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Reading Reviews for The Lies They Told Us.
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella Hunter The Fallen

10th October 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and it's nice to be back. I am so disappointed that there isn't more of this!

I like that we get the beginning of this chapter from someone else's POV. I think people get so swamped with Harry's emotions that they kind of overlook everyone else and I like that this started off from Ginny's perspective. I've never written her very much but I like that she's both strong and vulnerable here, she seems very authentic. I think that it was also good to show that Hermione was there with her, it's nice to see the two girls bonding together after something like this. ALSO, thank you for having Hermione breaking down and crying during this, so many people write her off as being stone cold but I like this version of her and Ron as well. The War changed so many things about them and it's good to see a physical sign of that as well but it makes you wonder how long it will take for them to recover.

Harry has to carry the burden of it all in his mind but I'm thankful that you showed him getting the support he needs. I also like here that you had him talking to an adult like Arthur and not one of the kids because he needed a different opinion on everything. Arthur was more like a father to him (Aside from Hagrid) and he needed to know that things weren't his fault.

On another note, thank you for having Hogwarts being filled with people from around the world to assist the injured. That's something that I don't think I've seen much either. :D

Lucius still up to his old tricks, I see? It's a damn shame that he can't get out of that habit and to torture Draco! What a pig. I do wonder what he has in store though and I'm concerned that Narcissa went with him. What's going to happen to Draco now that he's on his own? What a nice cliffhanger.

On a note of CC: There are a few times when you forget to include quotation marks at the end of your dialogue but other than that, you're all good.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Your reviews are always so lovely!
My next chapter is in the works, I'm about half way through and already gone past the word count of this one.

In J.K's books they all had so much emotion. They were all brave and strong when they had to be but underneath it all they had so much emotion especially Hermione.

In regards to Arthur, he has always been around to help Harry. I mean in PoA he was there to tell Harry the truth.

I have lots of plans for Draco. I'm writing about him at the moment in the next chapter. Each character I've got plans for but out of all of them I'm most excited about his.

Hopefully you come back and read the next chapter when it's up!

-Elijah /)


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Review #2, by Gabriella Hunter Prologue

6th October 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your swap and thank you so much for the lovely review you left for This is Angelina. I don't think I've had many people read that with so much enjoyment in a while so that really meant a lot to me. :D Also, it's nice to meet you!

Oooh, this sounds like it's going to be interesting. I really like the idea that you have here, I'm curious about what is exactly being said in this book and I love the journalistic quality you have this prologue. We get a sense of both time and change here but not enough to give everything away, which I appreciated. I'm not sure if you had wanted this to be more like a newspaper clipping and I think that worked fine but if you had wanted to make this a bit more detailed, you could have it being an actual journalist like...Rita Skeeter giving a full report on the book. That's just me though but I honestly think that would make this a tad too long so don't worry about it!

I am curious to know why Hermione felt so compelled to write this book. It seems a little strange for her character but I have a feeling that this wasn't just a random thought for her. What prompted this, I wonder? I'm guessing from what the others have said that there are quite a few things that they're unwilling to speak about. I was especially keen on what Ginny, Harry and Ron said. Draco Malfoy is just a foul little snot sometimes and blackmail is a strong word to use after all of the horrible stuff is but anyhoo! Ginny obviously has come under fire in the past for a few things and I'm really eager to find out what they might have been. She doesn't seem to appreciate or even like Hermione for making this book so I wonder what their relationship is like.

Harry on the other hand was more blunt than I would have expected, which was a nice change. I like that he acknowledge that things weren't perfect just because the War was over but I was surprised that Ron was so evasive. Hm...

I know that there's more going on here and I'm really eager to follow up on this. If you had wanted, you could always put this in my review thread because I would love to keep track of this!

CC: My only critique would be a few run on sentences but I think other than that, you're off to a nice start!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: I think you've got me mixed up, I haven't got around to leaving a review yet.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
It's supposed to be just a quick clip from Witch Weekly to get a bit of an idea of the story is about and who it's written by. I didn't want to give to much away with what I've planned for each character. The books basically Hermione clearing up the lies that were told by the ministry and the daily prophet.
I've read a lot of post Hogwarts stories and a lot of them seem to be very happy straight away. I never so that happening. I mean they've all been through so much!
I'll deffinetly work on my sentences, I know I'm terrible for that!
Hopefully you'll continue reading this. I've just put an update in for the first official chapter. I wasn't happy with it after I posted it.

Thank you for your lovely words
-Elijah


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Review #3, by Roisin Prologue

2nd October 2015:
Hello Elijah! I'm so sorry that I fail to interpret smileys, please forgive!

To start, I must commend you on your story and chapter summary. It's a really great hook that fits very well with canon while piquing interest by subverting canon!

Also, I was new on the forums last year and was really pleased at how everyone was so welcoming and helped me understand how things go, so DEFINITELY don't take this as a thing or anything, but the typical rule with reviews on the forums is Over 5 lines (as it's posted)--which is why I didn't realize your review was meant as a swap. I think the thing is that people on the forums really want to improve as writers, so reviews that are just like "I liked this!" or "I didn't like this!" don't really 'count', if you know what I mean. People want to hear more involved feedback about what did or didn't work, and why. Which is really great! Like, I basically learned how to do creative writing on here, and then when I officially took CW classes in college my profs were all like "you seem very practiced and stuff" which had a lot to do with participating here.

So! Welcome! It's amazing.

As for your story: I really like that you've chosen to subvert the "happily ever after" narrative, because I think that's really realistic. And again, the concept you introduce about that narrative being Ministry propaganda is both compelling and canon compliant. Well done!

It's especially clever to do it in such a meta way--as the introduction to a book that knows it's a book. One issue is that it wasn't clear when voices were changing, and there was no indication that voices were changing. Maybe try breaking these narratives up in a way (either with stars or line breaks, and since it's written as a book, maybe in the manner that a standard nonfiction introduction would), and varying the voice more. So we can tell the different personalities of the characters.

But it is a really compelling start, and I'm definitely curious to read more of what's been implied here.

There were a few typos ("by" instead of "buy" and "to" instead of "too"), but we ALL do that and it's normal (I'm dyslexic so I do it a LOT). If you ever want a second pair of eyes to catch those things, there's a beta-request thread on the forums. Your writing over all seems pretty mechanically sound, but I just generally recommend it because I think it can be a great way to make writing friends who you can plumb the depths of CONCEPTS with.

Overall, I really hope you continue with this, because it's a clever idea with a well-realized start that sets up a lot and I'm very interested to see what you do with it!

I hope to see a lot more from you!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the advice. I wasn't really sure how to do a reveiw ( bit silly but I wasn't sure completely on what/ how to say things) haha. As for everything you were saying I completely agree I've got an update coming for this chapter I've just tweeked things. Spelling mistakes (I'm also dyslexic) and I've made it more clear on who's speaking and moved it all around a bit. Thank you so much for your lovely reveiw and hopefully you cone back to read the updated version. Hopefully it will be validated soon.
- Elijah


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