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Reading Reviews for Not One Line
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragon Don't You Dare

26th March 2016:
Howdy Lizzie! I'm doing some additional reading for the Golden Paw noms and stopped off on this one - something told me it would be awesome - and I wasn't disappointed.

I'll say at the outset that I'm normally very "meh" about Scorpius and Rose, but you infused so much power into it with the gravity of the end of the relationship and the death of their child. Rather than make their experience feel like the typical love-hate or fairytale romance or Romeo & Juliet angle this was real and raw and powerful.

The descriptions at the beginning and then particularly the end made for great set-up and then a shattering impact at the conclusion. That image is one that absolutely sticks with you well beyond stopping reading. Exceptionally done.

Author's Response: Kevin!!

Gah! Thank you! And not just for the review, but for nominating this story for the Golden Paws! It really means a lot to me!

I've found that this story was less about Rose and Scorpius and more about the fact that they are just two parents dealing with the loss of a child. All of the other details didn't matter - the focus was their relationship and what losing Vivian did to it, and I'm quite proud of how that turned out. :)

I've been told the descriptions I used were too unoriginal and cliche'd, but getting a review like this definitely makes me think that's not the case. :P

Thank you so much for leaving such a wonderful review, Kevin! You're fantastic!
Lizzie


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Review #2, by Jayna Don't You Dare

2nd September 2015:
*Grabs offered tissue box, runs away and sobs uncontrollably for an hour* HOW COULD YOU??? I'm not a particular ScoRose shipper (I mean, I like it, but it isn't one of my OTP's), but this was just cruel. Wonderfully, terribly cruel.

Anyway, I just have to see this was just wonderful and I loved it. It was written really well, and I loved how it wasn't quite clear what was up with the graveyard and such until the very end. I love the second person PoV and even though it's a difficult PoV, I could really feel their anguish and how not only were they aching from losing a child, but from losing each other as well.

The quotes were splendid and the line where Scorpius says "Not one line. Don't you dare." was easily my favorite part. I also really loved all the descriptions you included in this piece. When Rose went back to the graveyard I literally got goosebumps. Not even kidding.

Overall, this was a really enjoyable piece even though it was super tragic. I loved everything about it and I am very excited to take a look at some of your ScoRose stuff when I get a chance.

-Jayna

Author's Response: Jayna!!

*Dodges thrown tissue box* I know! I know! I'm a horrible person for doing this to ScoRose. If it helps, I sobbed like a baby when I wrote this.

I'm glad you liked the second person POV and the extra mystery it added. That was certainly both extremely fun and extremely difficult to write, so it's nice to know it paid off!!

The quotes are easily my favorite parts too! For some reason I've found that using quotes like that really helps me write.

Anyway, I'm so glad that you liked this story!! It's definitely one of my favorites of those I've written so far.

Thanks for stopping by and R&R'ing!
Lizzie


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Review #3, by Pixileanin Don't You Dare

11th August 2015:
Hi there! I'm finally here for the review I promised you from the 24 hour writing extraveganza... I have no idea how to spell that, so we will just pretend I did it right, okay? Okay. Whew.

I had a hard time choosing which story to do a review for on your page. Ah well. That just means that I'll have to come back again and again until I've read it all!

Oh goodness, look how many challenges it's for! That's epic greatness right there, combining all those challenges, and the best thing was that it didn't READ like it was made for all those challenges. The quotes were used seamlessly, like they BELONGED where you put them. I LOVE it when the story is made for those quotes and they just flow like you made it up for that particular moment. Awesome use of quotes!

Also, I wanted to go through and read more entries for the angst challenge because I entered that one too. Congrats on placing! There were SO MANY of those entries, so to get a place is really special. Let me tell you, there were bucketloads of angst in this thing. The second person worked so very well for this, setting the mood, keeping it mysterious, but not annoyingly so... giving the right mood... the right horribly painful mood for this.

I can absolutely feel the anguish from both of these characters. Having lost a child, they must have been in a horrific place, and then to be so lost that they even lost each other... it's unfathomable. You expressed the anguish so vividly that it just hurt to read this. And that's the way it should feel, because you want us to get it, real down deep. Ouch.

I haven't read your other stories, as I said before, so I wasn't sure which Malfoys these were, but in the end, it didn't matter. Just knowing they were Malfoys and that they couldn't help each other heal from their daughter's death was enough for me. It was an all-encompassing story of need and desperation and longing and full blown angst. I can see why you made the list.

So much angst!

Pix

Author's Response: Pix!
So sorry it took me forever and a half to finally get around to responding to this!

Oh I do hope you come back! I would love to hear your opinion on some of my other stories!

Awe! Thank you! It's amazing really, that it worked for so many challenges. I certainly didn't intend for it to be that way, but as I was writing things just came together so well that it just made sense to enter it in each challenge. And the quotes... Oh man, I LIVE for working quotes into stories like I did here. Half the time my writing is composed of a few lines I come up with when I think about the story and then I just fill in everything else as I go!

Angst is definitely hard for me to write, and I've certainly got to be in the right mood to write it - which I certainly was feeling while writing this! I'm glad you like it though, it makes it all worth it.

Yes, poor Rose and Scorpius. I felt horrible putting them through this, but it had to be done. I can't imagine what I do if I were in their shoes.

The connection to my other stories really isn't important for this one. It's funny, because I was trying so hard not to give away too much about the characters until the end so that it didn't spoil it for anyone who's read my other stories that it ended up becoming this mysterious thing - where the reveal of their identities didn't end up being all that important. Although I do think the mystery of who the characters are adds to the rawness of their pain...

Thank you so much for R&R'ing, Pix!
Lizzie


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Review #4, by MargaretLane Don't You Dare

7th August 2015:
A story that placed in an angst challenge has to catch my attention.

Hmm, the beginning is intriguing. I'm left wondering who's speaking, who they are looking for and whose grave they are likely to be at.

I like the fact he forgave her in order to move on, but is not willing to get back with her. It's more nuanced than "I forgive you and everything is OK" or "I hate you and will never forgive you."

I'm still not sure exactly what happened though. I'm intrigued by the implication that a death drove them apart.

Oh, it's their child who died. And she was so young. I can easily understand why that would drive them apart. It seems like she needed time to herself to grieve while he needed a supportive relationship and he saw her as pulling away/not caring, while his reaction probably put pressure on her. It would be nice if they could come to some sort of understanding of each other and find a way to grieve that allowed them to remain together while giving them both what they needed, but it seems like that wasn't possible.

Author's Response: Margaret!

You're back! YAY! I love getting reviews from you! They're awesome!

I have to say, writing from 2nd person for this story was a lot of fun. It turned out much better than I thought it would, and I totally fell in love with writing in 2nd person.

Ah, yes - I truly believe that forgiving someone doesn't necessarily resolve the conflict between two people. Because this is a situation where everything WON'T be okay, but Scorpius NEEDS to forgive her in order to move on with his life. Holding onto that anger would've made things worse for himself in the long run, and I'd imagine he wouldn't want to be stuck in that headspace for the rest of his life.

So, yeah, I wanted it to be much more complex than 'forgive and forget' or 'I will never forgive you'. Real life just doesn't work that way.

I've always figured that the death of a child would have a major impact (obviously) on the parents - but it could go several different ways. While some couples are able to work through it together, others just can't seem to make it work, even if they have the best of intentions. I've seen this happen in real life, and let me tell you, it sucks.

Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing Margaret! You're amazing!
Lizzie


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Review #5, by Infinityx Don't You Dare

29th July 2015:
lizziee. TWICE i typed out long reviews and lost them. ugh. fingers crossed this one will go through. oh yeah, i'm here to review your entry for the second person challenge. :D pls excuse lack of capitalization.

why did you have to break my heart and reduce me to a such mess why why why

i love how you've begun with the scene at the graveyard. you haven't withheld the fact that there's a death involved but i had to know who, what, why and how significant it was and i love how you've eased all the details into the fic.

from the very beginning there's this frantic tone in the narrative and every single word is filled with so much angst. that is brilliant.

ah when i saw the part about the guy having grey eyes, i knew that it would be either draco or scorpius and i swear if you had done this to draco and astoria i would never be able to recover. (not that i can recover now but don't you do that to my otp you understand?)

i like how you've brought in all these details to describe the way scorpius looks and the way rose notices the changes in his appearance and is affected by his tone of voice and all the little things. they were great indicators that these two people had once had an amazing relationship and that made this even more sad and intriguing at the same time.

i also love how the dialogues are so realistic and not fully formed. they convey the extent of rose's misery and heartbreak and are so amazing.

however, there are these lines that stand out from the rest of the story:
Lives are stories, and ours is coming to an end. But I won’t walk away without telling you that I wish, with all my heart, that I could rewrite it all.

they're so perfectly formed that they don't flow in the same way as the other dialogues. maybe you could break this down, make it a little choppy so that it's also filled with emotions and doesn't sound like it's been rehearsed or just put in there.

that said though, i think they're really poetic when looked at without considering the rest and i love them. :)

i love how the relationship ends with a kiss. it's heartbreaking, but beautiful. and the way scorpius says he wouldn't change anything. awww. :') but then it's over and nooo. it's just so painful.

the ending was very well written as well. the way you brought in the details about them losing their daughter fit in so smoothly that it wasn't something that stood out but it sunk in slowly and then shattered my heart to pieces. :(

coming to the PoV. first off, yay you wrote in second person! how does it feel? :D

this was a great choice of plot for the PoV. second person does wonders when the fic is angsty and you've done an amazing job at conveying all the intense emotions in this. it's great that you've focused on one main scene and brought out the intensity in that while adding in the little bits that are required to fill in the gaps about why it's happening. i love it!

i think the only thing that i would suggest would be to add another line or two to the ending because it's really action oriented and you haven't touched upon how rose feels during that time. and since she's at her daughter's grave, i would expect some kind of emotion from her. even if she's feeling empty, there could be a slight indication towards that.

overall, this was so sad and beautiful and now i need chocolate.

i hope this review was helpful in some way and that i wasn't too harsh! keep an eye out for a blog post with the results! :)

Author's Response: Erin!

I'm sorry about that!! That totally sucks - I hate it when I write something out and then lose it. It's like, "Really, universe? REALLY?"

So, yeah. Don't worry about capitalization, etc. I don't mind. :)

*hides* Sorry! I didn't MEAN to break anyones heart with this story!

Who am I kidding. I totally did. :)

The reveal of what happened was really important to me, so I'm glad you liked the slow reveal! It was really hard to make sure that I didn't give too much away too early.

Haha! Don't worry, no Draco/Astoria ship sinking here. I haven't actually written them at all (well, sorta, but not really), and I'm not sure I'd even know how to write them in the first place.

You're making me blush! I'm so glad you like the description and the dialogue. I still don't even know how I wrote it, but I have to say, I'm pretty happy with it!

Okay, you make an EXCELLENT point with those lines. I totally see what you mean. However, since that line includes the quote for the Taylor Swift Song Quote challenge, as well as the set up for the next couple of lines, so I'm not sure if I could change it without messing the other stuff up, you know?

Also, those lines were written at the very beginning - so the story sort of formed around them, and as the tone of the story changed a bit, it kinda messed with those lines. :(

That being said, they are some of my favorite lines - so I don't think I could break it down just because of that alone.

*bows head in shame* Sorry!

Relationships often end in a lot of nasty ways, but I've always found that the ones that are the saddest end for reasons that are more emotionally complicated, and when it's a (sorta, in this case) mutual break up, which is what I was going for here. Then it just seemed right to have their relationship end with a kiss. (On a personal note, this story is laced with a lot of the emotions I felt when my I broke up with my ex. It was a totally different situation, but it ended with a kiss, and boy, it hurt.)

I LOVED writing in 2nd Person! I'm SO glad I took this challenge! Since this, I've written a couple of other things in 2nd Person as well, if that tells you how much I enjoyed it.

And it just worked so well with this story!

Ooooh, I hadn't noticed that! I didn't think to mention what Rose was feeling in that last moment. I might have to revisit that later. I do like the rather abrupt finish though. It goes with the choppiness of the rest of the story, if that makes sense.

*holds out bar of chocolate* Chocolate is always good! :)

Anyway, thank you so much for the review AND for placing this story!! I was SO EXCITED to see that it made third place! *happy dances*

Lizzie


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Review #6, by TreacleTart Don't You Dare

28th July 2015:
Hi Lizzie,

First off...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Ugh. I knew from the start that this was going to be tough to read and I was so right. It started out fairly benign, but as soon as she started talking about the grave, I knew it was going to be some horribly depressing thing.

Ugh. Rose is so infuriating until the end when I feel so incredibly sympathetic for her and for Scorpius. After what they've been through, you can't really blame either of them for acting in any way, shape, or form. Those types of tragedies just break people apart.

I thought the choice to keep the person who died purposefully vague until the very end was perfect. That really amped up the emotional impact because the entire time you're wondering who could've died that would cause reactions like that.

And poor Scorpius. I have so much sympathy for him. Not only did he suffer through that horrible death, but then he had to deal with Rose walking out on him...and then not coming back for an entire year.

This whole thing is just a bundle of messed up emotions. I'd like to say that I enjoyed this, but that would be the wrong way to describe this. It was really well written, but definitely very hard to read. I didn't cry, but I did have this hard, awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Good work.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Kaitlin!

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes! It really made my day 100x much better!

:( Sorry! I wish this wasn't such a sad story, but alas, when I signed up for the Sink Your Ship Challenge, I had to make it sad. And since it's me, I had to go all out, right?

You mention a couple of things that I was going for. Originally I was going to leave Vivian out of it, and just have it all be Rose's fault, but it was just a bit out of character (at least, for the Rose from HIMYF) and I couldn't do that. But throw in the situation with Vivian (as much as I hated to do it!), it made things totally different.

Having someone to blame, and have the actual narrator be that person, was hard to write - but writing it from Scorpius' POV just wasn't gonna work.

So, long rambling cut short, Rose is super annoying until you figure out what is going on, and then you feel bad for her. But poor Scorpius gets the short end of the stick in this one.

Anyway, I'm glad that you... appreciated? ... this story! I know what you mean by not saying you enjoyed it.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!!
Lizzie


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Review #7, by MuggleMaybe Don't You Dare

27th July 2015:
*ˇHAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZZIE!*

I AM CRYING. Why would you do this to your poor readers??? I know, I know, you apologized. you gave fair warning. But holy moly! So sad!

It's really lovely, though. I was a little confused about the gravestone at first, but the slow reveal of the situation makes the impact tremendous. It's very powerful this way. (I haven't read How I Met Your Father - YET - so I may have been a little out of the loop.)

The use of 2nd person is interesting. It made me feel like I was Rose, watching myself. You know, like with really strong memories you sometimes feel that way? This story seems like one Rose goes back to in her head a lot, and that's what we're hearing. Knowing that makes the scene more powerful, too, because we know she doesn't recover immediately. She hurts long enough to look back at it. (I'm making myself cry again just think about this, Lizzie, and I blame you!! ;))

My favorite lines in this story are:
"He looked good. Physically, at least. He was healthy, that much you could tell. Over his shoulder you could see a spotless flat, noting the absence of anything that had to do with you.

In contrast, you knew that you looked terrible. These days it took all of your effort to even shower, much less clean. You’d moved in with your parents last year, where everything reminded you of him."

This part is so honest, and so well captured. It made me ache on Rose's behalf.

By the way, I absolutely HAD to read this story for your birthday review, because ScoRose is my OTP, too. AND, "Back to December" is my favorite Taylor Swift song.

So, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you. Here's to another year of your *beautifully* written stories!

~Renee

Author's Response: Renee!!

Thank you so much for reviewing!! And for the birthday love! I had a wonderful day, especially due to all of the reviews I received! :D

Anyway, moving on...

Sorry! I really am sorry I made you cry!! But I was supposed to make it sad, and if I was gonna do that, I was gonna go all out, right?

:) The reveal of the situation was originally intended to keep my HIMYF readers guessing throughout the story, but it turned out to work perfectly for everyone!!

Don't worry, you don't need to read HIMYF to get this story. While the characters are the same, this is the sad ending to that novel, not the happy ending that you already know you're going to get from the beginning.

I was surprised how well the 2nd Person POV worked here! The more I've written it, the more I'm starting to love how powerful and emotional it can be.

Oh, those lines. Believe it or not, that is pretty much what I'd think if I was knocking on MY ex's door. I didn't realize it when I wrote them, but when I re-read this, I immediately broke down.

So thank you for noticing! Those are probably the lines that are the biggest reflection of my own life that I've ever written.

Thank you so much Renee! I really appreciate it! And I do hope I'll have another year of good writing!

Thank you!!
Lizzie


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Review #8, by Your Personal Birthday Owl Don't You Dare

27th July 2015:
Hello Lizzie,

don't you just love anonymous reviews? don't you just love them even more if they're Birthday reviews?

I'm here with one of those right now. Sadly that means that I won't be able to review this story as me later on - so you'll just have to figure out who I am.

This was so heartbreaking. Of course I've read all of HIMYF so far, and I'm guessing that Vivian here is Valania in HIMYF. this was so possible, such a likely scenario, it's hard to fight off the image that is now forming in my head, an image without Rose and Scorpius together, without Val (or Vivian) and other children. It's a story without a happy ending. I must say that even though I like happy endings, I really like how much this story touched and affected me.

I'm glad you kind of warned me before getting into the story that it's going to be really sad. If I remember correctly, you said "I'm sorry" above the chapter.

I'm really curious why Val (Vivian - I'll have to get used to that) died. It can't have been easy for either Rose or Scorpius to deal with her death alone. and they're both so young. I just want to hug them both and never let go.

this was beautifully done, I admire you for writing like that.

yours,
Your Personal Birthday Owl


PS.: I may or may not have left you something on your profile on the forums.

Author's Response: Oooh, I've got a Personal Birthday Owl! Why thank you Anja! ;)

I'm glad you stopped by though. This was definitely hard to write because it's the exact opposite of how I imagined HIMYF ending. :P

Yes, Valania has been changed to Vivian (although I haven't made that change in the story yet), she suddenly decided that her name just didn't fit and needed to be adjusted.

Hmmm, how Vivian died in this story is actually alluded to in the second chapter of The Family Business - except it ends happier. :)

Thanks so much for coming by Anja! You totally made my birthday with these reviews (and that graphic! It's amazing!).

Lizzie


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Review #9, by Slytherin Eagle Don't You Dare

30th June 2015:
Hello, I'm finally here to do the reviews I owe you from my challenge!

I really liked this story, as much as you can like one that makes you cry all over the place when you think about it again. The use of the quoted material was perfect.

I haven't read How I Met Your Father, so I didn't have the background information about their relationship that would probably be packed into that story. But this I didn't need to have read that for this to be a great stand-alone, tear-inducing piece.

Congratulations on the challenge!

Lea xx

Author's Response: Lea! Thanks for stopping by!! :D

This was definitely meant to be a tear-jerker, so I'm going to enjoy the fact that it worked! :D

Although I agree with you on how sad it is. Every time I reread it, I still cry.

You didn't need to read HIMYF for the background information at all. Really, I just mentioned it because all of my stories are related, and I wanted to sort of highlight the 'alternate ending' of HIMYF.

Thanks so much for reviewing Lea! I really appreciate it!!
LL


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Review #10, by KT Don't You Dare

29th June 2015:
My Lord, What Did You Do Chickadee? T-T

Author's Response: Uh, give you feels? Completely destroy Scorose? In my defense, I was challenged to do it. :P

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Review #11, by patronus_charm Don't You Dare

24th June 2015:
Hey there, here to review this for my challenge!

Oooh this was really great! The second person POV added so much to the overall story as it really kept me guessing throughout and I honestly had no clue who the people were. I think that was actually a really good as I didn’t then get distracted by who they were and what their backstory was but the focus was instead on the intensity of their words and the impact they had on one another so the angst could really be explored.

You had some really fantastic lines throughout this story though I think one of my favourites was this - Lives are stories, and ours is coming to an end – it just fitted so well with the overall story as this part was just one very sad phase in their lives and it makes you wonder what will come next for both of them.

The way you revealed everything through the gravestone gave me the shivers too! I think it just added even more intensity to the story and made it even sadder knowing that they had a daughter but sadly she died at a very young age and nothing could ever bring her back and that pain they must have both felt just seared through the entire story. Another thing I liked about it was that you didn’t reveal who the parents were right away so it did make you guess whether it was Draco and Astoria having a late child or Scorpius and someone else, and that was another great way of drawing out the suspense which I enjoyed a lot.

The ending was so sad :( It felt that everything had come to an end, not only their daughter’s life but Scorpius and Rose and it was just sad that they couldn’t pull together on this and help one another through it but that it ended up causing them to fall apart. I hope they end up finding some form of happiness later on!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana!

Oooh! I'm so glad that the 2nd Person POV helped! That was definitely hard to write, so I'm glad it worked out okay.

That line is definitely one of my favorites too. I'm not totally sure where it came from, but once I wrote it down I knew it was a gem. It really worked its way into the center of the story and became one of the most important things I wanted to highlight, and I'm glad you saw it too!

It totally broke my heart to write about their daughter. I didn't want to reveal too much during the story because it's directly related to my novel, and if you've read it and knew, then it would give it all away! It was hard keeping things a bit of a mystery though... I was afraid I'd given out too many spoilers before the end.

Thanks so much for reviewing Kiana! AND FOR THE HONORABLE MENTION! I'm over the moon, because I never would have imagined that one of my stories might be good enough for something like that. SO THANK YOU!! You're absolutely incredible!

Thanks again for reviewing!!
LL


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