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Reading Reviews for Disappear
  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan Chapter Two

23rd September 2015:
Hello there! I saw that this story had quite a few chapters and no reviews and so I wanted to come by and appreciate! Your story summary is really captivating and drew me in.

I guess I didn't know exactly what to predict apart from a couple that used to be together and then broke up, so the bit about her having an abortion really surprised me - in the best way possible. I mean, there are a lot of teenage pregnancy fics out there, and in every one that I've read, the girl has the baby. So I like that yours is different in that respect. Most especially, I love stories about controversial and difficult topics so I really admire you for doing just that! And for not shying away from the uncomfortable aspects of that such as Louis' feelings on the issue versus it being Melanie's choice and how complicated that makes things for the two of them.

I kind of also love that Melanie is friends with the Bloody Baron. I really hope to see more of this friendship and how it even works haha, it's great! And random sidenote, I love the name Melanie :)

You've also woven a bit of mystery in here as well in terms of the circumstances of Liam's death; it's been alluded to as something that happened and it obviously still affects Melanie and Florence a lot, so I wonder what happened and when. I'll have to read more and find out!

If you don't mind me giving you a bit of CC, I have a couple of suggestions that might help make your fic even stronger. While you seem to do well with character interactions with one another, sometimes it feels like the characters are just floating in nothingness having their conversations. One thing that might be cool to do is have a sentence or so describing the setting when the scene changes, so the reader can visualise the characters in that setting more easily. Like what room are they in, what month is it, is it cold? loud? For example, like "we walked into the noisy common room, where the red and gold tapestries were illuminated by the late autumn sun." Or something like that. Little details of what a setting looks, feels, smells like - those can go a long way in helping the reader feel like they are there in that scene.

I hope this doesn't come across as mean - I only say this because I think it will make a good fic even better. It's all coming from a place of love :)

I'll just close off this review by saying that I applaud you for your daring to take on a difficult topic and for the wonderful start you've got on this story. I've enjoyed the first two chapters! Keep up the great work! ♥

Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely review! And no I don't think it was mean - it was helpful! I'm so glad you are enjoying the story. It is always sort of nerve racking to do such a conversional topic so I'm glad to finally get some feedback on it.

There will be more Baron coming up and I think Liam's death will finally come out here as well.

I truly do appreciate the review and am thankful for the tips! I hope you come back for more and I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!

Natalie


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