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Reading Reviews for Jarvey
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Slytherin Eagle Jarvey

8th October 2015:
I think the whole tone of the story was very 'Albusy'. You kept his character the same throughout, so that was very good. You also provided a fair bit of backstory for their history with each other.

I liked the interactions between Albus and Scorpius. One thing I did notice: "things" should be "thing's" because the word is a contraction of "thing is".

I'd like to see more from you about these two, I think you write the pairing really well.

Lea

Author's Response: Hey Lea, Thanks for the extremely kind review :) I like the couple a lot. I've written two more stories with them :)

Frankie


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Review #2, by ScorpiusRose17 Jarvey

23rd September 2015:
Hi Frankie!!

I decided that since I am sad, I would come by and read and review some of your stories in order to cheer myself up!

It totally is working! I loved this! I don't normally read Scorbus, but this was awesome! I laughed probably more than was necessary, but it was just too funny! Klaus. :D

I liked how subtle their moment was; it really fit the moment. I thought you did an excellent job with description and really painting a great picture that wasn't hard to believe.

Keep up the great writing!! I look forward to reading more of you work!

-Jenn

Author's Response: Jenn,

You absolutely know how to make my night. I was so excited and humbled by your words that I had to read his review out to my Husb.

I am so sorry that you are sad, but I'm glad my story could bring a smile to your face :)

They are hilarious together and I wanted to write how they aren't always so easily thrown together. They don't click right away and it's not all lovey dovey. I hope I got that across!

Jarvey's are hilarious. You should read up on them in Fantastic Beasts.

But thank you for the kind review

Frankie


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Review #3, by daliha Jarvey

20th September 2015:
After reading this I think I ship them! I loved it, this was very well-balanced. I loved the kiss, the way you described that Albus felt was really well done! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind words and your review!:)

It was written for the Albus/Scorpius challenge and after I wrote them, I started to ship them :)

Frankie


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Review #4, by marauderfan Jarvey

14th August 2015:
Review swap!

I really love the Albus/Scorpius ship so had to read this one :) It was a really interesting read too, I don't think I've ever read a story featuring a Jarvey and gahahah I loved how you worked it into the plot - as I remember reading about them in the Fantastic Beast book Jarveys are just this ferret thing that uses a lot of foul language (lol, magical animals are SO FUNNY. Just visualizing a Jarvey is totally cracking me up XD ) and I loved the different approaches Albus and Scorpius had towards interacting with it - Albus trying to be nice to it, and Scorpius just meeting it where it is and being rude right back to it! Ahaha. The scene was just really charming.

And then the kiss! wow! I'll bet that was so confusing for Albus - and I really liked that it didn't go directly from hate to love - it was like hate to confusion which I think is much more realistic. The ending feels like the beginning of a lot of questioning for Albus and how he's maybe coming to some realisations or maybe just enjoys the experiment - either way I think it fits well for a reaction of a teenager and I'd be interested to see how the experience changes him or what happened because of this moment!

last but not least, I loved Albus' evasive comment to Rose. Haha.

Great fic! :) Thanks for offering reviews ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much :) I am so thankful for these words this fic was hard to write and I was a bit nervous writing it! So I am thankful and glad you took the time to read and review it. So very kind :)

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Review #5, by May Jarvey

6th August 2015:
Good story really enjoyed it

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

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Review #6, by merlins beard Jarvey

6th August 2015:
Hey Frankie,
I'm here with your review for the Addicted to Albus & Scorpius challenge. Molly and I are currently working our way through all the entries, and will post the Results as soon as we're done.

This turned out to be so much more than I expected. I adore the Jarvy and that he can talk but only swear at them. Such cute creatures! So they're 15 years old and experimenting... and there's this moment of tension, and like everything does when you're 15, it feels kind of like sexual tension. and then Scorpius - a guy Albus has hated with a passion for most of his life - just kisses him... must be a very confusing experience. He handles it quite well though.

MAybe he just hasn't had time to really think it through yet. Maybe he'll go to bed that night and won't be able to sleep because he's trying to figure out what this means...

I really love ther whole interaction, it was so much fun to read. I'd love to read a sequel of this - or if you'd like to make this into a Novella or something, go for it, I'd definitely like to read it.

There's one thing you could work on if you feel like it. I almost feel bad for pointing it out because I found this story so greaat, but I like if reviewers point out things because that's the only way I can learn and improve my writing, so I'm going to tell you anyway. There are a few places here where I felt like your sentence structure makes the flow of the story a little uneven. It's only in a few places and it's nothing that really startled me, it's just that I noticed it. Let me see if I can give you an example.

The leader of the bloody pack is Scorpius Malfoy. I hate the prick. He's so bloody arrogant. Dad talks about Malfoy's dad all the time. They were rivals in school. I guess that was passed onto us, because we hate each other.

there are so many really short sentences in here, and they all seem to have a similar message. If you could reword them into one sentence and not have a full stop after each thought, the flow would be smoother. If you want me to clarify anything, feel free to pm me.

I hope you're not discouraged by my CC, and I want to say that this was a really really good story. you guys aren't making the judging an easy job at all. I love the plot you created.

Thank you so much for your entry,

~Anja

Author's Response: Anja,

Thanks for this! I actually love the criticism. I want to be a better writer and I think that helps! And sometimes I have issues with flow- so I will work on that!

They are interesting together withthe pent up angst for being 15 and rivals. It's so juicy.

I was thinking of doing another one shot follow up of this. I'll let you know if I decide to do that!

Thank you for the challenge- I wasn't sure if I was going to get it in but I had a surge of inspiration and I'm glad I got to enter it in:)


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