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Reading Reviews for Radicalia
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Crescent Moon  A Twisted Sort of Way...

21st February 2016:
I'm loving this story so far!
It's really original and you're sticking to canon events well. And your characters are very realistic, very true to JK's. I'm especially loving Neville, he's brilliant. And I'm so glad Ginny's decided to start fighting again.
I can't wait to see where you take this. Love it!

Author's Response: Yayayay that's so great to hear! And I'm especially stoked that you think I'm keeping the characters in-line with canon. I really wanted to try looking at people a little differently, particularly Ginny, but it was really important to me that they not seem OOC. Overall, that can be a really tricky balancing act, so it's immensely relieving that you think it's working out :)

Thank you SO much for taking the time to review!

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Review #2, by Soyalie Hell is Empty...

21st February 2016:
I'm really liking this story. The difference between Neville and Ginny are well depicted - he has already more or less lost everything to the Death Eaters and has nothing to loose while she has everything to loose by not behaving.

And gosh, McGonagall. It hurts to see her so frantic and worried.

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Review #3, by Soyalie The world will die screaming...

19th February 2016:
"Ginny Weasley would let the world die screaming if she could just have him back."
Wow. That really hit me. This seems like an interesting story. I just finished my yearly reread of Harry Potter and Hogwarts during Deathly Hallows is one of my favourite things to speculate about. I think you do a great job of writing Ginny.

Author's Response: Oh I'm so glad that line hit! And also that you're digging this characterization of Ginny. I figure there's always more to people than just what Harry saw, you know?

Thanks so much for taking the time to review!

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Review #4, by Willowjay16 Hell is Empty...

18th February 2016:
I would like to start by saying that I loved the chapter title like ANYTHING!! Looking at the circumstances, I must ( with GREAT DELIGHT!!) Say this that hell surely is Full!
I was completely getting that extremely sad feeling that a place that used to be their home is now dead.
Reading about Professor McGonagall being so disturbed, made me even sadder. I mean this is the Lady who used to be so brave and strong, and now looking at her I was reminded that the man who made this world so magical is not there.
The part about the about Professor Charity Burbage was amazing! It was superb that you thought of mentioning the muggle studies Professor, I was so upset when I saw Her character's murder in he Original Harry Potter Movies!
And Kittens!!! Trust Me.their entry was the happiest part of the story! It was nice to see Ginny take a small Kitten that was handicapped. I am sure they have a role to play in the coming chapters, and I have made a wild guess about what it's going to be! But I'm not going to reveal it, in case it blows up the suspense!
Coming to the Carrow Siblings!! You've have totally made me, DESPISE them, right from the beginning!

And lastly, NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM! The guy is so amazing! It was brilliant how you portrayed him, he's Fighting Back! Superb.
And now Ginny is a little off the track and I totally get it since she's already got enough on her plate, But I know she'll be alright soon, She's a WEASLEY for Merlin's sake, causing trouble is in her BLOOD!!

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Review #5, by marauderfan A Twisted Sort of Way...

16th February 2016:
Roisiiinnn. I've missed you on the forums, glad to see you're still writing! I do really like this story.

I love the way you write PRofessor Sprout! I mean, in the books she definitely came across as a helpful teacher who's very much on the side of the students (esp when Umbridge was around) but here you've taken that to a whole new level - I love that she kept them working on Venomous Tentacula to promote whispered discussions of revolution. I'm also assuming this is the same version of Sprout who was a guidance counselor in Y5 and so she comes with all this backstory :D

Ginny, though - what a marked contrast between this Ginny and the one we see at the end of DH who's willing to run right into the fray. I really like that you kind of set her back from the DA, and while Luna and Neville keep it going, she's terrified and has kind of lost herself keeping her head down. I think it'd be easy to fall into that trap, especially as she doesn't really see an end in sight, and doesn't see that anything she does would be accomplishing anything.

Aw, Neville had a crush on Hermione :S It's funny the things Harry didn't notice. I could see this being plausible - after all I think he did ask her to the Yule Ball - and given how very little Harry notices about other people, I'd believe it. This is one of the things I love about other character POV's of Hogwarts era - there's quite a lot to work with!

aah, Luna and her dad communicating - I love that you mentioned this, of course they'd be writing, but also OF COURSE they'd be able to share a lot of information because anyone reading her mail will just be like "oh, there goes that weird Lovegood girl talking about Wrackspurts" when she probably uses it as a code word for Death Eaters or something. Haha, brilliant.

The world froze to ice as they bloomed like black blood in water. -- Whoa. That's an amazing description.

I'm intrigued about Sally-Anne Perks. If she's been ill this whole time and is being forced to go to Hogwarts despite that she's really too unwell to do so? The Death Eaters are setting her up for failure. Not that they care. I'll be interested to read more about her.

Ah, please tell me nothing too bad happens to Susan? akjsdlfjaks. I did have a feeling it'd take something like this to motivate Ginny - I hadn't expected it to be quite so soon, but I'm glad she's got her fire back. Hogwarts needs her.

I am super into this story and hope to see more of it soon! You're doing a wonderful job.

Kristin xx

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Review #6, by mymischiefmanaged A Twisted Sort of Way...

14th February 2016:
Roisin I'm so glad you're back! I actually love this. I think it might be your best writing yet - angst suits you.

I really like Ginny's insights into characters. We're seeing Neville and Luna in a different way through her eyes to the way we saw them through Harry's, although they're still completely in character. I think Ginny's got a more accurate picture of what people are like.

The Carrows are horrifying. I so so want to see what they do next but also really don't want to know.

I love how you're developing Parvati and Lavender. They're kind and very different to the trio, but still have their own important place.

I don't want to see what happens to the cats :(

This story is so so wonderful! Can't wait for the next chapter.

Emma xx

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Review #7, by Willowjay16 The world will die screaming...

12th February 2016:
Suberb Chapter! Totally got me hooked from the very first line, "
Ten words. Just ten words divided the Before from the After."

Then the story starts from the reconciliation of the past, it felt like her world turned upside down in a matter of seconds. I totally love the idea that you decided to begin the chapter from this point where Ginny is in despair and is dejected, as you're a hero only when you get back again even after you have been broken down.

The chapter was just so sad, I mean Ginny had to walk through the same halls which had once been a reminder of hope and happy memories, but now it was only a ghost of what was happening in the world around her, and what would ( though she was trying hard to stay strong) happen in her worst nightmares to them in the end.

Neville had been brought with Belatrix Lestrange! Totally cruel and sad, Yet TOTALLY AWESOME!

A school boy is being brought by Voldemort's right hand! It Couldn't Have Been Better! This was the part where normal people would have been sad and sympathetic, but insane ones like me could totally feel those distant happy vibes :) Cause when you heat up gold, you only make it better!

Great Chapter, Amazingly Written!! In other words: Left Me Wanting To Read More!

Author's Response: :D I'm so glad you liked it!

I definitely feel you about the heroism thing. What I found interesting is that (older) Ginny always comes off like this super tough and self-assured super woman. But I sort of liked the idea that maybe she came off that way because we're seeing her from Harry's POV, you know? Like, maybe she has a whole internal world where things are very different from the outside.

Even in this chapter, I feel like /we/ know how scared and stuff she is, but to someone else looking on objectively, she might seem pretty tough and self assured.

"Totally cruel and sad, Yet TOTALLY AWESOME!" That comment made me really happy :)

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #8, by Willowjay16 Prologue

12th February 2016:
It's really nice!! I really liked the fact that you decided to write the first chapter from a different POV.
You can tell that there's a lot going around, and I assure you that this chapter indeed accomplished in doing what it was supposed to, Making Me Want To Know What Would Happen Next. I will definitely be reading all the next chapters as well.


Author's Response: Oh yay, thank you so much!

I've always really dug opening with the POV of a side-character (something JKR does a lot). Originally this started really differently, and I up scrapping an entire chapter once I got the idea for this prologue, so I'm really glad you thought it worked :)

Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a review!

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Review #9, by SunshineDaisies Hell is Empty...

19th December 2015:
Okay so you probably don't know this but I have been beyond excited to read this since you asked for help with chapter titles on the forums however long ago that was. This story is like, EXACTLY EVERYTHING I LOVE IN A STORY. Like, I'm going to pretend that this was a gift to me because IT IS. EVEN IF IT WASN'T INTENDED.

These three chapters have been such an excellent start to this story! You've set the scene, the mood of the story and the world you're working in and it's all done SO WELL. I actually really like the way you've used the Death Eaters so far. A lot of stories start out with a calm before the storm, and you've alluded to one here, but really you've started right at the start of the hurricane. (That's the nice thing about fanfic, a lot of that sort of stuff is in place for you, so you don't have to waste time with it.) I think starting out this way is very effective for your story, by the way. It really throws us right in there with Ginny, experiencing the terror of Hogwarts under Voldemort's regime. It definitely makes Ginny's actions thus far understandable. I would have guessed she'd be gung-ho to start rebelling and standing up to the Carrows. I have to say, I like this better. Of course she wants to fight, but she's tired and she's scared and it's really hard to keep going. Totally realistic, and it makes me so excited to see how she grows and develops and starts fighting back.

Okay and NEVILLE. Neville is also different from what I would've expected. I thought it'd take a bit for him to get rolling with the rebellion, but now that I've read it, it makes more sense that he's ready to go. Especially with his grandmother and his parents, "I promised I'd fight." That's wonderful and terrible and I love it. And I love how angry he is with Ginny, and the rest of the DA who are just sitting there LETTING IT HAPPEN. I love Neville and I love that he's come into his own, but he's still struggling. He wants to lead, but no one is stepping up to follow. Which, in honesty, I think is fair. Neville doesn't exactly have natural leadership skills, at least not that we've seen, and I think he still needs to prove himself. I'm excited to see that develop as well.

Okay I'm sorry for mostly telling you things that you already know BUT I'M SO EXCITED. This is amazing and I can't wait to see it continue.

Author's Response: OK so I REALLY love responding to reviews, so I promised myself I would hold off on that pleasure until I actually updated. Like a prize. Then I took a bloody AGE to update, and I'mSorryI'mSorryI'mSorry!

BUT YAY, finally get to reply to this amazing review! Everything you said just makes me want to yell "YES, EXACTLY!" and I'm just so stoked that you're digging this interpretation :D

I definitely think family would be a really big factor on everyone's decision-making, since they're still so young. Neville's gran has always wanted him to be tougher and braver and generally MORE, while the Weasleys have always been more about trying to stop Ginny from doing dangerous things or things she's not ready for. Neville kind of has the responsibility of being the only heir with a lot to live up to, while Ginny has Youngest Daughter syndrome.

So yeah, with everything with the war and what's going on at Hogwarts, both of them end up relying a lot on what their family's want to guide their decision-making.

And like, I definitely agree that it might seem more obvious at first to have Ginny be the excited one and Neville be the one needing encouragement, but I thought it would be a lot more interesting to invert that dynamic. You know, for DRAMA reasons. I'm REALLY glad you thought it worked, and made sense, and was convincing!

This is seriously (siriusly) such a FANTASTIC review, and I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to reply (and update!)


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Review #10, by kenjiminogue Hell is Empty...

18th December 2015:
wow Hogwarts has never felt so depressive. Ginny has never felt so depressive. can't wait for more...

Author's Response: I'll try to update soon! Thanks so much for leaving a review :)

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Review #11, by hogwartsgirlsrule Hell is Empty...

29th November 2015:
OH MY GOD, I think this is my new favorite story. SOO well written, with fantastic details! There are a few spots closer to the beginning you might want to take a quick look at (faintly awkward sentences, missing words...things I know you can find better words for, based on later passages) to really polish it up proper (they just interrupt the flow a bit, which is a shame because some of the details in here are AMAZING.)
I LOVE what you did with the muggle studies class and it's so interesting to see Ginny feeling weak. I really really hope her kitten isn't the subject of that Practicum later in the term. Poor thing...
Anyway, I cannot wait to see more of this! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE post more soon:)
Thanks- HGR

Author's Response: eek! I'm SO sorry I've taken so long to update, but now I have! (GUH I promise updates won't take so long in the future!)

I did end up getting a beta, so I've gone back and polished the earlier chapters a bit. Thanks for the feedback :)

I'm really glad you like this take on Ginny! In canon, we only ever saw her from Harry's POV, and he super loves her, so I was interested to look at her in a more nuanced way. Like, not just Tough and Cool all the time. I wanted to write it in a way where, on the outside, she might even seem really tough and cool, but then there's a lot going on under the surface as well.

Thank you sososo much for reviewing!


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Review #12, by LOVE THIS STORY !!! Hell is Empty...

17th November 2015:
Your portrayal of JKR's world is so refreshing! Ginny's pov during DH is definitely a story to be told and I can already tell that you're going to do that story justice. You're a very talented writer and I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Yay thank you so much! That's so nice to hear :)

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Review #13, by marauderfan Hell is Empty...

6th November 2015:
Another new story!! I think I need to just set up camp on your AP because it's clear I've missed some things. Ages ago I found a story that was about Neville's 7th year and it was never finished, so I'm SO GLAD you're writing this year from Ginny's POV and about all the resistance of the DA and I can tell already that I'm going to get so wrapped up in this. I'm so glad to have found this story!

Sorry I haven't reviewed the other two chapters, btw. I got sucked in and couldn't stop reading :p From here on out though, I'll be better about it!

The scene with the prank shampoo was interesting (and off topic but I did love the irony about shampoo and hygiene rules set by people who've never washed their hair haha) - it's just like Fred and George to play a prank like that and I think under normal circumstances it would have been funny, but with Ginny being the only person in her dorm and freaked out about how different and scary things are now, it was such a tense scene and the prank was just not funny. I was waiting for the violin music to come up like in Psycho and I legit thought she was going to get murdered by shampoo.

Kittens?! That's really cute, but... OMG ROISIN PLEASE NO. I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE DEATH EATERS. They aren't going to do Avada Kedavra on KITTENS ARE THEY?!?!1 I CANNOT HANDLE OMDSFAKASD just. no. don't do that. also the way Ginny's cat burrowed under her neck and purred there reminds me of a cat I used to have, so I'm way too attached to it already. I WILL BE SO ANGRY/SAD IF THAT CAT IS HARMED IN ANY WAY

But real talk. The TONE in this is phenomenal. As you can probably tell from my panicked comments above. That year at Hogwarts must have been so incredibly terrifying and you've showed that - not only in the reactions of professors like McGonagall, and other students, but also in Ginny's internal thoughts - she's such a strong character outwardly, and seeing all the fear and insecurity inside her during this time (which is understandable) really makes her seem so vulnerable. And she really is all alone. Also, I LOVE NEVILLE. I just wanted to cheer for him when he pulled out the snark responses on Day One of dark arts class. Painful to think about what it cost him, but he's a rockstar

some little typos I found:

it could boil away every retched feeling -- should be 'wretched'

Andy waved quieting hand -- missing an 'a' after 'waved'

Luna was Luna afterall -- 'after all' is two words

At the back of the room, and unfamiliar witch stood watching as Filch fiddled with strange-looking device. -- 'an' unfamiliar witch, and there's an 'a' missing before 'strange looking'

Also (and I'm not sure if this is a helpful comment, but this is just how I interpreted this) in the previous chapter, the transition between Ginny's memory of the Death Eaters crashing the wedding and her being dumped on the train kind of makes it sound like they captured her from the wedding and took her to the Hogwarts express. I know that's not what happened, but it took me a moment to realize the time jump. anyway, maybe an extra line could clarify that. again, I'm sorry I'm reviewing the wrong chapter but it's 1 in the morning and I shouldn't even be reading fanfiction at all but I just had to read through this story once I found it! and I'm so glad I did. welll that's about it, I'll be back next time. This story is so good and I'm really glad you're writing this missing year (I'd be too afraid to take that on, but I trust that it'll be great in your hands.)

Sorry my reviews make no sense late at night! TLDR: this story is great. Ciao! ♥

Author's Response: Yayyayayay I'm so glad you like! I can sort of see how "War Era Story From D.A. POV" might get abandoned, because it's sort of tricky to get to a satisfying climax when we all know what's going to happen. A lot of why I'm writing this story is that I think I have a way around this while staying in canon, so here's to hoping I can pull it off!

I'm really glad the shampoo thing came off the way it did to you because it was sort of a WEIRD thing to do, I realize. And like YES for Psycho violins! I wasn't sure if I'd gotten the sort of pace and suspensey stuff right or not, so it's encouraging that it worked as planned.

The kittens thing is inspired by the Hitler Youth and puppies (everyone got a puppy when they joined, which they were then to raise to doghood). I figured that since this is witches/wizards, cats made more sense, and also a bunch of full grown dogs at Hogwarts might cause for distraction. And cats are better for indoor stuff. But yeah, the reasons for the kittens are exactly the same reasons for the dogs in the Hitler Youth.

TONE! That's the thing I worried most about nailing, followed in quick succession by CHARACTER. Like, I really wanted to keep Ginny in character with canon, but then also try to reveal more about her by being in her own head. I think, at least in this story, there's a big difference between how she presents herself and how she feels inside. And YES SO HAPPY you liked the Neville comment! In the first draft it genuinely just said "SOMETHING SNARKY" and I wrung my hands a lot over what that could be.

Thank you for catching those typos! Chapter has been edited :) And I you make a good point about the time jump in Ch1, I'll definitely have a think about clarifying that a bit.

Heehee, I also wonder if you noticed a trend among my novels: "Year Five" covers fifth year (obv), "Radicalia" covers sixth year, "Trials of Scorpius Malfoy" covers seventh year! Unfortunately I might not be able to keep hosting "Trials" on HPFF (the idea originated in one of my entries to the HC collab, and I only just found out about a rule against posting the same/similar stories more than once on the archives). BUT, yes: Y5, Y6, Y7! All stand-alone, but all in-universe!

BUT BACK TO THIS REVIEW: thank you SO much for taking the time to leave such a big juicy and helpful review. It's been very, very encouraging!


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Review #14, by oldershouldknowbetter Prologue

3rd October 2015:
I saw your 'add' for this in the updates section of the forums, so it drew me in. I haven't done a review for a while and I'm in the mood for some. I think I'll have a go at yours and see what it's like. Also it's a bit of a thanks for all the expert advice that you gave to me.

OK so lets begin.

This is a good setting in which to house a story. There is so much that obviously must have happened, and to characters that we loved, that it should be a fertile ground in which to plant a story.

If you know of my predilections, then you will know that I like Harry and Ginny stuff, so of course I must like Ginny and there seems that there might be a lot about her in this tale. I like seeing her defined as a person, without being dragged along in the coat-tails of Harry.

Anyway, I simply must stop outlining what I like and get on with reviewing the story.

We begin not knowing really when or where we are. A few subtle hints, and in hindsight a beautiful chapter image, sets the scene. So we know that we are amongst some section of the quasi-official forces of the Ministry who have been staking out what we presume is the Weasley home. The one thing we know categorically from the very start though is that we are seeing the events unfold from the perspective of Nathanael. But in a beautiful piece of writing, one that is possible in fan-fiction, but rarely so elsewhere, we can read into the sketchy descriptions of everything else so much detail - filling in the hints with what we know from the canonical source - but the one thing we know for certain we actually know nothing about. Who is this Nathanael? What bearing and importance to the story does he have by being named first and foremost, in the very first line in fact? We shall have to read on and see.

The forces loyal to Voldemort have been expecting the Weaselys to run. I like the idea of this. Well, actually I don't, it's horrible, but I like that you have not made the forces of evil stupid. So often in a story the good guys have a massive leg up on the forces arrayed against them because the baddies have not thought of doing something that would be obvious to anyone. I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the events surrounding this very scene must have been handled poorly and stupidly.

But you don't seem to be doing that. The Death Eaters, one must presume from the mention of masks, have not only kept watch upon the dwelling of the Weasleys, but have done so competently. They have taken note of the Father's apparent compliance at work. They see the Mother keeping up her routine, even in the face of what she must know is going on around her in the Wizarding world.

Ginny even tries to escape. Which I love of course. It really shows her character and exactly what we would think that she would do in a situation like this; even though I had never really thought about this before, it is immediately spot on. One wonders in doing so, does she have some half-formulated plans/dreams to somehow meet up with Harry and the rest and go on the run with them?

But the Death Eaters are capable enough and soon recapture her. Nathanael shows his competence, when he doesn't split his forces from their assigned tasks. The scene with Arthur and Molly being brought out of their house and forced to their knees on the ground is powerful and chilling. Of course the Death Eaters do not believe the protestations of the parents and have to search for themselves.

There are some things to support the parents telling the truth, like the fully packed trunk. But the main thing will be the presence of a sickly Ron. Nathanael goes to check and gets taken in by the Ghoul enchanted to appear similar to Ron. Apparently, we were mistaken in our belief that he was as competent as he appeared.

The recapture of Ginny, we knew must occur, but that doesn't make it any less horrific - especially the bag placed over her head and being kicked to the ground. The parents explain their innocence, and by this that Ginny's attempt to escape is just youthful rebellion and should only be treated as such and nothing more serious.

The presence of Ron is established and ratified by Nathanael. Yes he really was fooled and we learn the penalties if Ron hadn't been found: death! That's really confronting and elevates what has occurred into a far more serious level.

And then you kick us in the teeth with :- "Yes," Nathanael lied. "I'm sure."

Wow! Who is this guy? Why on earth would he lie? It could be that he just doesn't want to see any-more deaths, and he knows that would have been a certainty if he hadn't reported what he had. It could be just that, but it smacks of some other reason too. Is this servant of Voldemort actively working against him? Is that possible? As a hook to keep your readers interested and wanting to come back for more, it is a very good one indeed.

This is a good start to a fic set in this time period. You have treated all the characters as we have come to know them and introduced an intriguing OC.


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Review #15, by water_lily43175 The world will die screaming...

3rd October 2015:
Aah, well this is just too emotional. It struck me when reading DH just how annoyed and angry Ginny must have been inside at Harry going off and risking his life with Ron and Hermione but not letting Ginny go along as well. And the fact she was left completely isolated from them. I think this definitely comes through here. There's also a pretty stark contrast between the celebratory wedding atmosphere and the dark gloomy Death Eater-full aftermath, which I like in my sadistic angsty way.

Also I love that little touch of all products having to be the same brand, and of poor old Arthur and Molly not being able to afford it. SO MUCH YES. Also I want to know what Ginny has in that shampoo bottle, because I refuse to believe it's shampoo. Unless that's at the heart of her plot to bring Severus Snape down, in which case I am ALL OVER that idea. Even if Snape is good really.

I think you've got the characterisation spot on as well. I envisage Ginny driving things within the DA at some stage, but right now her feelings of loneliness and isolation and also her worry for Harry are all going to drag her down and leave her a little bit lethargic. Whereas Neville isn't going to have quite so much an emotional entanglement, he's just going to want to absolutely go for it right from the off.


Author's Response: You know I only just figured out while researching for this that Ginny would have been only 15 when the wedding happened (her 16th birthday was about two weeks later), so it would have been kinda unjustifiable for Harry and co. to bring her along (not to mention how that would have screwed the Weasleys and probably landed them in Azkaban)--BUT, it still must have SUCKED for her to get left behind. In a way, she's put in one of the most crap positions for being the youngest. Like, all the rest of her family get to be in the Order and do things to fight while she's just stuck going to an awful Hogwarts. She's basically a hostage, you know?

Heheheh, I snort giggled at the idea of bringing Snape down with a bottle of shampoo. I'm sure there's a "greasy hair" joke in there somewhere :P

I thought it would be a lot more interesting to start with Ginny being kind of beaten down and defeated, rather than rearing to go, you know? Like, stories are always better when characters have arcs and stuff.



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Review #16, by water_lily43175 Prologue

3rd October 2015:
OH MY GOD I really don't need this because I STILL owe you reviews on Year Five (yes yes I am a terrible person) but I think I have three weeks of doing absolutely NOTHING in a foreign country ahead of me, so more than enough time for reviewing. They will come, I PROMISE.

But, I've just reread the Potters for about the nth time, and I finished Hallows on Wednesday, and the whole time I was thinking "I'd love to read - or write if nobody else writes it for me, because that's usually the reason I write something - a DH fic set at Hogwarts". And lo and behold, HERE IS ONE. And given how much I LOVE Year Five, I think I will very much enjoy this. :)

And you've definitely drawn me in with this prologue! Who is Nathaniel? Why has he lied? HM. ONWARDS.

Author's Response: Oh my gosh waking up to all these reviews was such an amazing fantastic surprise! Thank you so much!

I'd been seeing a bunch of people mentioning around the forums how they'd like to read a Ginny's-Sixth-Year story and I'd always been drawn to this one particular line in canon --"a low level, constant mutiny from a hard core of students"--and had even once written an entire final paper based around the implications of the D.A. at Hogwarts, so I couldn't stop thinking up ideas for a war era Hogwarts story! And while I've never been super fond of the films, there was one establishing shot from DH of Hogwarts students marching between classes all militarized that I thought was really chilling and exciting, so def something I wanted to explore!

So glad you liked this prologue! It was sort of a last minute idea and I ended up changing the whole beginning of the story, but I'd never really written a proper prologue before and thought it would be a nice start :)

YAYAYAY so glad you like! I'm working on the next chapter right now so hopefully it will be up pretty soon.


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Review #17, by apondinabluebox The world will die screaming...

1st October 2015:
Wow. This chapter completely blew me away. You've created a sharp contrast at the beginning, with Fred and stolen champagne at the wedding, a reminder of happier times -- and then ten words, and everything changes. It's very dark, but not so dark that it's depressing to read -- more like an eerie psychological thriller that you've procrastinated everything else to watch because it's just so damn addictive.

I loved the thought you've clearly put into this story and what life at Hogwarts would have been like. Having Death Eaters escort students onto the train and off the train to the castle, all the new rules and the things that students have to buy new, the debate about whether shampoo was a weapon Ginny was trying to smuggle into the castle (well, getting shampoo in the Death Eaters' eyes would be painful, haha).

You hint at canon Ginny with the complaints of wanting to run away to France instead of attending Hogwarts, not thinking of the effect it would have on her parents, and her wish for the Weasleys to have another ghoul. It's just one line, but it has an element of childishness to it, and that really highlights just how cruel the Death Eaters are. She may be sixteen, and have fought them before, and kick and scream and struggle -- but she's still a child. What comes after really highlights the tragedy of Hogwarts being occupied, and gives the feel of a lost innocence. (Or maybe I'm just overanalysing one line...)

Throughout the chapter, you've evoked a sense of... I don't really know how to describe it. The word I was going to use was overwhelmingness, but that doesn't really explain it. It's like something bigger than them all, something that feels impossible to change, but the slight hints of rebellion from Neville and McGonagall help to balance it all out so that it doesn't take over from the story.

It's a little strange to see this new perspective of Ginny. In the books, she's this feisty fighter, and here she's feeling defeated. That said, we don't see Ginny at Hogwarts in DH until the Battle, so this is entirely plausible. Personally, I think she focused on how to not go to Hogwarts over the summer as a way of distracting herself from Harry's absence, and now being at Hogwarts is making her face reality, and she needs to grieve the loss (well, he's not dead, but it's still a loss to her).

I really, really loved these lines: It had been her mantra since the wedding. A song stuck in her head, but it didn’t have a melody. Aaah.

Typos/issues I spotted:
“Harkiss, Mockridge, Selwyn, Rookwood.” -- the Slytherin boys are called alphabetically, but the girls aren't. Either you've transposed Selwyn and Rookwood by accident, or they've been called out in order of hierarchy, in which case this needs elaborating, as at the moment, it looks like an alphabetical error.
...deciding that her shampoo and conditioner weren’t cleverly disguised weapon. -- there's an A missing between weren't and cleverly.
She doubted that he was capable of such complex magic, it wasn’t worth taking the risk. -- this doesn't feel quite right. I think there should be a "While" at the beginning of the sentence, or a "but" after the comma.
“What’s this then, girle?” -- should be "girl" or "girlie"?

Overall, I completely loved this chapter. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop (oh and that bit with the first-year was utterly heartbreaking) and I cannot wait for the second chapter to be up! :D

PS: If there's anything you'd like to discuss, feel free to PM me! I'm sorry if I was too nitpicky!

Author's Response: Oh your kind words make me so happy!

I've never been much of a fan of the HP films, but there was this one shot in a montage during one of the DH movies of the students marching all militarized between classes and I thought that was really striking. Having to buy things new is a common "anti-smuggling" measure IRL so I thought that would make sense here. And then I figured that since WWW exists and there are things like enchanted quills, mainstreaming all the school supplies would be a logical choice to keep people from sneaking in banned things. And then yeah, that would make things harder for the Weasleys :(

I don't think you're over-analyzing that one line at all! There IS something simultaneously childish and defiant about this. Like, Loss of Innocence is definitely an issue through all this, but then the characters' teenagey-ness can also be a sort of strength, in a way. Like, DON'T MESS WITH TEENAGERS. THEY BE CRAY.

I think "overwhelmingness" is a great word here, and I'm stoked because that's exactly what I was trying to accomplish in this chapter :)

I like your analysis of Ginny, and how she'd really been focused on not attending Hogwarts and is now unprepared for that reality. And yeah, Ginny is always something of a feisty Super Woman, so I wanted to reveal some of her interiority. And like, WE know that she's scared and sad and stuff because we're in her head, but if someone were to just look objectively at how she acts here and what she says, she might come off as really strong and feisty.

Thank you so much for pointing out those typos and things! They've all been edited :) Definitely NOT too nitpicky AT ALL!

Thanks again so much for this swap and for giving me so much feedback :D


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Review #18, by MuggleMaybe The world will die screaming...

1st October 2015:
Hi Roisin!

I was so excited to read this ever since you posted in the title help thread. :D I think this is a spectacular start!

I had never considered the implications of the Ministry making Hogwarts mandatory, and I thought how you set that up with the attack at the Burrow and the train and escorts was a great way to start off. It really set a dark, dire tone for the story that drew me in.

I think you've captured Ginny well, which is no easy feat. You've allowed her to be vulnerable without making her weak. And I think it's easy to write her as this super woman, so I'm really glad to see you point out her feelings of fear and anger.

I didn't get enough of the other characters to really have an opinion yet, but so far, so good.

The language and grammar and all of that is every bit as excellent as I knew it would be coming from you. No surprise there!

My only really CC at this point is, I'd like to see a little more humor (the blacker the better) from Ginny, because I think that's a pretty consistent part of her character in the books, and that sort of lively spark hasn't really shown up yet. Or maybe that's deliberate, in which case I guess I'd like to see other characters notice the change? Just a thought. I am uncertain about portraying her as quite this defeated seeming this early on, since she is usually a pretty determined person, but I trust you to have a solid plan for that :)

Overall I really enjoyed it and I am super excited for the next chapter. Good luck with posting as you go - it can be a bit of a roller coaster!

As predicted, this rocks! Please write quickly!
xoxo Renee

Author's Response: YEE RENEE! Thank you SO MUCH for this review!

And YAY because "exploring implications of war-era Hogwarts stuff" is the basic idea behind this whole fic :P So glad you find it interesting!

Especially glad for your feedback on Ginny. I've seen a lot of people argue that she's Mary-Sue-ish, but /I/ would argue that much of that comes from her being seen entirely from Harry's "HAVE MY BABIES" perspective. Like, I really wanted to make a case for her as a nuanced person here, including maybe her flaws (because all living things have flaws. Hell, even ROCKS have flaws). And yeah, I think the best way to show someone's bravery is to show their fear/the best way to show a character's strength is to give them equal obstacles. And like, while WE know her fear because we're in her head, she might come off pretty Super Woman-y to somebody just watching on, you know? Like, she barely even BLINKS when the Death Eaters are being all Death Eatery, but inside yeah, she's a bit of a nervous wreck. YAY HUMANITY!

"So far so good"--exactly as good as I can hope at this point of the story ;)

The humor comment is a good one. I tried to throw in some glib stuff here, but I can understand what you mean about it not being enough. I'll definitely think about that with future chapters (though I do want to keep this story pretty dark and dreary--but as you said, Black Humor would probably work nicely). Her defeatedness is definitely intentional though (Slide pointed out the sort of Monomyth element when she was beta-ing), because characters are more interesting when they have ARCS and CHANGE and stuff. But the feedback is super handy because AH WRITING AS I GO IS SCARY AND I NEED FEEDBACK TO KEEP EVERYTHING ON TRACK!

So yes, this review is SO HELPFUL and SUPER ENCOURAGING and THANK YOU!


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Review #19, by apondinabluebox Prologue

1st October 2015:
AHH! Roisin, I'm so excited that you've asked to swap for this story, because I've heard about this story lots and I love your writing so I have high expectations -- and this prologue certainly doesn't disappoint!

I love how you've described The Burrow in the early hours of the morning and the Death Eaters' watching the family for a month. I seem to recall the characters saying in DH that the Death Eaters seemed a bit stupid, believing that the ghoul was Ron, so your take on how Nathanael lied instead is really intriguing. Immediately, you pull the reader into the story (why did he lie?!) and set the tone of what's to come: Ginny attempting to run away, fighting against the Death Eaters, the general oppression that's just felt in the air because this is how good your description skills are.

This feels horribly nitpicky, but the only negatives I can find are an extra line space between the fourth and fifth paragraphs, and I believe there's a comma missing from this sentence, "Well we shall see," Nathanael said. >.<

Everything else flowed perfectly; you described the events really well, while keeping them moving. And I love the unusual spelling of Nathanael's name! I wonder if we'll see him again...

*hurries off to read the next chapter*

Author's Response: Yay Isobel! Thank you so much for doing this swap with me :) Sorry I was so delayed on my end!

I really like the idea that it wasn't just because of Harry's antics that they won the war. Like all sorts of little things had to happen in all sorts of situations to get to that point, and every little decision every person made mattered. Probably, a lot of people did little things where they could even if they weren't a full-force Order member (someone putting protective charms over neighboring muggle homes, etc).

And YUS I'm so stoke that you thought the general air of /oppression/ was palpable :D

Thanks for the nitpicks--I deleted that extra line and added the comma :)

Heeheehee, the unusual spelling. There's an odd sort of reason for that, and if you can work it out, you can work out who Nathanael is ;)


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Review #20, by Elijah Prologue

1st October 2015:
I was hooked straight away! I love how you've written this and the way you've stuck to how Ginny would act!
Hoping to see more of Nathaniel!
Looking forward to more chapters!!

Author's Response: Yay, it's so encouraging to hear that you liked it :D

Also I'm not sure if you'd meant this review as a swap or not (I'm terrible at interpreting the maning of smileys, I guess?) so def let me know if you were indeed doing a swap here!


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Review #21, by 800 words of heaven Prologue

27th September 2015:
Heya! I was browsing through the archives and this caught my eye, so I thought I'd give it a go.

I really liked this prologue! It read a lot like Rowling's first chapters read from the books, written as they are from another point of view from the main story. I hope we get to see more of Nathaniel as the story moves along. He's just lied to a bunch of Death Eaters but WHY? Also the way they treated Ginny was not cool.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where this story goes. This first chapter has successfully got me intrigued in the rest of the story, which is basically what you'd want from a first chapter. Ginny seems like a total butt-kicking kid here so I'm hoping for plenty of action for her to show off her mad skills.

Thanks for the lovely read :)

Author's Response: !!! YEE! Thank you SO MUCH for reading and reviewing! I had that weird nervous feeling from posting a brand new story and so this means SO MUCH to me :D

You make SUCH a good point about the whole "opening with another POV" thing--that's is a total Rowling move. And I only just realized that I, like, ALWAYS do that :P I'm really glad that device worked here because I wanted the opening to be kind of High Impact, you know?

Man, I'm so excited about Nathanael that I just want to tell you all about him! But I will refrain, and not be spoilery, and just let the story unravel as it ought.

I'm working on the next chapter right now so hopefully I'll have it up soon!

Thanks again SO MUCH for taking the time to check out this story!


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