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Reading Reviews for October 31st
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Frankie05 October 31st

9th August 2015:
Hey Jenn,

I decided to pop by for a quick pick me up review. Plus I was curious to see your writing!

This story is so beautifully sad. I always know how these stories will end and even still, it gets me. It's not fair, that James and Lily had to die so young.

The beginning was wonderfully described, the Potters had an everyday day, breakfast, laughter, Prophet. Harry was stinking adorable, laughing the whole time, having so much fun with his parents.

Your writing is so poetic. The talk of the clouds mirroring the thoughts of the people within wrecked me.

I'm curious what went through the Potters head when they realized that it was Voldemort at the door. Clearly they were surprised but I'm curious if they were thinking of "how?"

Incorporating the use of canon into this story was so heartbreaking. I think it was very beautiful. Great job.

I hope this brightens your day. Your story made mine (even though the ending was what I expected)

Frankie

Author's Response: Hi Frankie!

I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for this review! It really brightened my day following the horrific one I had yesterday.

I really wanted to show how normal they were and how they interacted with one another. I wanted to make them real. So I am glad that it came across.

I don't know if there was even time for them to think of how, but it does pose a great question! How would definitely be something to contemplate. Did it run through James' mind that Peter and Sirius or even Remus could possibly be dead if Voldemort was showing up here?

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful compliments and for reading/reviewing this story! I am so glad that it made your day even though it is sad.

-Jenn


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Review #2, by tangledconstellations October 31st

28th July 2015:
Hi! Popping over with your requested review from the forums!

Oh - why did you have to totally go and break my heart like this? :( Seeing the Potters do such mundane things like cooking, chatting, reading...it made their attack all the more unexpected and I feel like for once we've been able to see this through their eyes. This one-shot was most effective in that their attack did feel as though it had come out of the blue. Here, there is no hint of the chaos that is going on between the Marauders, of Peter betraying them, of Voldemort making his way to their house. That makes it all the more scary - that they are in this bubble that smells like roasted pumpkin seeds and it *seems* safe, they feel happy - but they just have no idea. This was a really powerful one-shot and I really enjoyed reading this - even if my heart feels as though it is in a million pieces now!

In your areas of concern you mentioned that punctuation might be something that I would pick up on, but to be honest I couldn't actually find anything that needed changing. As one continuous piece, this flowed well in terms of the writing and there wasn't anything individual that I thought needed to be mentioned. Thematically, I like that that you have the contrast of the innocent and the mundane against the chaos of Voldemort bursting into their house. It makes this moment feel real - not something we just hear about from other characters. Saying that though, one thing that I did think to mention though was that in my opinion you could really amplify this feeling of sudden intrusion and of the panic the Potters would feel. One way in which you could do this would be to include a lot more description of what Lily James and Harry are doing during the day, to really lull the reader into a calm, soothed sort of feeling. Perhaps you could describe the sound of the wind outside, or the particular expression on Harry's face - little things that might allow the reader to feel as though they are in the room with the Potter family and are a part of this very still, quiet feeling. It would mean that having Voldemort suddenly burst in would affect the reader a lot more and make them feel less of an observer in this one-shot. I hope that made sense, but it's just a suggestion :)

One aspect I really liked was the way you described James playing with Harry and also Lily. It was just so fun and so charming - and seeing Harry happy was lovely. Oh! - actually that reminds me - at one point I remember you accidentally wrote 'Happy' instead of 'Harry': 'Happy babbled happily in his chair enjoying his pancakes.' It wasn't particularly jarring, but thought you might want to know :) But yes - seeing Harry giggling and James and Lily trying to wait away their time was sort of comforting to see. We were able to see them as a family, not just a disjointed idea from the books, and for me it was really quite rewarding.

I enjoyed this one-shot a lot, despite it being so sad! Thanks for sharing on my review thread, and I hoped this review was okay! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!! I am really glad that you liked this One-shot!!

Your review is perfect!! I needed that insight to tell me if I was hitting the emotions correctly or the suggestions for things that could be added or changed! I will definitely change the Happy to Harry... *facepalm* I cannot believe I did that! :) And I also plan on giving more description and adding in the parts you suggested about the wind and the expressions to make them seem more 3d than 2d if that makes sense!

Thank you so much again!!
-Jenn


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Review #3, by May October 31st

23rd July 2015:
I loved it as I read about there day it was as if I was there

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you enjoyed it! :)

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