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Reading Reviews for First Kiss
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Challenge Cheerleader Chapter 1

22nd February 2016:
Go Kaitlin!!!

Another challenge cheerleader here to cheer you on!

I love how you started this off - Rons PoV and almost feeling like a missing moment.

From the summary I knew it wasn't going to be a sweet fluff as the title suggested - but you blew me away with the twist! The twist was dark indeed... A well deserved win. Moving from the Hogwarts lakeside to the reality where they were captured (kept in some dungeon?)

Poor Ron! I liked that you included hallucination here... I feel you have shown it so perfectly. I can feel Ron's state of mind. His brain is trying to block out the traumatic events.. How scary must it have been for Harry to see Ron pining for and even kissing an empty shell!

Keep rocking on and cheering you towards your goal

Challenge Cheerleader

Author's Response: Hello my dearest Challenge Cheerleader!

Ah. I'm so glad this feels like a missing moment in the beginning. That's what I was going for.

I'm so glad you liked the twist. I was worried that it was going to be too dark.

It was so hard writing Ron's slip into mental disarray. I really like his character, so it made it difficult for me to write.

Thank you so much for all of the support and love!


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Review #2, by Frankie05 Chapter 1

25th October 2015:

Wow. This is incredible. In Fanfic world I don't normally ship Ron/Hermione - I take the "in dreams(Fanfic), we enter in to a world that's entirely our own." - Dumbledore, to heart and I allow the silly ships and the ridiculous pairings to get to me. So because of that, I had been avoiding this story a bit. But why would I do that because it was fantastic. I mean really well done! Great job!!

I knew something was wrong with Harry and Ron. I could feel it at the beginning but I didn't know what. (I love guessing twists. I guessed the twist in Fight Club). So i tried to guess the twist here and I wondered if she was dead already and Ron was kissing her corpse! So close! This was so beautifully eerie. I could picture everything. I felt the frustration from Ron when Harry wouldn't back off. I felt the confusion when Ron was trying to piece things together. It wa so perfectly executed. Ron must have lost it to go back to the place in his mind where it was just a dream world and nothing was wrong. It was the best way to end the story. Well done!

I hope you place in the challenge. It was fantastic!

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Review #3, by Owlpost68 Chapter 1

23rd October 2015:
Wow, you really did such a great job twisting the story. Did he go mad? is he just an empty shell too now?
I never really thought much about what could happen when you just give up. It could either just be stuck in the perfect setting like the way you did here or it could get stuck on the worst like what is supposed to happen with Dementors. I find it interesting that Ron's version of madness is just with Hermione but not in reality.

I think it's also horrible that now Harry has essentially lost both of them and I'm now thinking it might make him slightly mad too. I mean, that would only truly happen if something happened to Ginny but still.

Great job, you really got me thinking about all of the possibilities that could have resulted in this. The only thing I might have wanted you to have done a little differently is to add more about how or why they had gotten captured, it was a little confusing. I understand it might have taken away from the overall feeling of horror that Hermione had been Kissed by Dementors (shudder) but the setting of where they were could have been a little more established.

This was for the Red vs Gold review battle for team Red.
Double points!

Great job,

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Review #4, by The Basilisk Chapter 1

8th October 2015:
Hello! The Basilisssk here to give you a review! I must sssay this was a very interesting take on Ron and Hermione's first kisss.

And this is so disturbing, too! The fact that Hemione's soul has been taken by dementors and she's just an empty shell lying there that Ron is fantasizing about as if she's still alive! That's intense and also pretty scary!

And I can't believe how he'd turn on Harry like that! Wanting to hex him! He must be seriously gone mentally to go that far! And the fact that after he finally listened to Harry and realized Hermione was gone, he still went back to that fantasy! Choosing to completely ignore reality and live in his fantasy, kissing Hermione by the lake! That's crazy!

I have to wonder where they are though. Are they still surrounded by dementors? Is that why Harry is so insistent to leave? I wonder what Harry will do? Will he force Ron to leave or will he realize Ron's a lost cause and save himself? The latter seems unlikely though for Harry's character...

Anyway, this was a great one-shot to read! Good luck in the challenge!

-The Basilisk

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Review #5, by wolfgirl17 Chapter 1

11th September 2015:
Hey Bud,

Wolfgirl here, finally, to check out your fantastic entry for my Dark Turn challenge.

Oh my gosh Kaitlin you broke my heart with this one. Seriously. How could you do this to me? I mean I know I said corrupt my innocence but I don't remember asking to have my heart ripped out.

The way you had Ron slipping into his own mind and losing all touch with reality made my heart clench and oh gosh. I cried. The whole story just... I can't even find the words. I usually don't ship Romione but while reading this I kind of found myself doing just that. I was not at all suspecting that you would have Hermione's soul sucked out of her body and have Ron mentally unhinged as a result.

Seriously, I didn't at all expect this when I gave you that prompt. You totally ran with it and the result is beyond awesome.

Thanks so much for all your help getting a hold of the entries after I lost them. And for entering my challenge. This is fantastic. You're awesome.


I'll keep you posted on the results, they'll be up as soon as I get all the entries read and reviewed. Keep up the phenomenal work. You totally rock.


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Review #6, by Claire Evergreen Chapter 1

10th September 2015:
So...I'm so so so so so sorry with how long this has taken me. I just got back to school last week and have had a bit more homework than I was expecting, so...yeah. Anyway, finally here for our swap!

Alright I 100% knew that this was for the Dark Twist challenge which means I knew that it was too good to be true, but I still fell for it. I couldn't tell you why, but I honest to god thought that it was real at that beginning. You painted such a vivid picture, I was totally sold on the thought that this would be some sort of alternate universe where they went to school in seventh year and...yeah.

You nailed the characterizations here. I feel like that may be weird to say, since half of this is a halluination, but idk, you really get Ron here. Just the mannerisms and the reactions to everything were just perfect, especially the temper and the denial. People always talk about Harry's meltdown, but Ron always had that hair trigger temper which got worse whenever he was defending Hermione. And out of the three of them, he's definitely going to be most likely to deny everything.

You are completely right, having your soul sucked out of you by Dementors is horrific. I just *shudders* I don't want to even think about it. But you did an absolutely fantastic job with this story, I loved every bit of it!

Sorry again that this took so long, I really didn't mean for it to.


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Review #7, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter 1

8th September 2015:
Hi again!

Well you definitely took this and twisted it. I wasn't expecting Hermione of all people to suffer from the wrath of the dementors! I felt so bad for poor Ron. Here he is not knowing what is going on and Harry trying to desperately persuade him. So sad!!!

Again, this is a masterful One-shot. I love your descriptions and how you word things. It is always easy to read, picture and flows so nicely!

Good luck in the challenge!! :)

Keep up the awesome work!


Author's Response: Hi Jenn!

I had a hard time writing Hermione as having her soul sucked out, but it was the most tragic thing that I could think of really.

Ron is definitely a bit out of sorts in the story. Maybe at some point he'll come around.

Thank you for all of your kind words!


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Review #8, by carry on with your knitting Chapter 1

2nd September 2015:
Oh my goodness Kaitlin what are you doing to me right now?!
You have just ripped out my own soul and torn it into tiny tiny pieces! Ron is my golden trio baby! D:

Okay, regaining composure...

Hey Kaitlin! I'm here for the review swap! :') Sorry it took so long!

So I'll start from the beginning: you set such a lovely scene with the calm and peaceful tranquility and the three of them so called out and lovely and I was like 'aww that's so sweet, go on Ron, kiss her!' And when Harry tried to distract him I was like 'classic Harry, being a third wheel!' but when he started to be more persistent, I was like 'okay something is wrong here. Is Hermione a siren?! Is she some sort of weird opposite beggars that he's about to kiss?!'

But then you hit me with something much worse and now I feel a little emotionally unstable! :') Poor Ron! I'm so heart broken right now! Especially with the last sentence; it gave such a sad but beautiful ending, like he will forever be trapped in that cycle!

It was, as ever, brilliantly written! I loved that it was from Ron's perspective and you could see all of his emotions unfolding. I loved it and hated it at the same time! :') (only because my heart, like Ron's, is now shattered!) But it was awesome! I love stories that give me emotional reactions like this :')

Awesome job!

Katie :)

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Review #9, by Pixileanin Chapter 1

1st September 2015:
Hi Kaitlin. I see you're barreling away at your challenges. It's impressive how you're able to not only write these out quickly, but also maintain a high level of polish and intensity in the plot as well. Really great job here!

I'm not an expert on horror, but I think you nailed it. Everything felt off kilter. The scene where Ron is so relaxed and the love of his life is just sitting there waiting on him... it had that surreal quality to it, like it was so perfect that he must be dreaming, but then he's not and by sheer will he keeps it going, even through Harry's interruptions. His frustration at his friend that quickly turns into a confused sort of anger is well-placed. Ron wants this so badly, and he can't understand why his best friend would be interrupting him now, of all times.

Harry's insistence is also well done. We get a sense of urgency from him that is completely discordant with the surroundings. Harry makes it seem like something is wrong. Not just wrong, but terribly wrong, especially when Ron's anger gets the best of him, like he doesn't want to face whatever Harry needs him to see. It's great because I can feel Ron 'knowing' but 'not knowing' at the same time that this place where he is, is not reality.

When I read your summary, I at first thought that you were going to do the kiss in the middle of the final battle, but you surprised me with both the location and the turn of events. Making this AU really surprised me, and the sheer horror of it was really, really well done. I think I felt my heart clench at one point. Great job with the placement of the reveal and the execution of your plot line.

I could argue that the end is a bit overdone, but then it almost felt like Ron was being pulled back, not just by himself, but by something stronger than himself, some kind of anti-Dememntor's kiss that just won't let him slide back into reality, even to save himself. It had me wondering if some magic was at play there, messing with his perceptions, heightening his rejection of the facts to such an extent that he couldn't go on any more. I know I'm probably reading more into it than I should, but for me, that would be really cool, and you know, make it all magically. :)

You've managed to capture that terrifying moment when we know what the monster is, but we walk right through that door anyway.

Very impressive one-shot!


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Review #10, by blackballet Chapter 1

1st September 2015:
Oh my gosh I was completely not expecting this! When Ron pushed Harry away so roughly, I was a little taken aback. I thought Ron was being a little harsh. It came together so poignantly when Ron came out of his trance. It was so perfectly bittersweet. I can't believe you fit so much emotion into such a short story. Romione is not my favorite ship, but it didn't matter in this.

It felt incredibly genuine, and it really was the darkest turn from fluff that I've ever seen. Good luck in the challenge, and good luck on reaching your goal of 100 challenges!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you for the review!

I'm happy to hear that you weren't exactly expecting what was happening with Ron. I really wanted it to be a surprise.

I'm not much of a Romione shipper either, but due to challenges I've had to write them several times, so I'm starting to grow a bit more fond of them after all.

I'm so thrilled that you thought it was a successful dark turn. Thank you for the well wishes! (I'm at 41 challenges complete now. :D )


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