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Reading Reviews for Smoke Signals
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Cupido Prologue

14th February 2016:
♥ ♥ ♥

Hey there,
Wow, took me quite a while to find my way... all the cupids flying around today, you wouldn't believe the traffic...

I believe I have never heard any details about the swiss wizarding community or their ministry before. What you have come up with strikes me as very interesting and unique. I'd like to see more of that :)

♥ ♥ ♥

You seem to enjoy writing dialoge, and you do that very well. you know, that one time I... oh never mind. I really can't reveal my identity here, can I? How clumsy of me to forget *blushes*

Anyway... where was I? Oh, yeah... Dialogue. there is a lot of it, it is well written and easy to follow. The sentences you use work well, the conversations you show us can easily happen just like you describe.

There are a few things you might want to be aware of. in the first two paragraphs, I noticed that you tend to repeat certain words. Sometimes that makes sentences sound awkward. If you want to avoid this, see if you can rearrange the sentences so the repeated word is only there once.

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I deduce from your footnotes (how clever of me), that you realize that this is a rather short chapter. By adding some description you can easily flesh any story out and make for an even more delightful reaeding experience...

but hey, I'm Cupid, I hear young girls going on and on about how soft a person's hair is, how nice it smells, what a pretty colour their eyes are... let me just say - in my profession one learns to appreciate beautiful description, be it sound, smell, sight, touch, or another way to describe the surroundings.

Plot-wise, I am intrigued to find out how Dean will cope with the loss of his best friend (lover?), and whether or not they will still capture Rowle.
This Juan is a very interesting character. How clever of him to be both Healer and Auror - I'd love to get to know him better. Maybe I will meet him again in the next chapter - If I can find my way there, I can't see the clouds for all the cupids whizzing around tonight.

I must be off now...

remember: Love is a faith that dreams will come true... ♥

♥ forever yours ♥


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