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Reading Reviews for Bad Blood
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DracoFerret11 (don't) forgive and forget

11th August 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the BvB! So, let's go over things:

Great Lines: I don't include this section unless something really struck me, and you had a line that did! I loved when Lily said, "my silence does not mean yes, my silence does not mean that I forgive you." That's so fantastic and strong-willed and awesome. I loved it.

Grammar/Spelling: Something I noticed in here was that you use a lot of unnecessary commas where you should use periods. You have tons of run-on sentences for this reason. Maybe getting a beta who really understands comma usage could help! As the story reads right now, it's a little bit distracting. But it's an easy fix too!

Plot & Characterization: I seriously cannot STAND Snape, so this story was great for me. I loved how strong Lily was and how she stood up for herself. She's totally right to say she doesn't deserve the way he treats her, and she isn't responsible for teaching him how to be a good person. I loved that. I also think you did a great job throughout her speech of showing just WHY she had finally reached the breaking point. The examples of awful things Snape did really helped solidify her decision to stop being his friend.

Emotions: I think Lily's anger was really well written. I wish I could have seen more of Snape's disappointment and frustration, though. I didn't get many facial expressions throughout this to really make their feelings concrete. I think seeing things more would have helped. Which leads me to...

Descriptions: I would have loved to be able to really experience this story more. If there were more details about how things looked, sounded, felt, smelled, etc., I would have felt more like I was IN the story, rather than just reading about it.

Style: I totally loved the choice you made to switch from "Severus" to "Snape" after Lily told him she wasn't going to be his friend anymore. Really strong writing in that. :)

Overall, I liked this! I think it's a reasonable explanation for how they would have stopped being friends, and I think you wrote the scene well. Good job!

--Emily || August BvB, Team Bronze

Author's Response: I was pretty proud of that line as well myself, so many people assume that just because someone doesn't say no that it must mean yes and that's just not the case.

Commas will forever be the death of me, and you're right I definitely need to start getting things beta'd again before I post them.

High five, I can't stand Snape either, which is really what inspired this one-shot, I got very angry at him one day and I decided to write this. Lily deserved so much better than Snape and when she finally realised that she deserved better it made me so happy. I of course had to make some things up because canon didn't provide enough details about the horrible things that he had done.

I'll definitely go back one day and work on the descriptions, I find that I never find enough, there's always one area that I forget to focus on which always ends up needing more work so thank you for pointing that out as well.

I think you're the only person who noticed the switch from Severus to Snape, I was waiting for someone to point it out and finally someone did! I felt like calling him Snape would've been Lily's way of really ending things between them and showing that they were nothing more than just schoolmates.

Thank you so much for the great review!


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Review #2, by Aphoride (don't) forgive and forget

6th August 2015:
Hey there, dropping by for the BvB fest! :D I'm always a sucker for Snape and Lily friendship fics, especially ones revolving around how complicated and difficult it must have been - and yeah, the imbalance running all the way through it - so I had to stop by! :)

I really, really love this. I don't know much Taylor Swift, but I love that quote and it's so perfect for this story - and for the argument and the point Lily's trying to get Snape to see, and which he just keeps on missing.

I love the way you've characterised both Lily and Snape - there's this strength about Lily which I love, and a sense of fairness and generosity and general kindness in how she wants to still be friends with him, she almost doesn't like that she's having to let him go and get rid of him, almost, but she knows it sort of has to happen. It's so so lovely as characterisation, and so in keeping with what we learn of her character in the books, too. At the same time, she's so believable as a teenager, with her impatience and her temper coming out when he keeps failing to get it and just assumes he knows what she thinks, and completely misunderstands the whole problem.

Your Snape is so great, too. I love how he's so oblivious to the reality of the situation - the true depths of what his actions are doing and causing, and keeping on insisting on excusing it - and how he assumes that it's something to do with Potter. I always thought his turning things back to James was a bit obsessive in the books, and you've just highlighted that here. He almost doesn't think that it's because she doesn't want to talk to him, but that she likes James more - there's this beautiful, creepy sense of a very twisted sense of competition about Snape, especially with James, and it's so so good - it comes across so well in your writing!

The way you've portrayed their friendship and its end here is just amazing. I love so much how she feels such a sense of imbalance in their friendship - and there kind of was some of that in the books too, now I think on it... with him never listening to her about his friends, like you say, but always pressing about James and everything... even when there (quite possibly) wasn't anything at all there. There's something so clinging about it, and so stifling almost, like they're both trying to told on to the memory of the children they were... I dunno, it seems so unhealthy though when you write it - and I love that about it, because it is, in a way. I loved, too, how you had her on one side, being so fair and trying to do the right thing and struggling to see ways to make it work - but willing to try for so long - and him on the other side who just doesn't seem to see there's any issue, and on the times he does, it's only ever about the small, minutiae of the detail, never the full picture. It's kinda sad, because it's a friendship coming to an end, but at the same time, there's this definite sense of it's for the best through it - that it'll be better for Lily, and perhaps she knew it had to end.

You know, it's strange, I've always found their relationship so fascinating so I've thought about it quite a lot, but you've given me so much more to think about it in this, so thank you for that! :)

This is a great one-shot - I really loved reading it, and I'm so glad I did! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm so sorry for taking so long to respond but I'm getting to this now.

All I kept thinking about when listening to this song was how much it related to Snape and Lily. I felt like it summed up their entire friendship to be honest with you. I feel like as much as Lily wanted to go on being friends with him, even she knew that there was a point where she had to put her foot down and demand better. I feel like Lily is willing to be friends with anyone as long as they can work with her and she tried as much as she could with Snape but he just wasn't getting what she was trying to tell him.

Lily's forgiven Snape for so many things in the past that he probably just assumes that she's going to forgive him once again because in his eyes calling her a Mudblood is not the worst thing he's done and he doesn't understand that it's a much bigger deal to Lily than he thinks it is. And so when she doesn't forgive him for what he's done it's like he doesn't understand WHY she's not willing to forgive him, or why being called a Mudblood is such a big deal so he makes the obvious assumption that it must have something to do with James.

I cannot express how happy it makes me to hear that you liked their characterization.

Lily probably knew that she should've ended their relationship sooner because she knew that her morals were not the same as Snape's but probably kept making excuses to not break it off with him. He was after all the one that brought her into the Wizarding World so it was very difficult for her to cut off someone that had had such a big impact on her life.

Thank you so much for this great review I really, really appreciate it!


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Review #3, by Beeezie (don't) forgive and forget

30th July 2015:
Hey, I'm here for the BvB review fest! I meant to review when I stopped by to read this a few weeks ago, but I must have gotten distracted. I'm glad I remembered to come back, because I love this story.

I'm not a Snape fan. I don't like Snape - I think he's pretty much a jerk, and that his being a selfish bad friend dates back much further than actually calling Lily a Mudblood. The way you approached the aftermath of that incident here lines up pretty perfectly with my own headcanon for what happened that day; I found it completely and totally believable.

Your handling of Lily's emotions throughout the one-shot was wonderful - you gave them the full scope and complexity that I think the situation warranted. Her wanting to avoid people because she (probably accurately) thought that they'd say "I told you so" was perfect, and her processing that it had hurt even though he did call everyone else that - as well as really thinking about what that meant - rang so true to me.

But it wasn't easy for her to let go, and as much as I really dislike Snape, I liked that, too. They'd been friends for years, and he'd been her first glimpse into the wizarding world - that's hard to let go of, particularly since everything we know about Lily from canon paints her as a kind, empathetic sort of person. Both of those things working together would definitely make her want to forgive him for the slip up.

It seemed pretty clear, though, that Lily's take was right - Snape wasn't sorry enough to not keep making the same mistakes. He was more sorry that he'd gotten caught out at them. It was so gratifying to see Lily call him out on it.

Amazing job.

Author's Response: I'M SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO RESPOND TO REVIEWS BUT LET ME START OFF BY SAYING THANK YOU FOR LEAVING THIS FOR ME!

First off, it's made my day to hear that you loved this story. I'm not a Snape fan either to be honest with you, Lily tried to warn him plenty of times that what his friends were doing went beyond being bullies and he simply ignored her warnings. Everyone has their limits and I think being called a Mudblood was the straw that broke the camel's back.

And there was the fact too it was embarrassing that after so many years of friendship, everyone witnessed Snape pretty much spitting all over what they went through together. Everyone warned Lily it was going to happen, just like she warned Snape that his friends were doing evil things.

Of course it would've been hard to let her go. Cutting out people in your life who are toxic is easier said than done, especially when you have to see that person every day for an entire year, and if you've gone through difficult times together.

Thank you so much for leaving this review!


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Review #4, by maskedmuggle (don't) forgive and forget

17th July 2015:
Hey!

This was such a sad moment for Snape/Lily, but I thought you did a really great job writing it. We've heard of this scene so many times and I thought you wrote it very realistically here. I thought you did an awesome job with Snape and Lily's characterisation, as well as the dialogue. I thought it was especially extremely accurate how Lily just had a whole heap to say and was just ranting a lot. I felt her emotions and feelings portrayed here were very Lily - as in, this was done very believably and in line with what we know of canon Lily.

I thought the references to Bad Blood here also do work well. I really like that song and I agree it does indeed fit in well with Lily/Snape. Feedback wise, the whole story here did feel very very similar to the canon version of this in the events, so I feel like there's room to provide more insight or a new light on the situation, perhaps add something new.. As in, there's a bit of space for you to make this a tiny bit more unique and creative. This is very dialogue heavy - perhaps more descriptions of their faces, gestures, emotions coming through? This is a bit vague (sorry!) but I hope you kinda get what I'm saying. Anyway, having said that, I did really enjoy this and you did a fabulous job writing this scene!

- Charlotte

Author's Response: Its been like three months and I feel bad for only getting to this now but I've been out of the fanfiction world for quite a while now and I've only felt the pull to come back in to do anything fic related only now so here I am, late.

I've been wanting to write something about how dysfunctional and unhealthy Snape and Lily's friendship was so I'm glad to hear that I wrote it realistically. We all have a lot of things that we probably want to tell our friends but hold in because we don't want to start a fight or create problems and especially in Lily's situation she would've most certainly withheld some strong opinions that she had on Snape's friends because she felt it wasn't her place to tell him who he could and couldn't hang out with. And of course it always makes my day to hear that my canon characters weren't too OOC.

I've been away from this for a very long time and I very much agree that I could improve it in certain areas and I have no doubt that when I do go back to edit this I'll add in more description and maybe even come up with something to make it more creative, there's nothing like taking a break from something to show you the flaws in it once you come back.

Thank you so much for your helpful criticism and review!


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