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Reading Reviews for Spotless Mind
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Marshal Eternal Sunshine

8th April 2017:
Interesting story, it attracted me because of the title. I really like the Move Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. So that was the first thing that drew me in and the the summary intrigued me Draco, going to America to study law and then work in a muggle shop. It really piqued my interest. I have a friend who did a whole fic with Harry doing similar but studying muggle law to step away from magic and his fame after the war. Your story is very different from hers but it is still good.

I find it interesting how Draco is still impacted by the war even years later and I'm not meaning him being poor and trying to take care of his mum but the sudden crying. Still the people he is working with seem great. I like how things look up for him at the end of the story.

Honestly I would love to know more of Draco's life in America and the people he is spending time with, I wonder how much more there is in the other story as you said that this was more details than what happened in your chapter fic.

Also I love how you visually made everyone very different from one another.

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Review #2, by adluvshp Eternal Sunshine

8th April 2017:
Aw, this was a sweet albeit a little funny fic. Draco whining so much and being so sad and bursting into tears is kind of hard to imagine, but I suppose he changed after everything that happened to him in this universe. You explained the backstory comprehensively and that was nice, I got the context of where he is today and where he was and how things were for him. Boy, it's hard to imagine a poor and helpless Draco Malfoy. Imagining him working at a Muggle store is even more crazy - the things you have to do. this really shows how massively war can change things. Angie seems sweet (she is my namesake haha) and i liked that she extended a hand of friendship to draco despite his rude behaviour to the staff. They are all such nice people, the muggles, and it's good Draco is realising that. I feel bad for him honestly so it is sweet things are looking up. Even his mother sent him a christmas card! Though i really think he should take care of her better and try to help her out of depression. The dialogue and monologue both worked well here though I would have certainly liked more narrative description as it would have added to the visual appeal of the story as well. Characterisations could have also been better built with that, but then I suppose it's only a one-shot so it is fine. I enjoyed reading it and if nothing it made me smile.

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Review #3, by alicia and anne Eternal Sunshine

30th August 2015:
Oh Draco! Ending up poor and having to search for jobs. I don't think he's going to be having a good time in this one shot.

And his friends have all left as well! What about Theodore though? Was he not around?

And how he's getting bullied! I'm seriously feeling so sorry for that poor guy, I just want to hug him.

Hahahah TANDO'S! OH GOD! Hahahahahaha

That is the best mental image ever!

Awww and that's why he's crying! I'm so glad that Angie has offered him a place to go at Christmas. That's so nice of her.

Awww this was so nice! I really enjoyed reading it :D Poor Draco!

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Review #4, by Frankie05 Eternal Sunshine

14th August 2015:
Alec,

This was interesting. I think to get my bearings I need to head over to A Weasley Vacation but I followed along as best I could.

I can see you are confident in your writing and that's good! You always get better with confidence. I wonder if Draco is still the same Draco from canon, because he doesn't seem like the Draco we know. His thoughts are not congruent with Draco from the books and some of the writings, you used Amerian phrases such as "jerk". i'm not from the UK but I think jerk is a very commonly used word there. It's too American unless he's immersed himself in so much that he's picked up some of the slang (and I just missed that - sometimes I am not very observant ;)

I do like the story though, i was enraptured by it. Draco's loss of everything, friends, money, status, power, and now is all alone in American. It seems like bitter justice and I hate it. (Mostly because I love Draco).

At the end, the generosity of his coworkers were so kind, and so thoughtful. It made me happy that Draco had someone to spend time with on Christmas.

Keep up the good work, and you'll keep improving (we all are :)

Great!
Frankie

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Review #5, by mymischiefmanaged Eternal Sunshine

14th August 2015:
Hi! Here for our swap :)

This was a really interesting take on Draco after the war. I've not read your other work so I'm not sure how much of this is expanded on in AWV but I really enjoyed it. I don't think I've read anything that shows Draco moving abroad after the war but it makes a lot of sense that he might think he'd feel more welcome. And then his total change of lifestyle in working for muggles rather than wizards is really interesting and is very believable as the only option left open to him.

I really like how Angie's kindness affects him. This might actually be the first time in Draco's life that somebody's been kind to him just for the sake of being kind, and I love that it's a shock to him. Stylistically, your starting the story with him bursting into tears is effective because it builds up the tension and shows that there's drama to come, and I like that you repeated his crying later on when we actually understand what's happening.

The fact that all of his muggle colleagues gather round him is really sweet. It must be a big shock to him that muggles can show him so much tenderness and I like the little, two word introductions you give to some of the muggles to show that Draco has noticed them. The whole group seems wonderful and I'd love to read more about them.

I think your exposition at the beginning perhaps feels a little rushed. Hearing Draco speak so quickly and almost indifferently about all the terrible things that have happened to him seems a little unconvincing - I wonder if it could use a little bit more discussion? Or maybe you could just talk about his struggle to find work at the beginning and save mentioning Narcissa's depression for later on? Just a thought. It's probably personal taste rather than an actual problem though so obviously ignore me if you're happy with how it is :)

I'm glad we did this swap. Your take on Draco and his life after the war is really original and I enjoyed reading.

Emma xx

Author's Response: Thanks do much for your review! I really liked your review since you seem to have completely gotten what I was going for. I'd like to write more about Draco's life in New York and feel there's a story there, I just haven't found it yet. I'm really interested in Angie and would love to explore her further someday.

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Review #6, by Unicorn_Charm Eternal Sunshine

12th August 2015:
Hey Alec! Here with your review! :)

Wow I felt really bad for Draco here. I know he was pretty horrible, but for him to be completely shunned, to the point of leaving the country was really sad. And Narcissa... I imagine that everything she went trough would be enough to send her into a depression.

There was a fine balance between Draco seeming like a completely different character, yet still having traces of what we knew from cannon. Obviously the war had changed him, but he still maintained some of his arrogance, which I image he would. He grew up thinking Muggles and Muggle-Borns were beneath him his entire life, and I doubt that would change over night. I'm glad that you still had him feeling that way, albeit not as harshly, which does show some development in his character. And the fact that he actually swallowed his pride and worked in a Muggle shop was huge! Good for him!

It was horrible to think that he would have spent Christmas alone! I'm really glad that his coworkers invited him. Hopefully that will be the beginning of some long friendships and he won't feel so alone.

Just a little bit of concrit. There were some minor typos that I noticed. A few times of should have been off. I think you meant Pansy instead of Patty. Nothing a quick edit can't fix! :D

The only the advice I have is maybe a little more description. Instead of flat out telling us, show us.

For example:
"She didn't immediately answer: her hand slowly dropped as she looked at me with a mix of disbelief and disgust on her face."

Maybe instead of just telling about the disbelief and disgust, describe her face. Did she scrunch her nose up? Did her eyebrows rise? Did she purse her lips? Things like that will really add more flair into your story and help it to become better than it already is. :) That was the biggest concrit I used to receive when I first began writing, so I hope that helps a bit!

Overall this was good! It started out really sad but ending up being completely heartwarming! Thanks so much for sharing! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #7, by DaaOne Eternal Sunshine

11th August 2015:
Hi there Alec,

Good to see you writing yet another story (even though it completely fits into AMV!) haha

There's a bit of grammar mistakes here and there, but overall I liked the flow of the story. I felt the connection with AMV. Thankfully I did read ch12 already haha

I like the idea of peeping into Draco's head and the way he stated the facts in chronological order until the part where he had to get a job with muggles.

To be honest, I kind of pity the guy. It was just some sort of horrible, very confusing events that happened that got him into that bad place. People are not born proud or disrespectful, they are raised to be like that.. Draco was raised to be Draco.. I pity him for that..

I got sidetracked haha

Anyway, can I just say how adorable and cute the scene where Draco bursts into tears is ? OMG my heart pinched, and I was like o so cute :D and I had that smile on ! Seriously it's just way too adorable !

Hey, I notice your entry is for a challenge so good luck for that :D

Keep up the good work
Doe

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Review #8, by TreacleTart Eternal Sunshine

11th August 2015:
Hey Alec!

I'm here with our review swap!

I really like the idea that Draco was humbled by his life experiences after the war. If the bad guys get to keep their wealth and reputation, then it isn't really fair, so it's nice to see what happens when they sort of lose it all. It's nice seeing that his name isn't holding weight in the new administration and that he can't just waltz his way through everything.

The idea that Draco is working in a muggle shop in New York is very intriguing. I could see that all being very humiliating for him and really being a driving force in changing his personality. I'm glad to see that he's making the best of it though and trying to learn. Maybe this will redeem him a bit.

That being said, I do hope that at some point people start to forgive him. Draco was really a child when the Dark Lord returned and for most of his youth was pretty much forced to participate with the Death Eaters, so I think there should be some willingness to allow him to recover some dignity.

When I leave reviews, I always try to leave just a little bit of constructive criticism, so here it goes.

I think that while you have a very interesting story it would really help if you showed us how Draco is changing and developing instead of telling us directly. For example instead of saying something like "Draco was embarassed" try "Draco's cheeks burned with shame and his stomach dropped to his feet." Showing your characters reaction helps the reader to connect a bit more and really feel what your character is feeling. It also helps to build a stronger visual.

In regards to editing, I did notice a few typos here and there, but it wasn't anything major or that was detrimental to the story as a whole. Just something to visit if you re-edit this at some point.

Otherwise, good work! I enjoyed this look into Draco's life and how he's changed. I think you have an interesting concept here and I'd love to see you expand it and add more detail.

~Kaitlin

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Review #9, by CassiePotter Eternal Sunshine

11th August 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap!
I thought this story was so fun. I just loved Draco's voice here! I thought you did a really nice job showing how his character turned around after the war, and how he really wasn't an evil person, he was just put in a really hard position.
I could really hear his disbelief coming through when he talked about being poor. Haha.
I really liked the way you described Draco's mother. I always felt really bad for both Draco and Narcissa in the books, because I think they're both just doing what they have to to survive. And then they make it through the war and they lose everything... It makes sense that Narcissa would be depressed after that.
I really liked the way you had Draco change somewhat gradually. He didn't become this great person the second the war ended. He still thought Muggles were beneath him when he went to America, but he got a Muggle job because he had no other choice. I liked that he changed after being forced out of his comfort zone, and that it was something that happened over time.
I thought the end of this was really sweet. I felt so bad that Draco had to be alone on Christmas, so I like that his coworkers reached out to him, and that he got a card from his mother.
This was a really nice one-shot! Thanks for the swap!
Cassie :)

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