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Reading Reviews for Light as air
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ileana Benson 7. Lily

14th January 2016:
I like this story. what happened to Lisa? did she get taken to St. Mungos?

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Review #2, by LadyL8 1. Lisa

9th August 2015:
Hi There.

I'm Lotte. I've been trying to find and review stories with few reviews, and that's how I came upon this story. But I've actually had it on my reading list for a while now, and the reason is that I strongly relate to the fic alreay before reading it. You see, I've been fighting an eating disorder since I was in elementary school, but not the kind that are most talked about; anorexia and bulimia. I actually have another one, that basically means that I don't feel hunger the same way others do. I can go a day without eating, simply because I don't feel hungry at all. They had a name for it, but I can't remember it.

But enough about me. I wanted to read this story cause eating disorder is eating disorder, and - like I said - I figured I'd be able to relate to it. So I was excited (I feel like that is the wrong word, considering what the story is about) to read this story, and see Lisa battle her disorder. And I liked (which again sounds so wrong) it.

Before I start commenting on the story I just have to say one thing - I'm a lot better in grammar than this review will indicate. For some reason my grammar sucks in reviews, but is good in everything else. I just keep making so many mistakes in my reviews, and I only notice them when I've already posted and no longer can edit them. I hope you can forgive and try to overlook them all. I promise I really am better than it might seem like I am from this review.

I love that you start before she's developed an disorder. It'll probably end up being a great contrast to her after the disorder, really showing the power of words. Lisa is feeling good about herself - or at least not hating herself - until Cho and Roger starts talking. And then that really gives her a different perspective of herself, makes her think she's not skinny enough. And that's sad, of course, really sad, but very believable... unfortunately.

Now, I like your description. I guess the only thing I kind of miss is more emotion... the repeat of Cho's words does show us a little bit what effect they had on her, but I think maybe it would be good if you showed it even more. Does she feel pang of pain in her chest at the words? Does she feel nauseous just looking at food, cause it reminds her of Cho's words about her being fat? Is she scared Chelsea will find out that she's not eating? And what about her brother; is she worried he'll find out?

Things like that. You already show it a little, but I think it would be great if you could show it even more.

I don't have anything to say about your grammar. I actually think it's really good, but I'm not a native English speaker either (Norwegian, actually). I also think it flows well, and that it's well-structured. So good job on all of those things; I'm impressed really. Especially considering it's your first story - everyone always hates their first story, for some reason. But you don't have a reason to hate this one, cause it's good if you ask me.

So this is definitely not a bad start. I'm excited to see where you'll take it, and if her friends and family will notice something's going on with her. Which by the way reminds me, I did not see it coming that she was Harry's brother. I was actually thinking she was Lisa Turpin, a known Ravenclaw girl in Harry's year, but definitely not his sister. So you surprised me there (I did not read the summary well enough apparently)

Now, I'll come back soon and review more. Hope you enjoyed this review, and thanks for sharing the story. You and the story really have lots of potential, so I'm excited to see where you'll take it from here.

I guess my only concern would be the summary. It's not bad, it's just formatted a little strangely. I'd advice you to head over to the forums, check the Flourish and Blotts - Fundamentals, and then the lesson on summaries. It's really helpful, but if you still feel lost, you can always create an account on the forums and ask for help in the story summary thread. Or you can ask for CC reviews.

But yeah, this is very good for a first story. Lots of potential here. Can't wait to see where it'll go.

Hugs

Lotte

Author's Response: Hi Lotte!
Thank you for your review! It was really helpful and I think that have a few really good points. I think you're right that I should have elaborated on Lisa's emotions more, because in the end eating disorders are mental health disorders, so emotions, feelings an thoughts do play an important role.
Thanks for the tip about my summary! I will definitely try to improve it ;)
Again, thank you for writing a review! It was really helpful!
Eleanorr


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Review #3, by AussieLottie 3. Lisa

19th July 2015:
Gah! Ik kan toch niet wachten! Hopelijk komt een nieuwe hoofdstuk snel uit! Het is een goed idee, maar ik moet het wel zeggen dat in het begin was ik een beetje zenuwachtig om het te lezen omdat het een ongemakkelijk onderwerp is... Jij heeft het heel hoef geschrift- ik kan niet geloven dat Engels niet jouw eerst taal is!

10/10 (fantastisch begin)!!!
~AussieLottie

Author's Response: Wauw! Dank je! En wat leuk dat je in het Nederlands schrijft!
Bedankt voor je review! Honestly, it made my day!


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