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Reading Reviews for Words and Silence
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MalfoysCarolinaGirl2010 Words and Silence

10th February 2016:
Tasha here finally getting around to reviewing the challenge entries.

I think you did a great job capturing the emotions that Sirius felt and capturing his fear. I know for me writing in second person is tough and I think that in doing so in this story, you were able to make the emotions more raw and it really adds to the value.

I think you chose the perfect moments in Sirius' life to capture his phobia. The feeling of isolation at home because of the abuse and eventually being disowned is a great way to show the origin of his phobia and it makes sense that once he escapes the isolation by moving in with the Potters that he would be scared to feel that way again.

I liked how you put the incident with Snape and Lupin in here as well. Sirius royally messed up and you capture the emotions behind his fear that his friends will abandon him because of it VERY well.

My favorite part though is the ending. You did an excellent job by having this end with Sirius in Azkaban. A lifetime of solitude and having your worst fear become a reality is enough to make anyone go mad. Its amazing that he didn't.

This was an excellent submission to the challenge and thanks for participating!

Good Luck!

Tasha

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Review #2, by NPE Words and Silence

28th December 2015:
Hi, here from the forums.

Sorry for the hideous delay in replying. Christmas has really messed with my usual punctuality.

I really enjoyed this. I think you brought a real authenticity to the character of Sirius. I always thought of Sirius sort of as a teenager that never really grew up, the war and then Azkaban stealing that bridge into adulthood. His self-loathing, mixed with his cutting, thoughtful and incisive ability to reflect bitterly on things is really brought to the fore here.

I enjoy one-shots for the most part and I like how you were able to make this so emotive.


Occasionally, I think the musings and thoughts of Sirius drift a little into cliched terminology, but then again, so do the recollections and thoughts of most humans. So maybe it gives an unexpected level of authenticity.

But that said, I thought this read superbly.

Certainly you have nothing to worry about with your writing.

All the best,

NPE

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Review #3, by alicia and anne Words and Silence

14th December 2015:
Hello! I am finally here from work, yay!

This has made me feel so sad :( I just want to make everything better for Sirius and I want to hug him so tightly and never let go! *squishes him*

Your beautifully written description was so powerful in this and it added all of the tragic pain to this one shot. I felt like it was me going through this pain and hurt. You've done a superb job!

I just wanted to cry through this entire thing, and I want you to write a happier Sirius one where he is happy and feels happiness because he's just so broken in this, and I want him to be fixed!

That line at the end was the most powerful one of this entire one shot. This was just. there are no words to describe the beautiful heartbreakingness of this story. You are so amazing at writing.

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Review #4, by cherry_pop94 Words and Silence

12th December 2015:
Hello! I'm here for the review swap. Sorry this took me so long, it's been a hectic day.

This has actually made me cry. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. It was just so powerful, so emotional. I could feel every little bit of Sirius's emotional pain.

What really got me was the part where he begins to talk about how school and home were different worlds. That he hides his pain in school behind a confident mask, a big smile, loud laughs. How everyone at school thinks Sirius Black is this happy-go-lucky guy. The charming flirt of the Marauders. What could possibly be wrong in his life?

I think that's something far too many people can relate to. I know I can. Separating your life into separate worlds, always hiding behind a mask.

Really powerful stuff here! Thank you so much for sharing, this really was incredible!

Stefanie

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Review #5, by ReeBee Words and Silence

12th December 2015:
Hello there! Here for our swap! Sorry its super late!!

First of all, your description KILLS ME! Like there were so many lines where just i absolutely almost died!! Like these lines: “Yet Regulus' lips remain unmoving, as if sealed shut by your great aunt's sewing needle last she visited.” and “you're nothing more than a blemish on your cousin Narcissa's perfect skin. The white sheep of the Black family, an anomaly they can't control. “ they’re amazing and so beautiful and have rendered me speechless.

And i also think you nailed the characterisation of James like the whole painting him as mischievous but really really perceptive. AND OMG A PLATONIC HUG. THAT HUG GAVE ME SO MANY FEELS. and of course james feels anger like white hot rage its amazing honestly that scene is described and written so well.

The description of his future after Hogwarts made me tear up a bit because well, he was so bright and motivated but then the war. Im glad you didn’t describe James and Lily’s death scene I think I would have started sobbing immediately. But I also think that maybe that would’ve added to the emotional sense of the fic? but its amazing as is, so not necessary.

Also, some parts of his internal monologue got a bit boring to read so maybe a little more dialogue to split it up? But like it was beautiful and created a really nice atmosphere for the story so I also think its great without more dialogue?

Anyway thank you for the swap!

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Review #6, by kenpo Words and Silence

11th December 2015:
Hello! Thanks for the swap! The link you posted wouldn't open for me for some reason, so I assumed this was the story you wanted reviewed? If not, let me know!

I really liked this! I think you thought out his character and his history really well, and I found the entire story very touching. I think my favorite line (or at least one that stuck out to me) was: When the others find out there's no judgment in their eyes, no accusations for your weakness.

I hate thinking that he thought he was weak, and I like that his friends didn't see him at all in that way. You touched here so well on the deeper friendships between them, other than the fun they had together.

I have two very small suggestions:
First, should the family motto be in italics? I'm honestly not sure about this one, so ignore me if that isn't the case.

I was confused when you said "your late uncle". After thinking about it, I understand that his uncle is dead in the present, but alive in the memory. But I thought he was dead in the memory, which had me trying to figure out why he was a ghost. That's such a little detail, but the rest of the paragraph is lovely (well, horrible, but you know what I mean), so I'd hate to have any confusion distracting from it.

Second person and present are both really hard! When I write in either of them I always slip back. There were a few times where it felt strained, but overall I think you did a good job with it.

Thanks again for the swap!

-Georgia

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Review #7, by ScorpiusRose17 Words and Silence

18th November 2015:
Hi!

So I am finally getting around to reading and reviewing all of the spectacular challenge entries I have received.

I really enjoyed this and thought you did a wonderful job of not only using the proverb you were given, but also the way that you basically tell Sirius' life story in a One-shot is awesome! I enjoyed the different scenes that we all know, but you also include your own scenes that really give his sense of feeling and a depth that hides behind the surface. Yes, it maybe a bit depressing, but it is more than that... It is moving to read Sirius as the rising and falling star as he was.

Good Luck in the Challenge! :)

-Jenn

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Review #8, by Felpata Lupin Words and Silence

7th November 2015:
Oh, my...
This is absolutely stunning! And yes, depressing too... But with such a theme it was iinevitale... But I really feel like crying now...

The way you wrote Sirius' childhood was just perfect. I especially loved the references to silence, to Regulus and Andromeda watching from a corner, too scared to intervene, even if they did care for him.

I also loved the words' theme. When you talked about the word "laughter" and then "friendship". Amidst all the tragedy of the story, those few lines made me smile.

The Cruciatus Curse bit really broke me. It was one of the worst passages in all the story.

And then it broke me Severus' bit, Remus' disappointment, their suddenly shattered friendship. And of course Remus has all reasons to feel that way. Thinking about the possible outcome is just so horrifying... (sorry, I have a thing for Remus...)

And finally Azkaban. The seclusion, the loneliness, the memories... I just want to hug him tight and tell him it'll be alright (even if we know it won't... Not really...

Oh, my... You broke my heart in a thousand tiny pieces here... :'(
Anyway, this was really a great story, so powerful and so beautifully written!

All my love!
Chiara

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Review #9, by missatron Words and Silence

28th October 2015:
Hey! Here for our swap! Sorry i am so late, I was really busy yesterday :(.

Let's start off with the beginning - in this, Sirius was not the typical Sirius that JK Rowling wrote about. We saw a damaged, vulnerable Sirius. I liked how you showed that people are not always what they seem on the outside. I don't know whether you going for that but it was a nice message if it was. Writing in second person is really difficult to make the story flow nicely but when it's pulled off, I love it! ;)

I'm glad you explained why he hates Snape. I always thought that they hadn't done anything to become enemies, but you've given me a nice backstory now and it all makes sense!

I do like your writing style - each word seems to be a perfect fit. Though this isn't the style I usually like to read, I really enjoyed it anyway. I was terribly sad to read this since I have always liked Sirius a lot in the HP, he is portrayed as very brave and strong. I love this line -"the white sheep of the Black family" because usually the black sheep is the member of the family who is disregarded without meaning. I like how you switched it round :).

All in all a great read.

:)

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Review #10, by BellaLestrange87 Words and Silence

27th October 2015:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle!

First of all, I love your prose here. It struck me as soon as I began to read this chapter. It's extremely pretty language and I can perfectly visualize exactly what you're communicating.

Your description of Sirius being abused was really well done. I can really feel for Sirius here, what he's suffering and going through when no one in his family cares enough to stand up for him, or mention the bloodstain on the carpet in the sitting-room. *hugs Sirius*

Sirius's reaction to James finding out about his home life and his scars was really well done. I can almost see the fear, that James would be just like his family and would hit him, blame him, and then his surprise when James proved himself to possess basic human decency and hugged Sirius.

I love the rationale you've given to Sirius's treatment of Snape, that he represented everything Sirius hated, and the cruel treatment he had suffered at the hands of those he was related to - I don't think they deserve the word family. It adds a layer of depth to his character. Good job!

One thing, though - in that same paragraph you talk about how during sixth year Lily was still defending Snape adamantly. I thought that she'd stopped and basically cut all ties with him after he called her a Mudblood at the end of fifth year?

I noticed what I think is a typo - The Ministry doesn't see him as Remus, the boy, they just see him as monster. - they just see him as a monster?

Your ending was really well-written and you made me so sad with Sirius's complete and utter despondency over being stuck in Azkaban and everything that's happened to him. The Dementors' influence can really be felt here.

I think your use of second-person point of view to tell this story was an excellent choice. I really loved this and I'll be back to review some more of your stuff when I have time!

~Olivia

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Review #11, by The Basilisk Words and Silence

26th October 2015:
Hello, It is I, The Basilisk, come here for a review.

Thisss really made my sad cold heart all the more sad. I felt bad for poor Sirius, especially as I understand the pain of being alone, of being imprisoned, of feeling worthless - being a "monster" in a Chamber for many years has acquainted me with these emotions all too well.

But enough about me. I loved this one-shot. Your characterisation of Sirius was very good. HIs bitterness, frustration, despair, and all the emotions in general, came through the narrative very well. I felt his pain and would've cried for him if I had the ability to. You my dear could make a Basilisk like me weep with your beautifully woven words and darknes driven descriptions, and for that, I salute you.

I loved the concept of progressing through Sirius' life here. Giving a glimpse into different important instances, and how he felt through them. I loved the section when he shares his pain with James and realises the beauty of friendship. The ending bit was the saddest though. He was alone again, bitter again, helpless once again, lost without friendship.

This is a depressing tale indeed, but one very well written. I really liked reading it, and I think you did a great job with the writing style. Loved it.

Hiss Hiss,
The Basilisk

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Review #12, by Aphoride Words and Silence

25th October 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

Okay, so I'm going to say at the beginning that this doesn't exactly match up with my headcanon for Sirius, just to qualify things a bit ;)

But, that being said, I loved your take on it, how you dealt with the issues you gave Sirius in it - they were so tactfully done, you know? And I loved how it gave Sirius this kind of violent, dangerous, damaged side to him, as well as making him a lot more vulnerable than I've seen him before. It was a lovely combination of things, and such a fascinating character deconstruction, too :)

Your writing in this is so great, too - it's so clean and so fluid, which I love, and the way you jump about is something which is so hard to make flow, you know? And you do it so, so well. Your description was so lovely, too, especially the way you described Sirius' emotions - there was something so real and so true about it, and the way you wrote it gave the whole thing this heavy, solemn kind of feeling which is so right for it.

I really liked all of the details in this, too: things like how Regulus was so often described as hiding behind others, in shadows, how Snape seemed to be so snakelike and dangerous, how Remus was so scarred and the parallels you drew between them. It was so great, and so full, if that makes sense :P

This really is a lovely, lovely, admittedly heartbreaking, one-shot :)

Aph xx

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Review #13, by CassiePotter Words and Silence

22nd October 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap!
I really liked this! I think you always do such a great job writing Sirius. I've read a few of your stories about him, and each one adds another layer to his character, which is really great.
I think you did a really nice job with both of the prompts for your challenges in this. You showed Sirius's fear of being alone and also used your proverb really well. The thing about that that I really enjoyed was that you were able to show both of those things throughout the story, even if you didn't say them explicitly until the end.
I think this story really made me think about how sad Sirius's life was. We know that he had fun at school, and that he had friends, and pulled pranks, but sometimes I think we can forget how hard his life was growing up. He was only sixteen when he saw his parents for the last time. You show here that he was emotionally and physically abused by his family, and who knows how often he had to endure that? It's heartbreaking.
Even though this story is so sad, and ends in such a sad place, it's nice to know that Sirius will have some happiness in his future, when he escapes Azkaban and finds Harry and Remus and the Order.
As far as CC's go, I think grammatically this was great! I didn't notice any overused commas, and I thought your pacing was really great.
Thank you so much for the swap!
Cassie :)

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Review #14, by princesslily_36 Words and Silence

22nd October 2015:
First off, Sirius is my favorite character, so I'm excited to be reading about him!! :D

Writing in second person is so difficult (I know, I've tried), but yours just seems to flow so effortlessly. Sirius being depressing is just so...depressing :( but we have to face the reality sometime I guess. *sigh*

White sheep of the Black family! I love this one!

The way you brought our Sirius' vulnerability, slowly building him up, the events that led to his bittnerness and cynicism about life. That was well done.

Ooh, I liked how you gave a back story to why Remus and Sirius doubted each other.

Towards the end I was just hanging on to each word. it was almost like you had transported me into the dark cells of Azkaban (The fact that I am sitting in a dark room with lights off only aided that :P )

Its awesome! I couldn't spot any grammar/spelling errors in it. I think I was too captivated by the flow to notice!

Good luck on your challenge! Hope you win :) :hug:

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Review #15, by fwoopersong8 Words and Silence

22nd October 2015:
Hey Kat! This is Songs here for our review swap.

So you wondered whether you had overdone things? Maybe the writing was a little too flowery in spots, but overall it was really good. I admit I was confused at first, because for some reason I thought it was in first person, and I thought "Sirius doesn't talk like this at all." But then I realized that it was in second person, so that changed things.

I love (well, not LOVE, but you know what I mean) seeing this different side of Sirius. All we see of him in canon is this clever, awesome dude who was a prankster and obviously awesome (though he did jerkish things) in the past. But so much of the time, the happiest people are the most miserable inside (I think there's a Robin William's quote to that effect). We never get to see what makes a person who they are, and really we don't want to see most of the time. So good job tackling that.

Also, thanks for explaining why he hates Snape so much. That always bothered me. I mean, in canon the kid didn't even do that much but be awkward and unpleasant and look into the Dark Arts! Giving Sirius a backstory makes me feel a little better about that.

I caught a typo: "strinking from the grass." I'm not sure what you meant there. Also, what did Sirius do to Snape that made him afraid that the Mauraders would disown him? All I saw was that he wanted Snape to disappear, and then he was afraid his friends would leave him again.

I can totally see how these thoughts would be preying on Sirius's mind, especially during his stay in Azkaban. I can actually see this one-shot as a record of his Dementor-affected thoughts while in prison.

Finally, what does momophobia mean? I looked it up and apparently it means fear of Asians? That doesn't fit with this story. Including a definition in the summary would be helpful.

Anyway, good job! It was really depressing. I will not look at Sirius the same way again.

~Songs

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Review #16, by Rumpelstiltskin Words and Silence

21st October 2015:
Hello! :) I'll pull out my fancy reviewing template, so that it'll be easier to make sense of my rambles! (But I'm exhausted, so be warned that I'll probably ramble anyway.) But we'll start here in saying that I loved it :D

Right, onwards!

Plot/Arc: This was definitely a heavy piece, so excuse me if I'm a little scattered. Your introduction was a terrific way to transition from how words can cause terrible harm, to how lack thereof can cause even more harm, and then directly into the major storyline. Furthermore, I think you've done an excellent job on paralleling Sirius' experience from his terrible childhood to his personality, which I'll address more in the "Characterization" category. It was terribly sad to see Sirius' abusive home life, and how nobody would help him. I also think that it does send out a strong message on how abuse can't be stopped by ignoring it. That's why I was so glad to see James' reaction to Sirius' situation; he embraces him not only physically, but emotionally, as a brother, as well. I think that may have been a great contributing factor in helping Sirius finally being capable of escaping his mother's wrath -- he had someone to turn to. The part concerning Severus I *really* want to cover in the next section, so we'll skip that, here. Of course, then his friendship that kept him together -- that gave him strength to overcome -- completely crumbles and it's disastrous :(. Your conclusion tied perfectly into your introduction, and I think it was an amazing way to end (and Rumpel's heart shattered like Sirius and the china).

Characterization: Sirius is shown in a very dark light, and it's done fantastically. I really think you nailed his personality, and his hatred for people like his family, like Snape, because of what he had endured for a large, impressionable portion of his life. His absolute rage he felt for Snape seems to have been a vicarious way to inflict pain on his family, the ones who had caused him so much pain. Snape became the perfect proxy because of who he was and what he valued, and Sirius needed the outlet for hatred, to exact payback of what he had to go through. I think you've portrayed that very nicely, and have given an excellent reason why Sirius would tell Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack during the full moon. He was so blinded by rage, wanting to fulfil his need for vengeance, that he neglected to realize the repercussion it would have on his friendship with Remus. I also really appreciated the idea that friendship was the glue that held Sirius together. This was a fantastic take on Sirius.

Style: I think you've done a great job with second-person perspective. It took me a couple tries to get the hang of it, but I do believe that you've captured it nicely. I also think that this style help emphasize the horrors that Sirius had to endure during his life.

Detail: The first thing I noticed was the connection with the theme of "words" in this, and how you used some powerfully descriptive words that appropriately tie into the theme. I thought I'd mention it, because I found it quite clever.

Flow: Mostly, it worked. Because of the style that this was written in, the flow was meant to be a tad bumpier than in, say, something written from third-person. However, here are a couple suggestions that might make it work slightly better (and do keep in mind that these are just suggestions, and are meant to be taken lightly ;) ). "Worse than words is the silence." - You can probably eliminate the article "the". "..sowing needle last she visited..." -There's just a couple typos here: "sowing" to "sewing" and I do believe you're missing either an article before "last" or a word (such as "time" or the like after). "Toujours Pur always pure." -This may work a little better if you put a comma between French and English ("Toujours Pur, always pure").

CCs (with love): Are included in the other categories :). ♥

Notes/Other: Ouch! Yep. Those were my feels. Why is that all of you HPFF writers try to break my heart? Oh yeah, and this line, "
The white sheep of the Black family, an anomaly they can't control." is amazing -- I thought I'd let you know :D. Also, I think that this is nicely written and constructed excellently.

Fantastic job, I truly did enjoy this (through my tears). You definitely have some excellent writing skills, so thank you for sharing this with me.

-Rumpel

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