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Reading Reviews for Forgetting
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan Exquisite

27th March 2016:
Hi Angie! Turns out I've read a lot of the stories on your AP, but there's a few I haven't :P So, I'm here with your prize review 1 of 4 for the Your Least Favourite Challenge!

This was SO good! AH! I loved the kind of minimalist approach to each scene, just focusing on the tiniest details like the ticking of the seconds, Rose's heartbeat, Scorpius' smile in her memory. You don't really tell anything. Instead you show all these small things and it adds up to create the whole - classmates moving to friends with benefits and then to a relationship, whereas Rose falls in love and Scorpius falls out, and then there's a barrier between them. The way you illustrated this was just gorgeous! It was such a lovely style.

Her thoughts are a reckless splash of memories on blank canvas. -- this is basically perfection

When he arrived, I was DEFINITELY not expecting what came next. Of course after remembering it's for the Dark Turn challenge I should have expected it, but you really caught me by surprise there. I had to read the last few lines twice because I got to the end and was like "WAIT 'EVEN IN DEATH'?" That's a pretty severe way to get closure, but I guess she got it :P Totally a dark turn though. And then it kind of colors the rest of the fic in retrospect, and rather than Rose coming across as sympathetic for having her heart broken by someone who didn't fall in love with her when she fell in love with him, it comes across more that she's an incredibly darkly flawed person, who would rather see her lover dead rather than with another person.

This was so well written - I loved the style of writing here and the way you twisted it at the end! Amazing work!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #2, by NPE Exquisite

30th December 2015:
Hi, Elderflowers from the forums here :)

Always good to tear up your conventional writing patterns and throw something else out there. If there isnt the space to do it then nowhere else to do it is there?

It took me a hundred or so words to get used to the writing pattern, but then I was in.

I think you created a pretty effective thought-stream and also built up tension well. The only limitations I think that exist with this are very subjective, intangible and difficult to communicate.

Something to my mind, seems missing, like I felt the structure of it meant I never got a full grasp on the circumstances of the character and the world she was in.

But i still thought it was very good, and clearly you have a way with words, for sure.

Keep writing,

Nick :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

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Review #3, by One of your loving NaNo Mums ♥ Exquisite

10th November 2015:
I know you've been feeling a little down lately, so I thought I'd stop by and leave you some love to boost your spirits!

It's quite fitting that you named this story 'Exquisite', because that's a PERFECT description of your writing here! Your writing style is so flawless and this flowed SO perfectly, when I reached the end I really wished there were more to read! (But luckily for me, you have lots more stories on your Author's Page *winks*)

This definitely took an ENTIRELY different turn than what I thought it would - I thought they'd meet up and reconcile, but instead *GASPS* You definitely did a great job with this challenge!

This really is an AMAZING story, Angie, and YOU ARE SUCH A TALENTED AUTHOR! ♥

Author's Response: You're the best. Thank you so much. Your reviews definitely boosted my spirits. Please, you must tell me who you are so I can thank you properly!

I am so pleased you liked it and enjoyed my writing. Your compliments mean a lot to me. Thanks a ton!


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Review #4, by Marshal Exquisite

2nd October 2015:
Wow. The content was very good. Quick paced, which I liked and it worked perfectly for the story. It was quick and sharp like the surprising twist at the end. I was not expecting that to happen there at the end. All of that just to forget. It makes me wonder what put Rose into such a dark state where she would take such actions as she did. Really that twist was wow. I really liked it. I'm always fond of surprise twists, and dark ones like what you provided here.

My one complain though is the breaks and the parenthesis. I know you said that you were trying a different writing style, was that part of it? I am certainly not a fan of the breaks. It jerks you out of the story. I'm not sure what the point was to the consistent breaks. I might have missed the point of them personally. I think things would have played nicer and flowed well as one piece and no breaks.

As to the parenthesis, some of them made a lot of sense and they worked. Others it seemed to not work as well and made little sense to me. (five more breaths) was a good one as was (if it can be called that) Those good asides, which is what parenthesis are used for. Others I think would fit better in the general flow as it didn't seem to be an aside, like: (she tries to forget the longing glances, the hopeful sighs, the discrete touches; her drunken confession, his startled look, her fake indifference, his pitiful apology) It flows perfectly with the following sentence and the parenthesis are not needed.

Please do not take my critiques as me hating the story, because I did like it. It is why I have written what I have. I like offering ideas of what I think may improve a story, though in the end you are the author and this is your art work so do as you see fit. Again, a very enjoyable read!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing.

I am pleased you liked the content here and felt the pace worked. Rose is definitely in a dark place, her mind is definitely a little addled at this point, and I'm glad you liked the twist at the end.

Yes, the different style was the parentheses and breaks. I am sorry it didn't work for you. Well it was more to show the broken state of her mind, her thoughts, thus the breaks and parenthesis.

Thank you for comments anyway. I welcome your ideas to improve =) I'll think about what you've said. Thank you!


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Review #5, by 800 words of heaven Exquisite

17th September 2015:
SLYTHERIN REVIEW TAG.

Wow. Aditi, every time I read something that you've written, I am bamboozled all over again by just how good it is. And I a always so excited to see you improve and grow as a writer and try new things. It's very brave, and I wish that I was as brave as you sometimes.

Okay, so this is great. I loved it. Rose is crazy. Her reaction is super extreme but it works in this style and tone and creepiness. I was feeling Rose's anxiousness and frustration and angst and it was GREAT.

I'd actually love to read this story from Scorpius' point of view. I wonder how he'd view their relationship, and if he's just as crazy as Rose. Also those few moments before his "unfortunate end", those would be interesting to see from his perspective. What goes through his head just before he dies? I think your way of writing would really suit a story like that, and I'd be super excited to see your take on it.

Thanks for the lovely (and very creepy) read! Til next time :)

Author's Response: Hey 800! Wow, thank you so much for the lovely review! Such praise means a lot coming from you because you're an incredible writer and I totally want to write as good as you do, so thank you!!

I am pleased you think I've improved and that you think I'm brave. It means a lot, thanks.

Rose is crazy haha yes. Her reaction is definitely extreme, mainly because she's off the hinges. I am glad you could feel all her frustration and angst.

It surely would make for an interesting piece now that you mention it. I'll definitely consider writing a spin-off from Scorpius' POV.

Thank you for the read and review!


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Review #6, by wolfgirl17 Exquisite

11th September 2015:
Hello!

Wolfgirl here finally checking out your entry for the Dark Turn Challenge and let me say this was a brilliant kick off into the entries I'm reading.

For a long while I thought, based on the name of the fic, that she would simply Obliviate him of her confession and the awkwardness. I love the way you twisted it at the end and had her kill him!

Seriously, it was brilliant. I wasn't at all expecting it.

I did find the mildly disjointed nature of the parenthesis parts a little clunky, but they also did a fantastic job of conveying the disjointed way she is living and experiencing the world in the wake of her heartbreak. It'd have been smoother without it, but I also think that without those being in parenthesis the whole story would've seemed darker, more calculated and thus infinitely more unsettling.

I've never before considered the idea of Rose as a killer, especially not of Scorp, so it came as quite a shock. I almost feel like Scorpius in a way. Completely caught off guard by her actions, making it all the more believable and intriguing.

You've got a really strong entry on your hands here and I really enjoyed reading this fic. Thanks so much for going to the trouble of entering my challenge. This is the first entry I've read, but it's going to be hard to beat, I can tell.

Keep up the fantastic work bud, I love your stuff!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hey Ellie! Thank you for reading and reviewing.

I'm glad you found the end unpredictable as that was what I was going for.

I'm sorry the mildly disjointed nature came across as clunky - my intention was to show Rose's unhinged state of mind through that but I guess it didn't work all that well. I was going for the whole macabre writing style with the parentheses, trying to reflect her thoughts without being direct about it.

Nonetheless, I'm pleased you found her actions believable and intriguing despite the shock. I'm glad you liked the fic. It was a fun challenge to write for.

Thanks!


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Review #7, by Infinityx Exquisite

3rd September 2015:
Hi Angie! I'm so sorry it took me a while to get to this.

Wow. So, this is something so different from other things you've written. Your writing style has completely changed in this and I think you've done a fantastic job. I love the way this flows, with the short sentences and the lines in the brackets. Those bits really add a whole other factor to this.

I like how there's a continuous overarching theme of numbers. I think you intended this but even if you didn't, I love how they emphasize on just how much Rose is obsessing over her time with Scorpius and the way everything turned out. It makes everything so much more powerful because even though it's subtle, it's there and even though there are all these reminiscent thoughts and sad feelings, in a way you're also indicating that he's not just another guy through those numbers and I think that's great.

Everything flows well, and I love how everything kind of reaches this culminating point where she can't take anymore and then BAM the curtain falls and she does the unforgivable. Everything connects together so well and I think your writing has improved so much.

The only CC I have - and you can totally disagree with this - is that the final bit with her casting the killing curse is a little sudden. I understand that the whole situation with him turning her down and her having to laugh it off and try to forget was incredibly difficult and painful for her, but she must have been in a really bad state of mind to actually kill him. I think the whole thing would be more cohesive if you added a little part about how she reached this point. She's depressed, yes, but how did she snap? What made her break completely and for her to reach this state that she would actually cast the killing curse? You get? I'm not sure if I've been very clear here so if you want me to explain further, PM me. :)

Overall, I think this was brilliant and I would LOVE to read more of such stuff. Your writing is beautiful here, wonderful job!

Author's Response: Hey Erin!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am pleased you liked the flow, and the whole brackets thing.

I definitely intended the theme of numbers. It showed her obsession in a way, along with the parentheses thing. And I'm glad you spotted it xD Yes, Scorpius is definitely not just another guy.

It makes me so happy that you think my writing has improved and that you liked this, because I totally worship your writing! So this compliment means a lot, thank you!

Thank you for the CC! Actually, the reasons she snapped was the announcement in the paper. I kept it quite vague but there's a mention of:

"She had thought forgetting would be easy. A little Firewhiskey, some days apart, and the darkness would be gone.

But then, she’d seen the announcement in the Prophet. A picture and a short paragraph. The walls she had built for months had come crumbling down."

^That was meant to be shown as her breaking point. This "announcement" being an engagement/marriage announcement (open to interpretation). I am not sure if you missed it or if it wasn't that obvious :/

Thank you anyway!


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Review #8, by LiveBreatheNeedHP Exquisite

3rd September 2015:
I quite enjoyed reading this. I am not usually one for one-shots, but this one intrigued me. I really liked this and I liked how you took us on a complete journey in such a short amount of time. I feel like I know a lot about their relationship here, even though I really don't so this is a credit to you.
The only thing I would say is that I am very confused about what happened at the end. I don't really understand what happened there?

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked it! In the end, Rose killed Scorpius. She's unhinged throughout the one-shot, as indicated by the parentheses bits, so yeah =)

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Review #9, by Penelope Inkwell Exquisite

2nd September 2015:
Hey there! Penny here for our review swap!

THE HECK?!?!?!

PLOT TWIST!

I mean, it wasn't totally out of the blue. She was obviously a little unhinged. I like how it starts small, with the counting. We've all counted down the seconds before when we've been eager for someone to arrive. That wasn't so very odd.

But then as it goes on, the fractured quality of the sentences definitely gave the impression that everything was not quite in order upstairs, if you know what I mean. For a while I thought she might be in the Mental Health ward, or something, waiting for him to visit. But no. No. We were just passing the time, waiting for a little murder.

That part about how happy they were, and then how much it hurt when he didn't feel the same--ooh, that hurt. I really felt for her. I mean, unrequited love is the worst, and with your dearest friend, when it will make everything awkward? That must have hurt her so badly. I mean, clearly, considering...

Still, all that talk of him being her only light, and wanting him to worship her...it definitely hinted that she'd fallen into the realm of obsession.

I was wondering what it was, exactly, that she saw in the paper? An engagement announcement? That was my guess. It seems like the sort of thing that would throw her over the edge.

I also like that you begin with this eager tone, and then we get into the middle section that's so happy and hopeful, but there was something about the beginning--the whole "love, if you could call it that" bit, and just how shattered she sounds, that still gave us that undercurrent of foreboding. Still, I didn't expect her to straight up kill him. She's clearly mad, and you write that madness quite well. It's so chilling, that last line:

"(now she can forget)"

That was the perfect ending. Nailed it!


CC:

One eighty endless minutes.
--this is just a suggestion, but I think this might be better as either "180 endless minutes" or "One hundred and eighty endless minutes".

Only darkness, wait, and somewhere underneath the numbness, love.
--it might be better to say "the wait" or "waiting".

It feels like yesterday when she sat in the bar alongside him
--This might be better as "It feels like yesterday that she sat in the bar alongside him." But that's only if I'm understanding what you're going for, there. "When" implies that the emotion she is feeling now is the same as what she felt that day she was sitting beside him in the bar. "That" implies that it feels like it was yesterday, as in 'it feels like very little time has passed'. So really it depends on what you're trying to do. I wasn't totally sure, but I thought it sounded more like the second.

Few more minutes and hed be here.
--"A few more minutes and he'd be here," might sound better.

pummel into his arms.
--pummel doesn't seem like quite the right word here, to me. I really like the sort of violent connotations, but since to pummel is to throw repeated punches, I just couldn't figure out how her body would be doing that.


So, yeah, all of those are just suggestions. I always try to give CC. But obviously that's just my opinion/interpretation and I'm wrong often enough :) So definitely go with what you want to do! You're the author. I'm just here for commentary ;)


You did a good job with this piece. I think it was the writing style that really sold it, and I know you say that it's new to you, but you handled it really well! It was just right for the piece, and it really allowed Rose's character--and her craziness--to shine through. So congratulations, and good work!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hey Penny!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing =)

Thanks a lot for the CC. You make very valid points and I've done all the corrections now!

I am pleased you enjoyed the broken sentences thing and the whole fragmented style, and that despite her state of mind being apparent, the ending still caught you by surprise.

Despite all of it, it's nice to know you still felt for Rose. The announcement is open to interpretation - could be engagement or marriage.

I am so happy with the review, that you think I nailed the madness and everything. Thanks a ton!!


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Review #10, by moonbaby11 Exquisite

2nd September 2015:
Hey! I'm here for our review swap! (A little delayed, I know...)

Wow. That's all I can really say to this. Wow. I've been loving going through and reading all the entries to the Dark Turn Challenge because they all feel like a slap in the face (in a good way I swear!). They start off alright, and then the ending sweeps in with a BANG and surprises you in the best way possible. I never predicted that Rose would've killed Scorpius in the end. I figured she might try and wipe her memory or something, but I never even contemplated murder. It was so out of the blue for me that I absolutely adored it!

Your prose and style in this piece were fantastic as well. You say it's something different and new to you but, honestly, if you hadn't written that I never would have guessed! You feel so comfortable with this style that I had no idea that this wasn't how you normally wrote! I think what you did worked really well for this kind of story. It was short and a little vague in some spots, but all of that really worked with the writing style and the overall feel of mystery and horror.

All in all I think this was a brilliant piece and I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it! Good luck in the challenge :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked the story overall and that the ending was a surprise. It's great to know you enjoyed the prose and style too. It's a huge compliment that you found me comfortable with the style. Thank you so much!


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Review #11, by carry on with your knitting Exquisite

1st September 2015:
Hey!

It's Katie from the forums, here for the swap! :)

Wow this was so intense and gripping! The short sentences and paragraphs were a great way of showing Rose's fragile state of mind and how much the rejection of her love has almost eaten away at her sanity, it's really powerful! I love the way you went through the stages of their 'relationship' and how her love for him developed, but you kept a bitter tone, which keeps the reader reminded that she's looking back at the memories, it worked really well :) I thought it was brilliant that you managed to create such a large picture of the two of them through small amount of writing, its really really great and I loved reading it! It really expresses how much love and obsession are powerful emotions that can drive people to do the extreme. Even though she kills him, I can't help but feel so sorry for Rose! Heart break is hard and you described it brilliantly! :) (though obviously I don't condone murder in RL... :'))

I'm not used to reading Next Gen, but I love trying new things and this was pleasure to read! :)

Katie :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

I'm glad you liked the writing style of the short sentences and paragraphs. It's a relief that the fragile state of mind comes through - the obsessiveness and the pain - as that's what I was trying to convey. Your comments make me really happy as they hit all the spots that I needed to know about. And haha I'm glad despite everything you managed to feel sorry for Rose.

Thank you =)


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Review #12, by Lostmyheart Exquisite

30th August 2015:
Wow, Angie, this is VERY different from what your usual style!

It was very gripping... I had no idea, no feeling of how it would end and then BAM. There is was.
I'm still a little confused though. It seems like, if I understood it correctly, that she liked him, told him and then he rejected her? Not feeling the same or something like that.
It's kind of a dark story (obviously) but you've kept it light which I really like.

I hope you had fun trying a different writing style! It's really good.

Lots of hugs,
Avi

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for the lovely review!

I'm glad you found it gripping and that the ending caught you by surprise. I'm sorry you were confused but you seem to have gotten it perfectly as that's what happened =) I went back and smoothed over some bits so hopefully what happened would be a little clearer now.

Thank you!


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Review #13, by Frankie05 Exquisite

28th August 2015:
Woah. This was extremely deep. And very sad. Like owww. My heart is hurting. This was extremely well written. I love the storyline and then the parenthesis was so unusual that I rather enjoyed it. It was like the reader was diving into her thoughts. This challenge breaks my heart continually but I assume that is what Ellie wanted- to break hearts. And yours is done. So. Well. Poor rose. It sounds like she had been struggling with life a bit and her best friend is also the love of her life. Isn't that how it always happens? And you mentioned her family fighting (I'd expect that) but she found companionship with Scorpius. All to have that thrown in her face.. His rejection. And then him getting engaged to someone else. And then boom. She kills him. Which I wasn't expecting but it definitely fits. Whoosh. An emotional roller coaster this one was. Good luck in the challenge this definitely took a turn for the worst b

Frankie

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Aw I'm sorry your heart is hurting, but I'm glad you liked the writing! Haha yes indeed Ellie wanted to break lots of hearts and I'm happy to know I achieved it too xP

I'm really pleased that you got all the major points from the story, about what I was trying to convey, and that this felt like an emotional rollercoaster because that's what I wanted it to be! Thank you so much =)


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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter Exquisite

28th August 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with a review for you! I don't think that we've swapped or anything in quite a while so it's nice reading some of your work again!

Man, what a twist! I didn't expect that ending at all. I know that this for a challenge but wow, I really wish that this had been longer so I could really soak in Rose's mind. I am blown away by the fact that not only does Rose go through the memories of falling in love with her best friend, she also leads the reader into thinking that she's called Scorpius over to apologize. I get the sense through the entire chapter that they're about to come to grips with how they feel. The paragraphs are short but they're full of intensity and really bring a lot of depth to the story. By the end, my jaw had dropped and I just...I just can't believe she did it! WHY?! I would seriously love another chapter for this, you can't leave me hanging! Haha.

Great work!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hey! This review was a very pleasant surprise so thank you so much. I'm glad the ending caught you by surprise xD I am afraid this was only a one-shot so there won't be anything more but if inspiration strikes, I might do a sequel!

Yes the main aim was to mislead, to make it look like they're going to have a happy reunion (or something like that) but then things take a dark turn! I'm glad all of that came across. As to the way, well she did it because 1) she has gone quite insane 2) Rose Weasley cannot handle rejection 3) Rose is insane xP

Thanks!


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Review #15, by pottered  Exquisite

28th August 2015:
omg ok so i definitely didn't expect that.
this definitely took a dark turn aha, but you wrote the challenge so well! i usually stray away from dark/horror, but this looked too good to ignore and im glad i didn't! because this was amazing! (amazing in the sense that ohmygod she killed him welp???)
i felt bad for rose that the feelings weren't mutual, but then the end just: ???!!!
'Surprise flickers in his eyes' actually shot goosebumps to appear lol. i felt so sorry for scorpius; his own bestfriend killing him. ):
overall, this was short and uh i would say sweet but :0 i loved it! xx

P.S. I LOVED THE WRITING STYLE! (also: even in death he's exquisite; omg. :c)

Author's Response: hey! this review was a very nice surprise so thank you so much for your lovely comments!

I'm glad you liked how this turned out even though you don't usually read dark/horror. Haha your comments make me really happy as they totally show the effect that I was going for. Thank you so much!! you're the best!


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Review #16, by EnigmaticEyes16 Exquisite

28th August 2015:
Hi Angie! I'm here to spread some Slytherin love and leave a lovely review to thank you for all your help during the House Cup!

Wow, this story was a lot darker than I expected. I really liked the shortness of each section, it really makes every word count when you write in this kind of style, and I think you chose the words wonderfully. This is probably the darkest Rose I've ever read to be honest. And while there's a good bit of vagueness to the story, I think I've gotten the gist of most of it. Rose and Scorpius become friends after Hogwarts, Rose falls for Scorpius, Rose tells Scorpius about her feelings, Scorpius rejects her, she's heartbroken, they don't speak for a time/Rose avoids him, there's an announcement in the paper i.e. maybe he's engaged or recently married, she owls him, he comes right on the dot, and she kills him? Like I said, very dark. I wonder what exactly brought on this darkness in her. Why wasn't she able to move on after such a long time? And what will she do with the body?

It's all very curious and I'd love to read more about their relationship and what happens next.

But all in all I thought this was a great one-shot and very well written.

xxNix

Author's Response: Nix! Thank you so much for the lovely review!

I'm glad this story did something that you weren't expecting xD I was aiming for it to be 500 words but then it just got out of hand and I was like oh well I'll make it as short as possible anyway hehe.

I'm pleased you liked this dark Rose (if like is the correct term). That vague air was actually intentional to reflect Rose's state of mind but I've gone back and smoothed things a little bit more so it will probably be somewhat clearer now. But you got everything perfectly =)

As for the answers to your questions, you'll have to wait for a sequel ;)

Thank you!


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Review #17, by Unicorn_Charm Exquisite

27th August 2015:
Hey there!

Wow I totally did not see that coming! Talk about taking a dark turn. You certainly achieved that!

While reading this, it was obvious that there was once something there between them, but it might not have ended well. But as she counted down the minutes and thought of seeing him again, I just assumed it was going to be a nice reunion. Completely forgetting that this was for the dark turn challenge.

There was a lot of pain there, with whatever happened between them. I got the impression that they were not exactly a couple, but the lines between friendship and relationship were a bit blurred. Rose's pain and longing definitely came across really well throughout the story.

Then Scorpius arrives. I just thought that there may be a small fight? That they would maybe get together or just decide to go their separate ways, but what did happen totally took me by surprise. I'm assuming the announcement was an engagement to someone else? I know that I would be really upset if it were only ten months and he was engaged to another woman. I mean, I wouldn't go as far as Rose had mind you. :p

Wow. Wow, wow, wow those last two lines. Holy. Moly. They were really powerful and such a great way to end this piece. It gave me chills. Really great job!

This was really great. There was a lot of emotion for such a short story. Well done on that! Even though it totally chilled me, I enjoyed this a lot. ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hey Meg!

It was a lovely surprise to wake up to this review! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

Haha I'm glad I achieved the dark turn xD

Yes, well you guessed right. They were friends but then somewhere the lines between the friendship and relationship got blurred - and while they never became an official couple, there was something underlying. Then it just sort of fell through (hence the pain/darkness Rose thinks about).

I am pleased that whole concept came through!

It's good to know that the ending bit took you by surprise xD Yes, the announcement was an engagement to someone else. These things do happen sometimes in RL too. Haha you better not go as far as Rose xP

I am really happy that the last two lines gave you the impact that I was hoping for.

Thank you so much! This review made my day =)


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