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Reading Reviews for Stories Untold
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LadyL8 Chapter 1

18th December 2015:
Hello Erin and Joey.

Iím sorry for taking so long to leave your next review. Iíve had the worst three months of my life. My exam was moved forward, I got sick, my father was hospitalized and had to go through three operations and now Iím sick again. But better late than never, right?

Okay, so Iíll be reviewing this story after the categories from my judging point system. Iíve added a couple new ones, but the point is for me to show what I think about the different parts of the story. If this review should get too long, Iíll PM you the rest in a group message. I doubt it will come to that, cause none of the other challenge reviews have been that long, but Iím just telling you know in case I find a lot to comment on or just end up rambling too much.

So first of all, Iíll comment on creativity/the idea. I really like the idea. I was hoping someone would do the marauders, because they are after all one of the more famous friendships in the series. Not to mention the fact that their friendship suffers more blow than most friendships does, and Iím really looking forward to seeing how you solve that. I love the marauders, so for me this is just my type of story. And it definitely fits with the idea of the challenge, which was to show the importance of other bonds than romantic ones. I love that you choose a canon friendship. It makes you stand out a lot, cause most of the other entries have one of several OC characters. Thereís nothing wrong with that of course, but itís refreshing to see something else as well. So I really like the idea! :)

The first paragraph is amazing. It really sets a scene, and at the same time introduces us - or more like re-introduces us, because we already know him - to Sirius. You get a sense of his personality right away, and you easily understand at what time in their lives this story takes place. You have some really good description there, and you just capture my attention right away. This is just the perfect way to start a story. It really makes me want to continue reading to find out how itíll all turn out.

I think youíve done the characters justice. They are so believable, and I think thatís really difficult when it comes to the marauders. Theyíre just very hard to get right, but youíve done them so well. I like that you can practically feel the tension between them, especially between Sirius and Remus. And itís just to believable that Sirius is refusing to give up on earning their/his forgiveness. Everything is just done in such an amazing way, and I really loved how you so subtly showed the different personalities and their role in the group (thereís always role, whether one likes it or not). So definitely a high score there.

I donít have anything to say about the genre, dialogue or grammar, but that doesnít surprise me because I know youíre both amazing writers. So itíll all come down to my opinion of the story as a whole, and I can tell you I definitely like it. I think youíre characterisation is a strong point in the story. It makes the dialogue better, as well as the making the whole story seem very believable. I could probably point out that the chapter is a bit dialogue-heavy, but I don't think it's necissarily a bad thing. And the ending does what itís suppose to do; it makes us feel as disappointed and sad as Sirius and the rest of the guys. Theyíre finally appearing to be moving past this stupid (and dangerous) prank that Sirius pulled, but then Remus destroys the hope altogether. And it really makes me want to read more, because it just feels wrong that theyíre not as close as theyíre suppose to be.

So I really liked this story. Thank you for participating in the challenge, and thank you for writing this story. I hope you continue to write it, even though the challenge is now over. Also, I hope you have a very merry Christmas and happy new year!

Lots of Love

Lotte

PS: The results should be up this weekend :)

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Review #2, by cherry_pop94 Chapter 1

23rd July 2015:
Hello Erin! I'm here for the review you requested.

I think this is a really interesting beginning! I'm glad you're showing that the Marauders weren't always best friends all the time. Remus has always been so scared and ashamed of his affliction that it makes perfect sense that he'd be angry with Sirius for putting Snape in danger, even if Sirius believes that nothing would have happened in the end.

You've captured the personalities of the Marauders well also. James is still trying to lighten things up, Peter just wants to be involved, and Remus is sensitive and hurt. Sirius's characterization is particularly interesting. I say that because, at this point, I'm not totally sure I like him. At the beginning, he says that the others are overreacting and that just rubbed me the wrong way. It's a brilliant characterization and sort of plays up that arrogance that Sirius has.

I feel like Remus is more upset that Sirius would hate Snape THAT much and that he'd betray the secret for petty revenge. Remus has every right to be furious at Sirius, I think, and it'll be interesting to see how Sirius moves beyond this 'wah, why is everyone angry' phase that he seems to be in right now.

One thing about this chapter that I'd point out is that it's quite dialogue heavy. While that can work well sometimes, it's harder with a first chapter since we don't really know the characters yet. I find it hard to read dialogue without knowing more about who they are as people - because then I can easily imagine the tone in which they'd say certain things.

Still, this was a really lovely chapter and I'm intrigued to know where you and Joey will take this!

Stefanie

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