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Reading Reviews for The Sorrows Of The Moon
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PaulaTheProkaryote Catechisms

20th June 2016:
I LOVE OCs! Yay OC! You definitely write more minor characters than OCs. I think it would really haunt Remus Lupin to realize that his granddaughter was suffering through the same illness that tormented him his entire life.

The way you detailed the physical changes of the change into the wolf was haunting. She is human, not wolf. She is human. I desperately hope that one day there will be a cure for her. I can’t stop thinking about how hard Remus would take this if he heard it. Part of me is very glad that he didn’t have the chance to see the aftermath.

The lines alternate between long flowing ones and short simple ones and it makes it so much easier to read and it makes me feel her anguish/stress/desperation so much more I think. I really like the way you wrote this.

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Review #2, by NPE Catechisms

27th January 2016:
Hi Kaitlin,

Continuing our review swap. :)

Right, I should preface this with two notes. One - I speak zero French. I know a smattering of German but aside from English that's about it.Two - I read underneath you were trying a different authorial style. It does show, and yet, rather interestingly the strong hallmarks of your writing remain. So although you haven't "chameleonised" your writing, you have adapted it to a different type of story very well.

I really like the theme of isolation that coalesces so well with your premise. Some of your descriptions are great and almost have the affect of flickering frames of images in my mind.

You have also skilfully managed to bring really interesting themes like self-loathing and human identity into this. Considering how well it works, and the finite word count of this piece, that is very impressive.

For me- the main bit of CC is that I still think at times in the writing you direct ideas rather than specifically expressing them. Sometimes you express it, and it is really good like this:

The moon has just begun to crest over the very tips of the mountains and for a moment your breath escapes you. It is whole as if to remind you that that is something you’ll never be. A blue tinge radiates off of the moon as if she’s crying for your sorrows.

Though personally I find these sentences below a little simplistic:


You are trapped in a room surrounded by rough wood and the dingy smell of abandonment.

Rough is probably the most common way to describe wood in fiction. And what is the dingy smell of abandonment?

Thing is the two sentences immediately after are beautiful. They provoke emotions rather than telling me.

I think even in this type of story, you have to leave it for the reader to feel it rather than telling them as it were.

Finally - excellent transformation description.

Cheers,

Nick

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Review #3, by ScorpiusRose17 Catechisms

9th September 2015:
This is simply fantastic!

I honestly don't know how you take a prompt and turn it into something this beautiful! I never have this sort of luck with my writing and you make it read and seem so easy. I am just in complete awe.

Even the shortest story you leave such an impression on my mind when I read. I feel transported to this moment with the characters and getting the chance to see it from their perspective!

I really enjoyed your description. The way your words flow to create such a simple and mystical scenes send chills down my spine!

I loved this story and your character. I felt bad that lycanthropy has plagued this poor girl like it has in generations before her. I liked her catechisms of reminding herself who she was and that even though she has lycnathropy, lycanthropy doesn't have her!

Keep up the awesome job!! :)

-Jenn

Author's Response: Hi Jenn!

Thank you so much! This is one of my very favorite pieces.

I'm so happy that you could really feel where the character was coming from. Particularly in this one, I really wanted to make it vivid.

It is pretty sad that lycanthropy passed through the family genes, but I think Madeliene seems like she's in a decent place.

Thanks for the lovely review!

~Kaitlin


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Review #4, by adluvshp Catechisms

1st September 2015:
Hey! Here for your much, much delayed review from the swap. RL totally had me going crazy but now I'm here to read your amazing writing =)

First off, wow. Just wow. I don't think any other word can express how I feel after reading this. Your descriptions are spellbinding. I loved your use of imagery here, it was so beautiful, I could see the scene in my mind's eye while reading.

"It is whole as if to remind you that that is something you’ll never be." Oh dear me, my heart broke a little at this line. Poor Madeliene. I can feel her emotions, her misery, her helplessness, her self-loathing in a way. And I feel awful for her. *cries*

It is interesting that you played with the concept of werewolf gene passing into generations here. Definitely did the idea justice - it must be torture to know generations and generations have suffered.

The use of French is great too! It definitely presents a fresh perspective into things. And I love the language anyway so it was like cherry on top after your brilliant narrative.

I honestly don't have anything else to say. This was perfect in every sense. The characterisation, emotions, descriptions, flow, everything was on point. Your writing is very, very good.

Great job =)

Love,
AditiDraco95

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Review #5, by carry on with your knitting Catechisms

24th August 2015:
Hey Kaitlin, I'm here with your review!

This was honestly (and I'm not exaggerating) a stunning piece of writing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It's just beautiful! Your descriptions are so honest and raw and heartfelt, it really touched me. I felt like I was her, right there in the moment, staring at the moon.

The fact the girl thinks the moon is beautiful added a touching moment of sadness to the piece. Even though she loves it, she will never properly be able to see it in it full form which is heartbreaking!

I really thought the use of French throughout the piece added to the beauty because it's such a beautiful language to here and speak, (I used to live in France when is was little, so it kind of took me back to that :)).

Honestly I'm almost speechless, I'm struggling to try and find the words to portray how this writing made me feel, I have shivers! The whole thing has just made me stop and think, it's just brilliant!

The only think I would point out and it's so minor and doesn't have anything to do with what you've written, its more my musings and I'm probably thinking too much into it, but I've read that Werewolves don't pass down their lycanthropy to their children and her name is lupin and she's french so I'm gunna guess she is the child of Teddy and Victoire, so was teddy bitten by a werewolf at some point and so was Madeliene? It's more a question than a criticism. I really can't criticise in anyway, I simple adore this!

I'm sorry that this is such a bad review in terms of improvements, but I really really love it! A massive well done!

Katie :)
(carry on with your knitting)

Author's Response: Hi Katie,

Thanks so much for such a lovely review. I'm very happy that you liked what I've done with this piece. It was very much a departure from my usual style of writing, so it's always nice to hear that it isn't awful. :D

I understand where you're coming from with the comment about how one catches lycanthropy and I suppose I should note this as a bit of AU. I had in fact intended for Madeliene to have inherited it from her father Teddy who inherited it from his father Remus.

Thank you again for your kind words and encouragement. I really enjoyed swapping with you.

~Kaitlin


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Review #6, by blackballet Catechisms

24th August 2015:
Again, oh my gosh!

This one-shot gave my heart the shivers, I swear. I felt so connected to Madeliene instantly. She also reminds me of Remus, and I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it sure did pull my heartstrings.

I think your description was spot on, as I usually think. I know that sometimes you can feel insecure about a specific part of your writing, but I think that description is one of your strong suits. Whatever you're writing, I feel like I could be there in a flash if I just closed my eyes. It's truly amazing to read.

Again, I'm so glad I have the opportunity to read one of your masterpieces!

blackballet

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks so much for dropping by, particularly to this story. It's one of my absolute favorites.

It was intentional for Madeliene to be somewhat similar to Remus. I think their experiences have sort of molded them into who they are.

Description is usually my favorite part of any story. I always try to close my eyes and imagine that I'm the character and then write it as I see it. I'm glad it's working out.

Thanks again for all of your lovely comments!

~Kaitlin


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Review #7, by Claire Evergreen Catechisms

24th August 2015:
Hey, Kaitlin, here for our swap!

Oh my goodness, this is absolutely amazing! It's such an interesting concept for a story and I love how you wrote it. Not only am I impressed that you were able to write this in second person, it really adds to the whole feel of the story.I could really get into it and imagine everything that Madeline was feeling and seeing. I think your choice of POV really made the story come to life and added to everything that you were going for.

Your descriptions were absolutely fantastic here. Everything was so vivid which, coupled with the second person POV, made it extremely easy to picture everything that Madeline was seeing and feeling. I loved your descriptions of the moon and its effects on Madeline. Without ever saying the word 'werewolf.' you already gave the reader everything that they needed to figure it out, way before you even start to mention the transformation. Which, by the way, was wonderfully written. I loved how you described it and what she said at the end tied everything together so wonderfully.

This is a fantastic one-shot, I love everything about it! Amazing job, as usual :)

Claire

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Review #8, by Penelope Inkwell Catechisms

22nd August 2015:
Hey Kaitlin! Here for review 1/3 of our swap!

Man, so this was really interesting! I cannot remember the last time I read a story in second person. Almost never. That's a really interesting challenge, all by itself. I guess to writing all these difference challenge pieces gives you a lot of opportunity to experiment and try new things. That's awesome! I bet you're going to look back after you've completed your goal and just be amazed, not just by what you've accomplished, but by the effect it'll have on your writing. I'm sure it's just going to grow and grow, the way you're challenging yourself like this.

I think you pulled off second person quite well! It's not a style I've read much of, so I'm no an expert, but it seems like it would be hard to do. I'd have a hard time with it, at least; honestly I can't even imagine how to go about it. It would be so different! But you made it work, and produced something of good quality. Especially when I think about how freakin' fast you write...Kaitlin, honestly, I am constantly in awe.

Man, when I realized that this must be Teddy and Victoire's daughter...ooof. Right in the feels. That just made me so sad. But it created this really interesting continuity. There was something about the idea of three generations of Lupins going through this experience in the Shrieking Shack each month that I found sort of...appealing? Even as it was tragic? It gives them this kind of connection.

I think the best part is what you did in the second half, with the transition, and her attempt to retain her grasp on humanity. That was well written, and it was definitely the most powerful part of the piece.

Highlight reel - Those words have become your catechism and you pray that one day, if you say it enough it might come true.

- The moon is the only one who can see you and you know quite well that your secrets are safe with her.


CC: It's mostly just commas, really.

The moon has yet to rise, but its light has already begun to shine just on the horizon casting eerie shadows across everything.
--there should also be a comma before "casting". And I think that you may not really need the word "just". It doesn't quite seem to fit. Maybe, "at the edge lowest of"?

it’s ascent
--it's = its

They too fixated on the rising moon
--I think that "too" should have a comma both before and after it

Without realizing you’ve done it, you place your hand on the window pane in a way that makes you feel that if you push hard enough you’ll be free of your dingy confines.
--I'd recommend two things, here. First, it might be good to split this sentence up: "Without realizing you've done it, you place your hand on the window pane. You feel that if you push hard enough, you could be free of your dingy confines." The other thing is, since you used the word "dingy" in the first sentence, and this is a fairly short piece, you may want to avoid repeating it. Some other options might be "gloomy", "dreary", "dismal", or "grim".

It is whole as if to remind you that that is something you’ll never be.
--needs a comma before "as"

“Très belle,” you whisper sadly though no one is there to hear you.
--I think there should be a comma before "though"

The moon is the only one who can see you and you know quite well that your secrets are safe with her.
--I think I might suggest adding a comma in between "see you" and "and you". It's one of those commas that's kind of optional, but I think it would benefit the sentence.

Those words have become your catechism and you pray that one day, if you say it enough it might come true.
--needs a comma after "enough"


I'm just so proud of you for stretching yourself like this. I think that is so phenomenal. And you've done a good job here. Congratulations!

--Penny

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Review #9, by Dojh167 Catechisms

21st August 2015:
FSF Award Review #1

Oh no, more horror! Well, you write it really well, so I'm excited for more.

The second person narrative serves you really well here. I am immediately powerfully drawn in to both the physical and emotional world of the story.

It is kind of sad that three generations of Lupins became werewolfs, and yet there is a kind of strange beauty to the way that you describe her knowledge that she is in the same place, feeling the same things as those who came before her. It makes it seem less lonely to be connected to her family.

I love the rhythm of this sentence: "Hands and feet turn to paws and nails grow long into pointed claws." It speaks to the inevitability of this monthly transformation.

I adore your description of the transformation. Madeleine seems so calm and at piece with what is happening. Her fascination with the process and reference to the positive things about her typical appearance add a really interesting dynamic.

I can't deny that the line he recites to herself reminds me of Doctor Who.

I think that you did a good job with the descriptions here. Everything that you described seemed very relevant and tinted with emotion, which really helped support the story. Also, your sentences read very clearly, and you did a good job of not getting bogged down with wordiness.

Well done!

Sam.

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Review #10, by Unwritten Curse Catechisms

20th August 2015:
I'm here for the Red vs. Gold review battle. I saw that you'd posted a new story and had to check it out, especially because it's for the Romanticism challenge and I adore this style of writing.

Kaitlin, I can't believe this style is new to you. You write this so, so well and it seemed natural. There are so many lines that I love, but if I had to pick a favorite it would be this: The moon is the only one who can see you and you know quite well that your secrets are safe with her. So very romantic to gender the moon as female and to imagine a secret shared with her. Beautiful.

I also like that you chose Remus's granddaughter. It's like next Next Gen. It's kind of sad, in a way, that Remus's genes are passed on through generations. I know that's the last thing he would've wanted. But it seems that Madeliene has control over her transformation and that she's able to remain cognizant--which is again kind of sad, because it means she's aware of the "monster" she becomes. This whole piece is both beautiful and sad and I love the layers you create.

Kaitlin, I demand that you write like this more often. It's lovely to see you reach beyond your comfort zone and succeed.

-- Gina

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Review #11, by CassiePotter Catechisms

20th August 2015:
Hi Kaitlin! I'm here for our review swap!
This was a really wonderful story. You said in your Author's Note that it was different from your usual style, but it really didn't come across as though it was your first time writing a different style. You descriptions were gorgeous, and the imagery from this story was just so haunting and beautiful. I could really picture Madeliene locked in a room (I'm assuming she was in the Shrieking Shack), alone, waiting for the full moon to rise.
I loved the way you incorporated the moon into this story. Obviously it's a huge part of Madeliene's life, since it causes her transformations, but I really liked how you made the moon very human and almost sympathetic.
One line I particularly enjoyed was this one-
A blue tinge radiates off of the moon as if she’s crying for your sorrows.
That's just so lovely and evocative.
I really liked that you ended this with the mantra that Madeliene repeats over and over when she transforms. I think it's really simple, yet really powerful. It really showed how she was struggling to hold onto her humanity, and not give into her instincts after she's become a wolf.
This was a really wonderful story, and I really enjoyed it!
Cassie :)

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