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Reading Reviews for In a World of Colours
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Cupid The Beginning of an Adventure

13th February 2016:
Love is in the air! Or is that just me? ;)

Hello Emm! This is your Secret Cupid speaking (typing?), here to spread my love around. And what a lovely story to bestow it upon! I must say that I am quite, quite fond of stories featuring our favorite Gryffindor Heads, and this story fits nicely into that genre.

What a wonderful fanfic for it to be your first! I am deeply impressed with your style and the way you've painted (hehe) such a vivid picture (hehe) before me. You've done a truly excellent job tying together details and action, and I feel as though I can see every part of this story before me. The way you use descriptions about movements is really evocative!

(Side note: I am very fond of the title of this story, which has a very poetic and lyrical element to it, and the banner is absolutely stunning, and seems to fit the story very well. Great job with that!)

Then there's actual story itself, and I am already so intrigued! You've picked such a perfect spot to drop us into the action, and as a fan of James/Lily, it's great to see how nervous and excited they are. The rest of this story is sure to be a great adventure as they test out not only magic, but their feelings for one another as well.

I don't recall ever reading a story about magical paintings before, but I'm very excited to see where you're going to go from here! There seems to be so much more lurking beneath the surface, and the way you've tied together the plot and Lily's interest in magical photography is sure to be engaging.

I'm also a fan of the way you've used the elements of your challenge to create such a unique situation! When I think of "a potion goes wrong," this is not what comes to mind in the least, and I am very excited to see where the rest of the story will be going.

The way you've introduced Lily and James has also made a big impression on me, and you've done a spectacular job of balancing showing us their personalities versus just telling us about them. I'm very impressed that this was your first fic, as I have struggled with that balance throughout my time as a writer!

You've really woven in the details of Lily's life seamlessly throughout the first few paragraphs– she's still keeping in touch with her family, she's exposing them to the magical world, she's showing them about her friends (who seem very important to her), and she's just made peace with the Marauders.

And then there's James! I always love reading about when Lily has already begun falling for James and can appreciate his good qualities, and that's out in full force here. He seems so nervous and endearing, and I cannot wait to see more about him.

Elsie also seems like quite the intriguing character, and it'll definitely be a great adventure to learn more about her back story. I've truly never considered the role of paintings at Hogwarts, but I love how invested she is in James and Lily, and how kind she appears to be! I may be wrong to be a touch suspicious of her, but I do wonder how everybody's going to get back out of the portraits, and what they'll be able to see along the way!

Overall, I'm very impressed with your very first fic! I'm excited to spread more love around your stories and continue to see your progress as an author, as you have such a strong foundation. I'm so excited that you've started contributing to the archives and I'm sure your other stories are just as wonderful! I hope you continue with this story soon. :)

Until next time,
xoxo
Secret Cupid

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Review #2, by The Basilisk The Beginning of an Adventure

28th December 2015:
Ohh very interesssting concept! I've often thought about the portraits, and how they're made, what's it like being one, etc. Sounds like you are going to explore all those cool things, with a side of Jilly love too! A few bits of CC: the dialogue was a bit choppy, felt like I was getting more background info than plot-moving-forward info, and Elsie doesn't talk like whatever period she may be from (which I don't think was specified?). I suggest working that a bit, because otherwise you've got a really smart beginning to a ssstory here and I'm excited to sssee where you take us! Is Elsie all she seems to be? For some reason I'm ssskeptical of her and don't trust her. I'm also excited to see how you develop James and Lily's character especially since there first date is about to be a very interesting one haha.


Hisses,
The Basilisk

Author's Response: Oooh! Another review from The Basilisk! Thank you so much for stopping by! :D

I'm happy you liked the concept. Yes, I plan on exploring the magical portraits. Thank you so much for the CC. I am surely gonna work on them. Elsie will turn out to be a very interesting character but I don't want to reveal much over here. ;) Lily and James are set to have a unique first date!

Thanks again for the lovely review!

-Emm ^_^


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Review #3, by MagisterMirage The Beginning of an Adventure

17th November 2015:
This is a really interesting concept! I'm exited to read more. I love the title you gave this. The characterization of Lily and James' first date was very believable.

The only suggestion I have, which is really pretty minor, is that if Elise was really painted so long ago, I don't find it entirely believable that she would say, "I am not a creepy stalker or whatever you teenagers like to call such people". All the other ghosts and pictures in the castle tend to speak in the manner they would have when they were killed or painted. I always imagined that the paintings were parts of people frozen in time, so they would retain much of their original personality quirks and the type of language they used.

Happy writing; I'll definitely come back to read more when you're written it!

Author's Response: Hi there! I can't tell you how happy I am to have your review here.

Thanks for pointing out the bit regarding the behaviour of the paintings. I will definitely keep it in mind when I write more.

Thanks for all the kind words you left for this. I am so glad you liked the title and James' and Lily's characterisation.

I'm so excited that you want to read more! I will try to update as soon as possible.

Thank you so much for the lovely review.

-Emm ^_^


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Review #4, by 800 words of heaven The Beginning of an Adventure

27th September 2015:
Heya, I'm finally popping by for our review swap!

OMG! Your first fic! So exciting! And it's a really good start, too. I'm super excited to see where the plot goes. Also yay for Jily! I got into reading fanfiction thanks to Jily and the Marauders, with my first fic being a Marauders one, too, so this was just perfect!

I really loved how you jumped right into the plot. You spend a few paragraphs establishing the beginnings of Lily as a character, and her love of sending the moving photographs home, but then BOOM! The potion drops, and they're inside the painting.

James seems like an incredibly sweet guy. I'm looking forward to learning more about him and reading him grow as a person.

Finally: talk about that cliffhanger, though! Thanks for the lovely read :)

Author's Response: Hello, thank you for stopping by!

The first fanfic I read was also Jily and now I love Jily and the Marauders so much that I just can't let them go. They sure have a charm which can draw anybody towards them. :D

I am glad you liked the plot and the format of the chapter. James' character will develop in the subsequent chapters.

The next chapter will be up soon, so can't say much about the cliffhanger now.

Thanks for the lovely review and the review swap!

- Emm ^_^


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Review #5, by Dirigible_Plums The Beginning of an Adventure

25th September 2015:
Hey,

I'm here for the requested review. This is definitely an interesting idea for a plot and I was really excited when I saw the description. Everyone loves some good Jily fluff ;)

It's nice to see Lily so carefree. A lot of the Marauder fics I've read are angsty (which is inevitable considering the time) or will feature a Lily that's perpetually concerned/worried about something, namely grades. This one, however, is just so cute.

My major criticism is the switch in tenses. It first starts off in past tense and switches at "I WAS developing a batch of photos to be sent home. I HAVE developed so many photos in my time" and goes back and forth for the duration of the chapter.

It does feel slightly rushed towards the end. I think that I find this rushed due to the fact that the speech is always part of a paragraph so I don't pause to think it through, I just read on in the same breath. I'd suggest separating it from the paragraph it's in. This makes it both easier to read, helps the flow and is a nicer format (in my opinion, anyways).

Hope this helps!

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hi Plums!

Thanks for the lovely review.

I am really happy that you liked the idea and Lily's carefree attitude. I don't know why, but when I read Lily worrying too much about grades, she seems to be more like Hermione. For this story, I had a more relaxed Lily in mind. ;)

I am going to edit the chapter for tense correction as soon as I get some time. Thanks for the tip of separating the dialogue from the paragraph. I will keep that in mind for future as well.

Thank you so much for a helpful review.

- Emm ^_^


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Review #6, by Veritaserum27 The Beginning of an Adventure

23rd September 2015:
Hi there!

I saw your status update on the forums and figured I would return the favor for the amazing review you left me earlier. Plus, I get to be your first ever review :D

For your first ever fanfic story - this was incredible! I think I'm most impressed by how creative you got with the idea of magical portraits, how they form and just exploring the possibilities from there. I LOVE it when someone takes a small part of the magical world and expands on it in a new and wonderful way.

The beginning was brilliant. It was a very clever way to start the story and definitely kept me interested. Since you asked for any constructive criticism, I'm just going to mention that perhaps you could make the steps involved in developing a magical photograph use a bit more wizarding terminology. For example, I would replace the word "solution" with "potion." Also, maybe there should be some sort of a certain spell or incantation that is required as one of the steps (or at least something that involves a wand). But it was really interesting and informative - I feel like you are an expert in how to develop photographs (at least the muggle way - haha) and that kept me wanting to read more.

Also, using the idea of the pictures, you seamlessly introduced the cast of characters and told us quite a bit about Lily. We know that her friends are the most important thing to her, that she's Head Girl (along with James as Head Boy), and that she and James are on the very verge of their first date. The fact that you showed this instead of telling is the hallmark of a great writer.

Other things that I really liked about this was that it was a good length for a first chapter and didn't reveal too much. Many readers are intimidated by long chapter lengths and figure they just don't have the time to invest in a story that is too wordy.

I also enjoyed the twist at the end. I was fully waiting to be taken along on Lily and James's very first date and then BAM! - you throw this magical accident at us that miraculously lets humans enter the portrait world! Brilliant.

You ended at just the right point - I want to know more! I'll definitely be looking for the second chapter of this. Good luck and congrats on your first fic!!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

When I logged in to the site as soon as I got time in the morning, I was jumping up and down (at least in my mind) reading such a lovely and detailed first review.

When I started writing for the 'Story Generator Challenge', I had planned a one-shot in an entirely different setting and theme. But then this idea involving the magical portraits just came out of nowhere when I was half way through the older one-shot, and I started rewriting just like that. I am really happy that you liked the idea.

I had regarded deleting this chapter many times while the chapter was waiting in the queue for two days, anxious about my writing style, the way I conveyed things and the overall idea. But now that I know that someone apart from me likes it, I can definitely go on writing a bit more confidently.

I will include the points regarding the development of magical photographs in the chapter when I edit it. And I will keep in mind the point about wizarding terminologies and the chapter length for further chapters as well. Thanks for the wonderful suggestions and tips.

I'm glad that the ending kept you interested and that you want to read more. I am looking forward to hearing more from you in the subsequent chapters.

Thanks a ton for such a lovely review. ^_^

-Emm


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