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Reading Reviews for Runaways
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Milla Despicable Miss Malfoy

9th January 2016:
I don't usually like Sirius/Girl Characters, but you've made it work so brilliantly!! I love Effie and Sirius and their character development, they're my faves. Well done, can't wait for more!!!

Author's Response: thank you darling !!

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Review #2, by maraudergeek The Enchanting Engagement of Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black

8th January 2016:
Aww this was so cute! I'm in love with Sirius and Effie already! This is such a cute story and I love how Effie is afraid to show her emotions except with Sirius :)

Author's Response: thank you so much !! Effie's fab ;)

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Review #3, by maraudergeek The Curious Incident of a Row between James Potter and Lily Evans

7th January 2016:
I love this story so much! I can't wait to keep reading, I just wanted to say how I enjoy your writing style and Effie is a very unique character. Can't wait to see what you have in store next!

Author's Response: this is the first compliment on my style omg tysm!

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Review #4, by Liv Despicable Miss Malfoy

7th January 2016:
Loving it!! Can't wait for more Effie and Sirius!

Author's Response: thank you liv love

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Review #5, by Veila The Noble and Most Ancient Festivity of the Snogging Class

21st October 2015:
One of my favourite chapters so far! I really loved how you split it up in three sections, each with a different person as the main character and how in the end they all came together again:)

Author's Response: Thank you, love! I was really insecure about this chapter at first, and I'm so happy that you like it! Feel free to message me whenever you'd like to talk! Hugs and kisses and cookies :)

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Review #6, by veila The Curious Incident of a Row between James Potter and Lily Evans

10th October 2015:
After just one chapter I can already say that I really like this story. Maybe because Effy reminds me a little bit of myslef, character wise. She seems so collected and stoic and people easily mistake her as coldhearted, but in the inside there is going on a lot more. Plus: I like that fact, that you held back her sirname, as someone else already pointed out. Wouldn't have expected that.
I also enjoyed your version of Lily. I can only imagine how nerve racking it must be to have a roommate, who always complains about the same person, although you know that she likes him. I hope what Effie said will have some effect on her.
Now I'm off reading the next chapter:)

Author's Response: thanks a lot, my lovely cookie! I'd be really glad if you reviewed the following chapters as well, as I'm totally curious about your opinion! I'm really happy you're enjoying my story :)

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Review #7, by Simplicity The Curious Incident of a Row between James Potter and Lily Evans

6th August 2015:
Hello There.

I'm Simplicity... or rather that's my superhero name. My task is to spread a little happiness around the archives, so I've been looking for stories with little or no reviews. And that's how I can upon yours. It's important for me that the review is long ang throughout - that it can show you what I like about your stories, as well as making you see where you have a little room for improvement. But don't worry, it is done with the kindest intentions - I simply want everyone to reach their full potential.

Now, I'll start from the top, but first I just want to say that I believe that you are new to me. I don't think we've met over at the forums, unless you have an account there that I just don't know about. That is possible of course, but either way I'm happy to meet you. If you're not on the forums, I would definitely encourage you to come over there. Everyone's super-friendly and welcome, so you'll surely love it there.

But that was enough talk on my part. Lets get to the review now, shall we?

Now I first want to point out your strenghts as a writer. I particularly like your description of Sirius and Effie, both of whom I could see clearly in my head. I think that's probably the thing you're the best at, description of people I mean. You tell the physical stuff, but fortunately (fortunately cause if you did it would probably be a little bit too much tell and not enough show) you don't explain to us how they are personality wise - you show it indirectly through actions and dialogue.

Which brings me to my next point; Your dialogue. I love your dialogue. It's very easy for a dialogue to seem forced or fake, but it didn't for you. It flowed and it felt really believable, and you managed to fully show the connection/chemistry between all the characters in the way they spoke to each other. That's a very important and good strenght to have - you should just keep doing that the way you are.

Now I did notice a couple things you should - I don't know what words to use - I guess you could say work on. The first one is grammar. Now a lot of the things I noticed in the story were probably typos, and we all have that. Trust me, I have lots of them myself, and I keep finding them in other stories as well. It's very normal. But as an author I love when people point out the typos they find in my stories, because it gives me the chance to fix them. For that reason I'm going to let you know the small mistakes I've found so you can fix them if you want to.

"The scene has had a little audience, but as James Potter was gone, everyone went back to their homework, their game of Gobstones, trading Chocolate Frog Cards or whatever they were up to on a Saturday afternoon in December." - I think you meant "had" and not "has had" as that would not be correct with the verb tense you've chosen for the story. This is just a simple typo, though, and very easy to fix if you want to.

Now this is not a typo, but rather an observation. I notice you capitalise "Common Room", which I found a little strange. It isn't necissarily wrong, it depends on whether or not there was a purpose behind it. If there was a purpose, then ignore this. If not - and this of course my personal opinion, so feel free to to disregard it - I'd write "common room" instead of "Common Room" as that looks better to me at least. But again, there might be a purpose for it.

Another thing I noticed was this one; Is that so? Then what do you think I feel about bloody James Potter?, the redhead snapped. You don't need the comma after the question mark. I think this was just a typo, and I totally understand that. Like I said before, I have lots of typos in my fics myself, which is why I appreciate it when people point them out to me so I can fix it.

But over to the last one, which is not a grammar mistake, but rather something you could possibly make a little bit clearer. This sentence: "Effie sighed. Its Lilys... dont you want to go after him? sounded a bit strange to me. The reason is that you first refer to Lily, and then suddenly you mention a "him", which to me looked like it was a typo (I know it wasn't). I'd maybe break it up, so that Effie looks in the direction James went off, before saying the last part. Or she could say "James" instead of "him", just to make it the switch clear - that she's not talking about Lily anymore.

Now other than that I think this is good. I like that you didn't reveal her whole name right away, because it made it more surprising. And I think it's very interesting that she's a Malfoy. And Lucius sister. I wonder what happened to her (she's not mentioned in the books after all, so something must've happened, right?). Hm.. I'm thinking Voldemort played a part there. It'll be interesting to see.

I also love that Effie isn't actually friendliest of girls. She's kind of nasty at times, reminds me a little of how Sirius is usually portrayed in fanfics about the marauders, but you know she's got a good heart and good intentions underneath it. But yeah, she's not the nicest girl, and it's an interesting twist - following it from the perspective of someone who's not perfect and nice. So I really like that.

Lily does overreact a little in the end, but then I feel like you are just trying to show us a different side to Lily Evans, one where she's not all perfect, pretty, smart and nice. She is those things, of course, but she's also a bit of drama queen... or at least someone who overreacts. And she can be a little mean and hotheaded. An yeah... it was definitely a new side to her that I've never seen before, and it was really refreshing to see.

But enough from me. Hope you liked the review as much as I enjoyed reading the story. Thank you for writing and sharing it. I hope you keep writing, and I'll try to keep an eye out for new stuff from you. But I can't promise anything. I'll defnitely try, though.

May your day be as wonderful as your writing

Love

Simplicity

Author's Response: Wow, thanks a lot! I'm speechless, actually, that you've taken the time to read my story so carefully, and that you've written this wonderful review. It encourages me to go on in writing as I'm sometimes a little insecure whether I'm good or not. And thanks for your held with my grammar, I'm not a native speaker, so I don't notice most of the things I'm doing wrong!
You've got everything about my characters right - wow - and I can tell you for sure that all of them are having another side you'll be surprised to see, and I hope I can work everything out properly.
Thanks, dear, lots of love and cookies for you!


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Review #8, by harryronhermione The Curious Incident of a Row between James Potter and Lily Evans

2nd August 2015:
Good so far, looking forward to more.

Author's Response: Thanks, dear! Currently updating the latest chapter! Keep on reading and reviewing, I hope you'll enjoy it !

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