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Reading Reviews for Nihil
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by looneylizzie Cave

23rd May 2016:
Hey! I'm here to review your story for the Demotivator Challenge! Whoo hoo!

Okay, first of all... WOW. This story is SO intriguing and mysterious! It's not often that you see a story like this - one that's set so far in the future, and it definitely has a dystopian feel to it... very cool. This is easily one of the most unique stories I've ever read on this site - and don't worry, that's a good thing! :)

One little piece of CC:
I found myself really confused in the shift in time and POV halfway through the first chapter and between the first and second chapters - like, I wasn't sure what was going on when the story shifted from Louis getting sorted to him being tortured... it took me a minute to realize that those two things weren't happening at the same time. It wasn't until Louis started talking about memories that I realized that the beginning part was a memory. It might be better to clarify the change in time a little bit - perhaps mention that Louis is older then - not 11 but whatever age he is when he's being tortured?

Also, is that second scene with Louis happening in the same time period as what's happening in this chapter? Or is there another jump ahead in time? I mean, I'm not sure how that could really be clarified - although it might be a good idea to clarify that there's a shift in POV from Louis to the (wonderfully mysterious) girl in this chapter - I thought it was Louis until about halfway through, which confused me for a little while - maybe state something at the very beginning that alludes to the fact that the narrator is a girl, not a boy?

Sorry, I'm not trying to be too critical or nitpicky... this story is honestly fantastic right now! I just think it'll help readers better understand what is happening if you clarify the time and place and POV. It makes it easier to figure out what information is purposefully left out rather than what the reader might've missed. :D

As for the Demotivator you used... I LOVE it! You integrated it in the story so smoothly, and it fit in perfectly with the dialogue. Plus, it added a lot to the narrator's personality in one short sentence -- she's sassy, snarky and a total bada** - it's AWESOME! I like her a lot!

Anyway, I think this story has a LOT of potential! There are about a million things that I want to know more about! I hope that you'll keep writing this story, because it's really interesting!

Wonderful job my dear! I hope to see more of this story soon! Keep writing!
Lizzie

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Review #2, by TreacleTart Cave

2nd January 2016:
Hello again,

Back for the second chapter. I'll be breaking this review down into the categories that I'll be using to judge the Psychological Horror Challenge.

Plot - You've definitely got a very interesting plot set up here. The jump from Louis' time to the current character's time really had me wondering what exactly is going on. In some ways the future characters situation reminded me of The Hunger Games. Maybe it's just the young people running for their life through the forest and the way she remembers all of those who've died before her, but it just really reminded me of Katniss for some reason. That obviously changed when she went flying into the stone cavern and found the glowing doors. That made me even more curious and sort of reminded me of the department of mysteries. I'm wondering if each door is a sort of veil for each family. One thing that I wondered was why most doors only had one name, but her door had "Potter and Weasley" on it. Why make that distinction for 1 family?

Characters - For the most part, I found the characters to be very engaging. I'll admit that I struggled to really get a feeling for Louis because his story is clearly altered and he's in a sort of fugue state, but the young lady in the second chapter is crystal clear. She seems strong and self sufficient. Something about her just tells me that she's a survivor. Also, Poneros was intriguing, but we really only get a brief flash of him before the lady is distracted. I can't wait to find out what it means to be a mint nihil. I figured it must be important since you've named the story nihil. After a quick google search, I found that nihil in Latin translates to "nothing". I also found a race of creatures from Runescape that are called nihil and are broken into categories like ice nihil, smoke nihil, etc. and live in a pit. I wonder if this is what inspired these characters.

Creep Factor - Because this is Psychological Horror, I feel like the most important part of the story is it's creep factor. I think part of what made this creepy was the confusion I felt while reading. Throughout the first chapter, I knew something was off with Louis' memories and that was a sort of unsettling feeling. I don't know that I found the second chapter as creepy. It read more like action/adventure to me.

Typos/Grammar/Spelling - Your writing is very polished in both chapters. I didn't pick up much in the way of typos or misspellings, so kudos on that. The only thing that I did notice is that you have tendency to repeat words frequently in short spaces which can make a sentence here or there read a bit clunky.

ie: cave before we were sucked in through the opening canvas of the cave – maybe just end at opening canvas.

All in all, I really like how you've started this and I think really the only downside for me is that there aren't more chapters for me to continue reading, but rest assured when you post them, I will come back and read them.

Good job!

~Kaitlin

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Review #3, by TreacleTart Beginning

31st December 2015:
Hey there!

I'm just popping in to leave you some reviews for my Psychological Horror Challenge.

This was a really interesting start to your novel. To be quite honest, it's a bit confusing and disconcerting, but that was good because it sort of mirrored the confusion that Louis was feeling throughout. I could sort of tell that something was off the entire time, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it until the end.

I will say that the ending was sort of vague. So we've got that Louis is kidnapped, Harry is dead, and some person is dunking Louis into a vat of potion and screwing with his memory. I think maybe a few little hints at who's doing this or why they've targeted Louis might help to clarify it a little bit.

Otherwise, I think going with the sort of fugue state works really well. Just as you proceed, be careful about making the fugue to confusing.

Oh and also, I enjoyed seeing bits of Molly, Fred, Fleur, and Bill even if they were distorted images.

On to the next chapter!

~Kaitlin

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Review #4, by ScorpiusRose17 Beginning

8th December 2015:
Hi!

I first of all want to apologize for taking as long as I have to getting around to reading and reviewing this. I had been extremely sick, but am doing much much better now... Anyways...

I feel bad for Louis, but then again I don't. He seems like quite the stinker and I cannot wait to see how his character develops throughout especially now that he's a Slytherin... which isn't entirely a bad thing! ;)

I didn't see any grammar, typos or punctuation issues. I did find this believable... There is NO way the Weasley/Potter clan could have that many people and not one turn out to be different. I guess what I am trying to say is that he falls at the complete opposite end and it's great because you haven't molded him into something he's not.

Louis is rough. I think he means well to a point, feels constantly overshadowed, but at the same time knows how to think and speak his mind even if he doesn't fully understand the situation. It almost seems like there is a part of him missing, like a gene he didn't get. I like it.

I liked the overall characterization. I liked that Louis has broken a mold, but the way that you characterize everyone else is just as important. It allows you to give a comparison/contrast situation and I also liked Lisa. She reminds me a lot of how I would picture Scorpius in the sense that she isn't her parent(s).

The sentence construction is just fine since it is a first person POV it is going to seem a bit rough until you find your groove. It doesn't feel jumpy between thoughts and reality either.

Overall, I think you have a great start here and a lot to work with. I like that Louis isn't your normal Weasley and that he ends up in Slytherin not Gryffindor. Keep up the great work and I look forward to seeing how his life develops as the story continues!! :)

-Jenn

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Review #5, by ravenclaw_princess Cave

14th November 2015:
Wow.you know how to do dark. I'm chilled to the bone right now after reading this.

Anyway, here for your requested review :)

I figured this was set a number of years after he first chapter so I wasn't really sure who I was reading about to begin. It's all pretty vague for a bit, but then we find out it's a girl and then that it's a Potter or Weasley. This just heightens the mystery of what is going on is this dystopian world that you've created. It sounds like who ever this 'mint nihil' is, he's rounding up all the wizards and witches. But he also calls them contestants.so is there some sort of game going on? He's pretty creepy what ever he is, being able to get inside of our characters head and all.

I like your leading lady. She has some spunk to her and seems quite tuned to her surroundings, which is probably how she has survived so long. Yet you can also see the regret that she feels from not being able to save everyone else. She's in a game where it seems like there are a lot of mental tricks at play and it's hard to know what to believe when unknown factors are messing with your head. For all her better judgement, she was still drawn to the arches. I wonder if this has lead to her demise. There is just so much mystery surrounding what is going on that you just can't help but be drawn in.

The chapter was written with a fast pace which mimicked the action. This helped to draw me along with it. Your imagery was well done and I could see the surroundings and sense the characters fear.

The three sections of this story so far show three quite different periods of time. It will be quite interesting to see how they all link together. This chapter and the second part of the last one was just spine tingling and you've got a knack for sinister plots and chilling writing.

Well done. More than happy to review subsequent chapters too :)

Jacqui

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Review #6, by princesslily_36 Cave

10th November 2015:
Hey Jen!!

Good to be back, with a super-overdue review!!!

Oh My God! Your writing!!

It is so good. Your words, they just transported me to that scene. I'm not a fan of dark genre mainly because of the way you've written it - makes a chill run down my spine. That's a good thing Lol!

I thought we would be seeing it through Louis' eyes, and I was surprised to see it was a female PoV. Who is she? I'm now wondering in anticipation!! And the new Malfoy? Scorpius' son? Or maybe Grandson because it's 2071.

And wow, the pace was so good, the mood of the story just reverberated through your words. I am so impressed! Minor grammatical errors which I'll address in my beta-ing of your fic. But as far as everything else is concerned, you've just left me wanting more!!

Love
Ysh

Author's Response: Hey Ysh!

Thank you so much :D This kind of Genre is what I'm good at writing! I was a bit concerned about writing it because my writing tend to not come off across well... So this review makes me confident to go on :D thank you!

You'll see soon enough as to who the characters are ;) And I haven't completely abandoned Louis ;) You'll see the familiar characters soon enough :D

Thank you so much love :hug: Waiting to see your Beta'ing :D


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Review #7, by Gabriella Hunter Cave

9th November 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and I am so sorry that this is late. I got caught up doing big girl things and it was so annoying! >_<

I am seriously trying to put my brain together after reading this. I have to say that I am blown away by how much detail you put into this chapter and I'm curious to find out more about what is happening here, especially after the first one. I'm not sure if Louis is going to make an appearance at all but this chapter totally ripped me open a little and I have to know what's going on. Is this some sort of awful witch-killing game? It was written so brilliantly of course but I would have liked to have some inkling as to what was happening and why. Not much, just enough to get me through the last bit so I'm not rolling around screaming. I just have this really bad feeling about everything but I have to say that the introduction of your OC was great and she seems like she's got a lot of power. She doesn't seem like the sort to give up either and I'm eager to learn more about her and the world she's living in. Curious about this new Malfoy too and who he might be but I'm going to wait for you to get a few more chapters up before I start demanding answers. Hahaha. The numbers on the cave though just made my skin crawl and I totally got a Vampire Academy/Hunger Games vibe but that's a good thing. Hahaha.

I think that you've set up your world really well here and while I would have liked more information, I think you left enough unsaid that it would be impossible NOT to read on. I think your pacing is great, didn't spot any grammar or spelling errors and this is really unique. :)

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #8, by cherry_pop94 Beginning

6th November 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap!

This is a really interesting idea! Your summary definitely drew me in. I've never heard anything quite like it. And the title too. What does it mean?

The opening line about the memories is absolutely beautiful. I read it again a few times because it's just such a wonderful line. "Memories are the fabrics that hold the canvas of identity together, constantly creating and depleting the constituent of one’s being, moulding them into the final product that’s presented to Death’s arms."

I absolutely love that.

The sharp contrast between the opening line and then the next bit was a really interesting choice! To plunge us right into the read of an 11-year-old boy in a stream-of-consciousness! A bold move. And Louis. Oh to be a prepubescent boy. Bill and Fleur were just so funny there.

Eep, Louis's a Slytherin. I'm excited to know more about how he adjusts to that. He just seemed so set on Gryffindor. Haha. I'm sure his family's okay with it, but it'll be interesting to see how he deals.

The next section's intriguing! I'm so curious to know what's going on there! Who is this man? What does he mean by the memories? He's interfering with Louis's memories? It's a very creative idea!

Thanks for the swap!

Stefanie

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Review #9, by Felpata Lupin Cave

4th November 2015:
Oh, my!
This is so scary!!!
I thought all the story would be in Louis' pov. I was surprised of reading from another perspective. Was she Lily?

What's going on anyway? Or, better question... Why? Was it Malfoy torturing Louis in the first chapter or someone else? And what about the doors? Are the numbers the people captured and/or killed? This is just so unsettling...

I have no idea what's going on and where you're heading with it. But you've really done a wonderful job so far! Your writing is so addicting and the story is so different from anything I've ever read on here! Well done!

Much love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Hi you :D

I'm so glad you found it scary. Tat was the intention ;)

This chapter onward takes place in 2070, decades after what happened with Louis. I guess I should mention "51 years later" or something... I'll definitely fix that :hug:

So it's definitely not Lily :D But you'll see all of them soon enough. Hopefully, chapter three will make things clearer.

I've never been told that my reviews are addictive. Thank you so much for that :hug:

You totally made my day!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS REVIEW :hug:


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Review #10, by princesslily_36 Beginning

1st November 2015:
Hey there! I've just popped in to say hello! I've already given my comments, but I want to mention the best points here as well :D

So, I love the chapter summary about memories. After coming to the end of the story I understood what you meant.

And the ending was super intense. It began all light hearted and fun but the change in tempo and genre just gave me a jolt up. I was so intrigued!!

Great writing (if I haven't said so already :D) Over to the next chapter now :)

Author's Response: Hey Ysh :D Thank you so much for reviewing :D

Hehe yes! This story will continue to be intense. You'll see soon enough ;)

And this chapter will be way better once the beta'd version is updated ;)

Thanks again :hug:


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Review #11, by ravenclaw_princess Beginning

31st October 2015:
Hello. I'm here for your requested review

First off, I love the quote at the beginning. I'm always a fan of this technique of having some profound phrase at the beginning of a chapter which sort of sets the scene of what's to come.

The story has two distinct parts which are written in two totally different styles. Personally, I'm much more of a fan of the 3rd person segment as it offers more description of the environment and the events that are occurring. I felt more drawn into this section as I was reading. The first section was more the internal ramblings of Louis and a lot of dialogue between characters but i didn't really feel drawn into the scene like I was with the second part. I found myself starting to skim read a bit in the first section, as while there was a lot of character exposure, I could feel the gist of Louis character pretty quickly and then I was just waiting for the action. But then I got to the second part and then I totally slowed down and took in every detail. But as I said, this is just a personal preference, I tend to enjoy the descriptive style of writing more.

But with that aside, the first section is quite witty and shows that Louis sure has some spunk. It seems like he doesn't fit in with the rest of the family, but he doesn't know that he doesn't fit. This comes across in the things the Fleur, Molly and Fred say. And then of course, he is sorted into Slytherin which kind of cements the fact that his mind works in differently to the rest. The banter between the cousins was pretty funny and it made me laugh.

The second part showed a very mentally strong Louis. He still has that fire within him and a quick wit but their is a real strength behind him. It will be cool to see happens over the course of his life to shape him into the person he is at this moment. I imagine the Louis in the first section would rat on his own family to save his skin, but not the Louis of the second half.

The summary of the story really intrigued me, but it was only when I go to the second part of the story that it felt like I was reading a story that related to the summary. Just something for you to consider as the story evolves, but have you thought about switching the first and second sections around? I feel the second section sets the story up way more and really draws the reader into the plot and shows where the story is heading. Maybe it could even be made into a short prologue to draw the reader in. There is something seriously sinister going and on you've given a few clues but so many more questions which is what you want to do at the start of a story.

There are a few grammatical and spelling errors, but a beta can help you with those. I would recommend using contractions, ie shouldn't instead of should not, as it makes the writing seem a lot less formal. The story flows fairly well within each section, even though each section does have a different writing style.

Well done on you first chapter. You sure have a psychological thriller going on here. The story line sounds really intriguing, and Louis has a very witty and sarcastic personality and it will be cool to see how this grows.

Jacqui

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Review #12, by Gabriella Hunter Beginning

28th October 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I am SO sorry for being a bit late. The days just kind of flew by without me wanting them to and now I'm just sitting here foaming t the mouth and hating the fact that I'm a grown up.

*Eats candy*

So, I wasn't sure what to make of this while I was reading, I was pretty sure that you were setting me up for a shocker towards the end but I certainly didn't expect this! I don't see a lot of stories that have Louis Weasley as the main character and maybe I just don't really delve too deeply on the archives but I like the fact that this version of Louis is so snarky. Hahahaha

I think that his character has a lot of spunk on one hand but is also just trying to find out where he fits. That's an important thing to include because I think a lot of people just kind of assume that growing up in such a large family, full of famous people is going to be easy. I liked all the characters that you introduced and the family dynamics that you made a point of showing. Curious about Lisa Parker though and what a shocker it was to find out that she was Pansy's daughter! Hahaha. Poor, Louis. I know he had to be upset when he was put in Slytherin and she wasn't. THAT was a nice little twist to, I didn't think that would happen!

Now, this ending. What on earth is going on? Why is Louis being tortured? Who are these people? Why are they trying to delve into his memories like this? I think you have a great cliffhanger here but my only CC would really just be putting in more paragraphs for the memory section. I think you could put a lot of things into one or two short paragraphs to help the flow of it because it's mostly dialogue. You could add in a few little descriptive details too, just to give the reader a clearer picture of your world. Other than that though, I liked this!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #13, by Felpata Lupin Beginning

27th October 2015:
Hello! Here for our swap!
Sorry it took so long...

Wow, this was really great! And also scary and so dark... You didn't lie when you said it wasn't what it seemed... I have so many questions right now...

But let's go with order... At the start, when I believed what I was reading, I found that your story was truly amusing! :)

Louis seemed such a bitter character, and it's always so much fun to read bitter POVs! There were a few lines that had me laugh out loud! (I don't recall exactly which ones, because I read it a few hours ago, but there were many! :D )

What I do remember was that you wrote at a certain point four-twenty-seven? Like a literal translation of a French number? I know, strange thing to remember, but that detail amused me...

And then, all of a sudden... What??? What the hell was it??? Why are they doing this to poor Louis??? Who are even the "they"??? What's going on???

The idea behind this is so horrible... the idea that they can replace his memories... so horrible!!! I hope he'll manage to get out of the situation somehow... I hope he'll find a way to escape...

This was really, really brilliant! And your writing was great, too! So enthralling! I loved it!

Wonderful job! I'm so curious to read on (but at the same time so scared by what could happen...)

Love, hugs and kisses!
Chiara

Author's Response: Hi you!

I read yours too. But I was on the phone so couldn't review. Will get to it after this.

I'm so glad you found the first bit amusing. I was so afraid that I'd overdone the humor. My first beta (Who only beta'd the first bit) Didn't like a lot of what was there. Louis was initially written as foul-mouthed even at the age of 11 but had to delete that bit. Didn't want it to be over-done entirely.

Haha! I'm glad I've made you curious. All your questions will be answered in Chapters 4-5 ;) I sure hope you'd stick around to find out :D

Awww you really think this was good? THANK YOU! This is my first shot at writing something I love. I'm so glad it's working out :D

Please do read on. And I can promise you a world of horror ;)

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #14, by Unwritten Curse Beginning

26th October 2015:
Hello! Here for our swap! I read this chapter while it was in the queue, but when I validate I don't necessarily read for plot. So I'm glad to have a chance to come back and read this more thoroughly. :)

I really enjoyed the first half, and I laughed multiple times at Louis's antics, but I was totally confused as to how this fit in to the Psychological Thriller Challenge. I kept reading waiting for the punchline and I was totally reading too far into some of Louis's more sinister lines. I thought he was going to all of a sudden turn on his family or something. Like the line about beating Fred's head (or something like that)--I thought he was about to become some serial murderer. Ha!

Then you did get to the punchline and it was far better than what I was imagining. That Louis is being turned into a weapon is such an interesting turn. And we saw the first, happy memory because his captors are slowly, one by one, changing his memories so that he hates his family. It's such a cool move on your part, but also very scary for Louis--either way, whether he gives them up or he stays silent, they're going to end up hurt. It's so sad. You've done a great job showcasing that not all Slytherins are evil, though these mysterious captors are turning him into the bad guy that everything believes Slytherins are.

A great first chapter! I see that you're going to get this chapter beta'd, and I think that's needed to clean up some grammar and confusing sentences and such (those are really minor things) but overall an enjoyable read. Thanks again for doing this swap with me.

--Gina

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Review #15, by pinkpanther16 Beginning

25th October 2015:
This is probably one of the best stories I've ever read on this site. Its intense and well written, I love it! I can't wait to read more! :)

Author's Response: You really thought so?

:O

:hug:

Thank you so much! I've had a lot of bizarre ideas but I've never written them. Always wrote what I thought they'd want to hear. This time I thought I'd do myself a favour :D

I'm so glad that you like it :D Please do continue to read and please let me know if I'm making booboos. (Or even if there's anything you don't like)

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing :D

The next chapter is almost done. You'll be reading it soon :D


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