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Reading Reviews for Nearly Forever
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dreamgazer220 In Death

24th May 2016:
Hey Jenn! I'm finally here with your requested review, I'm sorry for the delay.

So, this! I really liked the opening scene. I loved seeing Teddy on an Auror mission, out and about to catch a crazy murderer. It really built up the suspense, and I wasn't expecting him to get so angry when Fletch got away. I almost expected Teddy to have a bit more of a chip on his shoulder than he did, though you did explain it was because of his gran. I think I'd like to see that expanded a little bit - especially since Harry takes him off the case, as it's running cold. I think it'd help flesh out his character a little more as well.

I loved the opening paragraph & your descriptions of the night sky. You did a really amazing job of painting the picture that way.

I also really liked that Teddy went to Ginny's for lunch, to catch up and to ask for help with his proposal. It was sweet and it showed just how close he is to the Potters, and Ginny reminded me a bit of Molly, wanting to take care of everything :)

And then we get to the proposal! I was sort of expecting this long, beautiful proposal speech from Teddy, but I'm glad he just asked the direct question and went for it, especially since APPARENTLY THAT WASN'T THE POINT OF THE STORY, WHAT?! UGH, JENN!!

So I know you were worried about the twist at the end, but I think it worked because I wasn't expecting it at all! But when I think about it, it totally makes sense for Fletch to show up at one of the Aurors who have been tracking him down. But how did he know where he'd be? Was he tracking him too?!

I think a few more details would be good in that last scene, though. It felt a little rushed, although you still managed to RIP MY HEART OUT! Sigh. I didn't sign up for these emotions!! So I think if you ever decided to go back, I'd like to see that fleshed out a little more.

I did love the detail about her not taking off her engagement ring, though. The poor thing :(

I also noticed some mechanical errors, but nothing another read through and/or a beta wouldn't be able to help with. I can't pick them out specifically, they're mostly typos and nothing that took away from the reading of the story.

I really enjoyed this overall! I liked the structure and thought it flowed well, again I'd just like to see the ending a little more fleshed out (of Teddy's death) so that you can kill us even more with all the angst.

Thank you for the request!

♥ Jill

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Review #2, by wolfgirl17 In Death

8th December 2015:
Hello!

Wolfgirl here checking out your entry for my Dark Turn Challenge. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading your entry. I have no excuse whatsoever. I fell off cyberspace and scraped my knees, ended up focusing on an OW and complete forgot I was hosting a challenge.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write an entry for my challenge!

I really liked this fic.

And you're so cruel. I can't believe you killed Teddy! *sobs uncontrollably* I really liked that bit at the end you mentioned the bit about Vic refusing to take her engagement ring off. It was like a bittersweet kick in the face after the devastation you wielded.

Thanks so much for going to the trouble of crafting such a wonderful entry for my challenge, and for writing an entry at all.

Keep an eye out on the forums for the results. I hope to post them really soon, by the weekend at the very latest, but probably sooner.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story!! I had so much fun writing it for your challenge!! :)

I am glad that you liked it even with the obvious sadness that follows. I promise you when I began writing this Teddy wasn't the intended target, but when it came time to off one of the characters, he was the only one that would work.

I figured that Victoire would be the best way to show the devastation personally and someone who people could connect or relate to in some way.

I am really looking forward to the results and to see the other amazing stories that this challenge was able to generate! :)

Thank you again!!!

-Jenn


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Review #3, by alicia and anne In Death

10th September 2015:
Haha I wondered for a moment how he knew what the cat was called until you mentioned it was someone using their animagus form. It's brilliant that Rafferty is using his animagus form to follow. I hope that Rafferty doesn't get caught. :S

I'm so worried that they're going to get caught in the alleyway :S I'm so tense right now!

Awww Teddy is so much like his mum when he said it like that :D

I bet that Teddy wants a free lunch too :P

HE'S GOING TO ASK VICTOIRE TO MARRY HIM!? THIS IS AMAZING!

Awww that room sounds amazing! I love how it's all set up, Ginny done an amazing job with it.

NO! NO! NOT FLETCH! WHY IS HE RUINING THIS PERFECT MOMENT. Oh no, oh no, I'm so scared... *hides behind hands*

Oh that is brilliant! I love that the have non verbal ways of communicating with each other.

NO! HOW COULD RAFFERTY DO THIS! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM SO MUCH! I HATE HIM MORE THAN FLETCH AT THIS MOMENT!

NO! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT HE DIED! I AM SO DEVASTATED RIGHT NOW :( How could this happen? I am crying so much right now :( I must say that even though I am completely heartbroken right now, I am glad that they have an award in his name.

Seriously, this was so devastatingly sad at the end, you've done an amazing job with this. Keep up the amazing work!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am so glad that you liked this One-shot as I am very proud of it! :)

I love this review! You did a great job covering the entire one-shot! And I am glad to see the progression of emotions coming from you here especially when you know... he dies!

Thanks again for the review!

-Jenn


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Review #4, by Gabriella Hunter In Death

28th August 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I am so sorry about the delay. I had a lot happening and wasn't able to get to these reviews until now. :D

So, this was great. I always love reading stories that feature Teddy Lupin because they're always so different from the horrible version of him that I've made. Hahaha. I think that your Teddy is so lovely, I instantly fell in love from the first paragraph and I loved the backstory that you used to flesh out his character. What I expected, though was for this story to go in a completely different direction and I am so shocked by the ending! The beginning of this chapter makes it seem like this will be just a straight and forward crime drama bur you totally flipped the switch by the conclusion. I kind of wish that we had learned more about Teddy's work in the Auror office though and what kind of crimes Fletch had been up to in order to become a wanted man. I know that he was a killer but I always like getting a bit more information on the villains, they always have such crazy motivations!

Okay, I had no idea what would happen at the end of this story so I thought that showing how much Teddy cared about Harry, Ginny and Victoire was important. You got to see a softer side of him and I think that it made the ending all the more powerful. I liked your introduction of Victoire here too and their relationship felt so real and pure. What I didn't expect was for the evening to be ruined by his former partner and a killer! I was SOOO hoping that Teddy would save the day and everything would work out but...goodness, I didn't think that he would die. ;__;

I'll admit, I teared up.

My only thing with this is that I don't think you needed the shorter paragraphs towards the end. I really love the idea of the award itself but I think you could have just included it with what you had already written. Other than that though, it was great!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this one-shot!

I am thrilled that you enjoyed it and that you liked my characters! I've never written Teddy/Victoire before so when I got them for the challenge, I was excited to see what I could do with them and their relationship. I am glad that you can really connect with them.

I will admit that I was shocked when writing this because I totally intended for another character mentioned in the story to be the one who died in the end, but my muse took a sinister route and said this is what we're doing. I really need to learn to control my muse! Hahaha :)

I do have a backstory for Fletch and Rafferty so maybe once I complete a WIP of mine, I will take the time to write it out and post it as a reward.

I was skeptical of the ending, so I will have to see what I can do there.

Thanks again!

-Jenn


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Review #5, by carry on with your knitting In Death

26th August 2015:
Hey Jenn!

Wow, I just went through a million different emotions in the space of like 20 minutes and now I'm a little exhausted! :')

This was a great one shot and really hit me in the feels! Right from the start i loved the way you described the setting! It was really beautiful with the start fighting for attention against the moon, I thought that description was great :D I'll admit this is like the first proper Next Gen thing I've read before, I've never tried it before because just never formed attachments with the characters but I love the way you described Teddy here! He seems like a great character; brave and determined as well as very romantic, which is always nice to read with male characters. I loved the name Rafferty to start with, and I was like of yeah he sounds cool, and his characters seemed like a fun one, not really taking things serious but oh my goodness that twist at the end changed my mind totally! I just thought I'd add here, I have a VERY weird talent of being able to solve murder mysteries and guess the end mysteries and things, especially like CSI and all of the Agatha Christie things, and I eerily get it right almost every time, and I watch stuff like that a lot and love murder mystery books, but I did not see that ending come at all! So a very well done for managing to surprise me and shock me!! :')
The relationships that Teddy had with Harry and Ginny were so sweet! This is how the dorsally should have treated Harry! I really feel like Teddy reflect Harry a lot and that creates a nice parallel of characters! :)
Fletch really intrigued me! I thought he was great character! He really reminded me of the joker from the batman films, with the fedora and the manic laughter, and his psychotic edge, it was great! I just love crazy characters like that. It's probably why Bellatrix his probably my favourite in the whole series.

I noticed a few tiny little spelling/punctuation errors but nothing that dirupted my enjoyment of the piece at all!

I loved it! Great job!

Katie :)

Ps I think I may be a little heart broken now, as I formed serious attachments to Teddy, just through that...

Author's Response: Hi Katie!!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this One-shot. I can honestly say that this is one of my stories that I am exceedingly proud of! :)

Thank you. I have really been working on description and really pulling the readers in with the opening so to speak. The line that you mentioned with the moon and stars was my favorite!

I love Next Gen, but I have never written Teddy or Victoire for that matter before so I am thrilled that they worked. I had some reservations when I was given them for this challenge.

Ah yes, Rafferty. I love the name and what a funny thing that it has the word 'rat' in it! ;) That is some weird talent (in a good way), but totally cool! I wish I had that sort of insight! I am over the moon happy that the twist really surprised you!

I am thrilled that you liked the relationship between Ginny/Harry and Teddy. I wanted to show that Teddy had really built a relationship with them as he grew up and his that they stepped up as his parents so to speak.

Fletch was so much fun to write only because he is a complete loon. The puppet to the puppeteer. I have thought about going ahead and writing a fic about him and Rafferty on how this all began... maybe I will.

Thank you again for this lovely review! I am so sorry that I managed to break your heart! To be completely honest... I didn't know Teddy was going to die either when I was writing it. I had it planned for someone else, but when the time came it was just right for it to be him.

-Jenn





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Review #6, by Felpata Lupin In Death

24th August 2015:
Oh, my...
I wasn't expecting Ted to die, this is so sad...

Anyway, here for our swap, and please forgive me if it took so long!

This was a really great story! I loved the opening, with Teddy on his Auror mission. I particularly liked your description of the starry night. Well done on that!

I was a bit confused by Teddy's reaction when Rafferty called him Ted, but it made me chuckle because it reminded me of his mother. But it made sense when you explained it later.

Harry and Ginny were really enjoyable to read. I loved the affection they clearly prove for Teddy, it was so sweet!!!

I also loved his relationship with Victoire. They really seem a cute couple!
I would've liked some sort of speech for the proposal, something longer than just "Will you marry me?", but it's ok if you wanted to keep it that simple because you felt it was more in character or something...

I kind of expected Fletch to appear. I feared he was using polyjuice and posing as Madam Rosmerta or something! I didn't expect at all Rafferty to be his accomplice! And I surely didn't expect Teddy to die!!! You had me tear up... :(

I liked the style of the closing. Seemed a bit like in movies based on a true story. I've never seen it done.

Great job! Thank you so much again for the swap!!!
Many hugs and much love!
Chiara

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!

I am so happy that you enjoyed this! I had a lot of fun writing it even though Teddy does die. It was hard because he wasn't actually set to die in the beginning, but in the end it made the most sense.

I am glad that you liked Harry and Ginny too! They were really hard to write, but I wanted them to connect with Teddy so I am glad that their feelings came though.

I really am happy that you mentioned the ending because I didn't want Victoire to seem like a weak victim and I felt like she needed to have the final say.

Thanks again for the review swap!! :)

-Jenn


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Review #7, by Penelope Inkwell In Death

17th August 2015:
Hey Jenn!

WHAT?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! This Dark Turn Challenge is going to be the death of me :p

You definitely surprised me. I thought something might happen, but I was firmly convinced that Victoire would be the one to die, if there was going to be a death. Not Teddy! And then she never took off her engagement ring? You just had to slip an extra suckerpunch to my feels in there, didn't you?

Teddy saw Fletch Rogers' eyes peering out from underneath his fedora.
--for some reason, at the time, I found it really amusing that the most wanted murderer in Europe wears a fedora

You did a good job with building up the "happy vibes before things took a sharp turn for the worse, which made the whole thing more sudden and tragic. I also like how you began with a darker vibe and had set up this criminal business--it kept me waiting for the other shoe to drop. For a while I was wondering if Teddy was going to be in league with the criminals. But no! It was Rafferty.

And Teddy and Victoire had signals THAT'S how perfect for each other they were! Wah!

I can tell that you really think through your settings. There were clear descriptions of the characters' surroundings in each scene, with enough detail for the reader to picture it. You also think through staging--all the movements didn't get left behind, which was nice to see. I always felt like I had a visual on what was happening, what the characters were doing, and where they were, and those are the kinds of details that often get lost.


CC:

There are some mechanical things that could be polished up here. For instance, it's missing a lot of commas, which can make certain sentences harder to follow. It's hard to point them out in this format, but if you ever want more specific feedback on the comma front, just PM me and I'll try to point it out!

He could have always casted a charm to warm himself
--"casted" should be "cast"

-"Still not use to your animagus form huh?"
- It will take a little bit of time for me to get use to Ted."
-"He's not use to his animagus for then?"

--In all these cases "use to" should be "used to"

Similarly, in "I am suppose to be taking a few days to relax," "suppose to" should be "supposed to".

"We're going to have a tough time getting you in there." He informed Fletch.
--This pops up several times, so I've just picked this one sentence to highlight it. It should look like this:

"We're going to have a tough time getting you in there," he informed Fletch.

The "he informed Fletch" part is technically still part of the sentence in quotations. It doesn't stand on its own; it describes the dialogue by explaining who is speaking. Therefore, the sentence in quotation marks ought to end in a comma, and the "he" should be lowercase.


"Well then lets use it
--"lets" = "let's"


"We we're this close!"
--"we're" = "were"

He didn't want there relationship
--In this case, "there" should be "their".

Victorie
--This character's name is actually spelled Victoire

her mother, Nana Weasley, had been the best cook Teddy's ever known.
--"Teddy's" should be "Teddy'd", since you said "had been"

the other Auror's with him
--Auror's = Aurors



I hope you don't mind the CC! I always try to give it, because I find it helpful for me, as a writer, when people point these things out to me. You've done a nice job with this story--that's what made me want to take the time and really give proper CC. The plot was well-engineered and unfolded smoothly, and the way you had us see Teddy with Harry and Ginny and Victoire, all in turn, just burrowed him further into our hearts and set up that ending to be a real...well, a real knife in the chest :p

I particularly liked the sleuth-y, back-alley ambiance you set up in that first scene. You did a really nice job with that! That whole scene really stood out for me.

I'm glad I came by and read this--I enjoyed it! Thanks for sending it to me :D

--Penny

Author's Response: Penny,

Thank you so much for such for taking the time to read and review this story! I really appreciate how lovely and detailed your response is!

I am glad that you liked the story despite the fact that Teddy is the one who meets his untimely death. Funny thing is... He wasn't who I originally had planned out to die and neither was Victoire! Crazy! :) I couldn't think of another way to describe a hat that would fit this character so I figured ah... throw in a fedora for some fun!

I am happy to hear that the good vibes add up enough to pull off the twist. I worried about this. I also worried that I wouldn't be able to connect the readers to the Teddy or Victoire so I am glad that those came through. Especially with the signals and the ring.

As for your CC... Thank you! I am really awful at commas and would love to actually have them explained in a way that I can fully understand! I will definitely go back and make the changes that you pointed out.

Thank you so much again for everything!

-Jenn


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Review #8, by MuggleMaybe In Death

12th August 2015:
Jenn, what are you doing to your poor readers?!? This certainly did take a dark turn! I am so sorry for Victoire. That's just too sad!

I have to admit, I am a little angry at Harry for not spotting the traitor. Although, knowing Harry, he's already plenty angry at himself.

You did a good job keeping the tension up right to the end, with the possibility of help arriving in time. Alas, not.

I think my favorite line in this, simple though it may seem, is "They crossed the threshold hand in hand." It seems to say a lot about their love, somehow.

Thanks for sharing this story! I enjoyed it. (Even if it was SO SAD!)
~Renee

Author's Response: Hi Renee!

I am really glad that you gave this a read and reviewed!

This was super hard to write, but it is one that I am truly proud of and feel that it really shows my growth as a writer. At least that is what I think.

I have never written this ship before or anything quite like this so I am glad that you felt it worked tension wise until the end.

I was a bit angry at Harry too, but I am sort of able to trust that Harry can be human and make mistakes even if they result in something huge.

I am actually really happy that you liked that line. It was meant to signify how much they were in this together no matter what happened.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!! :)

-Jenn


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