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Reading Reviews for Tales of Malfoy
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ScorpiusRose17 Grandmother

17th September 2015:
Hi!!

I have finally found some time to stop by and give this a read and a review like I'd been wanting to since you posted about it! :)

I really like this. It is interesting to me to see the inter workings of the Malfoy family. It plays well in contrast to life on how we remember certain things much better than we do others. Especially the things we remember when we're younger compared to as we age.

I really think that you do a fantastic job of setting your story up in this chapter and I am really eager to find out more. You've done the hook, line, and sinker here! :)

Keep up the good work and please let me know when Chapter 2 is added!!

-Jenn

Author's Response: Thank you :)

I've been having major writers insecurity but everyone on here has been giving me such good feedback and constructive reviews that I'm determined to carry on with this now. Hoping to do a bit of work on Chapter two today.

Thanks again

Stacey


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Review #2, by merlins beard Grandmother

9th September 2015:
Hey there,
I'm here with your promised review.

I really really like what you came up with here. You're already pretty good with the flow of the story, there are a few sentences that may be a little too long, but that's really easy to fix if you're interested in that. I read my stories to myself out loud to see if it feels natural. If it does, then it's probably okay. I'm interested, is English your first language?

The way you chose the plot is very interesting and refreshing. It almost feels a little like a non-linear timeline because it's jumping back and forth a bit with the things he remembers (which I find very impressive because it's really hard for me to write like that).

I do have a few little, nitpicky things to add...

Her heart had shrivelled up and turned to dust years before she actually did and the blood in her veins had long been replaced with ice (both descriptions just theory and not actual fact).

I would just delete the brackets and everything in between. I think it's clear that she obviously doesn't literally have ice in her veins.

I'm not sure why that particular comment stuck with me all these years, back then I had no idea what she meant after all I was only ten (and talking to a ten year old boy about things such as love was bound to go over my head) but it did.

Maybe split that into two sentences? (Second one could start with After all...)

It was surprisingly easy due to the fact that my entire family had the emotional depth of a teaspoon.

I recognize that from somewhere ;) I like that you included that bit. I think personally I would have said emotional capacity of a teaspoon, but depth is just fine as well.

Okay, I think I have left you with enough to work on, and please don't be discouraged. I really like the way you're starting off here and I think you're already much better than I was when I posted my first chapter.
You can pm me if you want me to look over edits for you or if you have any questions about this review, and I'd love if you could let me know when you decide to continue this story. I'd like to come back and see where it goes.

Well done, and I'm really happy that you decided to post something here.

~Anja

Author's Response: Hey

Thank you so much for your review! It made me feel a lot better about my writing. It's been a long time since I've posted anything up anywhere as I always thought my writing was a bit rubbish compared to everyone else.

I will definitely take your advice on board. I've never thought about reading it out loud to myself but now you've mention that it seems like a fantastic idea! :)

English is my first language, was there anything particular that caught your attention to ask that question?

Thanks again for you review, I really appreciate it!

Stacey Marie


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