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Reading Reviews for With Every Breath
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by EnigmaticEyes16 With Every Breath

27th October 2015:
Hello again! I honestly don't think I've ever read any stories about Kendra or Bathilda before this, but I must say I very much enjoyed it!

I liked how Bathilda was willing to love Kendra, even when she had a family of her own, and an especially difficult daughter. In fact, I think it may have made Batilda love Kendra even more, to see how much she cared about her family.

I think the femslash was very well done for your first attempt and very heartwarming and endearing to see two women who have both been through a lot find comfort and love in each other. And it was nice to see that these two were happy before what will ultimately happen to Kendra and Ariana.

You did a wonderful job with this!

xxNix

Author's Response: Hi Nix!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this. I was quite unsure on how to really portray a relationship between the two, but I am so glad that you liked it.

I always felt that there was something more between them. They were both alone and they had Albus in common, so I could easily see a friendship building there.

Thank you for your wonderful review! :)

-Jenn


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Review #2, by Gail Welin With Every Breath

26th October 2015:
Hi Jenn!
I am amazed at the pairing you chose! It's a really nice headcanon and also, I had never thought of Bathilda before she became the skin around Nagini, so I really loved this refreshing aspect! :p

I really like that you gave a hint of background with Louisa, so as to prepare Kendra for the possibilities.
If you don't mind my saying so, though, Bathilda and Kendra could have a quick talk when she comes by after the kiss on the forehead incident. Considering it's a confession of (love) feelings concerning two grown women, it feels a bit weird to find it in a letter. It felt also odd that Kendra does not seem to think about the kiss on the forehead or the letter even one bit before Bathilda comes back.

The interaction between the two felt a bit awkward and rushed. Not as a femslash pairing (I'm also kinda new in that genre), but simply as a pairing. A kiss on the forehead, then a kiss on the cheek and bam, they start making out. And then they do it.
As I've been told before, it's one thing to say there's friendship and affection, it's an entirely different thing to show it. This sentence, for example "The attraction was real and all the hurdles that most go through before sharing physical love evaporated as they began to remove one another's clothes." is like forcing the reader to accept it rather than showing it or letting the reader understand.
Also, passion is passion, no matter the gender. I had a bit of a hard time pinpointing it, but I think the two women may be way too polite with each other.

I think this pairing is such a wonderful one, it deserves taking a few things slow. Don't shy away from a few more details and descriptions. The two could definitely struggle before accepting their mutual attraction. Not necessarily struggle because the other is a woman, but also because it's a big step to open one's heart to love again. It's scary and you wonder if it's worth it.
Also, let's not forget Ariana! With a child that needs so much attention, can Kendra truly let go so quickly and so easily?

Congratulations on writing your first femslash! I hope you enjoyed writing it! :D
This was a nice read, I hope my review showed that!

*Gee

Author's Response: Hi Gee!

I am so happy to have such a wonderful amount of feedback on this story from you. I was super nervous writing this and it is a bit outside of my comfort zone. I can definitely see what you are talking about with the pacing, the way that things maybe too polite and how it may help to slow down and explain it more. My mind is already going as to how I can improve in those areas! :)

I am seriously geeked that you liked the pairing and Ariana.

I appreciate your honest and lovely review and I look forward to seeing what else you think about my other stories in the future!

Thanks again!

-Jenn




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Review #3, by merlins beard With Every Breath

7th September 2015:
Hey there,
I think I still owe you a review from a swap we did ages ago.

I haven't seen this pairing before (which is interesting because you reviewed my tonks/mad eye story, which isn't a very common pairing either)
I really like how you stsrted the story, and you did well with the femslash (i haven't written that yet though...).

I love the description you included, it was very good. I noticed that I felt the beginning of the story was very believable, whereas the bit right at the end seemed a bit like it was going too fast. I just couldn't see the women be comfortable with sleeping with each other right away, especially since we know kendra hasn't been with a woman before (we don't know that about bathilda, but I'd assume the same thing)... plus, I don't know if you know this/thought about this but two girls usually need some more time... i guess ariana wouldn't sleep that long. (Oh god, i probably shouldn't talk about this.)

One more little thing: 6 year old kids are smart. They can eat by themselves, they run around a lot, they're very curious, many can even read a bit. I feel like the Ariana you described is about three rather than six years old (as in her development seems rather like that of a three year old to me, but I don't have kids, so I don't know for sure). If this is something else the attack did to her, it might be good to point that out too.

Okay so I've written a lot, but all of that are really tiny things. Please don't let that discourage you. I really did enjoy reading this a lot, and I'll definitely be back for your other stories.

Thank you so much for the swap

~Anja

Author's Response: Hi Anja!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this! I greatly appreciate the review swap and I apologize for taking this long to respond back to your wonderful review!

I figured you would appreciate the uniqueness of the pairing! :D I was very nervous for some odd reason about writing femslash. I don't know if it is just because I don't normally or if I just was unsure how it would work out. I am glad that you liked it.

I will admit that I struggled with that part of the story and I plan on going back to find a way that slows it down or changes the outcome of the kiss. LOL I appreciate the feedback because I didn't think about that. Thank you for pointing that out!

Ah yes, Ariana... I purposefully made her this way because I felt that the trauma she suffered addled her brain in a way that she became stuck developmentally in more than one way. You're right though, I should have pointed it out to avoid confusion.

Thank you so much for the awesome review! You've given me a lot to think about!

Thanks again!

-Jenn


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Review #4, by AlecJamesCaius_ With Every Breath

2nd September 2015:
Here for our review swap :)

So lets start with originality; you scored great on that one! I've never read a Kendra/Bathilda, nor has the thought ever even crossed my mind. I love how you characterized Kendra as a loving sweet mother, even though initially we always got the vibe in the books that she was a horrible mother. Ofcourse in the end it turned out she was nice but I think I somehow forgot about that but this was a nice wake up call ;p
Wow, I have a really hard time NOT imagining Bathilda as super old, for some reason?!
Ariana was very cute and well portrayed as well. I didn't notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, but I'm not a native speaker and tend to gloss over such things so yeah... Take of that what you will. Atleast there was nothing that bothered my reading experience.
One thing I personally found a little odd was the kiss on the head thing. So Bathilda gave her a kiss on the head, and than later wrote a letter apologizing for it? It seemed a bit formal to me... It would have been different if it was a kiss on the lips. Maybe its just me though!
Also, it seemed like immediately as Bathilda kissed Kendra, Kendra was hitten by Cupido's arrow. Kendra's love for Bathilda felt quite sudden. And finally, for some constrictive criticism, you might want to consider that this story takes place in the 1800s,(possibly even the 1700s... The dates aren't clear but Wizards generally live very long). Homosexuality was a huge deal in those times. Yet both characters treat it as if it's nothing here. Shouldn't Bathilda have been scared in telling Kendra she was gay? Thinking Kendra might not accept her for it?
Ofcourse, it COULD just be the Wizarding Society apparently was extremely progressive and tolerant even all those centuries ago, but really I'm just giving you some food for thought :p It's not a REAL issue!

Overall I thought this was a cute little story and I particularly liked the originality! Also you did great in terms of femslash in my opinion. I hope you liked my review, and I'm excited for your review! :)

Alec

Author's Response: Hi Alec!!

Sorry I haven't gotten to this until now! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am super glad that you enjoyed this!

I am glad that the pairing is original. I really wanted to give Kendra some credit where credit is due. She didn't choose for her life to change so abruptly. Especially with having to take care of a daughter who was quite dependent on her. It takes its toll. I am happy that you were able to see her as a loving mother.

Yeah... Once I got to the end of this I was struggling... greatly. It isn't my best work towards the end, and I think in the future I may go back to revisit this and change a few things around to make it seem more with the time and not so quick. If that makes sense!

Thank you again for the review and my apologies for taking so long to get to yours!

Hope you're well!

-Jenn


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