Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews for The Whole Universe
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by IchigoPan The Whole Universe

16th September 2016:
BvB Review *salutes*!

This was such a whimsical one-shot and a very enjoyable read. The formless hands made me think of the ones from "Full Metal Alchemist" when the Gate opened and Lily's curiosity reminded me of scenes from "My Neighbor Totoro" when Mei was observing the dust spirits and chasing the mini-Totoros.

From this story, Luna's "spirited-awayness" has matured and her keen observation had yet to falter as she became an adult. This especially came in handy when little Lily needed some perspective of the darkness.

My only criticism is just a very minor spelling error (exited= to leave a place; excited = thrilled, animated.)

Keep writing! I look forward to reading your future stories.

-ichigo

Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for the kind review - and for catching the mistake! I changed it immediately :)

I love Miyazaki's movies and I'm happy that it reminded you of Totoro - though I've never read or saw Fullmetal Alchemist (I think I will do now though after I read the wikipedia description, thanks for the tip :D)

--Shinicha


 Report Review

Review #2, by Felpata Lupin The Whole Universe

31st August 2015:
Hello!
So, if I understood right, yesterday was your birthday? Happy belated birthday, then!!!

This was a really sweet story! Lily is just so cute, and Luna has this absolutely adorable motherly side, she's so caring and encouraging!!!

I loved how you started with the game of hide and seek, which set this child-like and familiar atmosphere.

And then there is the cupboard's incident. It is very believable that Lily would panic because of the darkness, but then Luna incites her to change it with her imagination (is it that what happened? I must admit that I was a bit confused... But I didn't really mind, because I was just carried away by the imaginative scenery you built and described so beautifully!!!)

So I don't know if this was a dream, actual magic or something else (you mentioned the Department of Misteries, so I suppose the cupboard could be some sort of... well I don't know what...) but whatever it was, it was wonderful!!!

Great job on this, and I hope you had a great birthday!!!
With love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Hey, thank you so much for the birthday wishes and the review!! :)

Haha, yes, weeell, so what might the cupboard be? What Lily and Luna experienced was without doubt very dream-like, but as you said the cupboard is an object that is supposed to be researched at the department of mysteries, so it does SOMETHING which suggests that it is more than just a dream what happened!

I'm really glad you liked the descriptions! I usually have a hard time with those :D

Again, thanks a lot for this lovely review!!

xx
Shinicha


 Report Review

Review #3, by Shadowkat The Whole Universe

10th August 2015:
Man, I'm so sorry it's taken so long. I read this two days ago when I finally had the chance to sit down for more than five minutes, but for the past two days my brain's been on shutdown mode and won't focus on anything. So, so sorry. It's still acting up, so sorry if this is shorter than what I want it to be.

This really was beautiful and such a creative story. It really did feel like Alice in Wonderland, so you definitely accomplished what you aimed for here.

I love the relationship you developed between these two, and how it only grew throughout the story. It never felt boring, and I thought it seemed a lot like how a child would act. It was great how Lily's fear was able to melt away like this, and watching it happen as she thought of all her other dislikes and opened her mind to those as well.

This really was a great story, and sorry again for the short review. I really wanted it to be longer.

Author's Response: No worries, I hope you found some stress relief!

I'm glad you liked the story, and it's interesting that you see a growing relationship between Luna and Lily. I guess it's there, only I didn't really think about it when I wrote it.

I'm also glad that you thought Lily's actions were child-like, as I was a bit worried about that!

Thanks for R&Ring :)

Shinicha


 Report Review

Review #4, by Gabriella Hunter The Whole Universe

6th August 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by for our swap! I'm sorry that it took a minute, I would have been here sooner but things got out of my control for a minute or two. I'm here now though!

So, I thought that this was pretty adorable. I really like the idea that you came up with here and the underlying message. Lily doesn't have the most confidence from the beginning of this story but by the end, she's far more sure of herself and even taps into a very well-developed part of her magic and imagination.

I'm not sure what you could really complain about! I thought the imagery was beautifully done and I really loved the bond that you developed with Lily and Luna. I got the sense that they were very close, not merely for the hide and seek game but because of how easily Luna was able to understand Lily's fears and hopes. I think that the moments that they shared in the cupboard were wonderfully written and all of the little bits; the stars, Easter eggs, cats and so on, were just delightfully detailed. It really helped give the scenes more depth and I was truly able to sink into a child's mind.

The ending reminded me of Chronicles of Narnia, to be honest and I'm not sure if that was what you were going for but great job! On a CC note, there were a few misspelled words but other than that, you're good!

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! (I hope everything's well in control on your front ;D )

I'm really glad (and relieved) that the imagery and Lily's development came out well. Especially the descriptions I thought might be too artificial. So, it's cool that you feel they gave the story some depth!

I think Luna has this gift of getting into people's head and understanding what's going on :)

For the ending, I didn't really think of the Chronicles of Narnia as I don't know them, but I guess maybe it's intuitive to end an adventure in a not-quite-real-world along these lines ^^

Thanks also for pointing out the misspellings etc. A bunch of mistakes I already corrected (dunno when they will be validated), so I hope I got the ones you noticed!

Thanks for taking the time to R&R!
Shinicha


 Report Review

Review #5, by ScorpiusRose17 The Whole Universe

5th August 2015:
Hi!

I am here with your review! :)

I wanted to start off with saying that this was a really neat and different story. I've never read anything quite like it, but I enjoyed it and its quirkiness.

I think you did a great job characterizing a five year old Lily. And Luna too! Only Luna would support a child in away that would allow their mind to create this sort of alternate universe.

I am not super great with punctuation, but from what I saw and do know, I didn't see anything bothersome.

These are some of the things I did find that either sounded odd because of word choice or you used the wrong form of the word. Really minor stuff, but I will quote the spots I picked up on and offer a change. Please note that these didn't take away from your story at all.

"A sing-sang voice keeps calling for her." - I think you meant a sing-song voice?

"The door creeks. Stupid door!" -In this case you used the word creeks and it should be creaks.

“Maybe she is in the hallway! I think I might just check there!” the Aunt Luna says loudly. - I think you meant her Aunt Luna says loudly?

"The silence is alive and it rustles and creeks to show her its power." - This is the same as the above with the difference between creeks/creaks.

"When her father says a magic word, thinks will fly in his direction." - I think that you meant to use the word things not thinks.

"She has never had much patience with the kaleidoscope her granddad has given her." - I think you meant for the second has in this sentence to be had.

Again, these are all suggestions on what I think you may have meant, but missed. It doesn't take away from the story and I still enjoyed and understood what you were meaning the entire time. I really enjoyed how different this story was and really look forward to reading more of your writing!

I hope this review is helpful to you! :)

-ScorpiusRose17

Author's Response: Hi, thank you so much for reading and for the review! It's super-helpful and I will change everything you suggested. :) :)

 Report Review

Review #6, by CassiePotter The Whole Universe

4th August 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap!
I loved this story! It was so much fun! I thought you captured Luna's personality beautifully, and I loved the way you wrote Lily.
I think the way Lily changes over the course of this story is really wonderful to read. At first, she is afraid of magic, because it's new and different and she doesn't know how to control it. But I loved that Luna is able to show her how amazing magic can be. I thought it was great that she helped Lily understand that she doesn't have to be afraid, so she was able to start creating easter eggs and meadows. That was my favorite part of the story, because Lily's entire imagination was coming to life for her to see. There were no rules, and she could dream up anything she wished and then see it come to life.
I thought this was a really lovely story, and you wrote the imagination of a young child really well.
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Thankss for the review~
I'm really happy you liked it. I was a bit worried about my Luna, so I'm glad she seems plausible!
I also think Lily is quite a smart kid, very suspicious and always questioning things - maybe that seriousness put her off magic before!

Shinicha


 Report Review

Review #7, by AutumnRed The Whole Universe

3rd August 2015:
I love this! It is so beautifully written and imaginative. It ended leaving me curious and enthralled.
If inspiration allows you, I would love to see this continued!

Much Love,
Autumn Red.

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for this surprise review :) I'm glad you liked the story.

I think for now this is only a one-shot, but in my head Lily will always be the same Lily, so if I find the time I will write all the stories of her as a grown-up that I have in my head...

Thanks! xoxo
Shinicha


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login