biggest clue: Mephistophilus Rare and Olde Books. That first part is also spelled Mephistopheles, as in the demon that appeared not only in German folklore, but also in the legend of Faust. The shopkeeper provided Deidre with the means to do what she desired the very most: to bring her parents back. Just not perhaps in the way that Deidre intended.

As for the links to Child of the Hunt, there are several sprinkled throughout. In this chapter it was the tarot card that lay on the ground next to Adhara's head. You pointed out the tarot cards several times in that story. Also, in the first chapter here the link was the Order of Merlin medal that Ash sent to Dumbledore. The metal appears in Dumbledore's office when Alex speaks to the Headmaster after her Sorting. I don't think you read that far into Child of the Hunt, though.

Finally, there's the Black Lily. You've met her already: it's Alex. Take a closer look at her full birth name: Alexis Amaryllis Black. The name Amaryllis refers to a plant with the common name lily due to the shape of its flower. And her last name is Black. So Amaryllis Black is a mirror version of Black Lily. The question you are left with is what is the Black Lily the key to? Hmmm ...

Speaking of black lilies, these flowers appear numerous times in this story. In the first chapter, the mirror version of Caitlin wore this flower tucked behind her ear. We learn from Aislinn's memories in the second chapter that dying black lilies lay on the floor of the safe house from which Caitlin was captured. And in this chapter, there were black lilies scattered on the floor around the Mirror of Erised. In Child of the Hunt, a small potted black lily is located in Dumbledore's office, on the same shelf as Ash's Order of Merlin metal.

Ok, I'm almost out of response space. I better end it here.


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Review #5, by MadiMalfoy The Assignment

29th February 2016:
Hello Alexis! I'm finally getting around to my review thread again and I'm here with yours!

You requested a general review with a slight focus on overarching plot and interest.

Boy was I interested right off the bat! This is the first story I've read in a long time that was really focused on thoughts/memory in a dark manner, and it did not disappoint in the opening chapter at all! You definitely hooked me in with the opening scene. It carefully gave us a look into the "future" of the story-verse without revealing too much about what happened yet--fantastic execution! I'm not usually one to enjoy really horror/psychological thriller type movies/stories, but you keep it toned down some so it's not just straight horrifying, but rather intriguing with a side of scary. In this chapter, you give us a bit more of Aislinn's backstory with her sister and her job and the memories of their Hogwarts times with a seamless fusion I wish I possessed in my own writing! You touch on the darkness Ash has been dealing with for the past year with Caitlin's death, and also subtly slip in some good references to the times (the Death Eaters, obviously the first Wizarding War) without blatantly having to state it. I'm also excited to see how you weave the core of the Marauders into the story as well.

ALSO AN UNSPEAKABLE ALEXIS I HAVE BEEN WAITING AGES FOR AN UNSPEAKABLE CHARACTER-CENTERED STORY! This is such a great idea for the Unspeakable character to deal with and it just makes SO much sense! I've actually wanted to write an Unspeakable story for a while but didn't know how to go about it because there is obviously very little canon information about their jobs in the Department of Mysteries. You just go for it with what we do know and have already begun spinning a tale that I'm sure will end up leaving me in excruciating pain for Aislinn and the rest of the Marauders.

Very well done on these first two chapters, I can't wait for the next! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #6, by Marshal Darkness Descends

29th February 2016:
Things are coming together very nicely. As the prophecy played out again I kind of pieced things together a bit more in regards to what will happen some. I'm not saying I've got it all figured out. I am looking forward to reading more but I shall wait for your say so to move forward.

The creepy factor certainly jumped up here and I look forward to more. Excellent work dear!

Author's Response: The prophecy that's been alluded to all along is revealed as things turn dark and blood is spilled. That snippet you read is coming up soon, but not before a number of deaths occur.

For me, this was where things got hard to write. Balancing how much detail to include in order to effectively bring across the sheer horror of the situation while staying within the ToS became a dance. I'm thrilled you found it to be creepy!



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Review #7, by Marshal Chasing Shadows

29th February 2016:
Oh wow! I simply loved this chapter. Not dark, at least not really and it really amused me. I loved Lily trying to explain things and how the Marauders. Honestly you have the boys pretty spot on and I thoroughly enjoyed reading them. I particularly loved Lily using a rolled up news paper to smack Sirius! Too funny. She doesn't know what she is doing but the imagery was awesome!

Also I'm glad we got to see a full shift. We had references and I've been like "Come on where is the shift" I knew you wouldn't leave me hanging but still I had been waiting for it.

As for the over arching plot I am seeing a few things that Aislinn poor dear is not seeing but that is the advantage of not living things and just reading them and also knowing you as a writer ;-)

Author's Response: As you can imagine, Marshal, I had a little fun with this chapter. First the cringe-worthy awkward date with Peter. I felt bad for the boy, but Ash was insistent in following her duty. To her mind, that meant following the most likely person involved in the prophecy: Severus.

Yes, finally we see what it's like for her to Shift. I hope it was worth the wait! And if the first go around with Peter wasn't bad enough, now Aislinn has to re-live at least part of it.

My favorite part was when Lily was trying to explain the situation for Ash, though. It seems to be a universal thing among males - they normally avoid that topic.

I'm glad you're picking up the tidbits strewn about. Things are about to get really interesting!



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Review #8, by Marshal Shadows Gather

29th February 2016:
The damaged skin the mingled memories this is twisted and kind of keeps me on the edge of my seat. I told you my opinion of how horrid it is to have the memories not your own. I know it can help her but living like that has got to be hell!

Also you did a nice job with the marauders. I think it is super cute that Peter likes Charlotte. I think it is cute how the guys kind of push him into asking her out. Really you balanced and did things very nicely here.

I do apologize for the short review. I try to leave them when the story is fresh in my mind so you get my raw and fresh feelings but life got in the way of writing up the review but I can say without a doubt that I have enjoyed this chapter and I have been eager to read the next chapter but haven't allowed my self to do such simply because I needed to review this chapter first! So please do forgive me for the one poor review.

Author's Response: Hi there Marshal,

You're right, living with someone else's memories isn't pleasant for Aislinn. Sometimes the ends do not justify the means.

So you liked the bit with the Marauders? Yay! That was actually fun to write. You just know Sirius and James couldn't just give Peter helpful hints - they'd have to take things a step further. And poor Aislinn! She has to put up with it. Imagine going back to high school for a moment and then dealing with those boys. To be honest, Peter isn't her type. None of the boys are, which makes this all the more awkward.

And don't worry about the short reviews. I'm happy just for reviews period. :p



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Review #9, by Marshal The Assignment

27th February 2016:
You know this is a very nice chapter for setting things up. I know so many people skip over reviewing the chapters that help you transition from point A to B but I figured it would be nice of me to go ahead and give this chapter a bit of love considering that there are no reviews on this chapter.

Knowing some of the things to come as I've read over another scene that is later in the store I'm a little more creeped out than other people would be at this point but you've set things nicely and in some ways already it is not hard to see why she might have snapped as she did in the first chapter I mean posing as a dead girl (even if no one knows it) can't be easy!

We'll have to see what comes in the coming chapters! Also you knew I had to read this fic as a whole seeing as I have read parts of it!

Author's Response: Heya Marshal,

This is what I usually refer to as the dreaded info-dump chapter, so I'm so glad you found it be good. Enough information has to be given to lay the foundations and without being overwhelming or too revealing. This becomes a little more challenging when you take that first creepy chapter into consideration.

Yes, using an dark artifact to pose as a dead girl cannot be a pleasant prospect for Aislinn. Never mind that it will also give her access to that dead girl's memories. All of that in the face of her own sister's recent demise and a daunting prophecy. This will be no easy mission.

And I love that you decided to read this story because I'd really love see what you think of it on a whole - from how the plot progresses and the how characters act to the bits of foreshadow and symbolism. When I decided to make this tale part of my NaNo challenge, I went in with the goal of trying to imbue this story with a lot more than what's just on the surface. Plus, linking it not only to Child of the Hunt but also to Chasing Fireflies.

Anyways, thanks for the lovely review. I look forward to seeing what you think of the next chapter as it features a scene with the Marauders.



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Review #10, by TreacleTart Into the West

27th February 2016:
Hello again!

Finally here to review the last chapter of your story for my Psychological Horror Challenge! Again, my apologies that it took so long. This last review will be a bit longer and more detailed. The first portion of it will discuss the last chapter and the second portion of it will be about the story as a whole and will break down how I'm judging these challenge entries.

This particular chapter was intriguing. I'm guessing this was what the girl in the mirror was warning about in the first chapter. It was certainly horrible to think that her sister, Caitlin was forced into Voldemort's service even after death. Kudos for a super creepy, disturbing scenario.

I was a bit confused about what Aislinn was seeing in this chapter. I'm assuming because you said that the scene shifted, she was maybe having a vision of the future or of an alternate reality? Either way, I honestly have a hard time imagining a scenario in which Sirius submits to the Dark Lord and allows Lily to be taken as a slave. I think he's the type of person who would die before letting that happen, but again, that's just a personal feeling about his character.

I liked the decision that Aislinn came to at the end. I feel like that was certainly the best option available to her and I like that it was like one last act of defiance.

My only real cc on this chapter is that the ending felt a little too neatly wrapped up for me. I guess wit how disturbing the story was, I felt a real disconnect with the lovely, peaceful scenario that you presented. Again, this is really more of a personal feeling, but I just wanted to throw it out there.

Now...onto the story as a whole!

Typos/Spelling/Grammar - This story was very smooth and polished. In the entire seven chapters, I came across only a handful of typos. Even better was that the sentence structure and description was very smooth. Nothing read awkwardly or seemed out of place.

Plot/Pace/Flow - I thought the plot you came up with for this was very unique and original. It was executed very well and you really built the suspense through out. Pacing worked really well. It starts sort of slowly, but it begins to build quickly. You did a great job with foreshadowing.

Creep Factor - Of all the entries, this definitely made my skin crawl the most. I think it's because you explored some scenarios that were particularly awful and you didn't shy away from writing graphic scenes. Personally, I'm not the biggest fan of bloody gore (which is why I prefer Psychological Horror), but I thought you balanced it well. There wasn't insane violence for no reason. It all fit within the context of the story.

Characters - The biggest thing I can commend you on is the way you built your OC. Truthfully, I find stories featuring OCs hard to get in to because often times writers don't do a good enough job developing them or making them feel like a real person, but you my dear, did excellently with that. By the end of this, I knew Aislinn's fears, desires, powers, family history, feelings towards school, etc. You really fleshed her out (no pun intended) in a way that made her believable within cannon, so superb job there!

Overall, I'm quite impressed with this entry and want to thank you for putting such phenomenal effort into it. Keep your eyes peeled because the results will be up soon!


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Review #11, by TreacleTart Dead of Night

27th February 2016:
Hello there!

Back to finish reviewing this very creepy story for my Psychological Horror Challenge. I'm terribly sorry that it's been so long. RL has been getting in the way unfortunately.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! There was something just a bit off about Diedre's behavior and I just had a feeling that the whole Snape/Voldemort thing was a red herring. If anything, I now have to believe that Snape knew what was going on and was trying to follow Diedre.

I really like how you tied the spell to the mirror. That was a clever piece of writing..and it was particularly creepy to see the inferi pouring out of all the mirrors in the school.

I think possibly the most horrific part of this story is what happens to Remus. Unfortunately, when the full moon fades, I don't think he'd be able to live with what he'd done. It's pretty awful to kill someone, but let alone to butcher people that you love and care about. Definitely gave me the heebie jeebies.

I really like that Aislinn brought Sirius with her. I can't imagine him just hanging around hiding. Knowing him, he'd want to help, so I thought that was fitting with cannon. It was sad to think of him comforting MxGonagall as she dies.

The ending was a great relief and I won't say much about it here because I don't want to spoil it, but needless to say, I'm happy.

All in all, I thought this was a very effective chapter. You really did well with the creep factor and the ick factor. It certainly made me feel very squeamish.

Good work!


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Review #12, by TearsIMustConceal Darkness Descends

26th February 2016:
Hey Alexis, I am so sorry it's taken me so long to do this review. I've got a lot going on so everything has taken a back seat, including reviews and I had planned on doing them last week but I had a really bad day which just knocked me for a while. But here I am, finally and my god, this chapter was amazing! I've been waiting for the action to happen!

I knew as soon as I saw the dream sequence that something was going to go down, and I was so excited! The dream scene was extremely vivid and well written, I could feel every emotion between the two of them and that prophecy – did you come up with that? Because that's amazing. Salvation bears time's seal Now I see that it's Aislinn! It's all beginning to come together now.

I could instantly feel Aislinn's tenseness as she went downstairs – the build up to everything that comes after is amazingly written – I could honestly feel my heart going as it slowly dawned on Aislinn that it was happening there and then. And when she finally shed Charlotte's demeanour and demanded Lily go to Dumbledore, that's when she took charge and I just love Aislinn. You've created an amazing character Alexis!

The inferi – the way you described them, and that first scene in the bathroom, seeing Aislinn's reaction to them, it was so realistic and vivid and incredible. We know she's tough but it's nice to see that human side, a slightly vulnerable side and the fact she isn't prepared in seeing that, despite her training. It was a nice touch.

But then she springs back into action and that's it then – she's in charge and she becomes this force to be reckoned with, but not in the superhuman, unattainable sense, just that she's a natural leader and she knows how to take charge of situations. She's the type of person that in a horrible situation, you wish you could be instead of panicking in a corner somewhere.

The mirrors being used as portals is clever. You have an amazing imagination Alexis, I don't know how you do it. But now I want to know who sent them, is it truly Voldemort or is it something to do with Diedre or a mixture of the two? I am so intrigued as to who is that clever to think of using something so inane as mirrors as a way into the school.

I cannot wait to read on, honestly, I just need to know what's happening!

I am so sorry it's taken me so long but I am so glad that you requested again and please, fee free to do it with the next chapter. I promise that it won't take me as long next time!


Author's Response: A New Year calls for a Review Response Resolution! Sorry it took a while to respond to your lovely review.

Hey there Vicki!

Sorry it took a while to respond to your lovely review. A New Year calls for a Review Response Resolution, so here we go!

Yes, finally after the build up, it's happening - the thing that the prophecy warned about. Speaking of which, that prophecy nearly drove me crazy trying to get just right. I went back and forth with it, so I'm thrilled you loved it.

It was nice to write Aislinn free from having to pretend to be a shy student. She doesn't have to limit how she responds, yet she's not unstable like how she was in the opening chapter. But you're right, she's also human and no matter the amount of training, seeing the remains of someone torn to bits is going to impact her.

As for the bit with the mirrors, thanks! I'm not sure exactly where I pulled that from, although probably from some of the horror films I've seen. My main inspirations for this story have been things like Silent Hill and Amityville Horror.

Anyways, thanks again for the review and I apologize for the late response.



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Review #13, by Dirigible_Plums The Assignment

22nd February 2016:

It's Plums here with your requested review. :)

I never know what to say when I review your work because it's just so well-written that I don't know what to comment on. I mean, I like ALL of it and there's genuinely no concrit to give so I'm just full of endless praise. Which is more than welcome, I suppose ;)

I'd like to commend you on how you've written Dumbledore. He's a character I'm wary of approaching because he's so complex and his turn of phrase is quite unique. You wrote him wonderfully, however. It's almost as if his portrayal here was written by JKR herself! I liked the fact thaf you brought up his objection to the interference of the Ministry and their methods, no matter how good their intentions. You've really stayed true to his character here.

Speaking of characters, Aislinn continues to intrigue me. She's just as mysterious as her job. Each new thing revealed about her baffles me - her power, her link to what's happening etc. I look forward to finding out more.

Ooh and the plot thickens. I really have no idea what to expect from this. I feel like I'm either being creeped out (I mean 'I remembered those words spilling out of my mouth as Caitlin literally spoke through me'? That's beyond creepy) or being thrown a curveball. I'm left with so many questions.

This was wonderfully written. You have such an interesting plot that continues to draw me in.

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hey there Plums!

You have no idea how much I struggled with Dumbledore' dialogue. He's an old British dude and as a redneck Latina raised in southeastern US, I'm about as far away from that as possible. I don't even know any old British dudes for crying out loud. So I'd re-watch parts of the HP films, or interviews with Ian McKellen or Patrick Stewart, just for reference. Then when I wrote, I'd try to 'hear' Dumbledore's voice in head. If I couldn't imagine him saying it, then I knew it wasn't good.

The only other character I have such a hard time with is Professor Snape. Luckily this story takes place during the Marauder's era so when Aislinn runs across Severus, he's a student and not quite as formidable.

Speaking of Aislinn, I'm thrill you like her. She was a unique character to write, with a distinct voice. There were times that she wouldn't tell me everything, not at first, but doled them out bit by bit. Other times I'd get pieces of information and then she'd tell me 'but that's not important'. Those parts didn't get included in the tale.

Just so you know, the next chapter shows what it was like for Aislinn to attend classes again after having graduated long ago.

Thanks for the wonderful review! It brightened my day!


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Review #14, by TearsIMustConceal Chasing Shadows

6th February 2016:
Hi Alexis, here with your requested review!

The date between Aislinn and Peter was as awkward as I expected it be, which I loved, but I did love the fact you gave Peter a role in this chapter – he's always forgotten about so it's nice to see him written about, even if it was because he was on the most awkward date in history. But I found it cute he complimented her hair – he really was trying.

Snape keeps cropping up but I really don't think he's got anything to do with what's happening – it seems to obvious. And I don't think Snape would ever watch over anyone without an ulterior motive, even if it is Lily asking him so I think he's discovered something about Diedre and he's following her and checking up on her for his own reasons. But he is the obvious suspect and I don't blame Aislinn for thinking it could be him.

Haha, Lily trying to explain what Aislinn was going through – this is the universal reaction all males have whenever it's the time of the month so you captured their reactions perfectly! And it really did give me a laugh Lily using various metaphors to describe the situation before finally coming out and telling them the only way they would understand it.

I'm really intrigued that Aislinn has now discovered she can shift back in time, not far but enough to change various scenarios. Obviously, I know she is linked with the past whereas as Caitlin was linked to the future, and I think it's a nice reminder of who Aislinn is, even if she's not currently 'Aislinn'. And also her believing the memories of Charlotte – I feel like this was bound to happen eventually – there has to be consequences of what Aislinn is doing after a certain amount of time, and I can only imagine they're going to become more frequent occurrences.

The book Diedre had when she left Hogsmeade– I feel like she is the one who has something to do with it all and she's the one Aislinn needs to concentrate on – you don't buy a book like that for light reading.

Aislinn realising something is going on with Remus – is this something she has time to look into, with everything else going on? I feel like even if she did find out, she wouldn't say anything. But Aislinn seems to be the type that won't let go of something until she gets to the bottom of it but I can see that coming from her Ministry training.

Loved this chapter Alexis and can't wait to read the next one!


Author's Response: Hello Vicki,

Wow, thanks for getting to this so quickly. And yes, that has to be one of the most awkward dates. It was hard to write at times because I was cringing inside for poor Peter. There he was trying to compliment Charlotte, and at the same time she was noting not only who was in the tea shop, but also tracking those walking outside their window.

One of those walking by was Snape. Aislinn can't help but have Severus on her radar. The way he behaves warrants it, but he's not the only person acting odd, is he? No one has mentioned it yet, but did you notice who Aislinn spotted heading to Honeydukes? Hmmm, I wonder if that has anything to do with a certain prat's penchant for Fizzing Whizbees and Chocolate Frogs? Nah, that can't be it. :p

Lily's attempt to explain Charlotte's supposed situation was one of the light-hearted sections I enjoyed writing. It's cringe-funny-awkward like the date, but it's also a normal every-day situation. You would think that by their fifth year, the boys wouldn't act like it's such a foreign concept. For a moment, the worries about the Dark Lord, the silence from the Ministry and prophecies looming overhead are forgotten as Lily tries valiantly to explain a matter. Then her temper gets the better of her. As for Remus, had Aislinn not visited Madam Pomfrey earlier, she might not have noticed his monthly absence. Speaking of which, Remus' time of month the boys can readily accept, but not Charlotte's? Geez!

Aislinn has been able to Shift since before she graduated Hogwarts. This is just the first time the reader gets to see how it works and the price she pays (her headaches). It also means she has to deal with the awkward date with Peter twice. Somehow I don't think Unspeakable training covered how to handle awkward date while undercover.

Anyways, I'm glad you loved this chapter because things are about to get dark from here out. Thanks for the wonderful review!


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Review #15, by TearsIMustConceal Shadows Gather

24th January 2016:
Hi Alexis, here with your requested review! Sorry it's taken me so long!

The story is really flowing now! I absolutely loved this chapter!

It's only right that Charlotte's memories would start to invade Aislinn's own – something as dark as the manacle would obviously have downsides to using it's power. Could the more she uses it, the more she feels herself becoming Charlotte? In both appearance and mind? Or will there simply be a severing of all connections between Charlotte and Aislinn? I have so many questions!

I like how Aislinn fought back against Charlotte's nature and spoke out in class - I feel like this is significant in that Aislinn is fighting to keep herself sane rather than being consumed with Charlotte. I also loved how Sirius and Lily both looked impressed that she spoke out – they're surprise was realistic!

Poor Aislinn having to suffer through a date with Peter but it's the name of the game when being undercover. I love how Lily noticed Charlotte/Aislinn's faltering in saying yes – Lily notices everything! But I love how Lily interacts with her – like the show of her intelligence in the classroom made her feel that she could finally approach her and ask her to study with them. And obviously, that's the perfect place to spy on Snape, who is just inherently suspicious.

Poor Deidre White! But with what Aislinn told Dumbledore, it's obvious that Voldemort does know about the manacle and it won't be long before he starts the search, if he hasn't already. And the Ministry not getting in contact – things are getting hairy now and I love it! I love Aislinn's interactions with Dumbledore – it's so different to how any other student or person would ever speak to him but it really works because obviously the importance of the situation comes before tact and politeness.

I really do love Aislinn!

And I absolutely adored this Alexis! I cannot wait to read the next chatper! You really have me hooked!


Author's Response: Heya Vicki,

After the creepy first chapter and the ominous follow up, we finally get to see Aislinn at work - er, school. Being back at Hogwarts is challenge enough (can you imagine pretending not to know how to perform a particular spell and remembering to deliberately flub up something you mastered years ago?) Having to cope with Charlotte's memories makes it just all the more harder. There's almost a sense of frustration to Aislinn when she blurts out the bit about bezoars (and it feels like such an Unspeakable trick - why bother with carrying various antidotes when all you need is a bezoar?)

Of course, the Marauders make things even more challenging, what with Peter's proposal of a date. How awkward is that - he's like nine years younger than Aislinn and totally not her type. But it's like you said, she's undercover and has to play the game. All the while, Aislinn also has to watch for outside threats. When she speaks to Dumbledore, there is a distinct shift from how Charlotte-the-student speaks and acts to Aislinn-the-Unspeakable-on-a-mission. It also reveals a little of the stress that she's under, particularly when compared to how she addressed him in the previous chapter.

Things will continue to be weaved in, but I assure you by the end of the story you'll understand why Aislinn was somewhat disturbed in the first chapter.



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Review #16, by TreacleTart Darkness Descends

22nd January 2016:
Hello again!

Well, stuff (for lack of ability to use the proper term) has hit the fan.

I knew as soon as Aislinn started dreaming of her sister's death that this was going to be the chapter where bad things started happening. You really did a great job of setting an ominous tone from the jump off.

The idea of flesh eating inferi was pretty terrifying, particularly the way you wrote Aislinn seeing it for the first time. I would've probably vomited as well. Now, I have to wonder how these inferi got sent to the school. We've established that they're coming out of the mirrors, but what's sent them. I know we're meant to think it's Voldemort, but I can't help but wonder if that's a red herring. There's just something suspicious about Diedre and that book she bought that I can't quite move past.

Your description in this was pretty vivid, which is a good thing, but also made things hard for me to read at points. I'm honestly a bit nervous about it as the story progresses. I'm not the biggest blood and guts fan, so I'm trying to prepare myself.

Anyway, I thought this was another effective chapter. Good work!


Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin,

Yes, the fan has been clobbered with...stuff. This is where things get dark and we begin to see why Aislinn was having issues in that first chapter. There are layers to that, actually. Feeling her sister's death, coping with the intrusion of Charlotte's memories, having to deal with being deep undercover, the silence from her contact at the Ministry and now seeing Inferi attack and eat students as the prophecy comes true.

It was hard to write the more descriptive parts while balancing what was allowed in the ToS. I wanted to capture the horror of it all so that the first chapter would make sense in retrospect. So I'm actually thrilled that it made things hard for you to read. Also remember the mirror from the first chapter, and what role mirrors played in this chapter.

And you still have excellent instincts, dear. :p


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Review #17, by TreacleTart Chasing Shadows

22nd January 2016:
Hello my dear!

Back for another review of your story so I can hopefully get the results posted really soon. I know! I know! Don't hate me, please.

I enjoyed reading the date between Peter and Aislinn. Although it was sort of awkward and Aislinn was checked out through most of it, it was still sort of nice seeing Peter actually out on a date.

I have to wonder if Snape is just a decoy. I feel like it's so easy to assume that he's the villain just because he's dark arts obsessed, depressed, and sort of a jerk. My suspicion is that Snape has figured out something is wrong and that's why he happens to be falling into the middle of her suspicions.

I had a good giggle over Lily describing Aislinn's "predicament" to James, Sirius, and Peter. It would figure that none of them understood her polite analogies and so she just had to bluntly tell them what happened. Their reactions were perfect too. Young guys always seem to be horrified by monthly cycle information.

I sort of had a feeling that Snape was going to catch her stalking him. He always seems to be unusually perceptive. Maybe it's all the years of being bullied by James and Sirius.

And now I'm wondering why Diedre is interested in books about death. Is she the person who starts this catastrophe?

Good work! I'm on to the next chapter now!


Author's Response: How could I possibly hate you? I know how RL loves to intrude. The challenge I'm hosting only just ended, so of course I've caught a nasty cold. So no pressure, dear.

The date was one of the hardest parts for me because of awkward-yet-sincere Peter. I hated that Aislinn was merely there physically because Peter was really trying, but at the same time she was focused on her mission. Plus let's face it, can you imagine going back to school seven years after you graduate and then have to go on a date with a fifth-year student? He's like nine years younger than she is, and absolutely not her type. (If you read between the lines, you'll understand who is Aislinn's type).

Regarding Severus, well he is a bit of a loner, a Slytherin and likes the Dark Arts. Of course he’s the culprit! (insert sarcasm) But really, at this point Aislinn is willing to consider anyone. Long months have passed since Aislinn started this mission and she still doesn't know who will be responsible for whatever calamity is about to strike.

I'm glad you found the boys reaction to Aislinn's predicament to be amusing. It seems to be a universal truth: young men don't know how to handle talking or even thinking about a woman's natural cycle. I had fun researching different British slang for how someone might refer to that time of the month without saying it outright, and then I tried to think of a wizarding idiom counterpart. My favorite slang phrase I found was 'Arsenal is playing at home', as in the British soccer team. Their home uniform is red. So I looked up Quidditch teams and selected one with a red uniform.

Anyways, you have good instincts about certain characters, as you'll see in the upcoming chapters.



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Review #18, by TreacleTart Shadows Gather

19th January 2016:
Hello again,

It's really interesting how not only does Aislinn look like Charlotte, but now she has all of her memories and everything as well. I would think that would be very disconcerting to feel and think like someone else.

That's terrible about Diedre's whole family being killed by the Death Eaters. It's particularly worrisome when considered against the context that Vivian was an Unspeakable as well and one who was tied to the manacle. Then the radio silence from the ministry. This story just keeps getting more and more ominous.

I thought the part about Peter asking her on a date was interesting. It would be like James and Sirius to shove him into a girl instead of helping him to ask her out properly. I'm glad that she said yes, even if she's only really pretending to be interested. Poor Peter seems like he needs a date badly.

I'm still wondering how this is all going to tie in together. Particularly when I consider the first chapter. It's like two completely different characters.

I picked up on one tiny typo this chapter.

Maybe we could meet at Miss Puddifoot’s?” /about meeting at Miss Puddifoot’s at two - Madame Pudifoots

Good work so far!


Author's Response: Hey there Kaitlin,

The Manacle is like a double-edged sword. It allows Aislinn access to Charlotte’s memories and physical form - nifty little trick for an Unspeakable trying to work undercover - but the price is those memories can start melding with her own memories. So yes, it's yet another layer of complexity she has to deal with in addition to pretending to be someone else.

You touched on the idea in a previous review that Aislinn and Caitlin would be of interest to the Death Eaters. So would the Manacle. It's not surprising Voldemort would desire such a dark artifact. Imagine what he could do with it. Aislinn really does have a situation on her hands that she'll have to carefully navigate.

The ominous aspects of this chapter are somewhat offset with some of the lighter ones, namely Charlotte's interaction with the Marauders. I've always imagined that Peter would be the less confident one of the group, at least when it came to girls. James and Sirius would naturally take advantage of this in a boyish, good-natured manner.

As for how things tie together with the first chapter, all I can say it that it's coming up. There was a reason Aislinn was damaged.

And thank you for pointing out that error with Miss versus Madam Puddifoot's. I went back to my scribbled notes and found where I had wrote Peter with an arrow pointing to "Miss- er, Madam". I was supposed to have him flub up and say Miss and then correct himself. He was nervous enough as it was, having been shoved into Charlotte, so this would have been natural. But somehow when I sat down to type out the scene, my brain misfired. I've gone back to fix the scene.

Anyways, thanks for the great review!


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Review #19, by TreacleTart The Assignment

19th January 2016:
Hello my dear!

So I'm back to finish reviewing your story after an awfully long time away. Let me begin by apologizing profusely. Life got really insane for a few weeks and I just haven't had the time to leave you the reviews that you deserve. But here I am now and planning to make up for it.

Wow! So much happens in this chapter that I don't really know where to start my review!

I guess I'll start with characterization. I love the way you've developed Aislin. She's strong, calm, and collected, even under the strain of immense personal tragedy. She is exactly as I imagine an Unspeakable to be. And Dumbledore was perfect. You did such a great job writing his dialogue. It really was like I was reading JKR's Dumbledore for a minute.

Now, all of the going ons...

There's a manacle made by Grindelwald? And it severs souls? And you can use it to disguise yourself? Woah. I wonder if Dumbledore actually knew that this thing existed or if he just thought it was a rumor. Either way, that's a pretty big mistake to make. Poor Charlotte.

And Aislin can shift through time?! And her sister is a seer? Man, that's one talented family. I imagine that would make them both very valuable to the Death Eaters.

This prophecy about Hogwarts and all of the problems that are supposed to ensue has me really worried. You did a great job of conveying the ominous tone of it all. I felt like I was on the edge of my seat trying to figure out what was going to happen. As of yet, I have no concrete ideas. Maybe Aislin under the influence of the bracelet is going to go nuts and murder everyone, creating the catastrophe she's supposed to be preventing?

Anyway, this is a really strong start to the main story. Normally, I might be inclined to say that you've crammed a lot of tricks into one chapter (prophecy, evil device, zombie twin sister, time turning), but the way you've written it makes it all seem believable. It's not rushed and it all clearly has it's place in the story.

Good work so far! On to the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hey Kaitlin,

Seems like RL swamped us both a little. No apologies needed.

When I was writing this story, Aislinn's voice came very strong to me. In contrast, capturing Dumbledore's was a bit of a challenge. I kept going back and tweaking his dialogue until I could hear Richard Harris' voice in my head - that's my litmus test. If I can't hear Richard Harris or Maggie Smith, then something needs to be fixed.

As far as the Manacle is concerned, Dumbledore might have heard rumors of it. I don't believe he would have just given up his search otherwise. Needless to say, that a student became a victim was a knife to his heart. It makes it all the more personal.

You're right about how the Death Eaters might view Aislinn and Caitlin. There was a reason her twin was kidnapped. Now imagine how interested they'd be in something like the Manacle. There is potentially a lot on the line here.

I agree that when everything is stripped away, it appears like I crammed a lot of elements into this chapter. However the way I write is organic. I didn't go into writing it with the intent of making a story featuring a prophecy and someone who could shift through time. It literally was just sitting down and listening to Aislinn tell me what happened. I knew how it would end, but still parts of the story surprised me.

Anyways, thanks for leaving such a lovely review.



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Review #20, by Dirigible_Plums The Cracked Mirror

18th January 2016:

It's Plums here with your requested review. Your summary sounded so interesting and the first chapter didn't disappoint. Your style of writing is amazing. I don't think I'd be able to find a fault with it if I sat down for an entire day and tried. You employ powerful language, but it's not overwhelming so kudos for that :)

This is so creepy. Bloody hell, I don't blame Aislinn for feeling crazy if this is what life feels like for her now. The bit about the wall bleeding - something that wouldn't usually spring to mind when I think about horror - was just so deliciously creepy.

I feel like every other sentence is going to be praising you for putting me on edge haha :D

But seriously.

It's brilliant.

And it's an AU! That is right up my alley. Definitely going to keep an eye out for this. And I have so many questions! So. Many. Questions.

I genuinely can't think of anything else to say. All of it is just praise :P

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hey there Plums!

I'm so glad that you were sufficiently creeped out. I was aiming for that moment when the hairs go up on the back of neck. I remember getting chills when I was a kid watching things like The Amityville Horror and or later on playing games like Silent Hill. I think my favorite part was Aislinn seeing herself in the cracked mirror. By the end of the chapter, you realize it's actually a dark reflection of the brokenness within Aislinn and at the same time represents the brokenness of her dead sister. I've obviously indulged in too many horror movies, books, etc. :p

Thanks for stopping by. And if those questions start eating you alive...well, you can always PM me.



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Review #21, by TearsIMustConceal The Assignment

17th January 2016:
Hi Alexis, I'm sorry this review is late but here I am!

Anyway, the parallels between this chapter and chapter 1 couldn't be more different if they tried! Whilst the first gave me chills, this one piqued my interest completely! I think chapter 1 gave us the intrigue to carry whilst this one really cements the readers interests, as its here the plot seems to thicken and start!

I'm so interested in the older prophecy – I thought it had something to do with maybe the chamber of secrets but obviously the time line is completely out! A great number of deaths within Hogwarts? I really want to know what this is and what could cause this devastation, especially one predicted a long time ago!

Aislinn is a human time turner? What an original idea! I absolutely love it! And now that I know this, it makes sense that she see Caitlin in her concscience all the time – she has the ability to go back and change history yet she couldn't do anything about it this time. It explains a lot of things!

So Death Eaters got to Caitlin? That makes sense – did Voldemort take her due to her abilities? I mean, she's a reputable Seer, he'd kill to have a Seer on side! I think he used her and her abilities in some way – he doesn't do things for no reason so there has to be a motive there!

I love the idea of a Manacle! I loved the cursed necklace in HBP and thought it was clever so it would make sense that other objects would be cursed with Dark Magic! And for Grindelwald to have created it? I feel as though this guarantees Dumbledore's co-operation because never found it himself and as he said, he feels as though this could have been prevented by himself.

You've portrayed Dumbledore here really well – I always find him difficult to depict but you've done a great job! And I love Aislinn, probably even more now. She's such an intriguing character, with so many hidden layers that I want to know more about her. Your pacing throughout is excellent and you've given us enough without giving it all away and I cannot wait to read on!

Amazing job as always Alexis!!


Author's Response: Pffft! No need for apologies, Vicki!

When I initially wrote these two chapters, I worried whether readers would feel discombobulated going from creepy/horror in the first, to shifting right into mystery/intrigue. It's still Aislinn, but she's a bit different, not quite as damaged. I also wanted to play around with story structure. Chapter one is the present, chapters 2-6 are the past, and chapter 7 is a direct continuation of chapter 1. The present book-ends the past. In a sense, the structure is a reflection of Aislinn's ability to Shift back in time.

Speaking of which, Aislinn's ability is the reverse of her twin sister's. Caitlin had an affinity for the future and Aislinn an affinity for the past. With their twin-link, they are similar with an hour glass. And yes, it haunts Aislinn that she could not save her sister despite having such a unique ability.

With regards to why the Death Eaters were after Caitlin, you nailed it. Voldemort was drawn to her abilities as a Seer. This was also why the Ministry went to such lengths such as assigning an Agent to protect Caitlin. Now with that in mind, what might Voldemort do if he discovered what Caitlin's sister was capable of?

As for the Manacle, well, I loved that cursed necklace, too! It just made sense that other objects would be around - some old, some new, some completely foreign. I wanted the Manacle look delicate and innocent, yet be terrible. And of course, who better than Grindelwald to have created it. (By the way, this is not only object of power that Grindelwald created in my 'verse. There is another in Child of the Hunt, but it hasn't been revealed yet). Can you imagine how the Manacle might be used by someone with very dark intentions? Something else to yet worry about.

With his past relationship to Grindelwald, Dumbledore would feel a level of responsibility when faced with the Manacle. It has consumed one of his own students and now it has to be used within the confines of Hogwarts in an attempt to save other students? Between the Manacle and the prophecies, Dumbledore is in such an unenviable position. I have to admit, writing Dumbledore is something I kind of dread because I worry about getting him right.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a lovely review. Can't wait to see what you think of the next chapter, as it shows what it's like for Aislinn going back to classes as Charlotte.



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Review #22, by TearsIMustConceal The Cracked Mirror

10th January 2016:
Hi Alexis, here with your requested review!

I'm really glad you've given me something creepy to review – i'm definitely in the mood for some horror and this was absolutely perfect!

You've really set the tone here. From the moment I started reading, I could feel the the goosebumps appearing on my skin! I like how you messed with the reader's head at the beginning with the mirror scene – all I could think about was the Bloody Mary episode in supernatural. It was super creepy and tense and I loved it. You had me hooked from the very start!

Your descriptions are absolutely stunning! I could picture everything so vividly and I will admit I did check the wall behind me, just in case. You are an amazing writer and this really shows that!

This was such a strong first chapter! I like how we don't know a lot about Aislinn, only that she is an Unspeakable and that she is clearly being haunted by her twin, Caitlin, who is quite clearly dead yet we don't know how yet. I love how you managed to tap into Aislinn's thoughts – she is quite clearly suffering and is being tormented and you managed to convey that amazingly in the chapter. I could really feel the torment in her thoughts yet I loved how she managed to push through them – obviously her job has made her able to deal with such things, in a manner of speaking because it's quite obvious she isn't dealing that well with everything. I reckon her state of mind isn't all there anymore.

I really want to know what happened to Caitlin – there has to be something terrible and horrifying that's gone on there, surely? She's obviously haunting her for a reason! And her mission for Dumbledore? I really need to read on and find out what's she's doing for him! Her image of Snape and Lily – that really intrigued me. How did she see that? I'm guessing that image has something to do with Dumbledore and what's she's doing for him. I have so many questions!

And Caitlin's warning – who's coming for her? I really need to know! I must read more!

Arghh, this was amazing Alexis and I have to know more so feel free to re-request whenever you want because I just need more! And I am super sorry if this review is all rambly and doesn't make sense but this story just made me ask ten million questions all at once!


Author's Response: Hi Vicki, and welcome to my darker story.

I'm so thrilled that you liked the overall creepiness of this chapter. I used to love horror films, everything from The Amityville Horror to John Carpenter's The Thing to The Grudge (and, of course, those Winchester boys). I wanted to bring a sliver of that horror to HP, to have the reader step directly into something very disconcerting. So yes, bleeding walls, pulsating flesh beneath the wallpaper and a dead twin sister in the mirror.

At the same time, there's the question of how much is real and how much is just in poor Aislinn's head. PTSD is not really explored in HP, although by rights many of the characters should suffer from degree of it. There is a reason why Aislinn is tormented by these visions, something she experienced in the halls of Hogwarts that explains Aislinn's fragile mind as well as that snippet of Severus and Lily. But the danger is not something confined strictly to the past; there is also something stalking Aislinn in the present and it all ties together.

I do hope you come back to read the rest of the tale. The next few chapters are kind of tame in comparison to this one as far as horror is concerned, but I promise it does build up and hopefully answers all of your questions!

Thanks for dropping by and leaving such a lovely review!



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Review #23, by TreacleTart The Cracked Mirror

3rd January 2016:
Hey Alexis,

I'm here to review your entry in my Psychological Horror challenge. I'll be leaving shorter reviews on most of the chapters and then on the very last chapter, I'll leave a longer review breaking things down into categories, so you can see how I'm judging this.

This was a properly creepy start to your story. I was wondering who this character was as the story progressed and I found myself wrecking my brain trying to catch any hint of who it was. That alone added to the tenseness of it all.

You really used description to your advantage here as well. The way you illustrated the wallpaper peeling from the walls and the blood beading up and dripping down them gave me the heebie jeebies. Then the description of the dead sister in the mirror. It was all just right.

The ending was particularly creepy because now we have to wonder why the MC might be about to die. Does her sister have a grudge against her and is coming back from the dead to kill her? Is there some sort of murderer after her? Or is she just insane from her experiences and imagining it all?

Great start! I can't wait to read more!


Author's Response: Hey Kaitlin!

I'm so excited that you’re reading this story! And nervous, too. This is my first and only story that I've delved into the horror side of things. I grew up watching horror films like Amityville Horror, Hellraiser, The Thing, along with newer films such as 28 Days Later, The Grudge and The Conjuring. I really wanted to capture the spooky, unnerving atmosphere while incorporating it into the world of Harry Potter. At the same time, the idea that it might all be in Aislinn's head, that perhaps it was the result of PTSD was something I wanted to play with as well.

I will say her sister does not have a grudge against Aislinn. There is a reason for seeing Caitlin in the mirror; it's revealed in the last chapter. I should note that the first and last chapter are essentially the same scene broken into two parts. Chapters 2-6 tell the tale of what made Aislinn the way she is when you first encounter her.

I look forward to seeing what you think of the rest of the tale.


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Review #24, by adluvshp The Assignment

30th December 2015:
Hey! Here for the awfully late requested review. I read both the first chapter and this one, and I must say, your plot is decidedly creepy and interesting and I'm loving it.

The way you've built the "mystery" is very interesting. Your characterisation of Dumbledore was very nicely done in this chapter, and of course the MC is well-written.

I like your dialogue. It's sophisticated and speaks of a good level of writing. It also flows naturally and the narrative works great with it. The theme of the story overall is particularly intriguing and I am curious to know what happens next.

The flow between the two chapters was great and I look forward to see how else the plot goes ahead and the story shapes up. I quite liked this! Great job =) I don't have any CC for you!

(Lost Muse)

Author's Response: Hi Angie!

Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule. I know you've had a lot going on so I appreciate the review.

I'm so happy that you found my characterization of Dumbledore to be well done. I worried about that. He's not one of my favorite characters, so I tend to deliberate when choosing his dialogue. Let's face it, he's a proper, older British man and I'm a middle-age Southern-raised US Latina who's never been to that side of the pond. :)

As for Aislinn, her tale is so unlike anything I've written before. The way she speaks and the manner in which the tale is presented was a bit surprising to me. I kind of just let my muse run with it, so to speak. I am glad you found the first chapter to be creepy. I used to watch a lot of horror films growing up, so it's easy to see those influences here. Melding them with the HP verse was a fun personal challenge.

Thanks again for stopping by.



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Review #25, by Gabriella Hunter The Cracked Mirror

4th December 2015:

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and I'm super sorry that this is so late! I have been weirdly busy so I hope you don't mind this rambling review. :D

Wow, I have to say that this is really fascinating! I really love your writing style. I can picture everything in my mind so clearly and your descriptions are horrifying but so lovely. The way you opened this chapter really set up the rest of it, I felt like I had spiders dancing down my back the entire time.

I oddly don't read many stories that deal with horror like this so I am super excited about this story. I think that you really set up the mood for this first chapter, it was a strong introductory piece and while there are still a few questions that I have, I'm really impressed. Aislinn was an Unspeakable but lost her sister and a bit of her sanity but I'm wondering perhaps if she's psychic? There were a lot of mentions of moments that took her away from reality but that might just be all in her mind.

There was this feeling that I was sinking into this and I loved it! I'm not quite sure how Aislinn is able to deal with it though, it seems like she's been haunted by her work as an Unspeakable for a long time. I'm curious to know what happened to her sister too (Grisly imagery was wonderfully written by the by) and what her real mission for Dumbledore must really be.

Did she have an image of the Battle of Hogwarts before it would even happen? I'm super curious about that, her mind is fractured in ways that i don't understand but I think the details you dded about her life really fleshed her out. It seems bleak and painful but she knows her weaknesses too, though I'm pretty darn worried about that ending. The message from her sister sounded awful too, as did the image she got of Snape and Lily. What exactly is happening, I wonder?

I think that you've started something pretty unique though and you left this on a great cliffhanger. I think your writing is strong, Aislinn was cleverly left as more of a mystery by the end and I'm really eager to delve more into the plot. ;)

Thanks for the read!

Much love,


Author's Response: Hello Gabbie!

I am so glad you liked this chapter and had spiders dancing down your back. I had hoped to accomplish two main things in this opening chapter aside from creeping out folks: to make the reader question Aislinn's grasp on reality and to leave unanswered questions about what happened to her. You're right, she is haunted by something she experienced, and you get to see why as the story progresses. I will say that what Aislinn saw was not an image of the Battle of Hogwarts, nor was it anything to do with the Chamber of Secrets. If you want to know exactly what fractured Aislinn's mind, I'd encourage you to read on - the story is now complete. There is a reason for all the grisly imagery ...

Anyways, thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a wonderfully constructive review.



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