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Reading Reviews for clipped wings
  
88 Reviews Found

Review #1, by quill2parchment the meeting (part three).

24th May 2017:
So I read this story all in one go a little past midnight last night, and I literally just couldn't stop reading. You are such, such an amazing writer, and if I waited until this morning to leave a review, it was only so that I could write my compliments fully awake lol

I found you as I was going through the list of nominations for FROGS, and I'm so freaking glad that I did because you're writing is just brilliant.

Hepzibah's is probably one of my new favorite fanfic characters. Her heartbreak was my heartbreak, and there were so many times when I wanted to cry with her (and for her).

I think you capture the agony that teenage love can be to a perfection! She is a young, innocent girl falling in love for the first time, far too quickly and far too trustingly, and it's a type of love that haunts her for the rest of her life. (Her story reminds me of Fantine from Les Miserables which is one my favorite tragic heroes).

So obviously the plot is perfection, but how you manage so much with such few words - because *every* single chapter was seriously epic on its own - and the fact that you managed it all through second person is mind blowing to me.

All of your characters come alive! Hepzibah, obviously. Edmund is such a well developed villain, but I feel like even Hepzibah's mother felt very real to me, and there was something about Isaac that made me fall in love with him even though he came only towards the end.

"And the reality is that you are desperate to escape your prison, and Isaac dangles the keys in his outstretched hand." I loved this line. You say so much in such few words! You writing is honestly my goal in life lol

And your conclusion was the perfect amount of sweetness and realism. I'm so glad she was able to find closure, that Isaac was by her side when she did, and that Sacharissa was doing so well even though she never found out the truth (and props for finding a way to tying it cannon).

Alright I'll end up ranting now. Just know you have a new fan in me. I look forward to going through more of your work later on!

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Review #2, by Marshal/scooterbug8515 the meeting.

4th April 2017:
My word! Your attention to detail astounding. The images you paint are so perfect and beautiful. The whole scene and world was so clearly painted before me! Beautiful, simply beautiful.

Not only have you created such a vivid image that plays and dances in my mind, you did a lovely job making me feel the heart beating and the excitement coursing through the body at the idea of such a fun dance and being chosen by a young man who may show interest. It wasn't just a matter of you opting to tell his story in second person - the feelings would have been the same if written in first person maybe less so in third but still the word choices here were marvelous to put the right feel to the story.

Now for small confession time, when you described Edmund prince my mind may have envisioned Luke Evans he's not always my first pick in attractiveness but he was what came to my mind. (I can't see the banner if you had a different face picked out)

Still this was a lovely start to what I am sure will be a rather enjoyable fiction, making the last line all the more fitting as so the story begins. I love that double play there intentional or not.

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Review #3, by adluvshp the meeting.

4th April 2017:
Here for Slytherin.

This was indeed very interesting and serves well as a first chapter as i'm quite intrigued as to how the story shapes up to be. It sets up the plot of the story well, we know it's about Hepzibah and Edmund, and possibly their developing relationship, and the woman coming off age. Your descriptions are absolutely on point as they convey the emotion and characterisation expertly. The entire thing has an old-school feel and I felt transported back into the century this story is set in with the way you have described the ballroom, the outfits, the dance, and the whole notion of wedding at that time. Hepzibah's eagerness to please, to be picked for marriage, the mix of her nervousness and excitement, it all comes through beautifully through the narrative. Even the subtle sentiments of being elite or pureblood come through without being direct, such as how she doesn't want to let her family down.

The short length is enough to intrigue and to nudge me towards the next chapter, while the writing style pulls me in and makes me want to read more. I also really liked your use of phrases and metaphors such as "flock of ravens" and "as though butterflies have emerged from their cocoons" and so on. They really add color to the writing. Overall, this is a splendid start to the story and i would love to continue reading! Great work!

10/10
Angie

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Review #4, by TidalDragon the meeting (part three).

13th May 2016:
This was a delightful conclusion Sian! I did NOT make the connection (#fandomfail), but I think you handled this ending in just the right way. It's tempting after all Hepzibah endured, after all the time she's waiting for this reunion, after letting her find herself and her measure of happiness in the world, to go full bore and have a powerful, mother-daughter love-fest reunion, but I think this was much more honest and realistic. And I actually really liked that I think Hepzibah showcased her strength once more in NOT hugging her (and scaring her in the process) or getting all teary or closing off Isaac from it, but letting it become what it becomes. Leaving it on that note I think was a great choice and I will leave you on this note: This was a truly AMAZING piece for which you should be wholly commended! I could blather on and on, but I will sadly have to leave you with that inadequate praise.

Thanks so much for sharing this story with us!

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Review #5, by TidalDragon the escape.

13th May 2016:
Clipped wings ARE still wings! I love the characterizations in this chapter. There's this very heavy realism still with Hepzibah, and how slow she is to accept love after everything, how slow she is to truly trust. And there's also this cold idea of settling that evolves, beautifully in a way, into the lesson that perhaps the person you're meant to be with isn't everything you dreamed of. That dreams are just that when it comes to idealizing a partner or romance anyway and that happiness is to be found with REAL people through REAL effort, especially when they're broken.

I also like the idea of Isaac stepping up for Hepzibah - I only hope that her trust is genuine and that she allows him to help her in her quest to reunite with Saccharissa.

To the final chapter!

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Review #6, by TidalDragon the heartbreak.

13th May 2016:
As painful as the emotions Hepzibah is experiencing in this chapter are, I am encouraged to see this fight in her. Though she has been through so much, this chapter really shows how strong she still is.

I realize my reviews over the last three chapters may not have been that helpful as they've been more reactionary, but I think this chapter underscored for me one of the things I really like about how you've written Hepzibah - battered, but not quite broken. It's taken a real talent too to keep this part of her consistent throughout the story I think and to show us what type of person she is as she undergoes such tumult, but even as you have her endure these experiences, these trials, you maintain this clear voice for her and this definitive thread of powerful, determined emotion that lies at her core going through it all.

I'm looking forward to reading the conclusion in the next couple of chapters and even though I probably shouldn't - am hoping for the best. Clipped wings are still wings right?

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Review #7, by TidalDragon the goodbye.

13th May 2016:
I might have known. MAN these are some straight up terrible people, Sian. I cannot even imagine having someone, especially someone who's supposed to love me and support me, taking my son away by force and saying: "We need you to make us look good again. Someone else can do better with him." My true thoughts cannot be expressed in this space.

All that said, I think it feels in character for Hepzibah's parents and even for the era. Appearance is everything and forget about the consequences to ANYONE as long as they get what they want. To me it's an especially reprehensible form of cruelty.

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Review #8, by TidalDragon the meeting (part two).

12th May 2016:
Quite an interesting finish to this chapter with the mother who originally seemed so supportive upon hearing Hepzibah's cry cast against such words as "dread" and the dreaded question in a manner which seems to put things more in her hands than perhaps they should be.

I admire Hokey for her assistance in this situation and really throughout and perhaps its a commentary on the majority of the characters in this story and their motivations that the house elf comes across as the most "human" thus far (aside from Hepzibah herself). Empathy, friendship, support - all things you'd hope to find in other people and its an incredibly dark place to find yourself if you can't do so. I don't know that we'll get anymore of Edmund (hopefully not), but as I typed that last line it actually cast my thoughts back to Chapter 4 and made me realize more than I did at the time just how messed up a person he is - inviting her there just to publicly destroy her - TWISTED and indeed villainous as Hepzibah describes. And returning to last chapter (I think) I also realized that I did forget to mention the slight feeling that the sentence toward the end with the em-dash ran a bit long, not a big detractor obviously, but just a thought.

Time to see what comes next in what seems to be the wizarding world's quest to crush her very soul :(

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Review #9, by TidalDragon the quickening.

12th May 2016:
Wow. You're really laying it on this poor girl aren't you? I honestly did not see this part of the story coming (well, until I saw the title of this chapter :p) as I thought we might next see some justifiable wallowing and despair before she was forced to endure some great, external, fate-based horror to come and seal her fate rather than the consequence of their time together.

Still, it enhances the story and will continue to I expect given the era. An opportunity to explore the true cruelty of how women were often used and left behind in the era of courtship and how their former suitors were often not held accountable while they were judged by a harsher standard, and often, lost as a result. Of course, it still happens now, but I don't know that it would be as possible for the other party to escape sharing the scorn and there would at least be, in many cultures, social retribution against the man for not taking responsibility.

Poor Hepzibah...what will befall her (and now her baby) next...

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Review #10, by TidalDragon the rejection.

12th May 2016:
Ouch. Guys at that age can be an awful sort can't they? I do hope we'll see in full what led to this turn of events throughout the story, though in some way I imagine it's possible you'll deprive us of that. There is so much pain to be explored in the heartbreak, and so little of that pain can be fully plumbed if any element of closure is given. My suspicions at this point are for a combination of the trophy response (by which I mean that which we've already "won", we no longer desire so deeply - a cruel way to act, but a fundamental truth for some who prefer the chase), poisonous whispers, and someone's loose lips about what happened in Chapter 3.

The transition though, I have to pause to honor. I think the way you went from burning and yearning to cold was masterful in its abruptness because it wonderfully underscored the brutality of it all.

On to Chapter 5!

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Review #11, by TidalDragon the fall.

12th May 2016:
Ahh. Perhaps society? It was one I certainly considered given the restrictive overtones of the early chapters, but again, you leave us waiting, uncertain. There remain other possibilities.

There is a near-universality in this experience as well which I think you draw upon nicely, making the story accessible to all readers. Who HASN'T, whether in reality or in the recesses of their own mind, wanted to slip away as Edmund and Hepzibah, young and free and consumed by passion? Who hasn't bristled at the things life throws in the way of what feels like our truest connection?

I fear what comes next for Hepzibah, but if nothing else, I'm sure you'll write it well. ;)

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Review #12, by TidalDragon the passion.

12th May 2016:
Hmm Sian. Knowing what I feel I know of the title, I could almost pre-emptively strike at you for setting this up so brilliantly only to knock it down like some fantastic, intricate, yet ultimately doomed domino design.

But that would, alas, detract from the opportunity to praise you for the set-up. Again I think you capture the emotions so well here. Though we like to focus on the differences between the genders, there would certainly be a universality of understanding (for those who have already experienced it) of the early days of first love.

Still, you plant seeds well that make us wonder not WHETHER it will end, but already HOW and WHY. Will it be the gossip - lies, backstabbing, and treachery created by the jealous eyes she mostly ignores and certainly doesn't protect herself against? Is there something more sinister in Edmund's dancing with the other girls - something Hepzibah blinds herself to in the way that only love can force one to? Is it a flaw in fate's design? Some pattern of destiny that will conspire to keep them apart and destroy Hepzibah in the process? Or is it the realization of everything she's dreaming of in this moment that will in fact destroy her, possibly coupled with something darker lurking beneath the picture-perfect veneer belonging to her suitor? I can't decide yet, but you've got me intrigued to find out.

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Review #13, by TidalDragon the meeting.

12th May 2016:
Howdy Sian! I've finally arrived to review this story, not in a timely fashion, but owing to my renewed commitment to R&R-ing, spurred on by the Golden Paw voting. It seems it has all come full circle now, doesn't it?

Indulgent and irrelevant commentary aside, though I've obviously never lived it, I got a strong sense that this is EXACTLY the type of thing wizarding families would've engaged in during this era and EXACTLY the way one of the young women (is it wrong to say victims?) who were part of it must've felt on the occasion.

How did you achieve this? By your exceptional feathering of brilliant descriptions into Hepzibah's emotions and internal thought. When it comes to that, making that balance and flow so effortless, I honestly don't know if I've read someone who does it better because despite your ability to turn it on in all your stories, it never feels as if it's coming across exactly the same from different characters so you're also coupling it with this great command of differentiating voice.

Truly an excellent intro - such impact with so few words (again). R&R goal or no, I feel I would have no choice but to keep reading.

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Review #14, by patronus_charm the meeting (part three).

25th March 2016:


Aw, this was a lovely lovely ending! ♥ Iím so glad that my prediction wasnít proved correct as this was a much nicer ending. I really really loved Isaac as he was so sweet with the way he was just this steady thing for Hepzibah to lean and that he didnít care what she went through but that he would always be there for. It was just so lovely!

Sacharissa was so cute!! Iím glad that they got to meet each other again, even if she didnít realise Hepzibah was her mother as that must give Hepzibah so much closure in her life that she isnít entirely cut off from her daughter. It was sweet to see that she had a family with Isaac too and was able to show Edmund that he hadnít caused the end of her life but that she went on to have a life probably far happier than his.

Ooh, I didnít pick up on that, but I liked how you tied Sacharissa into canon as I think those things are always really cool. I really enjoyed reading this story and congratulations on making each chapter 500 words as I know that isnít always an easy task.

I canít wait to get back into Jigsaw now! :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Isaac is actually just a really good, lovely person, and I think he's pretty perfect for Hepzibah - he loves her to pieces, and he never imagined he'd get a chance at happiness and love, so the two of them work well together. I couldn't not have him accepting her past.

Sacharissa was difficult to write because I'm really not great at writing child characters, but it was so lovely to write this moment between Hepzibah and her daughter, so that she got the closure that she really deserved.

I don't think anyone actually picked up on the connection with Sacharissa, but I can't say I blame them because I think she only appears on chocolate frog cards and I had to trawl canon info to find her, but I really wanted to tie her into canon more firmly, even if it was only a tiny detail.

Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews on these chapters and this story, I really appreciate it! ♥


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Review #15, by patronus_charm the escape.

25th March 2016:
Hello! ♥

Yay for Hepzibah getting some sort of respite!! Iím so glad that this chapter came along as this girl was really due a smile, though I do wonder how long this happiness would last for. I love the sound of Isaac as he sounds so sweet, caring and loyal Ė exactly what she needs after having her heart broken and trampled on.

I really liked how you described their relationship because it isnít this exciting passion every girl dreams of, but Hepzibah has been through so much she just learns to appreciate the little bit of happiness coming her way. They seem like a perfect match in a way, and it was sweet to see how she gradually grew to trust and like him.

Iím excited to see how this concludes, though Iím little worried Isaacís going to find out about Hepzibahís past and be not so happy with it. Fingers crossed it all works out!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! ♥

I really have been awful to poor Hepzibah, haven't I? You're right, she was due some good luck after all that I've put her through, and Isaac is pretty sweet, even if I say so myself.

I picture Isaac kind of as the Colonel Brandon to Hepzibah's Marianne, if that makes sense? He's not at all what she imagined, but she's already had the chance at being with the man of her dreams and it hasn't worked very well for her. As for Isaac finding out about Hepzibah's past and his reaction to it - well, you'll see in the next chapter :P

Thank you for coming back to review the rest of this story!


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Review #16, by patronus_charm the heartbreak.

25th March 2016:
(Iím maybe coming back, Iím not sure, but I thought I would finish reviewing this and then get onto Jigsaw and see what happens)

But hey Sian!! ♥

ĎHow can you mourn for one still living?í

Ah, that line was so powerful and heart-breaking and just conveyed everything Hepzibah is going through right now. Poor, poor Hepzibah, just everything is too much for her right now and your description was so point with it. From her thoughts, her appearance, just this grief and sadness seeped into everything and I just wanted to hug her until everything was ok again.

There were so many levels of pain in this chapter too if that makes sense. Like Hepzibah tried to rationalise by comparing it to her grandparents death, but the loss of a child could not compare to that in any way. Then there were the more hidden ones with Honoria having a child and losing her parents in the process. It was just so sad and too much for her :(

The last line was perfect with the hints of hope as I really hope she can find a way to be with her daughter again!

(I canít remember how to review, but hopefully Iíll manage some more detailed ones as I work my way through)

Your writing is amazing and beautiful as always, I canít wait to read on! :D

-Kiana

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Review #17, by MuggleMaybe the meeting.

5th March 2016:
Still for the Review-A-Thon, of course ;)

Hello Sian!
For your final prize review, I wanted to check out something else by you, just for fun. (Although I very much hope to get back to Jigsaw soon!)

This was so beautiful. Your prose is absolutely sparkling. I mean, that first line - WOW! You capture feeling of the scene so elegantly, and the whole moment feels glamorous and so /alive/ somehow. I think the present tense contributes to that, but it's mostly word choice. I can tell you put thought into this piece and it really, really shows.

I have to admit that I'm not very familiar with pre-maruaders era stories or characters, so I had a little bit of difficulty fitting this together in my mind - but that's entirely my fault, not yours. I assume Edward is meant to be related to Snape, and Hepzibeth to Ernie - interesting!

That last line - "And so it begins." CLASSIC, and so beautiful! Like a fairy tale. I can see how this qualified for the Romanticism challenge.

This is lovely. I think I might need to come straight back here once I finish the other prize reviews. You're a brilliant writer, Sian!!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hi again, Renee! Ah, it's so lovely of you to leave all these reviews in the first place, so I'm never going to complain about you choosing this :P

*flails* Thank you so much! This story was a real challenge for me - I've written one-shots for the every word counts challenge before, but trying to draw that out over a longer period and tell an actual story was more difficult. I really wanted to get the sense of period across and one of the best ways I could think to do that was with the description, so I'm so happy that you liked the word choice and the way the scene feels!

Hepzibah Smith is only seen very briefly in canon (I have a tendency to write VERY minor characters) but we see her as the old lady who shows Tom Riddle Hufflepuff's cup and Slytherin's locket. You're right that I imagine her related to Ernie (and possibly Zacharias) and that Edmund is related to Snape, though.

I'm really glad you liked the last line! I wasn't sure about it at first but other things I played with didn't work quite as well, and I'm pleased you thought it fit with the feel of the chapter and the Romanticism challenge.

Thank you again for all these wonderful reviews, my love!


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Review #18, by Dojh167 the meeting (part three).

4th March 2016:
For the HPFF Review-A-Thon

Agh, this chapter! The beginning is so wonderful and peaceful, it gave me chills and almost made me cry! After all that Hepzibah has endured, it rally makes her ultimate happiness mean so much more.

I really like the suggestion that Hepzibah had not really known herself, and yet she had still ended up in the perfect place for herself despite it all. I'm also glad that she shared her secret with Isaac. I don't think she could be truly happy with him otherwise.

Oh wait, scratch that. I thought that this was describing Hepzibah and Isaac's home, but it is Sacharissa's? Aghj, feelings!

The emotion you've written here for Hepzibah is absolutely perfect, and I feel it all.

I like that you've given Hepzibah and Isaac two children of their own. It gives Hepzibah a chance to have what she lost. At the same time, the way you refer to them as "Isaac's" really speaks to the fact that Hepzibah's heart is still with Sacharissa.

I find it really precious that she asks if they're muggles. It's such a wonderfully child-like thing to ask, capturing her sense of blunt curiosity and lack of awareness that muggles wouldn't know if they were mugggles.

This is such a beautiful ending to the story. Of course, I had many more questions. I wanted to know what led them to finally seek Sacharissa out after all this time, and of course what happened next. But the minimalist style of these short chapters is part of what made it shine so much, and I wouldn't want you to change that.

I hadn't made that connection about Sacharissa! Thanks for the author's note!

This story was a lot of fun (but mostly feelings) to read. I'm glad to have found it =)

Sam.

Author's Response: Hello again, you wonderful person!

Is it bad that I'm actually kind of happy that it nearly made you cry? :P

I've really put Hepzibah through a lot in this story, haven't I? I really wanted her to come through it though, and to show her strength through the suffering, so that now she has a chance at happiness. Isaac is so far from the man she thought she'd end up marrying, but he's actually perfect for her - I kind of see him as the Colonel Brandon to her Marianne, if that makes sense :P

I think it's mentioned in canon that Hepzibah's family/children can't wait to get their hands on her Hufflepuff heirlooms :P But I feel like Hepzibah deserved the chance of a family and happiness again, too - though she certainly will never forget Sacharissa (as we see here).

Writing Sacharissa meeting her mother for the first time was so hard but so fun! Obviously she has no comprehension of how momentous the occasion actually is, or that Hepzibah's her mother, so it was nice to play with that and try and show her innocence here.

I'm glad that you think that the length of chapters worked - I did worry that it wouldn't be enough, and that I'd miss out too much in the story, but it's reassuring that you feel like the style worked here - hopefully you can fill in some of the gaps yourself. And I'm not surprised that you hadn't made the connection with Sacharissa - she's such a minor character - but I wanted to link it back to canon there.

I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this and thank you so much for all your continued love and support for this little story! ♥


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Review #19, by Dojh167 the escape.

4th March 2016:
For the HPFF Review-A-Thon

I haven't checked back on this story for a wile, and I am thrilled (and a little sad) to see that it's now completed. Okay, two more chapters of intense feelings to go...

After everything that Hepzibah has been through, it is wonderful that she has two years of happiness here. I am not totally convinced that everything will end well, but she deserves those two years (okay, maybe not happiness, but not-unhappiness?"). I'm actually not sure if we've met Isaac before. I didn't see him in the last chapter, but it's been a long time since I've read anything before that.

I like that you brought back the wings of a dove metaphor.

I like how you mentioned the jeers after Hepzibah's wedding. They are very different than the kind of taunts she would have received for her disgrace, but there is still a sense of connection there.

Despite the general lighter tone of this chapter with the courtship and the wedding, I am glad that you didn't use it to negate Hepzibah's past and continued suffering.

I love "The living leave ghosts as well."

Nice chapter - I'm off to read the final one!

Sam.

Author's Response: Sam!

I'm so glad that you wanted to come back to read the ending of this story - even if it did sadden you that it's now complete (I'm taking that as a good thing, though?)

We haven't met Isaac before - I had him in mind from the start of the story but given the short length of the chapters, I didn't get the chance to introduce him before. But I really wanted Hepzibah to have some happiness and a chance at a fresh start, though she'll never forget her daughter, of course.

It was a hard balance to try and manage the sadness and suffering with the chance for a happier future; I imagined that some people would not easily forget what's happened with her and Edmund, and I wanted to show that, too.

I'm glad you like that line too!

Sian :)


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Review #20, by mymischiefmanaged the passion.

9th January 2016:
Hi Sian! Back again reviewing for team gold :)

This is another lovely chapter. At the moment I adore Edmund even though I'm pretty sure something's going to go wrong and he might not be all he seems. But right now he's lovely and Hepzibah's reaction to him is adorable.

Again, your imagery and descriptive passages are gorgeous. My favourite line this time is : "He danced with you four times that night, the other girls tracking your movements with eyes half-green with envy, and since then he has burst into every part of your life". Also love the "thorny tongues" of gossips.

The short chapters are so effective for this story. It's like we're getting little glimpses into Hepzibah's life that I guess will eventually piece together to tell her story.

I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this story next. Your chapter titles are looking pretty ominous so I have a feeling this might be the last time we see Hepzibah this hopeful and innocent.

This is another lovely lovely chapter Sian.

Lots of love,

Emma x

Author's Response: Hi Emma!

Ah, it's so nice to see you back and continuing with this story :)

As for Edmund, well I can't really say much about him in the future, but he is rather lovely right now, isn't he? Hepzibah is falling very quickly for him.

I'm so pleased you like the description and imagery! I think for me it really takes the right kind of story for me to be able to use description like I want to, but it worked here I think? I'm really pleased you like those images, though!

I don't know what originally prompted me to do the short chapters for this story. Part of it was definitely because I've done the Every Word Counts challenge a couple of times now, but I've never written an extended version of it and I wanted to challenge myself with it, but I'm glad that it works here.

I should probably warn you that this was written for the angst challenge and I love writing angst, so it might be better not to expect everything to go well... that, however, is all I'm prepared to say :P

Thank you so much for another lovely review - I really appreciate you taking the time to show this story some love!


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Review #21, by mymischiefmanaged the meeting.

2nd January 2016:
Ooo I'm so excited about this story. It's gorgeous so far, and so clever and original. Does Hepzibah grow up to be Hepzibah Smith?

I'm never completely sure about second person stories - sometimes I think it's hard to maintain the flow in second person - but it definitely definitely works here. I think the fact you've included Hepzibah's name makes it work. Like somebody's speaking to Hepzibah, rather than necessarily to the reader. You pull it off beautifully.

You have a lot of really stunning imagery going on here .i like the birds - the men as ravens and Hepzibah as a swan. And my absolute favourite line is the one about the violins - 'taut violin strings being caressed into life' - it's lovely.

I'm really intrigued to see where you take this story and look forward to reading on. The chapter's short but pacy and I think you fit in just the right amount of plot. It's a really impressive opening that introduces your characters and era without giving too much away.

Tiny thing - I think you have a small typo: 'your own brother is one of the number' should potentially be 'your own brother is one of their number'?

This is an all round fab first chapter. I'm definitely keen to keep reading :)

GvR Review Battle, Team Gold

Emma xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Ah, thank you so much - not many people choose to read this story and I'm really glad you picked it and that you liked it!

Second person is actually one of my favourite narrative voices - I was never certain of it till I started using it, but I do agree that it has to be done the right way... I'm just glad you think that it worked here. I really wanted the story to kind of talk to Hepzibah, like someone looking back to her and reminding her of her life. I'm really pleased you thought it was beautiful ♥

The imagery and description was something I really wanted to focus on in this story; it's the sort of story that I really think it fits, and I'm so happy you like it!

This whole story is actually pretty short, so the pacing and flow is something I worry about, especially balancing it with plot. Each chapter here is exactly 500 words (according to MS Word). I'm glad that you think there was enough plot here and the chapter held enough of interest for a first chapter.

I don't think it was a typo, but it does make a lot more sense than what I wrote the first time, so thank you for pointing that out! :P

Thank you for a lovely review!


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Review #22, by TreacleTart the meeting (part three).

1st December 2015:
Hey Sian!

Thought I'd drop in and leave you a little Christmas gift for the gift tag in the common room. As soon as I got to your AP, I knew I had to come read this.

I was so happy and truthfully relieved to see Hepzibah find some peace in her life. It seems that her husband truly is a good, compassionate man who wants to really care for her. I was happy to see that she'd chosen to share her secret with him and that he'd accepted it. That truly speaks to the type of person he is considering that everyone else has shunned her for it.

I absolutely loved the meeting between Sacharissa and Hepzibah. It was so sweet and innocent and truly moving. I could almost feel Hepzibah shaking underneath her steely resolve. I could tell that this moment was something that she'd been wishing for for a very long time.

I do find it sad that Sacharissa was so distraught by her looks that she started using beauty potions, but I suppose the fact that she grew up in such a happy lovely home makes me feel content and I'm sure made Hepzibah feel better.

This was my absolute favorite line.

If you had truly known yourself, Hepzibah, this is the sort of home you would have wished for.

As always, beautifully written. This story really was moving, touching, and heartbreaking. You did a good job of balancing all of the complex emotions she's feeling through out.

Great job! And Happy Holidays!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hello again! And thank you for stopping by to leave me a gift!

Yay, I'm so glad that you're happy for Hepzibah! After all she's been through I honestly feel like she deserved a happy ending, and from the glimpse of her that we get in the books, I think it's clear that she lived a lot of her life in comfort and reasonable happiness, so I wanted to tie this story into canon more and show her growing towards that life.

Isaac is a really good man - he's older and he loves her a lot, and in my head canon he'd actually heard all those rumours before he even started properly courting Hepzibah, and still wanted to marry her. He's someone that she really deserves, and I like the way that he serves as such a foil for the dark 'Prince' Edmund from the start of the story.

It was so difficult to write the meeting between Sacharissa and Hepzibah! I only had 500 words for the actual chapter and I could have gushed on for ages, but I'm so pleased to hear that you still found it moving and sweet in spite of how short it was! The meeting was something she'd dreamed of from the day that her daughter was torn from her arms and it meant everything to her.

It is really sad that Sacharissa started using beauty potions to improve her appearance - and believe me, I could go on a whole rant about that (but I won't :P) - but I wanted to tie this story doubly into canon with minor characters from the Potter universe and Sacharissa worked far too well for me not to use her.

Thank you so much for this wonderful review, your lovely words about my writing, and for being so supportive and sweet of this story! It means so much ♥


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Review #23, by TreacleTart the escape.

21st November 2015:
HPFF Twitter Flash Challenge

Hey Sian!

I was skimming through the new short stories and was super excited when I saw that you'd posted a new chapter. I'm sure I've told you at least three times how much I love this story (even if it breaks my heart), so I had to come and read.

I was really happy to see Hepzibah get some modicum of peace here. Life has been hard to her for the past few years, so it was a relief that the man she ended up marrying treats her much better than anyone else. It's clear that he loves her based on his actions and his patience. In my opinion, this is exactly the type of person she needs to start healing a bit.

Of course, I don't think that this man can replace the memory of her child. I imagine that at some point, Hepzibah will want to know how her child turned out, so I do wonder if she'll ever track her down and if so, what will happen.

I'm glad that at the end, she starts to remember how to trust. What happened to her was awful and I can understand why it took so long, but this man seems worth the effort. I hope that she continues to regain her strength and that maybe she does learn to love the person she'll be spending her life with.

And I've made it through a chapter of this story without tears or anxiety. It was nice to see a few moments of happiness.

Good work as always. I could write paragraphs about how beautifully your words flow, but I think you already know I'm a fan.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hey Kaitlin!

First, I have to say thank you so much for stopping by to review this - it really means a lot, since I know a lot of people stopped reading once the house cup was over. I'm so happy you like the story enough to keep reading! :)

Hepzibah has had a really difficult time in her life over recent years (I'm an evil author, aren't I?) but I did think that she deserved to finally get some peace and meet someone who would take care of her and had honest intentions. You're right that Isaac is exactly the sort of person she needs to start healing a little.

Hepzibah's never going to forget her child; and you might be right about wanting to know how Sacharissa turned out :P

I honestly think that learning how to trust again when someone has betrayed that trust can be one of the hardest things people have to do in life. I really wanted to give Hepzibah a second chance, and for her to slowly heal - on her own terms, rather than because someone is telling her what to do.

I'm really pleased you liked this chapter and it wasn't as difficult for you to read as others have been! Thank you again for a wonderful review!


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Review #24, by Dojh167 the heartbreak.

17th September 2015:
Back!

Yes, more angst. Because obviously.

I think you're missing a word here: "she is sickened your gloomy face"

The fact hat her father ignores/essentially disowns her makes me so angry. If that was going to be your reaction anyway LET HER KEEP THE BABY

Wow. Mommy dearest really thinks Hepzibah will be jealous of Honoria? My goodness.

Favorite words:
"The shining sapphire of your eyes"
" You look at her through a film of shadow, see for the first time the black glint in her eyes and the cruel lines around her mouth"
"It lies inside the cage of your chest"

Essentially, your writing is amazing and beautiful. But it can't maybe make me not feel like the world is being ripped apart? No? Ah well.

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi again, Sam!

Um... sorry? Have I said that too many times now? Things get better soon, I promise!

I am indeed missing a word there - thanks for that! I'll go and fix it now :)

Her parents are... ugh. So unfeeling, and unfortunately to them she's more a source of shame and embarrassment than anything else, and they're just hoping that they can still make a marriage for her that won't disgrace the family entirely.

Ah, thank you so much! ♥ And I know that I've said this a few times in these responses, but it really means a lot that you're taking the time to follow this story and show it some love and support even once the HC is over. Thank you! ♥


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Review #25, by Dojh167 the goodbye.

17th September 2015:
This chapter is so breathakingly beautiful.

Your opening descriptions of Sacharissa are amazing, and really capture Hepzibah's emotional state. Her awe over her child and her inevitable melancholy seem opposing in nature, and yet you weave them together so seamlessly.

I really love Hepzibah's counter to "Nobody will have you now."

And of course they have to go and ruin that.

Do they really think that taking the child away will save her in society's eyes? Is the damage not already so badly done that she still has a chance?

I absolutely love the poignant simplicity of "Why would you give her up for that?" In another's eyes, or even Hepizibah's in another time, her reputation would be the most important part of her, and this really shows what a huge effect Sacharissa has had on her worldview.

It makes me sad that she does not fight for her child more. The kiss and goodbye seems so simple and almost passive. I know that there's probably nothing she could do to keep them from taking the child, but it still makes me sad.

Beautful chapter, as always! I'm glad there's anotehr posted!

Sam.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! ♥

I'm so happy that you liked the descriptions in this chapter! I tried really hard with them - not just in this chapter but in this story overall - it wasn't always easy with such short chapters but it was really fun to try and work on them.

Sacharissa has completely changed Hepzibah's worldview and she's become so much stronger and more loving because of her - it might be that which saves her in the end. But her parents don't see that - Hepzibah has been hidden away and there are plenty of rumours about her and what's happened to her but none of them are proven yet and they hope that, at least without her having a child there, they might find another option for her marriage, which is really all they care about.

Thank you so much for this fantastic review!


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