Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews for The Teddy Bet
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by wolfgirl17 Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

26th November 2015:
Hey Kapa!

Wolfgirl here finally with your requested review from my review thread over at the forums. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long. I've got absolutely no excuse other than that I'm lazy.

I have to admit that if you hadn't mentioned in the AOC that you'd gone with the Lemony Snicket style of story telling that I'd have been mildly confused. The tone of the story is very conversational - as per the style - but it was nonetheless an interesting read.

I really enjoyed the take on the gender-bending ability of Teddy, and I liked that you made the unicorns sensitive enough to still tell he was born male, no matter how he makes himself look. Kudos to you for being brave enough to write Teddy. I've been shying away from writing him, though I love reading him, because I'm not sure I could do such a faceted character justice.

I liked the simple humor and fun of this piece. It was a really enjoyable read and definitely funny. The plot is easy enough to follow. I loved the humor of having Teddy and Victoire chasing each other at the wedding and I loved that you had Teddy as a flower girl. What a little cutie!

This was really an exceptional use of the generations you were give for the Story Generator prompts, so huge kudos to you for that. You brought them all together in an intriguing and a really original way.

In all honesty I loved the story. I can't wait to read more of your stuff, it's always a pleasure to read. Keep up the fantastic work!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review, Ellie, and don't worry about being late. The good thing about you being late with this review is that I'm NOT super late with my reply to it, which I would have been if you'd reviewed earlier, so yay! : )

It does take a certain bravery to tackle the Teddy character, doesn't it? I've personally only dared to write him in short one-shots this far, so I haven't had to develop his character too much.

I'm happy you enjoyed reading this story! It's great that the plot was easy to follow even though the narrative style is somewhat confusing - imagine how confusing it was to write! : P

Bringing all the story generator prompts together was both a huge challenge and super fun, so thanks for the kudos about that! As soon as I thought of Teddy as a connection between Neville and Andromeda I knew I'd have to do something about his 'gender-bending abilities', as you said. And I couldn't resist throwing in a reference to him and Victoire, haha!

Thanks again for this lovely review! And now that I have a little more free time I'll make sure to 'keep up the fantastic work' as soon as possible!

/Kapa


 Report Review

Review #2, by EVERYTHINGISAWESOME Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

22nd October 2015:
I LOVE IT! YOU BETTER MAKE MORE LIKE THIS!!!

Author's Response: Heh, thank you, I'm happy you enjoyed reading this. : )

I can't make any promises about writing more stories like this, though. Writing this was very much an experiment, and I'm not sure if I could repeat it even if I tried. I probably won't ever recreate the narrative style of this story, but I will try to recapture its sense of childish whimsy in my future writing.

/Kapa


 Report Review

Review #3, by Jayna Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

4th October 2015:
Hey Kapa! First of all, Iím here with your review for the Childhood Challenge, so thanks for taking the time to enter my challenge and it amazes me how many challenges you managed to combine in one story!

Overall, this was such a sweet one-shot that definitely made me smile. It was also INSANELY interesting and addicting. The format of past to present you wrote in kept me interested and engaged the whole way through and kept me on my toes. I must also comment on how much I adore your beautiful banner. This whole story was incredibly original and totally out of the box, which made it a pleasure to read. It was really cool to read about Teddy in something other than super angsty one-shots or sappy novellas, and you really managed to infuse the whole thing with a bunch of lighthearted, childhood smiles and this was just great.

Although I really liked many aspects of this piece, the one thing that bugged me was your beginning, which was also your summary. Frankly, for me itís just a turnoff when an author tells you whatís going to happen in that first person sort of way. However, I understand that it worked well for your story and that the whole thing was written from a narratorís point of view, so it fit in.

I loved your ending. It was the happy conclusion to a sweet story and I especially liked how the narratorís voice was consistent and really felt like it was all one person narrating the whole story. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece and you did a fantastic job connecting a bunch of random prompts and weaving them together seamlessly.

-Jayna

Author's Response: Sooo late in responding to this. *hides in shame* *comes back to keep responding*

First of all, I am so honoured that this story got second place in your Childhood Challenge. It's the first time a story of mine has ever placed in a challenge, so yay! : )

And yes, I really did manage to get a lot of challenges into this story didn't I? I don't really know how that happened... : P

I'm so happy that this story ended up actually working so well! I was super worried when I first posted it, because I was afraid it would be too weird. I actually tried to write it as a straight up from-A-to-B story at first, and realised that the plot was too trivial to keep a reader's interest like that. It was too easy to guess how the story would end when written like that. So I had to mix the chronology up to, as you say, keep the reader more 'on their toes'. So it's great that that worked and it didn't just end up being cheesy and hard to follow! (I still can't believe this weird experiment of mine ended up at 2:nd place in your challenge...)

Also, yes, the Teddy-character has so much potential and I love playing with him in more unconventional ways - though I love me an angsty Teddy one-shot, I have to admit. : P

I actually was a bit torn on that beginning too, to be honest. I write it as a placeholder-ish 'I'll probably take this out before I post it'-thing, but then I thought it really added something to the whole 'bedtime story'-feel that the story ended up having, so in the end I kept it. I'm happy you think it works even if it isn't exactly your cup of tea.

Speaking of that, it's super great that you think that the narrator's voice is consistent throughout the story. That is something I'm generally good at (if I say so myself, haha) but when working with such an odd style as here that's always a worrying factor. And I'm happy you liked the ending, I was a little worried that it was too sappy, but I still wanted to keep it right on that sappiness 'edge' so to speak.

And wow, I wouldn't personally say I managed to connect the prompts 'seamlessly' but I'm truly touched that you think so! : )

All in all this was a great challenge so thanks a lot for hosting it (and thanks again for writing this review)!

/Kapa


 Report Review

Review #4, by manno_malfoy Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

10th September 2015:
D'aww! That's the first think I could think of once I had finished reading the story. I'm sure it was a challenge to find a premise where you could bring Neville and Andromeda in an interesting story, but I think you've done really well with that!

I do admire Andromeda a lot; she definitely is one of my favourite characters. And it was a lot of fun for me to see the relationship between her and little Teddy in this story. I particularly liked the part where she said she could tell when Teddy (AND Nymphadora) were using their metamorphagus skills. And her confidence in her own abilities of detection are on point characterisation for me.

I also think that you've written Hagrid pretty well too in the wedding scene.

I could totally imagine Teddy being the flower girl, especially at that age. I really am not sure why there's a gender for that role in weddings, but then again, weddings are weird. I was very happy they decided to let him do it in the end anyway. And that you had him sorted into Hufflepuff because that's my favourite headcanon of him.

The writing style you've chosen to use, although slightly nontraditional and not very formal, seemed to work well with the other elements of the story. And it definitely helped with making the story feel lighthearted.

Oh, and I do have one tiny thing that I question. Is Andromeda residing where Tonks and Lupin used to live before they died? Because you did say that the owl arrived at the 'Tonks-Lupin home'. But that's all, really.

I thought that this was such a fun, quick read. And it did make me smile on multiple occasions!

Thanks for the swap!

-Manno!

Author's Response: Aw, I'm happy I made you D'aww. That was pretty much exactly the reaction I was going for with this story. ...and my other Teddy story, now that I think about it. I guess I just think young Teddy is a very D'aww-worthy character, so to speak. : P

And Teddy actually popped up really quickly when I set about to write a story with both Neville, Andromeda and a dungeon in it. First, of course, the dungeons of Hogwarts sprang to mind, and as Neville is a teacher at Hogwarts it wasn't a big jump to him being there. Andromeda showing up in a Hogwarts dungeon seemed less likely, though, because most people at Hogwarts are students... and guess who's a student with a connection to Andromeda? The bet and the unicorn were actually the most difficult parts, haha. ^. ^

It's funny that we both chose stories with Andromeda as a main character for our swap. She's never been one of my favourite characters, but reading some stories about her lately - yours definitely included! - has made her grow on me a lot. She's definitely one of those fascinating background character in the HP books that just has to have such a fascinating backstory, but it's hardly touched on at all. Perfect for fanfiction, haha! But in this story I'm focusing on her later life rather than her backstory, I guess... I really wanted to show that she has some light and happiness in her life even after all she lost. I'm happy that you think her relationship with Teddy and her characterisation here works! It means extra much coming from an Andromeda fan!

And yes, writing Hagrid... every fic writer's nightmare, it would seem. It's a difficult balance between having him stay in character and yet not make him less intelligent than he actually is, you know? I'm happy you think I succeeded pretty well. : )

I've always been fascinated by flower girls, as they aren't necessarily a thing in Swedish weddings - they might have gotten more common under the American influence on every part of culture though... : / But yeah, it's a pretty foreign practise to me and I think that's what drew me to exploring having a boy as a flower girl.

And Hufflepuff Teddy is now not just headcanon but actual canon, yay! (I mean, I'm a bit torn on the whole 'Rowling keeps giving out canon tidbits' thing, but it's always fun to be right, haha!)

I'm happy you think the writing style works. I was really worried about it before I posted this, but everybody who's reviewed the story (this far) has said it works, so that's really reassuring. As for the Tonks-Lupin thing, it was something I chose just because Teddy is a Lupin, not a Tonks, and I have a different last name than one of my parents and thinks it's important to include the kid too, haha. : P

All in all, thanks for this lovely review. It was a joy swapping with you! : )

/Kapa


 Report Review

Review #5, by ScorpiusRose17 Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

10th September 2015:
Hi there!

Sorry it has taken me so long to get around to reading and reviewing this for you! I appreciate your patience.

So... down to your concerns:

Yes, I do find this funny, but in a more delicate and subtle way that includes cuteness in it too.

I laughed thinking about Teddy wanting to be a flower girl, when Hagrid tried to convince himself that he shouldn't be making bets anymore, and when Neville encouraged the behavior. Andromeda knew that she would win... those boys stood no chance!

I do feel that the writing style works for this. It almost feels like a bed time story in a way. I love the way that you go back and forth because you're explaining the bet and characters. It also sounds like a parent reading a story to a child that maybe a bit preoccupied and uses the story line jumping as a way to keep and try to focus there attention. I really hope that made sense.

I thought this was well done and well thought out. I had no problems picturing what I was reading and the pace and flow of the story were smooth and quite enjoyable.

I did find one spot that I wanted to point out to you:

That reminded Neville of the delicate question that heíd been meaning to ask ever since he first saw how Teddy were dressed up at the ceremony

It isn't a huge deal at all, but I think that you may have meant was instead of were?

Sorry I am a bit nit-picky about those sorts of things.

I look forward to reading more of your work! :)

-Jenn

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review, Jenn!

And don't worry about taking your time - I'm a super slow reviewer myself, and look at how late I'm writing this response, haha!

It's always very reassuring to hear that people find this funny, as it's supposed to be a Humour piece. And it makes me really happy that it actually made you laugh. But it's also listed in the Fluff and General genres, so it's also great to hear that you think it's funny in a more subtle way and also cute. Seems I picked the right genres then, eh? ^ . ^

And yes, Andromeda definitely was bound to win that bet from the start! It's never really a good idea to go up in a bet against the bet-ee's primary carer, haha!

And yay, you're not the first to mention that this reads like a bedtime story, and it makes me really happy every time I hear this, because that was exactly the tone I was going for. I actually went with the scattered 'back-and-forth' approach because I thought the story was too boring and when told in a straightforward way. But it seemed the scatteredness really worked out, which is a relief because I was afraid people would find it gimmicky and pretentious, heh...

And thank you for your little nit-pick! Would you believe that the last reviewer before you found a lot of mixed up was-es and were-s and I though I'd gotten them all, and I'd still left that one!? Those was-es and were-s are the bane of mine existence, I kid you not. : P

You're always very welcome back to nit-pick more! : )

/Kapa


 Report Review

Review #6, by May Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

7th September 2015:
Really enjoyed reading this story very much

Author's Response: Thank you! It was very fun to write too, once I got into it!

 Report Review

Review #7, by arts_kernel Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

7th September 2015:
Wow I liked your style of narrating. Though the plot was small, you made it so interesting. It was joy to read.

Author's Response: Aah, thank you! I was really worried that the narration in this piece would come of as cheesy and stupid, so I'm really, really happy that you liked it! And, haha, the reason I started writing in that style in the first place was actually that I had so little plot to work with.

I'm very glad that you liked it! : )

/Kapa


 Report Review

Review #8, by Dojh167 Flower Girls, and Unicorns, and Bets, Oh My!

3rd September 2015:
Hello Lovely!

Sam here for our "I wrote humor?" swap.

First off, it excites me so much that you've been so productive recently and gotten three new one shots up! I wouldn't be able to pick which one to read first if we hadn't arranged this swap.

This story as super sweet and fun to read. I read it over lunch on my phone, so I wasn't able to take specific notes of my reactions, but it is definitely overall positive!

I enjoyed your use of narrative voice here. The story has such a distinct tone that I wondered for a while if a specific character was meant to be "telling" the story, but it was also pretty obvious that it was a version of you. The tone itself definitely had the sense of a kind of fanciful bedtime story. It felt like it was being told to a child (without being condescending), and also used some formal almost old-timey language which was a nice touch. However, at times this wordiness did make the sentences a bit awkward and clunky.

I really loved little Teddy wanting to be the flower girl. However, it did bother me a little that the adults seemed so resistant to this at first.

And Neville's reaction was the best and made me just want to wrap him up with hugs!

My favorite line was probably "This set up an enmity between the two youngsters that were only to be resolved many, many years later by the means of extensive snogging."

There is actually a typo in that line - "were" should be "was." I caught quite a few little grammatical errors and dropped words, which I assume is a side effect of you getting this story up so quickly. I'd recommend doing a closer editing read of this story, or else getting a beta reader for it.

I thought that this was a really creative use of a unicorn in your story! You definitely brought all of the elements from the random generator together really well.

I particularly liked that this wasn't treated as a defining event in pinpointing Teddy's gender. He's just himself, and the fact that the unicorn treats him as male does not invalidate the fact that he "likes pretty things" (which doesn't seem to have been left in his early childhood, as he doesn't hesitate to present his feminine side when prompted by Hagrid).

The ending was also very sweet. I would normally have found the last line a bit too sentimental, but it feels really fitting in this case - since Teddy is growing up without parents, it means so much more to Andromeda to know he is so supported and loved.

Sam.

Author's Response: Sam! It's always great to have you here! : )

And yes, it's great to be writing again after a pretty unproductive summer! But it's good to relax too, I guess... And now that I've decided to post my old stories here, my AP will grow so fast it'll get growing pains, haha!

I'm happy you think this story was fun, as I was a bit worried that it'd just read as unnecessarily overcomplicated, heh. The narrative voice was definitely an experiment, and it's very reassuring to hear that you think it worked. I actually worried that it would read as a character telling the story, and considered actually adding that into the story, but no one was a particularly good candidate for the honour, so I decided to keep it for myself, haha. I definitely imagined this as a story told to a kid, though, so it's god that you picked up on that! I have looked over the story and tried to make some of the sentences less clunky, but at some places I didn't come up with a good alternative and decided that the clunkiness added to the story. The lazy editor's gambit, haha! : P

I also toned down the adults' resistance to Teddy's flower girl wish, but I still think it would have been there, so I didn't delete it completely. But on my read through I decided that they wouldn't be quite so against it as I had made it sound at first. I think it was more surprise and being stuck in tradition than being actually set against it...

I can never keep my 'was'es and 'were's straight, darnit! Swedish makes no distinction between the two, and in these more 'abstract' sentences that aren't clearly about one versus many /things/, I always mess it up. Like, yeah, "an enmity" is in singular, obviously, but it's not a tangible thing that there's just one of... I've fixed this and some other instances of the same mistake, sigh.

Still, I'm very happy you liked that sentence. I sniggered to myself when I wrote it, haha!

It was really fun to write for the Story Generator Challenge, and I had a blast coming up with a way to fit the elements together! Once I'd come up with Teddy as the obvious connection between Neville and Andromeda, the 'unicorn gender test' came pretty much by itself. (It was definitely inspired about a fan comic I saw on Tumblr once, where a trans girl was treated as a girl by the unicorns, though. So this is sort of the inversion of that, I guess. And I definitely think Teddy has a much 'looser' relationship with gender roles and gender presentation than many people, thanks to being a Metamorphmagus, but he's still happy being a boy.)

Once I had the idea for the story down, though, actually wrangling it into a coherent narrative was a right pain. It was only when I came up with the trick of the narrative voice and 'forgetting' to mention things that I could get the different parts of the story into an order that both made sense and kept a bit of the mystery to the ending, heh...

And speaking of the ending, I'm very happy that you think it's sweet! Teddy being so loved and cared for even though he's an orphan is something I've also written about before, in Teddy's First Letter From Hogwarts (now on the Archives for less than half the price!). It's something I come back to time and time again, and see as sort of the core of his character and role in the books, so it's something I love to explore in my writing. I did worry that it'd come off as a little on the nose in this story though, so I'm happy to hear that you think it worked! I wanted to give the ending a sort of 'and they lived happily ever after' feel, to stay in the 'bedtime story' spirit.

/Kapa


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login