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Reading Reviews for The Journal of Adrian Fawley
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NPE Prologue

14th November 2015:
On the whole, I have liked what I have read so far, but you referred to wanting feedback, and its pretty hard sometimes for first time writers to get there work out to be seen. So here I go.

Based on the prologue, the story does enough to keep me reading, but I think the narrator could add some flair to his conversation with the reader.

As in, this guy, confessing or at least revealing his past, sort of lacks any obvious identity. When you bring him into a story early like this and break the fourth wall, he needs to have some identity in his mannerisms. His observations, his words, how he speaks, have to pull you in. It is difficult just to rely on the past of a character in the hope of making him interesting.

All I got from this was that he had interesting friends.

His past is revealed in a provoking way though.

I think some of the reveals about his life when you write "Let me tell you" are a little too obviously "sign-posty".

As in they are too obviously there to trigger an emotion.

However, I do really like the idea of it. It is way better than anoy of my first attempts at writing, and there is an unusual confidence in it.

The structure of the prologue is pretty smart.

Haven't read the rest yet, but definitely keep ploughing on.

Also, admittedly the first chapter of my story on here is about 13,000 words long, so maybe I am not the best to talk to about literary quality.

Nonetheless, from what I saw, it has potential.

Author's Response: thank you so much for taking the time to write a review. I really appreciate it specially as it is the first and I'm nearing the end of the story. This isn't my first story but it is my first written in this way and I did find it very difficult to write a) from a guys point of view (I don't know many guys who keep journals) and b) just from this point of view. I don't know if I'll ever do another in this way but it was fun experimenting.

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