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Reading Reviews for shock.
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by looneylizzie Chapter 2

5th February 2016:
Hey Erin!

So, I know that this chapter isn’t for the Name that Fandom Challenge, but I *had* to read the last half of this story. Given how you left the last chapter I was really intrigued to see how you wrote the horror side of things.

Oh my gosh. The description in this entire story is just breathtaking! You paint such a vivid image that really makes me feel like I’m there - hearing and seeing everything that Sirius is experiencing.

He had only heard tales about the icy gaze that would cause bones to break while the fear swallowed all of a person’s breaths until they toppled to the floor, lifeless. He had laughed when they’d told him of the fluid movements that seemed inhuman, the limbs that protruded from the snake-like form, the red eyes that pierced through skin and laid bare one’s soul.

WOW. That is one of the best descriptions of Voldemort I’ve EVER read.

James let out a roar of fury and began to cast a barrage of spells at Voldemort, his eyes blazing. His yells joined Lily's screams, a baritone accentuated by shrill cries, causing goosebumps to erupt over Sirius' skin.

I got goosebumps too! I could almost hear James’ screams combining with Lily’s. And it broke my heart in the process.

HOW DO YOU WRITE SUCH AMAZINGNESS?!?!

And then Lily talking about her friend at the end. Oh man. It’s chilling. I’m left with this empty feeling, which is so jarring after the excitement and joy that I felt at the end of the last chapter. It’s incredible!

Fantastic job my dear! I absolutely loved this story!
Keep writing!
Lizzie

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Review #2, by looneylizzie Chapter 1

5th February 2016:
Hey Erin!

So, I’m FINALLY here to R&R the entries for the Name that Fandom Challenge! Sorry it took so long!

Okay, first of all, I LOVE the concept for this story. I can totally see Sirius getting obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean. And the way you wrote him is sheer perfection. Not only is it funny and a little bit ridiculous (in the best way possible) but it seems completely in character with the Marauder’s as a whole - especially Sirius and Remus.

“Yo ho ho, this candy’s gonna blow and the witches ain’t gon’ be pleased,” sang Padfootstorm, rocking to the tune, while Lily clicked away. “I’ll win me hat and the barmy codgers can go back to the sea..ea..eaa.”

I. AM. DYING.

Seriously, this is so hilarious! I keep busting out laughing every two seconds and scaring the cat!

And I love the way you wrote Sirius’ “pirate speak”. I like that your really went for it - it’s not like some of the stuff Sirius says is *kinda* pirate-y or that certain words or well known pirate-like phrases are used - no, you went all out! It’s all very original but completely matches up with a lot of what we hear in the POTC movies. It’s incredible!

And I have to say, the eyeliner comment really got me. I could totally picture that moment in my head and I love it!

Also, the fact that you wrote this for the Flip Side Fic Challenge really intrigues me - especially since you set up for the horror chapter so perfectly at the end there, and I think the most profound thing about it all is that you have Remus and James agreeing that Sirius will never grow up, but the moment that something serious (no pun intended) starts up, Sirius immediately changes from this juvenile teenager to a full-fledged adult prepared to fight in a war. And you’ve written it so flawlessly as well!

Oh man, this story is incredible, Erin! I’m definitely going to be reading the next chapter soon!

Thanks for entering in my challenge and for your wonderful entry!

Keep writing!
Lizzie

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Review #3, by wolfgirl17 Chapter 2

14th October 2015:
Holy Guacamole that got dark! I was not at all expecting that. I'll admit during the first chapter I was like, erm, this isn't the type of thing I was expecting from the prompt, and then I read chapter two and Bam!

You've seriously shocked me with the twist in this. I loved it. Look at you go, corrupting my innocence and trying to steal my sanity.

Seriously though, for a relatively tough prompt you've done such a fantastic job t giving this a Dark Turn. Such an intriguing piece.

Keep up the great work. You have a true writing gift.

xx-Ellie

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Review #4, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter 2

21st August 2015:
This was hauntingly beautiful.

I really love your descriptions and the way the story flows flawlessly as you write. It was easy to feel the story shift from the previous happy chapter to this more serious and angsty chapter. You didn't skip a beat.

You did an awesome job again with characterization. Especially since you are adding two really tough characters to write, Voldemort and Dumbledore.

The only thing I felt was a little off was when Voldemort called Dumbledore Albus.

Overall, I really enjoyed this and you did a fantastic job!

Keep up the awesome work!

-Jenn

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Review #5, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter 1

21st August 2015:
This is awesome! I love Sirius so what a treat to be able to see him act all goofy and serious as a pirate! I really enjoyed how easy this was to imagine as I read along and I thought you did an excellent job on the way that you characterized everyone. Sirius has never seemed one to back down from a challenge no matter how odd, dangerous or sour it may be! :)

This was great and I look forward to reading on even if I am nervous for the horror side.

Keep up the awesome writing!
-Jenn

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Review #6, by AlexFan Chapter 1

19th August 2015:
This is my first time experiencing Paddfootstorm. I thought the dialogue flowed really well, and the characterizations seemed to be spot on as well. I could definitely see Sirius being intrigued by pirates and maybe taking it to the next level. It kind of breaks that idea of Sirius because this cold and aloof person and shows that dork that was without a doubt in him.

The flow to me seemed fine, I like how each scene ended and how each scene started and you filled in the gap between each scene by explaining what had happened and what Sirius had done. I think the chapter could’ve used more description. Most of the chapter is simply dialogue and I think you could add to that by going into detail about facial expressions that the characters might have had, or gestures that they made, or just describe what was going on around them at the time. It would really help give the reader a clearer idea of what to picture in their head. And especially Sirius’s outfit, Sirius is supposed to look ridiculous but I can’t really picture what he’s wearing at all.

As for the humor, I felt that it flowed really well in some areas of the story, and then in other areas of the story, it felt a little forced. For example, the scene where Sirius is swallowing those sour candies and you describe the look on his face was very natural and amusing because I can imagine the kind of expression he would be making. But the scene where he shows up wearing the pirate costume feels a little forced. It feels like Sirius is trying too hard to be ridiculous and funny. It’s almost like Sirius is forcing himself to be amusing when it sounds like his outfit should’ve been more than enough in providing humor. Now of course, I’m not an expert on humor so take this with a grain of salt.

I hope I was helpful!

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Review #7, by Dojh167 Chapter 2

17th August 2015:
Sam back again!

You did a great job of writing the Dark genre. Your sensory details are very intense and really ground me in the action. I really liked how you contrasted very specific details like the feeling of snow seeping through Sirius’ clothes with Sirius’ deliberate overlooking of the detail of whose body was in front of him. Both of these are very realistic responses to the situation, and the fact that they neighbor each other in the narrative greatly increases the intensity of the writing.

I absolutely loved the phrasing of “It was a dance of death, a contest to the grave.” It created a strangely detached poetic feel that I thought served the scene very well.

I did notice that you use passive voice quite a lot, such as in “Sirius was tackled to the round once again, the wind knocked from his lungs,” which makes the action feel less immediate. I’m not sure if this was a choice specific to this story or if it’s more of a general writing habit.

I don’t know if it was deliberate, but I loved it when Sirius said “thanks mate.” It was such a wonderful and subtle tie in to the pirate theme of the previous chapter.

I also really enjoyed the poetry of the phrase “Patches of red bloomed across the red canvas,” however I find the repetition of the word “red” a little awkward.

Overall, I think that you did a really excellent job with this story. The two genres do a great job of effectively working off of each other, with the comedy and horror making each other more intense in turn, and overall making the story arc feel very realistic. Well done indeed.

Thank you so much for participating in this challenge, and congratulations for taking something on and writing it so quickly!

I will be posting a blog with challenge results soon.

Sam.

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Review #8, by Dojh167 Chapter 1

17th August 2015:
Sam here for the Flip Side Fic challenge (finally).

I have not yet read your other Captain Padfootstorm piece, but based on this, I need to check it out! It is really fun to read, and still seems like something that a young Sirius would believably do.

The thing about reading these challenge entries is that I know that despite the comedy, things are sure to get very, very dark in the second chapter, which makes it a bit nerve-wracking to read. However, the pace and humor of the exchange between the friends in scene 1 was so engaging that I got quickly sucked into it and was laughing along in the moment, although I knew dark things were coming, which speaks volumes to how well you wrote this first chapter.

Also, I couldn’t help but read many of the pirate references as innuendos, for example “Ready to board me ship?” and “his sword and ruddy plank.” Whether or not that was intentional, it certainly does add to the humor.

I would have liked to see a bit more detail in some of these passages. For example, you said that Sirius was making “the most comical expressions,” but I think the writing would be more engaging and funny if you were specific about what these expressions were like. A good ridiculous simile could go a long way here.

In the quote “the Black Pearly sea” I was confused by the capitalization. At first I thought it was a reference to the Black Pearl from PotC, but it also seemed that they were adjectives to describe the sea, so your intention was unclear.

The moment when Sirius beams at James for playing along with him is so sweet, and really touches on what I love about their friendship. And it was also amusing because I could clearly imagine his eyes watering from emotion, but mostly the sweets.

I really liked how you stopped to describe the image of the scene at the end with what each of them were doing. It felt kind of like a last beautiful tableau before things get dark.

Sirius’ response to the ground shaking is such a perfect and distressing transition between the tones of this story. The fact that he takes the sign of something potentially horrible happening as part of his elaborate jest is an apt indicator of his character. But even more so, the fact that when he realizes things really are serious, he can drop his act in an instant and be ready to deal with what he has to. That ending was so hauntingly effective.

I nervously proceed to Part 2!

Sam.

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Review #9, by Roisin Chapter 1

7th August 2015:
Heya! Here with your requested review :)

First off, I really love the idea of Padfootstorm. It's super funny to me that Sirius would create a character like that and stick with it so vehemently. Excellent.

I noticed the sort of theatrical act/scene structure you have, which might account for why this chapter is very dialogue heavy. I sort of think you'd benefit from writing more action and description, because relying on primarily dialogue to tell the story gets a touch confusing at times. And a few brushstrokes of description will help with setting the scene and all.

My other concrit is regarding POV. It's not really clear who you're focusing on here, but I suppose it has to be Remus or Sirius (because James and Lily show up later)? I mean, I don't necessarily think you have to go 3rd person limited here, but fully omniscient narrator is tough to pull off. Try grounding it in one POV more. Also, having it in one POV will probably end up making it even funnier, and will make the non-dialogue stuff easier to write. Whether you have it as Remus or Sirius is up to you, but either could work :)

The ending is definitely a compelling shift, and I'm curious to see what happens and how things take a turn. Definitely re-request for Ch2!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: hi roisin! it's weird how excited i get for your reviews i love getting your feedback on things.

padfootstorm is my baby. i started writing him during the hc and people in my house who read it were urging me to write more of him so i couldn't resist. xD

i've tried to bring in some bits of description here and there. more than it being of the act type, it was difficult because i'm terrible at humor and mostly use it in dialogue. i'll try to fit in some more description. but the second chapter does have a lot of it.

the second chapter focuses on sirius' PoV. like i said, humor is just ugh. i should edit this so thanks for pointing it out!

thanks so much roisin! i'll be re-requesting soon. :)


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Review #10, by alicia and anne Chapter 2

5th August 2015:
NO! Death Eaters :( This is sad! I'm so sad right now :(

And you've made the situation all the more terrifying with your beautifully written descriptions. They add so much to the scene.

Oh no! Poor Lily! :( KILL HIM JAMES!!

YES! DUMBLEDORE! Dumbledore is there to protect them!

I wasn't expecting this dark chapter at all, although the entire time I couldn't help but imagine Sirius fighting in his pirate outfit and in my head there was this small moment when Voldemort was distracted by the strange appearance.

But wow, this chapter! It was so intense and it took me completely by surprise.

Just wow!

You're amazing!

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Review #11, by alicia and anne Chapter 1

5th August 2015:
YES! I AM SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO READ ABOUT CAPTAIN PADFOOTSTORM!

AND IT STARTS WITH THE MOST EPIC FIRST LINE IN THE WORLD!

Oh Captain Padfootstorm! How I love you! *squishes him*

I can't believe that Remus was lax in his charming of the trunk. You should have known better Remus! :P

I LOVE THAT PADFOOTSTORM BRANDISHED HIS WOODEN SWORD AND CUT THROUGH REMUS' THOUGHTS!!

AND LILY IS GIVING HIM EYELINER TIPS!! OMG! I AM DYING! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!

STAMINA! OH GOD! *Dies on floor*

YES!!! YES YES YES YES! A SHANTY! A SEA SHANTY!!! :D

I hope that the witch of the Black Pearly Sea has acknowledged his victory either :O Ahhh! I can't wait to see what caused the explosion!

THIS IS THE BEST GIFT IN THE WORLD! I LOVE THIS AND YOU SO MUCH AND I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! IT'S EVERYTHING I EVER IMAGINED IT TO BE!

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Review #12, by WittyRaven Chapter 1

2nd August 2015:
The sentence by Sirius: “Me hat! He stole me hat! Midgets and hags and trolls and scavengers! Curse the blasted scallywag, bring him down.” set the mood for me. It gave me a good laugh. I could see a young Sirius do that or a young Cap. Jack.
I like your humor and the way you read it into the story through the dialog.

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Review #13, by DaaOne Chapter 2

2nd August 2015:
Hi there ! I am back for more !

I shivered when I realized the death eaters were brought into this ! I think it was only right for death eaters to attack near Hogwarts in the reign of Voldy before he lost his powers.. But for Voldy to be there ! Oh my oh my ! Bad Voldy ! Really bad !

But he's still my favorite though !

I like how this turned out to be. And the darkness of the events and the atmosphere you created even after the encounter ended, the fallen friends.. all of it pierced my poor heart, repeatedly.. It actually reminded me of the Hogwarts' battle! Oh how I cried when I read that, and when I watched the scene in the movie.. And how this made me sad when I read it.. I always wished the poor teenagers didn't go through all of this -but hey we wouldn't have HP then right, or a fandom, or anything.. Just the thought ! now I'm completely confused..-

Okay, enough chatter haha great job Theia !
Doe

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Review #14, by DaaOne Chapter 1

1st August 2015:
Hi Theia ! I saw this on the challenge topic and since I've already read some of your work (and loved it) I thought I'd stop by and spread some love on your newest story !

That's just so like Sirius (as I imagined him, obviously) He's so immature sometimes it makes me laugh. I actually picked up on the Pirate of the Caribbean references, and I couldn't help but picture Sirius in the clothes of Johnny Depp (and as handsome as the latter ! My heart melted) but I still laughed at the thought.. And the exasperated look on Remus' face and James and Lily! Ah Sirius!

I would definitely go check your other stories about Captain Padfootstorm ! I'm intrigued to see what you wrote about him. And I will keep an eye out to see your other side of this story (the horror side obviously !)

I enjoyed reading this :D

Good work
Doe

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